Class of April 2018 Part 11 - Page 13 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 08-21-2019, 02:38 AM   #241 (permalink)
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Good morning all and a happy top of the hill day to you.

Thanks Dee for the song.

Erratic, Mr D.B is a big fan of Pink Flloyd so I know that song well. I hope all goes well at the alcohol clinic, be honest with them and tell them exactly how you're feeling/thinking. Take care. xx

I'll check in later. Love to all. xx
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Old 08-21-2019, 05:51 AM   #242 (permalink)
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omg!!! i lost my post arrrghhh!!!

wrote all this good stuff about how i am glad i went to my appointment and guy really lifted me up and reminded me on how well i am doing and also said some substance nurses has started a small group which is doing mentalisation which is being done diffrently that i had in the past with psycho therapy so he is going to refer me for assessment.

i also wanted to thank dee again for the link and daisy and was hoping that i didnt make u feel guilty about not being here and yes cut urself some slack x and thanks to snitch and nichole on there posts.

arrrrghhh yup dont u just hate it, so thats the small version lol

oh and viper good to see u and hope ur thumb gets better sooner than later so u can get back on bike. xxx
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Old 08-21-2019, 06:53 AM   #243 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Erratic View Post
omg!!! i lost my post arrrghhh!!!

wrote all this good stuff about how i am glad i went to my appointment and guy really lifted me up and reminded me on how well i am doing and also said some substance nurses has started a small group which is doing mentalisation which is being done diffrently that i had in the past with psycho therapy so he is going to refer me for assessment.

i also wanted to thank dee again for the link and daisy and was hoping that i didnt make u feel guilty about not being here and yes cut urself some slack x and thanks to snitch and nichole on there posts.

arrrrghhh yup dont u just hate it, so thats the small version lol

oh and viper good to see u and hope ur thumb gets better sooner than later so u can get back on bike. xxx
Ohhh Erratic, welcome to my world. I'm always losing posts, it's sooo frustrating.
Anyway sounds like your appointment went really well, very positive feedback. It's good your guy is referring you for psychotherapy again and a with a small group too, I much prefer small groups. He must be pleased with how you're trying otherwise he wouldn't bother to refer you. I'm really pleased for you.

No you didn't make me feel guilty for not posting, I always feel like that no matter what thread I post in. I think it's part of my addictive make-up to be honest, it's like I HAVE to post, but like I said I am working on it. Xx
You take care and enjoy the rest of your day, but whatever else you may do today.....do not pick up a drink. Okay? Xxxx
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Old 08-21-2019, 01:10 PM   #244 (permalink)
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Hey everyone

Erratic Ive been meaning to ask you, what does NVM mean??

So, I have zero desire today which is amazing but I have realized I definitely otely have another addiction...sugar!

I can go for maybe a week without it and then I go on a binge. Honestly it's like drinking although not quite as bad. But it is affecting my life and that means it is a problem and I have to do something about it.

So from today I am going sugar free and flour free. I am not quitting fruit though just refined sugar. I have joined a sugar addicts connection group here. The good news is I feel quite positive because of I can quit drinking then I can quit sugar. One day at a time!

Apart from that all is good. Had a lovely time at my parents and we had a fun day with friends today.

Going to bed alcohol free AND sugar free 😀😀
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Old 08-21-2019, 03:57 PM   #245 (permalink)
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Good evening Aprils

I'm back again doing my bed time check in, I hope you've all had a good day. All good with me anyway, I've nothing much to report. I'm grateful for that.

Suze, I'm guessing NVM is never mind!
You and me both with the sugar addiction and the strange thing is that I never used to have a sweet tooth! I need to cut out the sweet stuff and from now, so I will start with you but I'm not joining another thread lol. I might have a sneaky read of it now and then though!
Glad you had a good day.

