Class of March 2019 Part 2
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
Morning here kinzo, so good morning. Finished one of the longest, hardest weeks I've had in a long time. Work mostly and very physical work. Topped off with the family tensions, I was exhausted. Was in bed by 730pm and was out soon after with my book in hand.
It's a beautiful Sunday morning and heading up to the mountains with my son for some zip lining. Going to seize the day.
Peace.
It's a beautiful Sunday morning and heading up to the mountains with my son for some zip lining. Going to seize the day.
Peace.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 919
Day 70
I read a really angry forum post on reddit where this guy was arguing that alcoholism doesnt exist today. Strange to stumble across it, that thread had nothing to do with sobriety.
But the odd thing to me, was why did this non sober fellow care so much about the label of "alcoholic"? As a skeptic I have those thoughts too.
But it doesn't matter, if I decide that not drinking is the path to a better life for me, and I have the willpower to do it...well then...push off dude.
In any case, I'm sober, and living my life in the sunshine.
Love.
I read a really angry forum post on reddit where this guy was arguing that alcoholism doesnt exist today. Strange to stumble across it, that thread had nothing to do with sobriety.
But the odd thing to me, was why did this non sober fellow care so much about the label of "alcoholic"? As a skeptic I have those thoughts too.
But it doesn't matter, if I decide that not drinking is the path to a better life for me, and I have the willpower to do it...well then...push off dude.
In any case, I'm sober, and living my life in the sunshine.
Love.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 919
Day 71
Was relatively productive today. But you know, the more time you have the quicker it slips away.
I worry a lot about things, I'm getting older and I still have a long ways to go.
In a way my drinking is / was part of that. I like to escape I don't like to deal with reality. I have avoidance issues, I have depression, I don't....cope sometimes. Or I do, just in the wrong way.
I have some stressful stuff going down at work tomorrow, I have money woes, I have future woes. I wanted to have a lot more of my life sorted out by this age and it scares me.
But then...I have so much going for me too and if I just take the numbers out, the comparisons out, I have so much to be greatful for.
I just feel like its a race against the clock all the dang time. Its hard.
But I'm alive, I'm sober, with friends, with family, with a place to lay my head. God, whatever he is, is good.
Love.
Was relatively productive today. But you know, the more time you have the quicker it slips away.
I worry a lot about things, I'm getting older and I still have a long ways to go.
In a way my drinking is / was part of that. I like to escape I don't like to deal with reality. I have avoidance issues, I have depression, I don't....cope sometimes. Or I do, just in the wrong way.
I have some stressful stuff going down at work tomorrow, I have money woes, I have future woes. I wanted to have a lot more of my life sorted out by this age and it scares me.
But then...I have so much going for me too and if I just take the numbers out, the comparisons out, I have so much to be greatful for.
I just feel like its a race against the clock all the dang time. Its hard.
But I'm alive, I'm sober, with friends, with family, with a place to lay my head. God, whatever he is, is good.
Love.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
I can relate to the time crunch feeling kinzo. Some days I start to lose my focus and just want to throw my hands in the air.
Got to remind ourselves that these are just small blips in our timeline. We've got time. Most important to enjoy the moments.
Peace.
Got to remind ourselves that these are just small blips in our timeline. We've got time. Most important to enjoy the moments.
Peace.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 919
Day 72
Thanks for the encouragement FR!
Man another tough tough one.
I got along ways to go. Always fighting myself to get the sleep I need, to get my ducks in a row. Am i less organized or more honest than most? Or both?
Love
Thanks for the encouragement FR!
Man another tough tough one.
I got along ways to go. Always fighting myself to get the sleep I need, to get my ducks in a row. Am i less organized or more honest than most? Or both?
Love
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
Not sure the answer there. Think that's for you to determine.
I'm recognizing the importance of balance. I'm in a very busy work cycle right now and get into the mindset of striking while the iron is hot. This often leads me to exhaustion and mood swings. Then allows the creeping thoughts of a drink. Just to relax, worked hard, I deserve it.
Can't allow that to happen again.
Let's try to step back a little during these times and just breath.
