Class of May 2018 Part 5
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,280
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Hi John
I strongly believe I think those of us with mental issues (including myself in there with depression) also need to address those, especially when self medication was a characteristic of our addiction?
D
I strongly believe I think those of us with mental issues (including myself in there with depression) also need to address those, especially when self medication was a characteristic of our addiction?
D
Thanks, I shall persevere but I'm pretty much out of options when it comes to addressing my mental health issues.
I'm feeling a bit better than I was the other day though but the thoughts if drinking persist.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
I hope things look up for you soon John. Do you have a good psychological or similar person to discuss things with?
I’m not feeling the greatest mental health wise myself at the moment. I’ve been quite anxious about everything recently and I’m not entirely sure why. Most of what I’m feeling anxious about is trivial stuff. I think I’ve been letting myself get too caught up in my thoughts and worrying about what other people think about me. I need to stop getting carried away by the bull###t stories.... I know meditation is very good for us, I’m just not very good at disciplining myself to do it. Perhaps today I will start...
Guener are you ok? I feel like we haven’t heard from you in a while.
How’s everyone else going?
Free? Bumblebee? Manta? Solly?
I hope you’re all travelling along ok
I’m not feeling the greatest mental health wise myself at the moment. I’ve been quite anxious about everything recently and I’m not entirely sure why. Most of what I’m feeling anxious about is trivial stuff. I think I’ve been letting myself get too caught up in my thoughts and worrying about what other people think about me. I need to stop getting carried away by the bull###t stories.... I know meditation is very good for us, I’m just not very good at disciplining myself to do it. Perhaps today I will start...
Guener are you ok? I feel like we haven’t heard from you in a while.
How’s everyone else going?
Free? Bumblebee? Manta? Solly?
I hope you’re all travelling along ok
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,338
I’m ok.
Getting busy for my adult twins to visit tomorrow, they’ll be here a week.
I had one glass of wine Saturday.
Regretting it, but at the same time not regretting it. Not sure.
I guess until I’m sure I’ll just lurk 😞
I love all you, please don’t try it.
It’s better to have all that time still under my belt, but it’s not.
Love,
L
Getting busy for my adult twins to visit tomorrow, they’ll be here a week.
I had one glass of wine Saturday.
Regretting it, but at the same time not regretting it. Not sure.
I guess until I’m sure I’ll just lurk 😞
I love all you, please don’t try it.
It’s better to have all that time still under my belt, but it’s not.
Love,
L
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,280
Hi Free,
Sorry to hear that, will you be able to limit it to just that one glass and treat it as a blip? I know you were planning to have a drink a few days ago but resisted, what led to the glass on Saturday, if you don't mind me asking?
Take care and have a good week with your twins.
John
Sorry to hear that, will you be able to limit it to just that one glass and treat it as a blip? I know you were planning to have a drink a few days ago but resisted, what led to the glass on Saturday, if you don't mind me asking?
Take care and have a good week with your twins.
John
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm sorry that you drank, Free - but I'm glad you're back so soon 
I really hope you'll double down and recommit to recovery - I've seen folks abandon themselves completely to many more years drinking this way.
whatever you were looking for, it's not in a glass or a bottle. It never is.
D
I really hope you'll double down and recommit to recovery - I've seen folks abandon themselves completely to many more years drinking this way.
whatever you were looking for, it's not in a glass or a bottle. It never is.
D
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,280
Originally Posted by Willow68
I hope things look up for you soon John. Do you have a good psychological or similar person to discuss things with?
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Morning All xx
I haven’t time to post but will do when I get back from work later today. Just wanted to give you all a virtual hug and say “me too!!” This is a weird time and on a call back to my rehab last week I identified I am on the relapse train and moving up the carriages quite quickly! Lack of self care and discipline to do what I know I should be doing etc etc. Sounds like we are all in a similar kind of place so will share properly later. In the meantime love you all, be strong and take it easy xx
I haven’t time to post but will do when I get back from work later today. Just wanted to give you all a virtual hug and say “me too!!” This is a weird time and on a call back to my rehab last week I identified I am on the relapse train and moving up the carriages quite quickly! Lack of self care and discipline to do what I know I should be doing etc etc. Sounds like we are all in a similar kind of place so will share properly later. In the meantime love you all, be strong and take it easy xx
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,280
Good afternoon Manta
Glad you managed to identify that you are on the 'relapse train', that's a good way of putting things. I've probably been on the train for a few weeks now but hope to get off it soon.
Take care,
John
Glad you managed to identify that you are on the 'relapse train', that's a good way of putting things. I've probably been on the train for a few weeks now but hope to get off it soon.
