PhoenixJ

Coming up to 4 years since I fried (Aug). So much has changed - namely me. That I lost so much- is tempered with the 'me' I found. Along with support from all youse guys.
Big sanity drive- the cottage I would renovate and live in (and then he woke up).

PhoenixJ

loud music, windows down, careful driving, cows interested- horses indifferent.

Purplrks3647

I love the cottage Phoenix! Then we could all come over for your housewarming party

Thirteenth I'm glad you checked in....I'm dealing with that fear of the unknown too....perhaps we all are.....stay close!

Yesterday I was watching "Celebrity Wife Swap" and Gary Busey was one of the husbands....while I think he's kinda cuckoo, (like I have room to talk) he said something that made me Lol: "Organized religion is for people who are afraid of hell.....Spirituality is for people who have already been there...."

venuscat

Wow, you have a pool.....how fantastic. Yes, swim.....swim every day if you can....I used to be a swimmer. And it always fixed my anxiety. I love swimming, love water.

Bobbieka

13th (if that's your real name) for some reason, every time a St. Louis team is in some spotlight they bring our regional food into the mix. Toasted ravioli, provolone on pizza, pork steaks...we definitely have our "things." That was a really good game. Yes, a lot of hockey still to be played. First Stanley Cup playoff game the Blues have ever won. Everything they do now is a first. It is fun to watch.

I'm ready for your post. Just saying.

Glad you got out of your funk, MITA. Water is always the best therapy.

Purps! That video was awesome!

PHX - love the cottage. Love the scenic drive too.

Good morning, Suze and BBG and everyone else out there!

Have an awesome day, guys!

venuscat

I'm ready too 13th.

And 'Suze' is an alias, just saying.

ManInTheArena

We live in a collection of about 40 homes, and it has a community pool (more the rule than the exception here is Scottsdale). This time of year, there is almost never anyone using it - about half of the residents leave around Easter and return around Thanksgiving. It's a nice pool - well maintained and heated in the winter.

Even better, though, my next door neighbors have their own pool and they head back to Canada every summer! They have a service that manages the chemicals all through the summer and does some basic maintenance. I go over and do some additional skimming and make sure the pump and filters are working, as well as just keeping an eye out on their place. I can use their pool all summer (with their permission, of course). It's better than having my own pool!!!!

Nice pics PJ!!

Hey 13th

venuscat

Oh my gosh, what a GORGEOUS place to live MITA.

Thirteenth

Well, 13th is my alias’s father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate’s alias. It’s complicated.

I actually knew it was your team’s first SCF victory Bobbie; the last time they made it the Bruins swept them, just a few years back

I have made some progress and taken concrete steps lately. More so than usual just not enough to achieve permanent sobriety. And more needs to be done.

Here’s the thing. I could potentially get a new job soon. It’s very exciting and scary at the same time. Change is desperately needed given how long I’ve been in my current location. It wouldn’t be a seismic change but quite significant. I always felt I should quit drinking before making such a move but I haven’t successfully quit and my hand has been forced to a degree. I still like my actual job but am grossly unhappy. The alcohol is clearly a factor but it’s hardly the only one.

Geographical or job changes won’t be any guarantee that my drinking will cease. If I can’t do it now, what would make me think it’ll be different simply because I’ve changed one, but not the core, aspect of my unhappiness? I don’t think that; but if I get the job I have to take it and run. My hope is that new people and new responsibilities and a somewhat clean slate will help. Perhaps get me back to seeing and realizing all the potential I’ve squandered over the past decade and a half. Get my sorry ass to take more action for permanent sobriety.

I remember how energized I felt some years back when a new software project came up. I had some good days and thought that was the shift I needed, the extra push. It wasn’t. Partly because the project fell apart due to awful software. Immediately the status quo returned when the new challenge evaporated. My hope is this type of longer lasting change with a slightly different track will be the additional impetus I clearly need to learn to care about myself. Thoughts?

Cool cabin PJ. I’d visit. You know, if I happened to be in the neighborhood. Love the scenic drives and views.

Busey is an interesting individual Purps. No doubt about that. I do have to agree with him to an extent. Will you do me a solid and send me a link to your Smart Recovery site? I can find it but whatever you’re doing is working so I want to delve deeper for myself.

Used to love swimming and water MITA and (not Suze) Suze. That’s an item to add to the sobriety tool knapsack. Don’t have enough to call it a toolbox yet.