I'm recognizing the importance of balance. I'm in a very busy work cycle right now and get into the mindset of striking while the iron is hot. This often leads me to exhaustion and mood swings. Then allows the creeping thoughts of a drink. Just to relax, worked hard, I deserve it.
Can't allow that to happen again.
Let's try to step back a little during these times and just breath.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 919
Day 73
Slept better tonight, had a better day today, even though I have some personal and medical stuff to deal with that I'm neither psyched about nor ready to disclose here (all out of my control).
I will continue to try and get better sleep, I think I can only get mentally well with good sleep.
I want to be more positive today but like I said, dealing with some stuff.
"Let's try to step back a little during these times and just breath."
Agreed. Your support, silent or otherwise, is so valuable to me.
I hope all the family is well FR.
Love.
Slept better tonight, had a better day today, even though I have some personal and medical stuff to deal with that I'm neither psyched about nor ready to disclose here (all out of my control).
I will continue to try and get better sleep, I think I can only get mentally well with good sleep.
I want to be more positive today but like I said, dealing with some stuff.
"Let's try to step back a little during these times and just breath."
Agreed. Your support, silent or otherwise, is so valuable to me.
I hope all the family is well FR.
Love.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
Wishing you well kinzo. Hope everything turns out ok.
Not sure it relates but I was always super stressed about my health while drinking. Over analyzed every word from my doctor or freaked out about any tests requested "just to be sure".
I was a bit surprised how well and quickly my body responded to healthy eating and regular exercise. Even at 48 years. I feel better and stronger than I have in decades. I feel my healthy body is more resilient to illness and better prepared to face it if I do.
Mostly though, it's the minds peace that gives me the most strength. When I can quiet my thoughts and reduce the stress, I'm better.
I'm feeling much better the last couple days after a week or so of heavy stress from family and work. Sometimes it's as simple as dealing with one day at a time.
Peace.
Not sure it relates but I was always super stressed about my health while drinking. Over analyzed every word from my doctor or freaked out about any tests requested "just to be sure".
I was a bit surprised how well and quickly my body responded to healthy eating and regular exercise. Even at 48 years. I feel better and stronger than I have in decades. I feel my healthy body is more resilient to illness and better prepared to face it if I do.
Mostly though, it's the minds peace that gives me the most strength. When I can quiet my thoughts and reduce the stress, I'm better.
I'm feeling much better the last couple days after a week or so of heavy stress from family and work. Sometimes it's as simple as dealing with one day at a time.
Peace.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 919
Day 74
One day at a time indeed FR.
You are a rock my man! Keep it up with your fam etc
I'm thinking of what to get myself for my 100th birthday. I think I will get a better vape because my ****** little one is so bad its tempting me to smoke all the time and those sneaky cigs will add up and I'll be smoking again.
Sweating. Worked out. Ate.
Man work is just one of those things...you read about people getting put into positions like mine, but than its you. Trapped between management, and people below you, scapegoat. I see it going down and I just gotta keep up my ethic and look for better jobs.
Man man man.
Life don't stop.
But I'm sober, and like you said, one day at a time. I will never forget the tough times I've pulled through with no money and no skills and just darn brute force.
We can all do it if we choose to live, and I do because...my forefathers brought me here and I honour them that way. Among other things, that is on my mind after the passing of many family members.
Life is legacy.
Love
One day at a time indeed FR.
You are a rock my man! Keep it up with your fam etc
I'm thinking of what to get myself for my 100th birthday. I think I will get a better vape because my ****** little one is so bad its tempting me to smoke all the time and those sneaky cigs will add up and I'll be smoking again.
Sweating. Worked out. Ate.
Man work is just one of those things...you read about people getting put into positions like mine, but than its you. Trapped between management, and people below you, scapegoat. I see it going down and I just gotta keep up my ethic and look for better jobs.
Man man man.
Life don't stop.
But I'm sober, and like you said, one day at a time. I will never forget the tough times I've pulled through with no money and no skills and just darn brute force.
