wildflower70

Good morning!!

It has been a mellow, peaceful week. Have a wonderful holiday weekend everyone!

Finalround

You too wildflower

Dee74

Happy Easter guys

D

wildflower70

My Mom was admitted to the hospital last night, had 2 mini strokes and confusion. I hope this will lead to putting her into a full care facility, praying my brother will do the right thing......

Finalround

Oh no WF. Have you been able to speak to her? Are you going to go visit?

Dee74

I'm really sorry to hear that WF. Prayers and best wishes to you and your family.

D

wildflower70

Hi Final, my first reaction was to hop on a plane.....But, my aunt drove 14 hours last night to get there, so I am comforted to know she is there They are running multiple tests and she is in stable condition.

I need to use good judgement right now, my emotions will be all over the place and I clearly don't see eye to eye with my siblings. I'm going to wait it out and keep a clear head. Sobriety first...no matter what.

Thank you for the support guys, I really needed that today!!

Dee74

any time WF
'
D

wildflower70

Really, really early check in...LOL

I'm not getting a lot of sleep these days, happy to have a few days off to rest and recoup! I hope that I didn't sound selfish in my decision to NOT run to my mother's bedside. The truth is, I started having thoughts of drinking and had to STOP immediately. No matter how strong I feel in my sobriety, I know the dangers of not paying attention to my triggers...Family issues is a huge one for me. If I go now, I will be putting myself at risk for relapse, and I want (and need) to take care of me, first.

Be honest guys.....Is this being a terrible daughter?? Shoot it to me straight, I can handle it...

Finalround

Absolutely not. I think you made a wise decision. You have contact with a responsible relative that is there. I completely understand the family dynamic here. Good idea to step back and gather yourself before making an impulse decision.
Do you have any responsible siblings in proximity to your mom or just your brother?
I understand where you are in this and support you. Even in these times remember that drinking will only make things worse. But you already know that.

Happy Easter.

wildflower70

Thanks Final...I have no responsible siblings....another brother lives further north (3-4 hours) but isn't any help either. My aunt is also my moms best friend, so that is a huge help right now.

I really think I should wait....unless I get "the call" (she's dying)....

My dad died on Good Friday when I was only 7 years old. I have always loved Easter, but felt a little sad as well. Now my mom in the hospital for Easter, it feels like history is repeating itself.

Hope you all have a peaceful Sunday

Dee74

Hi WF - the idea that you're a 'terrible daughter' never entered my head.

I know a liottle of your history with your mom and family - I think, for now, keeping your boundaries up is a good idea.

I'm not a dr but I've had mini strokes. Often the person makes a complete recovery

D

wildflower70

Yes, the DR. said they (mini stroke) are common, she has had them before. The big issue now is that she shouldn't live alone. She is happy to move in with my brother, and it is convenient for him as well, a live in ATM.

I was pretty stressed today, I had thoughts of drinking, the first I've had in months. I'm taking this as a red flag, and I'm not going to go. She was discharged this morning, it's my brothers deal now, and I'm ok with that.

I'm chilling out now with some good food, silly tv shows, and making plans for a positive day tomorrow. This too shall pass, and I'm gonna come out on the other side....sober!!

Dee74

sounds good wf

D

wildflower70

Good morning!!

I'm going to have a stress free day!

No thinking about family issues~
No thinking about past mistakes~
No thinking about drinking~

Today is about what I need and want. I am going to nurture me today

Happy Monday!

Finalround

starting to notice a negative pattern of behavior for me right now. I feel very strong in my sobriety, clear about my goals and direction, sure about who I am.

All good things, right?

But I notice it leads me to start to feel irritated with others. When I listen to people complain it just sounds like whining. And I just don't want to hear it, especially if they don't do what they need to do to make things right. I don't even bother offering advise because they aren't actually willing to do the work.

I feel like I have put in the work, sacrificed where needed and paid the price to succeed. So others should too if they expect to win. Instead they just sit and complain about their particular situation.

I find myself starting to isolate myself a bit. I want to just get away from the whining and live my life.

But I can see how unhealthy this perspective is. It's not me. I hope it's just a phase. I think I know it is. I also remember starting to feel this way not long before I relapsed.

I hope you can understand where I am coming from. Being a giving and compassionate person is still who i am. Maybe I feel those that receive charity, compassion and help should be more grateful for it. And when they are not, they don't deserve it.

These are poisoning thoughts that will lead me away from where I want to be.

Btw, I don't feel that way about anyone who here. Although, I think it's just you and I again WF.

Dee74

well, I think compassion fatigue is a real thing FR.

I'm a caring giving [person too, but its still hard sometimes to be in the right frame of mind to help someone else.

I need to recharge my batteries every so often.

D

Finalround

Yeah Dee. Think that's exactly what I need. A battery recharge.

Don't want to allow myself to go into a place of solitude and bitterness. I know where that leads.

Dee74

yeah do something for yourself - go fishing or whatever

D

wildflower70

Good morning Final...and Dee

I've gone through periods like that Final, tired of others whining and complaining, especially when the answere's seem obvious.

I think the best thing we can do is tend to our own garden. Keep planting the seeds, cleaning out the weeds, and nurturing the fruit.

Take a break from the people and places that are causing stress, focus on what your doing, your needs, and your well being.

And yes, we seem to be the last two standing from the Sept group, that's ok with me, right now I just need a place to call home.

Hang in there, how's it going in the March group??