BackandScared

Hello Sisi! I hope all goes well today and you manage safely until Tuesday.
Leo, Quit and Karen... sorry to hear about the massive struggle, but it is always good when we don't give up. You are working it out and finding what works for you.
Charon, I don't know what your heart problems are but those numbers you give about bpm and BP sound great! Like a professional athlete. My own resting heart rate has gone down considerably in the last few weeks, which I find a great motivator.
Kinsey, nice to hear about your family 'growth'. Life would be very boring without its own challenges.
I have just arrived from holidays. Very long drive and many strong cravings. Alcohol has been everywhere all day. It felt unbearable at times. Except for the glorious mornings hangover free. Since I used to drink around 1 bottle of wine a day, I started counting bottles I had not drank rather than days. I am telling you, there are many litres of the poison I have missed compared to last year.

Very happy to be home and to be able to read this site more often and reach for help myself.
I have only read the last few messages but will catch up with all tomorrow.
Good night from me with special thoughts as always for Dee and Venus

Dee74

Welcome sisi

I'm sorry you drank Leo - for me acceptance was key - I had to accept that alcohol and I had a toxic relationship, and that every time I drank I was risking all the things I held dear.

Sorry the family stuff is still problematic Charon.

D

KinseyMillhone

Checking in before my beginning my long drive home. Said good-bye to my son last night- it's great to see him happy and excited for the future.

Leo- glad to see you back. It's what we all fight, and so can all understand. Keep coming back, keep making a plan.

Welcome, Sisi! Hope you are doing well today!

Glad to see you back, Back! Great job spending a holiday sober. So many bottles of wine you have not drank!

I've been going to the vacation same destination for the past few years. I was sober on the first two vacations and not on the last one. The sober vacations were beautiful, renewing and relaxing. I soaked up everything and have so many memories! On the last trip I was tired and bored. What I remember was not that fun. What a difference sobriety makes!

I agree with Dee (of course). Alcohol doesn't work today, tomorrow, next week, next year. It's available to help me lose everything anytime I chose.

It's been much easier to abstain without having someone constantly drinking next to me this week, but it wasn't a walk in the park, either. Luckily, it's very clear that I need to be sober to set an example and provide support for my youngest son.

Hope everyone has a great sober day! Love and strength to you!

Charon

I don't think any relapse can take away days spent sober. If I was sober for 364 days and drank 1 I still had 364 days sober. I do not buy that AA crap that you start over from day 1. Nonsense.

And don't beat yourself up. That can just give you an excuse to continue drinking. Keep in mind all the sober days, how good it felt, how bad the day after feels. What you did once, you can do again - and longer.

Morning.

Had a great SMART F2F last night. feeling good. Sunny day so I'll get some outside work done. Hope to take a bicycle ride around the neighborhood.

My cousin may or may not be visiting this weekend. His wife's mother is ill.

Also, I'm trying to decide on whether or not to pay for and go on an excursion that might be fun but not up to what I really would like. I have to decide no later than tomorrow. Guess I'll try a SMART tool - Cost Benifit Analysis and see what that tells me.

Wishing you all a safe, fun filled, happy and sober weekend.

venuscat

Hello lovely Julyers.....I missed you.
I know, it was just the day that I wasn't on SR....after the morning yesterday.....but it felt like longer. I have been whining about sore eyes and feeling horrendous all week....I was getting worried about myself....wondering if I was creating drama because I start college next week....I was upset with myself. However, low and behold I was just sick. A knock-out bug. Man that was bad.

At almost 5 years sober I still do not recognise when I am sick. I just felt guilty all week, said to my husband over and over that I felt as if I was doing everything wrong....said it here as well....

The shadows are still there.....over 20 years of drinking and being so so ill every morning....making terrible mistakes at work because I was so hungover, if I even turned up at all.....

I feel like this was a major blessing this week. A reminder to treat myself with more love and kindness, because I am not that person anymore.

Plus, it is just so good to wake up today and feel the icky bug has left the building. Yey.

