Class of June 2019 part 3
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Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 689
So good to read about people kicking the AV into touch and also about such impressive milestones. Zombie and Red - you're in the 30s! Wow. Day 19 for me which feels great and also not that far ahead of you dizzybee. Well done on Day 15. Went to an unavoidable social event - in the diary from the days before I gave up - at which the alcohol flowed last night and for a nano-second was very tempted when I saw the nicely beading glasses of champagne, including one sitting at my place on the table. But sanity prevailed. And that's down to having joined SR so thank you fellow travellers on this journey.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Congrats Zombie and Red 
Opioid addiction is a lot easier to hide tho - chances are we all know someone?
D
Yea, and all the news around here can talk about is opioid addiction. Very little talk about alcohol addiction. I dont even know one person addicted to opioid's but just about everyone I know and work with is addicted to alcohol.
D
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,279
Rose - well done on resisting temptation, it is so hard in the beginning I find to go to events that we would've normally drank at. For me once I do an event the 1st time sober it gives me a reference to the fact that I can do it, however I don't fool myself and think I will be OK at every event, that's caught me out before, still need to guard against that damn AV.
Tonight I had my step son who is 8 and a non stop talker, he gives a running commentary of everything he is thinking all of the time and by 830 when I put him to bed and finally sat down, I was like a wine would be nice, I made a hot choc instead and am doing some knitting...
One thing grateful for is that I don't think about drinking after work anymore, it doesn't enter my head at all. I also know how quickly that drive to have it after work will come back if I even have one drink.
Today I thought about the prospect of not drinking forever and it seem so daunting and heavy, so I decided just to worry about today.
This weekend we are going away to the mountain to go snowboarding with the kids which is great, as it means another weekend taken up that can't be geared around drinking. Since I've been sober I've had several weekends that were taken up with workshops and retreats where I couldn't drink so it has been much easier, the challenge is yet to come when my partner and I have a weekend without the kids which we more than likely be next weekend..
Anyway, signing off from day 35.. Well done to everyone still on the sober train..
Tonight I had my step son who is 8 and a non stop talker, he gives a running commentary of everything he is thinking all of the time and by 830 when I put him to bed and finally sat down, I was like a wine would be nice, I made a hot choc instead and am doing some knitting...
One thing grateful for is that I don't think about drinking after work anymore, it doesn't enter my head at all. I also know how quickly that drive to have it after work will come back if I even have one drink.
Today I thought about the prospect of not drinking forever and it seem so daunting and heavy, so I decided just to worry about today.
This weekend we are going away to the mountain to go snowboarding with the kids which is great, as it means another weekend taken up that can't be geared around drinking. Since I've been sober I've had several weekends that were taken up with workshops and retreats where I couldn't drink so it has been much easier, the challenge is yet to come when my partner and I have a weekend without the kids which we more than likely be next weekend..
Anyway, signing off from day 35.. Well done to everyone still on the sober train..
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Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 412
Originally Posted by Zombie79 
Day 30!!! Very happy:-)
Up before 6-thanks to the dog but had a nice walk. Watched the program about drinking last night and it strengthened my resolve of abstinence. (Not that I was thinking of moderation)
So when I have those thoughts, I know to think about what I saw in that program.
In general feeling pretty good, slight headache but I think it's the weather. Hope everyone has a great day
Up before 6-thanks to the dog but had a nice walk. Watched the program about drinking last night and it strengthened my resolve of abstinence. (Not that I was thinking of moderation)
So when I have those thoughts, I know to think about what I saw in that program.
In general feeling pretty good, slight headache but I think it's the weather. Hope everyone has a great day
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Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 412
Originally Posted by Abraham
Yea, and all the news around here can talk about is opioid addiction. Very little talk about alcohol addiction. I dont even know one person addicted to opioid's but just about everyone I know and work with is addicted to alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 121
Day 25!
I had a problem today at an NA meeting. 2 of the old-timers came up to me at the end of the meeting and they both started to hammer me about when am I going to get a Sponsor and when am I going to start stepwork and I should have told them to just F-off but I am too much of a nice guy.
Now there is 1 of them that EVERY SINGLE TIME he sees me he says "I have 2 questions for you: #1 who is your sponsor and #2 what step are you on?" And literally he says that to me every single day and it is making me uncomfortable.
