Daisybelle

Good morning all and a happy top of the hill day to you.

Thanks Dee for the song.

Erratic, Mr D.B is a big fan of Pink Flloyd so I know that song well. I hope all goes well at the alcohol clinic, be honest with them and tell them exactly how you're feeling/thinking. Take care. xx

I'll check in later. Love to all. xx

Erratic

omg!!! i lost my post arrrghhh!!!

wrote all this good stuff about how i am glad i went to my appointment and guy really lifted me up and reminded me on how well i am doing and also said some substance nurses has started a small group which is doing mentalisation which is being done diffrently that i had in the past with psycho therapy so he is going to refer me for assessment.

i also wanted to thank dee again for the link and daisy and was hoping that i didnt make u feel guilty about not being here and yes cut urself some slack x and thanks to snitch and nichole on there posts.

arrrrghhh yup dont u just hate it, so thats the small version lol

oh and viper good to see u and hope ur thumb gets better sooner than later so u can get back on bike. xxx

Daisybelle

Ohhh Erratic, welcome to my world. I'm always losing posts, it's sooo frustrating.
Anyway sounds like your appointment went really well, very positive feedback. It's good your guy is referring you for psychotherapy again and a with a small group too, I much prefer small groups. He must be pleased with how you're trying otherwise he wouldn't bother to refer you. I'm really pleased for you.

No you didn't make me feel guilty for not posting, I always feel like that no matter what thread I post in. I think it's part of my addictive make-up to be honest, it's like I HAVE to post, but like I said I am working on it. Xx
You take care and enjoy the rest of your day, but whatever else you may do today.....do not pick up a drink. Okay? Xxxx

snitch

Hey everyone

Erratic Ive been meaning to ask you, what does NVM mean??

So, I have zero desire today which is amazing but I have realized I definitely otely have another addiction...sugar!

I can go for maybe a week without it and then I go on a binge. Honestly it's like drinking although not quite as bad. But it is affecting my life and that means it is a problem and I have to do something about it.

So from today I am going sugar free and flour free. I am not quitting fruit though just refined sugar. I have joined a sugar addicts connection group here. The good news is I feel quite positive because of I can quit drinking then I can quit sugar. One day at a time!

Apart from that all is good. Had a lovely time at my parents and we had a fun day with friends today.

Going to bed alcohol free AND sugar free 😀😀

Daisybelle

Good evening Aprils

I'm back again doing my bed time check in, I hope you've all had a good day. All good with me anyway, I've nothing much to report. I'm grateful for that.

Suze, I'm guessing NVM is never mind!
You and me both with the sugar addiction and the strange thing is that I never used to have a sweet tooth! I need to cut out the sweet stuff and from now, so I will start with you but I'm not joining another thread lol. I might have a sneaky read of it now and then though!
Glad you had a good day.

Sleep well all of you, see you tomorrow. xx

Erratic

early morn check in before work.

yeah ur right daisy, nvm is never mind x
didnt pick up last night either x
its not psychotherapy i am going back to its just a couple of nurses from substance abuse clinic who is doing it x psychotherapy i lost trust in when i attended 4yrs or so ago xx

good luck snitch on reducing or giving up on the sugar x fruit is good to keep u going x

right better shift and get moving for work xx have good day all x

snitch

Morning all,

ahhhh thanks guys I did guess it was never mind but wanted to double check in case it did mean something else lol

erratic it does sound like you are taking the right action so that's good to read,

Daisy I have joined the quit sugar thread and am going to post daily however it does look like there is not much action there at the moment but I think it will benefit me to post so yes have a read.i have been reading some of the posts there and find them very useful. Like quitting alcohol it helps to know I am not alone. When I was drinking I never had much interest in sweet things. I very rarely ate chocolate or deserts and I never ate sweets as they gave me a headache. I need to break this cycle as I do not need sweets to help stop me picking up a drink anymore. Yesterday at the park my friend brought some fresh cream cakes from wait rose. There was a custard cake with lemon drizzle, on fresh custard cream cakes are my favourite, I had an apple and a slice of cheese instead! !!! I thought just for today I do not need to eat a cream cake! I actually joked with her and said I would have found it easier if she had brought a bottle of champagne instead!

so today is day 2. Seren's dad wanted her today to take her out and have her overnight but she really did not want to go, she was crying and begging me to let her stay. I had to tell him and I really felt for him as that is not nice to hear is it but I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place as I want her to go and spend time with her daddy my plus it will give me a day to cracking on with some stuff at home, but how can I send her when she is breaking her heart and literally begging not to go? The trouble is he taken it really personally and said tell her not to contact Me! I said perhaps we need to sit down and fund a solution but he isn't interested. I will just let him calm down before broaching the subject again.

so this morning I am off to a meeting and my friend has said she will have Seren and then not sure what to later.