(((Leo)))

I am a big AA person, but I still don't think you lose the days, as Charon said. Not at all. As long as you make last night the lesson it was, that is. s

Amazing huh.....from sober to a six pack not being enough....we have no off switch. s

Charon

Morning.

Well, I decided against the excursion and instead went with one I had been planning to do. The other might have been fun but the one I am going on is a lot more certain that I will have a good time with no/far less chance of it turning out less than I hope for. The last two trips were pretty to very bad and I don't want to repeat that.

I even found a really cool place to stay. It's on a sailboat in a marina. Flights were very cheap, the car rental was too. I found the sailboat on VRBO and it's about as cheap as you can find for the area. Even the diving will not be costly. The only expense that might be high would be eating. But there are markets nearby Peanut butter, bread, and lettuce for salads won't be expensive and I can hit the senior, early bird specials for cheap food for an evening meal.

I kind of enjoy thinking that it's not drinking that has funded the ability to do this trip. It really add to the sobriety motivation.

Well work to do outside before a shower and then off to see my cousin and his wife at my Son's place for dinner. Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

BackandScared

Hope you had a nice dinner Charon. Your excursion sounds really good too and certainly staying alcohol free will not only fund the trip but prevent it from becoming very expensive.

I am so used to short well-planned holidays on a budget going totally out of control on the cost side because of drinking that I was very surprised when my money was still within predicted limits this time. A massive source of anxiety greatly diminished.

Drive safely Kinsey.

Forgot to say massive congratulations to Walnuts for the many sober days.

Venus, I would take your experience as a sign of how healthy you are overall. You are so unused to being ill that you panicked over it. Similarly, when we drank and felt bad all the time, we never thought it was an underlying health condition, just the 'normal' state we expected. You expect to be healthy and to feel good, which means this is how you normally are and that is fabulous.

I hope everybody else is doing well.

I am finding this weekend 'easier'. For the first time, it is not more tempting than any other day. Probably the holidays have influenced this. I did not drink despite every day being a 'week end' day. Hopefully this is another improvement making the journey a bit less bumpy.

venuscat

Thank you love...that's very true. I hadn't thought of it like that.

Hope you have a lovely day and you too dear Charon. s

Sober369

Thanks for your support again. I am going to give it another try. I spent this morning reading over my journal for the last two years. It's pretty sad, but it helped me to see where I've let things go bad and how much better I am when I am sober. It's given me a new resolve. I know it's hard to believe in me when I keep relapsing. But I have to believe I can get sober, because it's the only viable option for me.
Drinking does take up a lot of time. In fact, if I am drinking, the only thing I have time for is what's absolutely necessary to my survival. That's not a great way to live. There's a snowball effect, where things build up when I'm drinking to the point where when I stop it's a huge amount of pressure, having so much that needs doing that I can't possibly do it all. And, I have to do all the recovery related things, too. It's very hard for me. Probably is for a lot of people. It's hard to put recovery first when there are things that if I don't do them, I'll have serious consequences. I just get to feeling so pressured. I feel totally overwhelmed. I think I need to make a plan every morning, as well as a general plan. I have to get my priorities straight.

venuscat

It's not at all hard to believe in you love. s
I just see strength and determination, as I have said before on this thread. s

And everything you said was true for me as well.....for so many years....only managing to do the bare minimum for my survival.....anything else was too hard....and having years of stuff to fix.....

Today is a new day.....and a lovely one at that. Bet you and Charlie can go for a nice gentle walk. s

FreshStartOk

I messed up unfortunately too. Same old same old - thinking I can control it. I can't and each time I drink it feels like swimming further and further out too sea with no life jacket. It's a very odd compulsion and there is no intellectualizing it...

I'm not totally down though. I did get over a month sober and I know categorically I was more happy sober than I ever am drunk.

Sober369

Thank you Venus.
FreshStart, let's make a fresh start! Do you feel like you can get right back to sobriety?
I'm about to plan my day out with staying sober today in mind. I am seriously, without doubt, going to make it to an AA meeting. I will tell you all tonight how it went. It's scary for me, but not as scary as drinking.
It sucked waking up feeling sick on a Saturday. I love sober Saturdays, but hangover Saturdays are such a loss.