Take care,
John
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 454
Hi everyone!
I am doing well. Laying in bed next my daughter in a hotel about 8 hours from my house. She is peacefully sleeping next to me. We drove half way to the beach today, and will finish our trip tomorrow. staying at Hilton Head south Carolina.
this will be my second sober summer beach vacation... last year I was only 40 or 50 days sober. And I feel like I was unable to fully enjoy
two summer ago was terrible. I had wine hiding in my suitcase. Ugh. Everything about vacation was when, where and how to drink. This is going to be all about family
to those of you struggling, stay strong and keep your head up. Thinking of you guys tonight- free, John, mantra, willow and guener. And dee
smile, and have a great day. You absolutely deserve it
I am doing well. Laying in bed next my daughter in a hotel about 8 hours from my house. She is peacefully sleeping next to me. We drove half way to the beach today, and will finish our trip tomorrow. staying at Hilton Head south Carolina.
this will be my second sober summer beach vacation... last year I was only 40 or 50 days sober. And I feel like I was unable to fully enjoy
two summer ago was terrible. I had wine hiding in my suitcase. Ugh. Everything about vacation was when, where and how to drink. This is going to be all about family
to those of you struggling, stay strong and keep your head up. Thinking of you guys tonight- free, John, mantra, willow and guener. And dee
smile, and have a great day. You absolutely deserve it
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Have fun at the beach Bumblebee! Sounds great! It will be so much better sober. I remember when you went on holidays last year sober and you did so amazingly well! I can hardly believe that was a year ago!
Yes I also spent years hiding little (and big) bottles of wine in my suitcase... And my handbag, various drawers and cupboards, the back of my car, you name it. I hid wine everywhere. And always had a contingency plan on where to source my next stash. And I used to sneakily dispose of empty bottles in random public rubbish bins so as to not have quite so many in my recycling bin (which was still full of empty bottles every week). And I still tried to convince myself I didn’t have a problem. As the AV still tries to convince me now.
. Ugghhh. I KNOW it’s not normal behaviour, but there’s still a sneaky little voice still trying to convince me to stop making a mountain out of a molehill, that it wasn’t that bad. Hmmm drink driving? Drinking at lunchtime in the car park at work? Drinking in the morning on weekends? Planning my whole day, week, life around how I could ensure I could drink? Planning everything around drinking? Missing social activities and exercise because of drinking? How on earth can I even entertain the idea that it was normal and acceptable? The AV is a sly, slimy, disreputable lying cheating thief ... I was trying to describe the AV accurately without swearing
Nope drinking like that is not normal. I will not drink today
Yes I also spent years hiding little (and big) bottles of wine in my suitcase... And my handbag, various drawers and cupboards, the back of my car, you name it. I hid wine everywhere. And always had a contingency plan on where to source my next stash. And I used to sneakily dispose of empty bottles in random public rubbish bins so as to not have quite so many in my recycling bin (which was still full of empty bottles every week). And I still tried to convince myself I didn’t have a problem. As the AV still tries to convince me now.
. Ugghhh. I KNOW it’s not normal behaviour, but there’s still a sneaky little voice still trying to convince me to stop making a mountain out of a molehill, that it wasn’t that bad. Hmmm drink driving? Drinking at lunchtime in the car park at work? Drinking in the morning on weekends? Planning my whole day, week, life around how I could ensure I could drink? Planning everything around drinking? Missing social activities and exercise because of drinking? How on earth can I even entertain the idea that it was normal and acceptable? The AV is a sly, slimy, disreputable lying cheating thief ... I was trying to describe the AV accurately without swearing
Nope drinking like that is not normal. I will not drink today
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
if you need ammo for how bad it got - just revisit some of you earliest posts Willow...and anyone else who needs too
Searching all your posts
A normal search will only give you your last 500 posts....if you have over that to go back to your first post...try this (thanks to Cynical One)
Quote:
Do an advanced search.
On the RIGHT side
Put in your user name.
Choose the forum you first posted in.
On the LEFT side
Where it says 'Sort Results By'
Choose 'Thread Start Date In Ascending Order'
And, then tick the 'Posts' box
A normal search will only give you your last 500 posts....if you have over that to go back to your first post...try this (thanks to Cynical One)
Quote:
Do an advanced search.
On the RIGHT side
Put in your user name.
Choose the forum you first posted in.
On the LEFT side
Where it says 'Sort Results By'
Choose 'Thread Start Date In Ascending Order'
And, then tick the 'Posts' box
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Thanks Dee, I’ll do that.