Sleep well all of you, see you tomorrow. xx
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Old 08-21-2019, 09:08 PM   #246 (permalink)
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early morn check in before work.

yeah ur right daisy, nvm is never mind x
didnt pick up last night either x
its not psychotherapy i am going back to its just a couple of nurses from substance abuse clinic who is doing it x psychotherapy i lost trust in when i attended 4yrs or so ago xx

good luck snitch on reducing or giving up on the sugar x fruit is good to keep u going x

right better shift and get moving for work xx have good day all x
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Old 08-22-2019, 12:30 AM   #247 (permalink)
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Morning all,

ahhhh thanks guys I did guess it was never mind but wanted to double check in case it did mean something else lol

erratic it does sound like you are taking the right action so that's good to read,

Daisy I have joined the quit sugar thread and am going to post daily however it does look like there is not much action there at the moment but I think it will benefit me to post so yes have a read.i have been reading some of the posts there and find them very useful. Like quitting alcohol it helps to know I am not alone. When I was drinking I never had much interest in sweet things. I very rarely ate chocolate or deserts and I never ate sweets as they gave me a headache. I need to break this cycle as I do not need sweets to help stop me picking up a drink anymore. Yesterday at the park my friend brought some fresh cream cakes from wait rose. There was a custard cake with lemon drizzle, on fresh custard cream cakes are my favourite, I had an apple and a slice of cheese instead! !!! I thought just for today I do not need to eat a cream cake! I actually joked with her and said I would have found it easier if she had brought a bottle of champagne instead!

so today is day 2. Seren's dad wanted her today to take her out and have her overnight but she really did not want to go, she was crying and begging me to let her stay. I had to tell him and I really felt for him as that is not nice to hear is it but I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place as I want her to go and spend time with her daddy my plus it will give me a day to cracking on with some stuff at home, but how can I send her when she is breaking her heart and literally begging not to go? The trouble is he taken it really personally and said tell her not to contact Me! I said perhaps we need to sit down and fund a solution but he isn't interested. I will just let him calm down before broaching the subject again.

so this morning I am off to a meeting and my friend has said she will have Seren and then not sure what to later.

​​​​​​​will check in tonight. Have a good day all
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Old 08-22-2019, 10:08 AM   #248 (permalink)
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Hi all,

Iím doing ok.

I bought something kind of on impulse yesterday, that I donít need and I feel Iím trying to fill a gap. It was from FB Marketplace. A very expensive classic biker jacket, a Schott Perfecto. I didnít spend much, but I really donít even want it now. It looks weird and I was buying it because it was a steal. Now Iím going to have to try to put it on eBay or something to recoup what I spent. Itís not much money, but itís not acceptable to just throw it away. Iím not going to do that again. I need to watch out for that.

Also replacing my prescription sunglasses was not NEEDED. I did love the ones I had very much and it was no mistake to buy them in the first place, but I didnít have to replace them. They are ready today.

I will love the glasses, but Iím letting it eat me alive.

Ive got a lot of anxiety lately. I canít ride the bike.

Anyway, enough complaining from me. At least I donít drink. Thanks for listening

V🐍

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Old 08-22-2019, 12:38 PM   #249 (permalink)
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Well at least the prescription sunglasses are AMAZING. The high end polarized lenses make everything look incredible, and sharp as a razor. Plus they look hot 🔥 on me. I wonít regret this purchase.

V
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Old 08-22-2019, 02:34 PM   #250 (permalink)
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Just lost my post and too tired and irritable to type it all put again. Am in a bad mood. But am going to bed sober and sugar free. (No wnder I am in a bad mood 🤣&#129315

Chat tomorrow.

Vipe!! 😎😎😎
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Old 08-22-2019, 04:36 PM   #251 (permalink)
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I wear them too Vipe - much better for the eyes.

Hope you feel better after a nap snitch

D
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Old 08-22-2019, 08:57 PM   #252 (permalink)
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Awake at 4 30 ahhh. But at least Itnisnt because I have been drinking. 😊😊

Thanks Dee , I am feeling a bit better. This too shall pass!