Now i dont know what to do other then to stop going to that particular meeting. This exact same thing happened to me in AA and that is why I switched to NA.
I am a skinny person and all my life my only coping mechanism has been to run away from confrontations and to crawl in a hole and hide.
So now I am in danger of getting drunk because my main support has been those meetings but I feel like a phony also because if I tell them the truth which is that i dont believe in stepwork then I will be treated like a leper.
One time i shared at an AA meeting that I did not agree with step 5 and 9 and that I refused to do them and THE BLOWBACK from that was insane! People cross talked after my share and publicly insulted me!
These people are part of a hive mind and anybody who refuses to submit to Mother Group and to assimilate and swallow the program hook, line and sinker is treated like a leper!
So now I dont know what to do. But I am a sincere and candid person I cannot bring myself to act like a phony and pretend anymore that I am "just like them".
The truth is that I formally did steps already in the past and went all the way to step 9 but then i got drunk one day when i had like 10 months clean.
I will tell you one thing: I REFUSE to do another step 5 with another new stranger and to confess my sins to a human that I dont even really know. I already did it like 6 different times with 6 different sponsors and I am sick and tired of doing a 5th step and talking about my disgraceful conduct from the past.
I had a problem today at an NA meeting. 2 of the old-timers came up to me at the end of the meeting and they both started to hammer me about when am I going to get a Sponsor and when am I going to start stepwork and I should have told them to just F-off but I am too much of a nice guy.
Now there is 1 of them that EVERY SINGLE TIME he sees me he says "I have 2 questions for you: #1 who is your sponsor and #2 what step are you on?" And literally he says that to me every single day and it is making me uncomfortable.
Now i dont know what to do other then to stop going to that particular meeting. This exact same thing happened to me in AA and that is why I switched to NA.
I am a skinny person and all my life my only coping mechanism has been to run away from confrontations and to crawl in a hole and hide.
So now I am in danger of getting drunk because my main support has been those meetings but I feel like a phony also because if I tell them the truth which is that i dont believe in stepwork then I will be treated like a leper.
One time i shared at an AA meeting that I did not agree with step 5 and 9 and that I refused to do them and THE BLOWBACK from that was insane! People cross talked after my share and publicly insulted me!
These people are part of a hive mind and anybody who refuses to submit to Mother Group and to assimilate and swallow the program hook, line and sinker is treated like a leper!
So now I dont know what to do. But I am a sincere and candid person I cannot bring myself to act like a phony and pretend anymore that I am "just like them".
The truth is that I formally did steps already in the past and went all the way to step 9 but then i got drunk one day when i had like 10 months clean.
I will tell you one thing: I REFUSE to do another step 5 with another new stranger and to confess my sins to a human that I dont even really know. I already did it like 6 different times with 6 different sponsors and I am sick and tired of doing a 5th step and talking about my disgraceful conduct from the past.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: S.E. MI
Posts: 1,025
Sounds like I'll be going back in to work after 8 months (since nov 8th2018). Its like a lifestyle change after that long. Plus the quit drinking is a literal life style change Not sure how long the job will last. We are building a sheet metal wall around a paint booth at a Chrysler auto plant. I work for that company off and on for almost 10 years so I know everyone there. Just a shock after all this time off then all of a sudden, hey you want to come start work on monday? Plus first time sober. Just in time though I really need the cash and sitting around all day when your only 48 is no good. I blame it on why I got really heavy on my drinking. It started right around when I was laid off for 9 months, then worked for 1 month, then off for 15 months then worked for 5 weeks then off for 6 months, then I finally started working more consistently but by then I had already started drinking more and this last months I had been getting even worse till a month ago. Now I feel better than ever. Specially since I am off that med the dr gave me on day 5.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: S.E. MI
Posts: 1,025
Originally Posted by Newbeginning421
I don't hang out in the opioid crowd per say but of the ones I did know that messed with opioids many are dead and one is in and out of jail all coming from very good families. Of all the drugs opioids are extremely dangerous as overdoses seem to happen all the time cause there is a fine line between very high and dead. Same thing does not apply to most other drugs, pretty hard to die of a coke or meth overdose, impossible to die from weed and alcohol direct cause such as intoxication is not exactly that easy either. Not that alcohol does not ruin a ton of lives cause it does but crazy how many teens and young kids in their 20s are dropping dead left and right from opioids extremely sad.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hey Purina
I'd rather tell a guy to back off than drink over it or change my meeting.
