Class of March 2013 Part 57
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
We, Toots said it so well.
I don’t think there is always a single “right” answer and even when we make a choice that doesn’t turn out well, we don’t really know how another option would have worked. And we learn from whatever we do. Looking back, I can’t say whether alternative choices would have turned out better. You’ve got this
Babs, honey?
I don’t think there is always a single “right” answer and even when we make a choice that doesn’t turn out well, we don’t really know how another option would have worked. And we learn from whatever we do. Looking back, I can’t say whether alternative choices would have turned out better. You’ve got this
Babs, honey?
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4,672
hi Guys !! Doing ok---just have been busy---sister was here for a couple of days and wouldn't ya know it. She got the flu bug the first night she was here. ugh.
She is coming back next week for a few days so, we decided we would make up
for lost time then.
I just celebrated 4 months sober again---and I say again to remind my self I did have a few years behind me. I went to AA again today and the gal sitting next to me had slipped and it was such a good reminder how easy it is to start that stinking thinking, Well, to update you here---hubby is still drinking and there is nothing I can do about it. I have decided that I come first and right now that works -----anyway---enough babel out of me …
So happy to be sober...
Babs
She is coming back next week for a few days so, we decided we would make up
for lost time then.
I just celebrated 4 months sober again---and I say again to remind my self I did have a few years behind me. I went to AA again today and the gal sitting next to me had slipped and it was such a good reminder how easy it is to start that stinking thinking, Well, to update you here---hubby is still drinking and there is nothing I can do about it. I have decided that I come first and right now that works -----anyway---enough babel out of me …
So happy to be sober...
Babs
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Babs, hubby is putting himself first, knowing it is detrimental to both his health and your relationship, so yes sweetie, you absolutely have the right and the need to put yourself first and do everything you can and everything you have to to keep yourself mentally emotionally and physically well and on the sober path. Congratulations on the 4 months!
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Dad is back in hospital, they've told mum it could be days or weeks, but not longer. I am back down as of Tuesday, his confusion is much worse. Yesterday they told us he'd tested + for TB! Turned out it was a micro organism - or8asm as mum keeps calling it!- that TB might be one of the multitude of possibilities. Still, until - or if ever- they discover what it is he's in isolation and we have to mask, gown and glove up. Strangely with his confusion this bothers him less than us ( try sitting in a mask for hours on end! ) Anyhoo, I have a decision to make over the next few days depending on his status, whether to stay down or come back down at the end. I will want to spend time with mum as she wades through the legalities and necessities of death, to lend emotional strength, and I have really already said my goodbyes. That said if he turns for the worse soon, I will stay. We have managed as a family to find plenty of chuckles within the severity of the situation ( not least when he said to mum yesterday "I don't ask for much" and her and my eyes met over the tops of our masks as our shoulders shook with disbelieving sniggers.) she is being strong but also so appreciative of having us around her as she deals with this. Thoughts for a peaceful end are all I wish for.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,733
Toots, I came on here to post a similar report. My dad was taken to the ER Monday. I came up but went home that night. I had to come back Wednesday when it was clear my mother was confused. I was on the phone with her and she thought my dad had been home all night and had only left to go to a doctor's appointment. I don't want her to be alone, she keeps asking where dad is. My greatest fear is that she'll panic if she's alone and can't remember where he is.
After several months of no answers we now finally have a diagnosis that dad has congestive heart failure. He's coming home tomorrow. His car is now gone so that's good but we need to urgently consider alternative situations (assisted living being number one). I have to go home to get the boys but will be back next week at the latest. Luckily I'm only an hours drive away.
Toots, I wish I could help your mom through the legal side of this, it's what I do here in Florida. Prayers to all of you xoxo
After several months of no answers we now finally have a diagnosis that dad has congestive heart failure. He's coming home tomorrow. His car is now gone so that's good but we need to urgently consider alternative situations (assisted living being number one). I have to go home to get the boys but will be back next week at the latest. Luckily I'm only an hours drive away.
Toots, I wish I could help your mom through the legal side of this, it's what I do here in Florida. Prayers to all of you xoxo
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Duff thank you so much for the thoughts, and my sympathies with you and yours too as you travel similar dark roads. Mum does have lasting power of attorney both financial and health and welfare, which has been a real boon, we are currently doing what we can to ease the financial transfers of funds from dads pensions and savings as we've been told once he dies, we would need probate for certain things which then means everything has to be taken into consideration and apart from the time and complications there are of course the legal fees. Anything that can be done while dad is still alive is helpful. And actually rather than feeling morbid, it is giving mum something practical to focus her nervous energy on. Fortunately I will at least still be here for the first meeting with her financial advisor so will be able to ensure he is fully aware of what needs done.
Dad slept most of yesterday, and we still have no clarification as yet on the mystery micro organism.
Sass, I was angry on your behalf to read of your issues with your doctor regarding long term meds. It was something that came up occasionally at the home, and I was often frustrated by doctors who ignored my experience because I had no specific qualification. I was also impressed though by those who sought my awareness of specific individual changes in mental health and acted on my reports.
Dad slept most of yesterday, and we still have no clarification as yet on the mystery micro organism.
Sass, I was angry on your behalf to read of your issues with your doctor regarding long term meds. It was something that came up occasionally at the home, and I was often frustrated by doctors who ignored my experience because I had no specific qualification. I was also impressed though by those who sought my awareness of specific individual changes in mental health and acted on my reports.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Thanks, Toots. I feel so helpless when that happens. The scary part is that if they won’t write a script for what I need, I will be up the proverbial creek. I switched back to my previous doc - somewhat of a nut case but at least I can get the script I need.
Toots and Duff, my thoughts are with both of you as you navigate what is often a difficult time in our lives
Toots and Duff, my thoughts are with both of you as you navigate what is often a difficult time in our lives
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
My dad has made somewhat of a recovery, enough to be a nuisance but not enough for mum to cope at home even with in-house care. She has made the heart rending decision she can no longer have him back, knowing he will rant and rave and cry and beg and blame her for 'killing him'. I had already arranged to go home today, and still will, but am able to return next week if I feel I am needed. Then family is all in agreement it would be unsafe for him to return and not good for her health and well-being.
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