I was feeling frustrated yesterday as Seren's dad was being an immature ******** because she didnt want to stay with him and he called me spineless and said she manipulates me. I know I am quite soft with her but how can I send her to stay with him when she is sobbing and begging me not to make her go. I just wish he was more understanding but that would be like wishing the sky was green! I am completely powerless over him but I am grateful today that I am not powerless over how I choose to react to him and I felt like I acted with dignity and grace and he can sit and wallow. I am working on Monday now as they brought me forward 2 days due to my standby block so he will see her then. The funny thing is she is going for a sleepover at her friends tonight, she was desperate to go ooops, I think I will refrain from telling him that 🤣🤣

The other thing that got me peeved yesterday was my sponsor! Again! So basically I am in my step 5. I have done my resentments and fears and read rhen out to her. All I need to do now is my sex inventory. I have written it out and there are 6 people on there who I know I hurt or aroused jealousy, bitterness or suspicion. But my sponsor says I need to put down everyone I ever slept with on there and I have refused to do it as they were all drunken one night stands, with consenting adults. As far as I am aware the only person I hurt was ME as they left me feeling worthless and used and I really do not feel that writing these men down (to be honest I cant even remember all their names or even some of their faces!) will benefit me. In fact quite the opposite. It was all in my past and I never would have behaved like that sober. Anyway she said that if I am not willing to do the work then she doesnt know of she can help me! So I just said ok that's fine. I said this isn't about willingness. This would be a complete waste of my time.

I am just fed up. I feel stuck in these steps and therefore in my past at the moment. And I dont want to be. I got sober to move forward and whit my new life but this feels like a self flagellation task. I spoke with a good AA friend of mine yesterday and her experience of the steps is completely different to mine because of the sponsor she has. I am going to speak to her tomorrow and just be honest about how I feel because at the minute this is not helping me, in fact it is making me feel quite ****.

Apart from that everything is ok. Day 2 of no sugar done as well which am super proud of as I would have definitely gone and bought some sweets and chocolate to (try) make me feel better.

I am actually looking forward to Seren going back to school so can start my yoga again.

yawnnnn feeling sleepy now x x
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Old Yesterday, 12:55 PM   #253 (permalink)
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Snitch that seems extreme with the AA stuff. The sponsor is being too rigid. I canít remember the names of most of the people Iíve been with. So there is that. Plus I donít remember half of them at all. It does seem like ďwhatís the point here?Ē And a list of people youíve aroused jealousy in???? Come onnn. Thatís why I canít deal with that stuff. Anyway do what works.

Im hanging in there. Itís about all I can do. My car is making a chugging noise. Itís tough to get the body damage repaired and make fixes when itís worth zero.

My brother is coming over and going to talk to me about what to do. Thatís good.

Alrighty.

V🐍



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Old Yesterday, 04:57 PM   #254 (permalink)
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Arghhh see, I miss a day and there's all these posts and it's gone midnight and I'm far too tired to respond so I'm going to come back tomorrow and read them all properly.

Much love to all of you, I'm off to bed. xxx
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Old Yesterday, 10:46 PM   #255 (permalink)
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My sponsor and I have parted ways. This time for good. My friend in AA who is also her sponsee and has relapsed 3 times has just got herself a new sponser (just saying!) So now my sponsor is sponseeless. Apparently she told someone in AA that I'll be back with her next week!!! That just says it all doesnt it?? I should have listened to my gut instinct in the first place because she didn't deserve the privilege of listening to my step 4 but never mind. There isn't really anything on there that I wouldnt share here. I am not ashamed of anything I am not who I was and am working on changing myself but still, I wish I had chosen better. But as we all know we cannot change the past and I have learnt alot of really useful stuff from my sponsor (ex sponsor!) So I will always be grateful to her for that.

In AA they do not recommend anyone to be aponsorless but I think I need a break for a bit and also if i do get another sponsor i want to find someone who has peace and serenity. Something I want in my recovery. I am happy to do my meetings when I need to, read the Big Book, I use SMART recovery tools as well and of course SR and my lovely April's. Not to mention my HP !! I will trust in the process and everyrhing will be fine as long as I stay away from a drink ODAAT.

My lil' girl was having a sleepover with friends last night and I really didn't want her to go as I miss her but I just told her to have a great time. At 11pm my friend called me... she was missing me and wanted to come home. Yay I was so happy. She is snoring away next to me now. Bliss.

I cleaned my shed out yesterday. Oooh hardly rock n roll but I got rid of loads of crap and organised it all and it feels good 😊😊
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