I'm not a confrontation type of person either but if you won't act in your own best interests and advocate for yourself, who will?
The first time for years I stood up for myself sober I felt physically ill after but it gets easier.
You obviously feel strongly about the way you want to do your recovery.
I think you need to back that up?
D
I'd rather tell a guy to back off than drink over it or change my meeting.
I'm not a confrontation type of person either but if you won't act in your own best interests and advocate for yourself, who will?
The first time for years I stood up for myself sober I felt physically ill after but it gets easier.
You obviously feel strongly about the way you want to do your recovery.
I think you need to back that up?
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hey Purina
I'd rather tell a guy to back off than drink over it or change my meeting.
I'm not a confrontation type of person either but if you won't act in your own best interests and advocate for yourself, who will?
The first time for years I stood up for myself sober I felt physically ill after but it gets easier.
You obviously feel strongly about the way you want to do your recovery.
I think you need to back that up?
D
I'd rather tell a guy to back off than drink over it or change my meeting.
I'm not a confrontation type of person either but if you won't act in your own best interests and advocate for yourself, who will?
The first time for years I stood up for myself sober I felt physically ill after but it gets easier.
You obviously feel strongly about the way you want to do your recovery.
I think you need to back that up?
D
Yes i know that you are right about that. I have ran away from such altercations most of my life but it is a p1ss poor coping mechanism. Same as drinking.
But so far those are the only 2 coping strategies I have in my playbook.
So my plan is to stay away from the meetings until Monday July 15 and then if those guys start up with that same drivel I will speak up and tell them to knock it off. I already texted a different member to tell those guys to back off so I think the situation is under control.
But i really feel like an imposter at the meetings. Im sitting there nodding my head and pretending to drink the Kool-Aid just because I feel the need to belong to some sort of a social group. And i have met a few people that I really like there so I stay for the people but as far as the actual 12 step program itself and its mandates I dont fully ascribe to it.
I even smoke weed once in awhile but I dont pick up a white chip/keytag each time because i am not there to quit weed, I am there to quit alcohol, cigarettes and hard drugs.
Of course just the fact that I smoke weed would make me unfit for sponsorship (just that in itself) because it is a violation of their rules.
But I wont be picking up the 30 day chip/keytag because of the weed smoking. I have to honor their rules so even though I dont tell anyone about the weed I am therefore unfit to pick up any chips/keytags and unfit to hold any service positions such as coffee bar.
Basically I will just stop going to the meetings after I have a few months under my belt. Its a shame its got to be that way but these are THEIR rules so I abide by them.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: S.E. MI
Posts: 1,025
I've heard of other type meetings such a smart, etc.. any of those in your area. Your not alone with how you are feeling about your aa meetings. I'm not a big fan either and pretty much feel the same way you are feeling. Nothing wrong with it. Its just not your thing. You'll find what works with time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Yeah if 12 step is not for you - and you seem to have a lot of issues with it - maybe another meeting based approach like SMART or lifering or SOS or Refuge Recovery - might suit you better Purina?
Also with the weed - I don't think it's just dogma Purina.
Weed, for me, hit all the sweet spots and all the escape desires that alcohol did later.
Both really screwed me up, and I was deep in thrall to both but I think weed was actually harder for me to give up cos everyone kept telling me how benign it was....
D
Also with the weed - I don't think it's just dogma Purina.
Weed, for me, hit all the sweet spots and all the escape desires that alcohol did later.
Both really screwed me up, and I was deep in thrall to both but I think weed was actually harder for me to give up cos everyone kept telling me how benign it was....
D
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Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 689
That sounds like a really tough call Purina. If you think on balance that the meetings are doing you more good than not then I think you should bite the bullet and just say I'll let you know the answers to your questions when I'm ready and that's not now so I would like you to stop asking me. After all that's true and only you know they wouldn't like your answer!
Congratulations on the work call, Abraham. Sounds like it's a good thing on the whole?
Red - I think you're right and having got past my social event without alcohol I do feel stronger. Shocked however to think that it would have been the work of seconds to destroy my recent hard-fought for streak of sobriety. Mind you, your evening with your 8 year old step son might have tipped me over the edge! Only joking but I'm about to spend an evening with my friend's 7 year old. Better get prepared
Petecrab - hope your day is better.