Good afternoon, evening and morning to all. Thank you for listening to my ramblings.

venuscat

With love.....you can run but you can't hide....end of story.
No matter what you take on, unless you choose sobriety, misery will follow. Guaranteed.

Sorry....but every beautiful opportunity will quickly be destroyed if you take alcohol with you. Just my experience. xx

Thirteenth

Point taken and expected and accepted (I did mean running from the job, but that's semantics to an extent). Everyone here knows I know this yet I cling. Even if I continue to fail at sobriety, this change is very necessary.

So while it's a rephrase and probably more semantics, what thoughts do you have regarding changing jobs if I'm selected regardless of my sobriety?

Thirteenth

That's a pointless rephrase as the answer will not change. Just feels like making this change will force me to make other changes related to health and well being. I'm not much of an optimist, but since my problem started at this job (I'm not blaming the job in any way) that getting away from it will help my perspective. See that other changes are possible and clearly beneficial. If that makes any sense.

Dee74

For years I thought- if only I had a new job...if only I had new friends...if only my partner hasn't left me'...but the real problem,...the crux of the issue... was I continued to drink.

who knows? The changes the new job may help you stay sober to some extent- ....or they may make things worse.

I honestly don't know. Maybe the whole issue is a red herring.

I know I drank through good times, and bad.

I think the issue here is an entirely separate one - you absolutely and definitively choosing sobriety as a new default, 13th.

You can do that in a new city and/or a new job - or in the same room you got drunk in, like I did.

D

PhoenixJ

13th- good shares. In 2000, I moved to Adelaide from a large country town- where I had a tenured Uni lecturer job. Into a brand new house and started a doctorate. I thought the change would change me- it is called doing a 'geographical'. I am talking about me, not you. Yes- you are right, a change in the external will not change how you are in yourself, by itself, but you are considering the job- w.r.t the booze, which I did not. I tried to outrun my problems, but just like the giant rubber band catching up with Coyote in the road runner cartoons, my problems came back- and then some. I quit my job, dropped put of the study and drank so much more, thinking myself to be a liar, unworthy a living a good life.
The fact you are thinking about this stuff is good. As usual- I think the gamechanger for me, apart from the incident of burning to death, is daily support and a plan.

Purplrks3647

Time for startin' fluid my friends

13th here is the SMART Recovery site: https://www.smartrecovery.org/

I also found Annie Grace's "The Alcohol Experiment" very helpful to get through the first 30 days. Good luck with the new job!

Thirteenth

Thanks all. PJ, you hit on a subtle differentiation I failed to make clear. Yes, it is to an extent a geographical and I understand that that in and of itself is no solution. We all agree on that.

I'd still be unhappy with my job situation if I had quit drinking even five or ten years ago. Does the drinking exacerbate it? Absolutely, but it's not the primary factor. It's the people along with other issues at this point. Even last fall I was still mostly satisfied where I am. That has come apart significantly for a variety of reasons over the past six months or so.

Could such a move potentially increase my drinking as Dee suggested? Absolutely and it's a serious concern. I don't plan to make any other changes if this works out except to keep working on quitting. I appreciate everyone keeping me on an even keel though I know this would not be some panacea.

Thanks for the info, Purps. I have been on the Smart site. I guess I thought maybe it was a local chapter or something. Thanks also for the reminder about Annie Grace as I keep forgetting to go there.

Thirteenth

Hey bbg! You're not posting, I'm worried.

Sam! Casey! Come on folks let's all get back in this!

beerbgone

Internet problems this morning. Startin' fluid is not fixin' it!!! Later.

Thirteenth

Maybe pour starting fluid on the internet? Nah, that's not realistic. Good to hear from you.

venuscat

Well 13th, take the new job....it sounds like an amazing opportunity.
There is NO point being unhappy in your job and drinking over it.....maybe this can be the new start you need to make this change.

As Dee said, you can get sober in a new place or where you are, or you can keep drinking anywhere....from my point of view, having made so many changes in my life, it did not help me to stay sober. Not at all. I felt way more stable in my recovery at 2 years than I did at 3....the changes were hard for me, and I was kind of lost a lot of the time. Would have been easy to walk down the street to the bar/restaurant.....I love the place. Gorgeous atmosphere and nice staff.

I guess I am trying to say that I think the new job will be great, but I also think you need to make the decision to leave the drinking behind. Change is not easy, no matter how awesome it is, and having a clear head and healthy lifestyle RADICALLY helps.

s