We can all do it if we choose to live, and I do because...my forefathers brought me here and I honour them that way. Among other things, that is on my mind after the passing of many family members.
Life is legacy.
Love
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 919
Day 75
No, not my b-day but thanks haha.
Late late night. Stayed sober. Being around drunk people doesn't make me jealous at all but i still love all my friends deeply.
Hard hard days this week and I deserved time out and having fun and I deserve my rest coming up now. More tough stuff to come.
Buckle up kin.
Love.
No, not my b-day but thanks haha.
Late late night. Stayed sober. Being around drunk people doesn't make me jealous at all but i still love all my friends deeply.
Hard hard days this week and I deserved time out and having fun and I deserve my rest coming up now. More tough stuff to come.
Buckle up kin.
Love.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
I hear you on the tough stuff. In a very busy work pattern. Planned on a long weekend but will be working today.
Have a vacation planned in 3 weeks but have so much to do before then. I like to leave when I have nothing to worry about getting finished. I'm considering working this Monday holiday because I just feel I need an extra day somewhere. Doubt customers will be open anyway.
Breath Final. Breath.
Have a vacation planned in 3 weeks but have so much to do before then. I like to leave when I have nothing to worry about getting finished. I'm considering working this Monday holiday because I just feel I need an extra day somewhere. Doubt customers will be open anyway.
Breath Final. Breath.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 919
Day 76
That vacation is a nice thing to look forward to!
Breathe indeed.
I had a very slow paced day today which was probably necessary although I really hate days where I get nothing done. Just waiting for the doctor for hours.
People who have not experienced medical systems seem to think socialized is best...let me tell you, hoo boi, you gotta WAIT for that free care.
Seen better, seen worse though. I miss the speed and efficiency of Asia though.
Love.
That vacation is a nice thing to look forward to!
Breathe indeed.
I had a very slow paced day today which was probably necessary although I really hate days where I get nothing done. Just waiting for the doctor for hours.
People who have not experienced medical systems seem to think socialized is best...let me tell you, hoo boi, you gotta WAIT for that free care.
Seen better, seen worse though. I miss the speed and efficiency of Asia though.
Love.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 919
Day 77
More obligatory friend stuff today.
Fun at times, boring at times. People starting to ask me when am I gonna drink again?
Just brush em off, brush em off.
Thing that can be annoying is, they knew me as sober for a year so....for them this is "Kin taking some time off". I don't look at it that way. I don't want to drink again at all.
But theres no way to safely express that to them because, I believe in one day at a time, so no infinite statements.
Which is what I say basically when they ask when I will drink again, or if i ever will, i say "I don't like to talk in absolutes".
In any case, they usually let me be, they mean well.
Work tomorrow.
Goodnight
Love.
More obligatory friend stuff today.
Fun at times, boring at times. People starting to ask me when am I gonna drink again?
Just brush em off, brush em off.
Thing that can be annoying is, they knew me as sober for a year so....for them this is "Kin taking some time off". I don't look at it that way. I don't want to drink again at all.
But theres no way to safely express that to them because, I believe in one day at a time, so no infinite statements.
Which is what I say basically when they ask when I will drink again, or if i ever will, i say "I don't like to talk in absolutes".
In any case, they usually let me be, they mean well.
Work tomorrow.
Goodnight
Love.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
Very familiar with that situation. Wish they could understand but it's not up to them. And yeah, talking in absolutes is difficult unless we know absolutely that we will never pick up again.
I think most people think that me not drinking is me on a health kick. Or in a phase. It's more surprising to them when i dONT pick up than when or if I do.
I thinks it's tricky for us to admit that that thing that we've all shared in is a bigger problem for me than it is for them.
Ultimately, it must always be about what is best for me. Whether they agree or not.
Enjoy your day kinzoku.
I think most people think that me not drinking is me on a health kick. Or in a phase. It's more surprising to them when i dONT pick up than when or if I do.
I thinks it's tricky for us to admit that that thing that we've all shared in is a bigger problem for me than it is for them.
Ultimately, it must always be about what is best for me. Whether they agree or not.
Enjoy your day kinzoku.
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