Day 20. Nice to be writing that.
Congratulations on the work call, Abraham. Sounds like it's a good thing on the whole?
Red - I think you're right and having got past my social event without alcohol I do feel stronger. Shocked however to think that it would have been the work of seconds to destroy my recent hard-fought for streak of sobriety. Mind you, your evening with your 8 year old step son might have tipped me over the edge! Only joking but I'm about to spend an evening with my friend's 7 year old. Better get prepared
Petecrab - hope your day is better.
Day 20. Nice to be writing that.
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: fl
Posts: 246
Good morning! Well it’s 6 weeks today 42 days 🎉 haven been sober for this long in many many years! I can’t say it’s been easy some days grouped together felt like it was going to be so easy then bam!! Tough days it’s odd dreaming of going out having to face drinking or not in my dreams anyone else having this ?
By the way I say no in my dreams have nights where I’m sleeping ok then. Nights when I feel like I just quit.
Even with all the ups & downs that have started to happen I feel 100% better than I did day at a time
Hope everyone is doing well
By the way I say no in my dreams have nights where I’m sleeping ok then. Nights when I feel like I just quit.
Even with all the ups & downs that have started to happen I feel 100% better than I did day at a time
Hope everyone is doing well
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 187
Red - I'm with you on having had busy days/weekends with drinking not a part of it, and I'm admittedly nervous for when I get back to more social outings. I have a plan, and certainly am telling friends I'm quitting, but it's still tough to think about. Planning in advance helps!
Purina - I hope you don't take offense, but your statement "I'm in danger of drinking ..." made me think of a similar statement I made here months ago. Someone posted back then reminding me I was in a victim mentality, letting others be in charge of my actions. The danger of drinking comes from our choices. Hold onto your power!
I'm happy to be on day 17 but noticed a bit more consideration of the ole "just one" mentality trying to creep in. I absolutely have to stay focused on the moment and the night / afternoon / day / etc. There is no just one for me. Just one is the gate to going back hard, risking my health and the clarity I'm fighting for.
Stay strong June folks! You and your life are worth it.
Congrats on 6 weeks, DJ!
Purina - I hope you don't take offense, but your statement "I'm in danger of drinking ..." made me think of a similar statement I made here months ago. Someone posted back then reminding me I was in a victim mentality, letting others be in charge of my actions. The danger of drinking comes from our choices. Hold onto your power!
I'm happy to be on day 17 but noticed a bit more consideration of the ole "just one" mentality trying to creep in. I absolutely have to stay focused on the moment and the night / afternoon / day / etc. There is no just one for me. Just one is the gate to going back hard, risking my health and the clarity I'm fighting for.
Stay strong June folks! You and your life are worth it.
Congrats on 6 weeks, DJ!
Last edited by dizzybee; 07-11-2019 at 05:11 AM. Reason: Typos
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 409
Good morning, checking in.
Another sober day under my belt and it’s been almost a month.
I have made it 100 days before but then the holidays hit and with them the subsequent office and social gatherings.
Apparently I did not have the ability to stay the sober course and that led to six months of trying to moderate.
Well we all know how that turns out.
I get to practice today as I have to spend the day in the office (I usually work from home) and attend a short event.
I am not worried about drinking at the event. It’s the anxiety build up that kicks in when I leave .
Going to stay vigilant and really work my affirmations and reframing today.
Thanks for reading and for the support.
Another sober day under my belt and it’s been almost a month.
I have made it 100 days before but then the holidays hit and with them the subsequent office and social gatherings.
Apparently I did not have the ability to stay the sober course and that led to six months of trying to moderate.
Well we all know how that turns out.
I get to practice today as I have to spend the day in the office (I usually work from home) and attend a short event.
I am not worried about drinking at the event. It’s the anxiety build up that kicks in when I leave .
Going to stay vigilant and really work my affirmations and reframing today.
Thanks for reading and for the support.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 412
Originally Posted by Purina
Hi,
Yes i know that you are right about that. I have ran away from such altercations most of my life but it is a p1ss poor coping mechanism. Same as drinking.
But so far those are the only 2 coping strategies I have in my playbook.
So my plan is to stay away from the meetings until Monday July 15 and then if those guys start up with that same drivel I will speak up and tell them to knock it off. I already texted a different member to tell those guys to back off so I think the situation is under control.