​​​​​​​will check in tonight. Have a good day all

Viperidae

Viperidae

snitch

Just lost my post and too tired and irritable to type it all put again. Am in a bad mood. But am going to bed sober and sugar free. (No wnder I am in a bad mood 🤣&#129315

Chat tomorrow.

Vipe!! 😎😎😎

Dee74

I wear them too Vipe - much better for the eyes.

Hope you feel better after a nap snitch

D

snitch

Awake at 4 30 ahhh. But at least Itnisnt because I have been drinking. 😊😊

Thanks Dee , I am feeling a bit better. This too shall pass!

I was feeling frustrated yesterday as Seren's dad was being an immature ******** because she didnt want to stay with him and he called me spineless and said she manipulates me. I know I am quite soft with her but how can I send her to stay with him when she is sobbing and begging me not to make her go. I just wish he was more understanding but that would be like wishing the sky was green! I am completely powerless over him but I am grateful today that I am not powerless over how I choose to react to him and I felt like I acted with dignity and grace and he can sit and wallow. I am working on Monday now as they brought me forward 2 days due to my standby block so he will see her then. The funny thing is she is going for a sleepover at her friends tonight, she was desperate to go ooops, I think I will refrain from telling him that 🤣🤣

The other thing that got me peeved yesterday was my sponsor! Again! So basically I am in my step 5. I have done my resentments and fears and read rhen out to her. All I need to do now is my sex inventory. I have written it out and there are 6 people on there who I know I hurt or aroused jealousy, bitterness or suspicion. But my sponsor says I need to put down everyone I ever slept with on there and I have refused to do it as they were all drunken one night stands, with consenting adults. As far as I am aware the only person I hurt was ME as they left me feeling worthless and used and I really do not feel that writing these men down (to be honest I cant even remember all their names or even some of their faces!) will benefit me. In fact quite the opposite. It was all in my past and I never would have behaved like that sober. Anyway she said that if I am not willing to do the work then she doesnt know of she can help me! So I just said ok that's fine. I said this isn't about willingness. This would be a complete waste of my time.

I am just fed up. I feel stuck in these steps and therefore in my past at the moment. And I dont want to be. I got sober to move forward and whit my new life but this feels like a self flagellation task. I spoke with a good AA friend of mine yesterday and her experience of the steps is completely different to mine because of the sponsor she has. I am going to speak to her tomorrow and just be honest about how I feel because at the minute this is not helping me, in fact it is making me feel quite ****.

Apart from that everything is ok. Day 2 of no sugar done as well which am super proud of as I would have definitely gone and bought some sweets and chocolate to (try) make me feel better.

I am actually looking forward to Seren going back to school so can start my yoga again.

yawnnnn feeling sleepy now x x

Viperidae

Daisybelle

Arghhh see, I miss a day and there's all these posts and it's gone midnight and I'm far too tired to respond so I'm going to come back tomorrow and read them all properly.

Much love to all of you, I'm off to bed. xxx

snitch

My sponsor and I have parted ways. This time for good. My friend in AA who is also her sponsee and has relapsed 3 times has just got herself a new sponser (just saying!) So now my sponsor is sponseeless. Apparently she told someone in AA that I'll be back with her next week!!! That just says it all doesnt it?? I should have listened to my gut instinct in the first place because she didn't deserve the privilege of listening to my step 4 but never mind. There isn't really anything on there that I wouldnt share here. I am not ashamed of anything I am not who I was and am working on changing myself but still, I wish I had chosen better. But as we all know we cannot change the past and I have learnt alot of really useful stuff from my sponsor (ex sponsor!) So I will always be grateful to her for that.

In AA they do not recommend anyone to be aponsorless but I think I need a break for a bit and also if i do get another sponsor i want to find someone who has peace and serenity. Something I want in my recovery. I am happy to do my meetings when I need to, read the Big Book, I use SMART recovery tools as well and of course SR and my lovely April's. Not to mention my HP !! I will trust in the process and everyrhing will be fine as long as I stay away from a drink ODAAT.