I also kept a withdrawal diary for the first 2 months, plus a month of previous unsuccessful attempts, so about 3 months worth of daily notes of how I felt. I just read it again.
Day 1 of my first serious attempt at stopping:
16 April 2018 Monday. Headache, nausea, diarrhoea, racing heart, shaky, severe heaviness in my head, feel half dead, extreme fatigue, very flat, depressed, no motivation for anything, so very very tired and shaking, no sleep.
A month later I was still writing the same stuff. Still on day 1. Still felt like hell.
My last day 1 was 14 May 2018. The first week was hell and then it slowly started to get less awful. The physical effects were definitely less intense but the disconnect, anxiety and depression took longer... is still something I need to work on.
I know drinking is a bad idea.
I’m not drinking today.
I’m not planning on drinking anytime soon.
I’m not planning on drinking. I need to somehow make a Fullstop happen at the end of this sentence. I can put a fullstop there but it has to be real, not a pretend one. I have to actually believe it. I know I still have work to do to believe it. I need to work on the grief, the futility, the anxiety, depression. All the stuff I used to drown in alcohol. I have to work through it.
Sorry I’m probably rambling, stream of consciousness stuff. But I’m not drinking. I wanted a drink today but I chose not to. My partner is drinking beer, there’s wine in the house, but I have no intention of drinking it. I’m not so confident about my upcoming holiday. I need to put some more tools in my toolbox before I go on holiday.
I also kept a withdrawal diary for the first 2 months, plus a month of previous unsuccessful attempts, so about 3 months worth of daily notes of how I felt. I just read it again.
Day 1 of my first serious attempt at stopping:
16 April 2018 Monday. Headache, nausea, diarrhoea, racing heart, shaky, severe heaviness in my head, feel half dead, extreme fatigue, very flat, depressed, no motivation for anything, so very very tired and shaking, no sleep.
A month later I was still writing the same stuff. Still on day 1. Still felt like hell.
My last day 1 was 14 May 2018. The first week was hell and then it slowly started to get less awful. The physical effects were definitely less intense but the disconnect, anxiety and depression took longer... is still something I need to work on.
I know drinking is a bad idea.
I’m not drinking today.
I’m not planning on drinking anytime soon.
I’m not planning on drinking. I need to somehow make a Fullstop happen at the end of this sentence. I can put a fullstop there but it has to be real, not a pretend one. I have to actually believe it. I know I still have work to do to believe it. I need to work on the grief, the futility, the anxiety, depression. All the stuff I used to drown in alcohol. I have to work through it.
Sorry I’m probably rambling, stream of consciousness stuff. But I’m not drinking. I wanted a drink today but I chose not to. My partner is drinking beer, there’s wine in the house, but I have no intention of drinking it. I’m not so confident about my upcoming holiday. I need to put some more tools in my toolbox before I go on holiday.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 454
Hi, how is everyone doing??
willow- I can so clearly remember all the same habits. Sneaking and hiding from my husband. My favorite hiding spot was the laundry room and in baskets of laundry. I knew I was the only doing the laundry... so it was safe. Ha!
and then I would get tipsy and change up my hiding spot. Then forget where it was the next morning. Talk about anxiety.
And yes- using the public trash cans, so the evidence was not in our trash. That was tricky for me because I typically bought entire boxes of wine, and I would have to find trash cans with openings big enough for the box. And trust me, I knew where they all were.
How ya doing free? Thinking about ya today.
i also kept a little journal on my phone from the early days. I have been too scared to even look at it... I know a lot of it was when I was relapsing, and I hated myself then.
I just peeked and read read a few entries. It is hard for me to read... I sure did drink a lot in the morning.
Have a a good day guys. I’ll be on the beach with my fam.
willow- I can so clearly remember all the same habits. Sneaking and hiding from my husband. My favorite hiding spot was the laundry room and in baskets of laundry. I knew I was the only doing the laundry... so it was safe. Ha!
and then I would get tipsy and change up my hiding spot. Then forget where it was the next morning. Talk about anxiety.
And yes- using the public trash cans, so the evidence was not in our trash. That was tricky for me because I typically bought entire boxes of wine, and I would have to find trash cans with openings big enough for the box. And trust me, I knew where they all were.
How ya doing free? Thinking about ya today.
i also kept a little journal on my phone from the early days. I have been too scared to even look at it... I know a lot of it was when I was relapsing, and I hated myself then.
I just peeked and read read a few entries. It is hard for me to read... I sure did drink a lot in the morning.
Have a a good day guys. I’ll be on the beach with my fam.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