But i really feel like an imposter at the meetings. Im sitting there nodding my head and pretending to drink the Kool-Aid just because I feel the need to belong to some sort of a social group. And i have met a few people that I really like there so I stay for the people but as far as the actual 12 step program itself and its mandates I dont fully ascribe to it.
I even smoke weed once in awhile but I dont pick up a white chip/keytag each time because i am not there to quit weed, I am there to quit alcohol, cigarettes and hard drugs.
Of course just the fact that I smoke weed would make me unfit for sponsorship (just that in itself) because it is a violation of their rules.
But I wont be picking up the 30 day chip/keytag because of the weed smoking. I have to honor their rules so even though I dont tell anyone about the weed I am therefore unfit to pick up any chips/keytags and unfit to hold any service positions such as coffee bar.
Basically I will just stop going to the meetings after I have a few months under my belt. Its a shame its got to be that way but these are THEIR rules so I abide by them.
Yes i know that you are right about that. I have ran away from such altercations most of my life but it is a p1ss poor coping mechanism. Same as drinking.
But so far those are the only 2 coping strategies I have in my playbook.
So my plan is to stay away from the meetings until Monday July 15 and then if those guys start up with that same drivel I will speak up and tell them to knock it off. I already texted a different member to tell those guys to back off so I think the situation is under control.
But i really feel like an imposter at the meetings. Im sitting there nodding my head and pretending to drink the Kool-Aid just because I feel the need to belong to some sort of a social group. And i have met a few people that I really like there so I stay for the people but as far as the actual 12 step program itself and its mandates I dont fully ascribe to it.
I even smoke weed once in awhile but I dont pick up a white chip/keytag each time because i am not there to quit weed, I am there to quit alcohol, cigarettes and hard drugs.
Of course just the fact that I smoke weed would make me unfit for sponsorship (just that in itself) because it is a violation of their rules.
But I wont be picking up the 30 day chip/keytag because of the weed smoking. I have to honor their rules so even though I dont tell anyone about the weed I am therefore unfit to pick up any chips/keytags and unfit to hold any service positions such as coffee bar.
Basically I will just stop going to the meetings after I have a few months under my belt. Its a shame its got to be that way but these are THEIR rules so I abide by them.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 121
Yes i thought about just dropping out of the 12 step group but I like the PEOPLE at the meetings and have made friends there. If I stopped going I would have almost nobody to socialize with.
I was a solitary drinker at home and have social anxiety disorder and little by little I had been moving out of my cacoon.
I guess option 3 would just be to "pretend" and nod my head and to say the things "they want to hear". Basically to be a liar and a phoney. If I do that I get along with everyone and gain their approval. In fact i was doing that for many months and things where going spendid.
Its like that old cliche "You got to go along if you want to get along". But certainly I will keep my yapper shut about the weed. Because that is such a scarlet letter in today's society.
In fact I was regretting that I even said it here on this forum. I would not want for people to not take me seriously.
So anyways I am planning just to take a few days of hiatus from the group and then return and basically go back to my "actor's role" as a subservient member of the cult.
This must be what it is like for a secret and closet homosexual.....having to be a fraud and pretend they are straight just to be accepted in mainstream society. Because they know that if they tell the truth they will be shunned. Well at least I can be honest with you guys, thank you for giving me a safe space to be able to unburden my conscience.
I was a solitary drinker at home and have social anxiety disorder and little by little I had been moving out of my cacoon.
I guess option 3 would just be to "pretend" and nod my head and to say the things "they want to hear". Basically to be a liar and a phoney. If I do that I get along with everyone and gain their approval. In fact i was doing that for many months and things where going spendid.
Its like that old cliche "You got to go along if you want to get along". But certainly I will keep my yapper shut about the weed. Because that is such a scarlet letter in today's society.
In fact I was regretting that I even said it here on this forum. I would not want for people to not take me seriously.
So anyways I am planning just to take a few days of hiatus from the group and then return and basically go back to my "actor's role" as a subservient member of the cult.
This must be what it is like for a secret and closet homosexual.....having to be a fraud and pretend they are straight just to be accepted in mainstream society. Because they know that if they tell the truth they will be shunned. Well at least I can be honest with you guys, thank you for giving me a safe space to be able to unburden my conscience.
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