My lil' girl was having a sleepover with friends last night and I really didn't want her to go as I miss her but I just told her to have a great time. At 11pm my friend called me... she was missing me and wanted to come home. Yay I was so happy. She is snoring away next to me now. Bliss.

I cleaned my shed out yesterday. Oooh hardly rock n roll but I got rid of loads of crap and organised it all and it feels good 😊😊

Daisybelle

Good morning Aprils and I hope you are all okay. It's a beautiful sunny morning here and is forecast stay the same all weekend, perfect as its Bank Holiday weekend. There is a big music festival just 6 miles down the road from me ( Creamfields) and the town is full of party people, it goes on until Monday afternoon and we can usually hear the music here quite loudly depending on which way the wind is blowing. I don't mind that though and it's far away enough that if there's any trouble it won't affect me.
I plan on doing some work in the garden, all the rain we have had has given the weeds a power rush and I need to sort them out.

Thanks for putting me right about the psychotherapy clinic Erratic, I should have read your post properly, sorry. How are you doing today? Have you managed to abstain?

Morning Suze, I haven't found that sugar thread yet but I will definitely have a look. I had a very good day yesterday eating wise, I ate no cr*p and I'm planning on doing the same today. I have to tell myself that it's just for today, the same as I did when I first stopped drinking.
Hmmm I think Seren's dad was being rather manipulative re his attitude about Seren not wanting to sleep over at his, she's just a little girl and it's very normal for them to play up like that. Leave him to it, he'll get over it.
I think you've done right parting ways with your sponsor, you've had so many up and downs with her that I don't think she's the one for you. I'm sure someone more suitable will come along when and if the time is right. Don't lose any sleep over it, just do what's right for you.
Good on you for getting your shed sorted out, please feel free to come and do mine.

Great to see you posting Viper and I'm happy that you're doing okay. I'm sure the jacket you bought will soon get snapped up again, just make sure you do put it on Ebay or wherever.
So glad you're happy with your sun glasses, as Dee said, they are much better for your eyes.

Good evening Dee, I hope you're back to your usual self now. Have a good night.

See you all later, love to all. xxx

Erratic

morn all x

woke up this morn and decided bugger it, i am going back to the gym and will be going after my work tomo. will try make sure i dont over do things, but i do need to get my self moving and do something.

snitch u made good call about getting rid of your sponsor, u need to find someone like u say, as its not helpfull having someone like she is . On the AA saying you need a sponsor straight off and all the time , i never experienced that when i went to my AA groups, all was required at the time was u make sure u went to meeting until u got yourself settled and felt right and then u settled into having a home group and did some helping out. I did get a sponsor near the end of my time at AA and actually she was really nice and didn't push until i was ready to do each step. I ended my time at AA due to having differences with certain people which as usual is my normal way of saying sod it and left as my bpd can come to the front to much when i find some people which is like ur old sponsor is set in there thinking. Hope i am making sense here x will say even when i left AA i still stayed sober for further 6 months or more, as really it was all down to ill health at the end that i picked up year later.

anyway enough of my crap x

daisy hey nothing to be sry about as per normal i prob didnt make much sense or explained properly lol x

viper hope things become bit easier for you and darn cars tell me about it, our car is due for service and past 3 months needed 3 new tires because of nails! money money money x

hope ur well dee x

right i am going to save this post just incase it buggers up again lol

have good day and will check in later x

snitch

Thank you for your words Daisy and for sharing your experience Erratic. It is very helpful to read.

I am feeling alot lighter and free now I have parted ways with my sponsor. Deep down something wasn't sitting right with me and I kept persevering, try to be as open and willing as possible but recovery shouldn't be this much if a ... chore.. I guess is the word I am looking for. I love the AA programme and the steps, they really are helping me to change, and to be more spiritual which I love but there are most of different personalities in AA which can be errr challenging. But we are all human with human emotions and we may all follow the same programme but we all have our own minds and out own way of thinking and everyone is on their own recovery journey and I am on my recovery journey. I may not always know what is best for me but I not does my sponsor. So I feel good today. We had a lovely day out yesterday with the kids, seren's dad is picking her up at 2pm today. All is ok.

How is everyone else doing?

snitch

Oh and on the subject of cars... getting rid of mine was one of the best things I ever did! However I do live in a city with lots or transport options so that makes a difference, if you are more rural a car would be more of a necessity. But I love getting around on buses and I even have a little scooter now hahaha next purchase a new bike!

Viperidae