Dee74

I think you're younger than me? It may seem small comfort right now but I reckon you'll sort it out.

As for wanting things to go the way I want them - I never dreamed of being an Admin on a recovery board, lol...but its a good fit

D

Finalround

Quitting without having something else lined up is risky. Especially if it is going to cause you financial stress. Those have been very big triggers for me.

But I do understand your plight. Do you have enough of a cash reserve to ride out several weeks without an income?

kinzoku

Day 126

I could safely ride out quite a few months. The question is if that is worth it.

Hard to say for sure.

Every day I put off the choice.

I'd say the decision is a real toss up honestly.

Anyways, no-one can really find the answer but me. And whatever I chose ultimately I'll get to the same place.

I had a good dinner with a friend, did a bit of study after (since I haven't quit yet I have to make studying a much bigger priority in th elimited time I have).

Hence why I am posting so late.

FR, I hope all is well with you. You too Dee. And I do think you got a few years on me but Im coming for yah.

Love.

Finalround

Just have a plan kinzo. I find it makes any transition easier with one. Even sobriety! Right Dee? Lol

I'm well kinzo. Just over a week. Feeling much better. Sleep is mostly good with a few bought of restlessness and some vivid dreams. But I'm on my way.

I'm eating a lot because it helps me to suppress cravings. Starting to feel a bit of weight gain tho. Easing back into exercise. It's been very hot here lately so haven't done any biking lately. Might try tonight when it cools off a bit.

Have a great day.

kinzoku

Day 127

Either way I'm constantly job hunting, its just if i quit i'll be both job hunting and building my portfolio more.

Glad to hear you are fighting the urges FR. I say give in to the food.

I was feeling really upset what day was it, Sunday or yesterday,and listened to a song i used to listen to while drunk as a skunk. It was a bit of a trigger for sure. A short one.

I frankly don't have the time or energy to have a relationship with alcohol.

I had quite a few moments of joy amid the intense stress of today.

What is wrong with me that I thrive on such things?

Go with God and the universe on your side my friends.

Love.

Finalround

Not sure of your age Kinzo but for me most of my life was stressful. Always self employed. Working at the next big thing. Stretching my finances. The more stress on me the better I performed!

Until one day it didn't. I cracked. The fuel of stress turned on me and I started having massive panic attacks. (Early 40's). The ambulance was at my home half a dozen times in a couple months. Heart racing, pounding out of my chest, hyperventilating, dizzy, numbness throughout my hole body. We're not made to be under so much stress for so long.

One by one, I identified my stressors and came up with a plan to rid myself of them. Now everything has a plan and a backup. I did start to use alcohol at the same time tho. But, that is my final battle. Once I rid myself completely of the urge to drink, I can set myself on cruise control.

I still enjoy my career and accepting new challenges, I just don't let them become stressful. Stress is a silent killer. I'm just concerned you may put too much on yourself my friend.

Peace.

kinzoku

Day 128

I'm not 30 yet but soon, lets go with that.

I'm with you.

And as stressed as I can be, this is years of practice to get down to this level where i can have silent moments and peace. So I feel you.

And I also work better stressed...or so I say right?

I'm happy for you that you are on the path to a stress and alcohol free life my friend.

I'm a very results oriented person so thats the hard part right? That's why I post here why i constantly give gratitude to my life and friends when I can because look... my friends know me as a grump and a hardass. My employers see a guy who delivers. My relationships can be a situation where I'm either all with you or im a million miles away. It ain't..a good way to be right.

I work on it but I'm not perfect. And my version of a zen Kinzoku is not what the worlds version is always. I'm learning I got a long way to go.

Love.

Dee74

Man I was 30 when I went to Uni as a Mature Age student and started my third career...

Not dismissing your fears, but you have a lot of time yet to work out what you want and how to go for it

D

kinzoku

Haha no no dismiss away, it gives me hope.

The third career is not out of the question since this is my second.

Dee74

SR is my fourth LOL

D

Finalround

I'm 48. I tried and failed many times. Owned my own business in my 20's for 8 years. Struggled to find the right fit for several more. Even on my current career of 18 years self employed, it took me 10 years of mistakes to finally fine tune it to a steady lucrative business. Then 5 more to get my personal act in order, lol.

I have found that we learn best from our failures, providing we are willing to accept we are not infallible. Ego often got in the way of me making the right decisions most of my years.

But, I'm still young enough to enjoy my success and plan my next act.

I enjoy hearing your story kinzoku.

kinzoku

Day 129

Haha I appreciate that guys and I like to hear about your stories as well. FR thats a heck of a journey! You should be proud.

Today I felt at peace. I made a hard decision and stuck to it.

Love.

kinzoku

Day 131

Why can I never sleep in on weekends?

Oh well. I'll get to work and chores.

Love.

Finalround

I planned an early start today as I've been waking @ 6 each morning ahead of the alarm. In bed at 10 last night and slept soundly til 930 this morning. I'll take it!

Spent the afternoon with my youngest son at a small swimming lake I found. Heat wave this weekend and this spot was perfect. Not too crowded. We brought a lunch and picnicked in a cool pine grove. Great sober day.

kinzoku

Day 132

Glad to hear you had a fulfilling day my friend.

I had a good day too all things considered. Some anxiety here at the end.

I'll make it through.

Love.

Finalround

Yes you will.

Monday morning. Feeling positive about the week ahead.

kinzoku

Day 133

Well life is strange friends.

But we are here for a while. Lets enjoy.

Love.

Finalround

For any particular reason?

I agree life is unpredictable and a wonderful learning experience. Just curious what you are going through kinzo.

Yesterday finished a little low for me. No particular reason. Just feeling down. See if I can bounce back today.

kinzoku

Day 134

Well FR the truth is I quit my toxic job so I'm now in my last two weeks here. Looking for another.

Today I had a good talk with an old friend, i felt vulnerable and open for a while.

I took some time away from my phone to look at the sky on my way home and took a bath to try and meditate.

I felt some form of presence in me, its been a while. I know I've been neglecting it and I enjoyed nurturing it today.

Love.

Finalround

It's important to turn off the distractions for a bit. Get comfortable in the silence.

Good luck in your job search. I somehow feel you won't be unemployed for long.