FreshStartOk

Deal, yes I do think I can. I've been reading some peoples posts and they say nothing much gets through to them online. I find the opposite though - reading this site actually gets me in the right head space. I'm sure everyone will be nice at the AA meeting too.

venuscat

Hello dear FreshStart ~ for sure, there is no intellectualising. It really is the definition of madness isn't it? Although I always told myself I wasn't really expecting a different result. But I was....I thought this time I won't get too drunk and it will be fine. Oh yeah, sure.

A month of sober days is wonderful.....and now you know without a doubt that this is your path: this is what you want. s

And awesome re the AA meeting dear Karen!!
Try not to be scared, I promise it will be the most welcoming experience, and as I have done in the past....if you don't feel comfortable for any reason, it is perfectly fine to leave. s

Sober369

I can see me walking out of an AA meeting. Makes me laugh to think of it for some reason. I guess it's just knowing I could. But, I hope it won't come to that, and I'm sure it won't. In the old days at one meeting I went to, they use to all focus on the newcomer and most shares were directed at her. That would make me just about walk out! But, I don't think that's done anymore. Besides, I'm so much older and put up with so much less BS than I use to, I would probably just pipe up and say, "No more talking to the newcomer, please" Ha Ha!
Anyway, I am set to go. Reading over my journal this morning made a huge difference. Every time I've ever had a longish period (say four months or more) I was in AA. One thing that's kept me from going back is the fear of feeling ashamed of all my relapses, and what they would think. That's ego at work, and I need to let it go.
I hope everyone is having a good day. I managed to take Charley for his final test to graduate puppy beginner training and he graduated! As soon as the trainer texts me his graduation picture, complete with the cap, I will try to post it. You'll be amazed how much he's grown.
Here's to waking up sober tomorrow! I hope everyone has a great day.

Dee74

Welcome FreshStartOK

D

BackandScared

FreshStart and Sober, I hope you made it today.
Going to close the day preparing for a good sober, hangover free Sunday morning.
I hope all the other classmates will come back and let us know how it is going.

KinseyMillhone

Made it home.
I think many of our classmates have migrated to the August class. This is good, because it means we are still focusing on this sober life. 🙂
​I'll properly check in tomorrow

BackandScared

Hope you have had a chance to rest Kinsey before enjoying a great Sunday morning hangover free.
Looking forward to the promised photo Sober.
Good morning everybody!

Charon

It might help to do only the things that are absolutely critical to accomplish and let the rest wait. That seems to help me when I'm buried in stuff to do. Most often there are only a few things that have to be done right now. I get them done, the pressure is releaved for a bit, and I can feel a sense of acompishment.

Morning.

Dinner was nice, lots of catching up - no Daughter though. My Son once again is trying to talk me into selling my home and getting something on a lake in the Adirondacks that would be maintained by someone else (like a condo) and the same thing down in the Keys or at least south Florida. He actually caught my ear this time. He would like me not to have to work continuously on the yard and snow and house and to get some serious enjoyment in my final years. Seems like a lot to swing on a fixed income.

I think I'd be happy with a small puppy that would stay small. I might think about what my parents did. They got a trailor in a senior park both up here and down there. Drove down in the fall and back up in the spring. Nothing fancy, but comfortable and no work except trimming the grass after it was mowed by someone else. Paid someone to powerwash the trailor before their arrival. Nothing but relaxing and doing what you want. I might be able to swing that.

Getting together with my cousin and his wife (she managed the trip after all) later today. Hoping to clean up all the small messes of tools and stuff all over - mostly from rushing to fix something and not taking time to put everything away.

I still have to water the orchids too. That would be one nice thing about having a place down in Florida. I could mount some orchids that I can't grow here on trees and just hose them down when they needed watered. And there's the citrus - oranges and grapefruit - in the backyard. An order of magnitude better than anything you can find up here. I can dream can't I.

Have a restful, happy, and fun rest of the weekend - and most of all, enjoy your sobriety.