venuscat

That is beautiful shoes honey....I love the miracles inside those doors. ♥

Saskia

Shoes, so happy to hear you have found someone in AA you can relate to. That and the amazing people here make such a difference in our lives

360shoes

Sunday and Sunday's are always my hardest day. I think it's because it's the day before reality of Monday starts and I have been avoiding reality for so long.

I'm struggling with conviction right now. Last time I was so determined. This time I am determined but I'm not feeling the conviction as strong. I think that's probably the depression I am still struggling with. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'm a 6 so I'm improving. I've been working with a psych doc for over a year and we are getting there but it's a tuff one. I figure it's just part of recovery right now. I am okay and I will not drink. I just need to lean on people a lot right now until I build up some determination muscle. I have everything lined up to do that before I pick up a drink so that's good. I won't let it bother me too much because I think it is the progression of it. This time will be different because my drinking was certainly different. I think it has to do with me not trusting myself or life too much for so long. But, I'm getting there. I will cling to the hope I feel right now. That's a good start. If and when I get to the point of really struggling, I will call in the troops before I do anything. I have and am learning to ask for help when I need it. Got my Marcher circle and my in person support so there is no reason for me to ever make any stupid decisions on my own.

Don't feel like you need to be on here all the time for me. I know you all have lives to live. I got the other folks on SR too to help me. It just helps me to touch base with you all as I am catching up to the living again.

xoxo

tootsl1

I'm here every day Shoes, I need the reminder of who I am, and why I am this person now. I need to continuously be on the lookout for cracks in my sobriety. Without vigilance and constant maintenance, I leave myself open to complacency, the biggest threat now to my sobriety.
I come to this thread and a very few others on a daily basis, so you might as well lean on me whenever you want! I've done my share of leaning over these years.

trachemys

I'm here daily as well. Lean all you want .
https://www.universityofcalifornia.edu/news/finding-the-drinking-brake

Saskia

Shoes, I am here almost every day (the only exceptions are when my aging brain forgets). From my own past experience I know I cannot ignore this. My previous sober stretch was 13 years. I worked through the acute cravings but find that once in a while I do still have a very brief drinking thought. Staying connected to this community and/or AA makes a huge difference for the long run. I usually start my morning here and it gets me off to a good start.

You are all my special friends here

venuscat

All of the above .....big time.... toots' words feel like they came from my head.

Yesterday is the first day I have had a break from SR in many many months, and I still did a brief check-in.

An hour or so a day on SR is a HUGE part of my recovery plan.

And shoes love....you have my number. Please text or call anytime you want....especially if your AV is hassling you. I think one of the parts of this disease that is sneakily progressive is that feeling of "lack of conviction"....for me, it's just another way the AV has to trick us.

Love and good morning everyone. s

Duffster

See, Shoes, you thought we were helping you, but you're helping us! I thought I was the only one who still struggled with sobriety. There are times when I think about taking a drink. I stopped posting as much as I used to because this is a public forum and I was worried my ex would find them and use it against me (we thought he hired a PI), but I read every day. Reading helps but posting I think keeps us more accountable.

I'm also going to a celebrate recovery meeting Thursday night at my church with a friend of mine. I think it is essential that we stay vigilant no matter how much time we have.

venuscat

And I need to get my butt to meetings as well....the cold has been my excuse for ages, but that is really no longer an issue....I have meetings at a church less than 5 minutes walk....just that they are at 7am, so you know, difficult time. BUT....I could go to at least one every week.

360shoes

Sass is right. We are stronger together. Even if it's just a check in.

Heavens Duff. You made it through all that without drinking!! That must have been so hard. I imagine it still is painful.

Bundle up and get to your meeting Venus!! Those people need you!

I am on high anxiety stage now. Didn't have anxiety like this before. Thanks alcohol damaged brain. I used to be so fearless. Now, I'm scared a lot. I'm not used to things going well and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. haha. Shoe to drop. Get it. Funny how it's the same stuff I worried about before, I just drank the feelings away. Now I have to sit with them. I no likey. But I know each day I sit with them, I get stronger handling life again. I struggle with trusting myself and life. This sucks. I lost trust in myself. Worse than losing a job or a house I can tell you.

It will come. I'm looking forward to that day.

Got a big day if I can dig out of the snow. It's a mess out there. I feel like I live in Alaska. And it looks like I do. There is about a foot and a half of snow and it's 3 degrees outside.

Later friends! Have a great day!!
xoxo

360shoes

I keep thinking about Digdug. I'm wondering if little Digdug arrived.

360shoes

How's the biking going Budd?? I need to do something that requires moving.

Trachy....what State are you in again?? As in location. I know you are in a good mental state. Congrats on the certs. Fork lift driving is fun!

Duffster

Ah feeling "feelings." That seems to be a universally tough one for alcoholics. I believe the only reason I made it though to the other side of all of this was because I forced myself to feel those feelings, and believe me, they were not pleasant feelings to say the least. There were times I didn't think I was going to make it (and I don't mean picking up a drink) but even at my lowest I let myself feel them. I see other people who were in my situation who numbed those feelings away and they are so far from finding healing, many of them never will. So feel away, we all know how painful it is, we all know how much anxiety SUX! But these feelings are temporary, you are on the road to a beautiful life if you let yourself feel them and heal. You got this!!

Duffster

I know! My tough time of day is in the evening and it seems like all of the meetings I like are after dinner time which is when I just want to get my jammies on and veg out to TV or a book BUT I know I always feel better after I go. One morning a week sounds reasonable and spring should be coming soon

venuscat

I love this

Also, don't forget, at least part of the anxiety right now is the withdrawal....I have forgotten how many days you have....but I remember this magical feeling towards the end of my first month sober in Feb 13....I was doing house cleaning work then, and I had to drive down Beach Rd in Melbourne Oz which is very windy (how do you spell that...as in a curvy road) and busy, and one side is the beach....magical views but also distracting. My whole life, driving down that road made me nervous, but suddenly, with almost a month sober under my belt, I found myself needing to traverse this road on a really raining morning.....and much to my surprise I was unfazed. It was a massive massive win for me.

trachemys

Shoes, I'm in Georgia still . I found this rehab not 50 miles from home . Now, this area will be home .

BuddinK

Not picking up the new bike until Wednesday, haven't been able to ride for the last few weeks due to 2 weeks of nonstop rain and 5 days of 12 hour shifts, plus it's still a little to cold here in Tennessee, hopefully it will dry out and warm up soon.

Saskia

Shoes, after I learned and practiced, practiced and practiced thinking it through to the end, it became much easier to deal with drinking thoughts. I imagine the stages from yes, that first drink would be nice, all the way to being really messed up and having to go through the whole getting sober thing again. At that point I realize that it’s not worth it. And by that point the itch to drink has gone and I realize how much my sobriety means to me and how much I have gained. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life drunk, hating myself and trying to get sober. So much less to worry about and so much more to enjoy. If we can’t feel the pain in life then we also can’t feel the joy. I’ll happily take my current situation!

venuscat

Keeping this Sass....just the most magic post ever. ♥

venuscat

You know....toots may well have written Sass' post, with just a touch more Scottish....some of you know my mum was a Scot.....they don't mince words....I just love the simple truth of this post.....and I love that we know this and that we treasure this.

And I am so very grateful that we remind each other....listening to all of you means more to me than talking and listening to any other people in recovery.....we have known each other for years now, and we have been through the pain and the joy together.

You are my heroes.
And I am very blessed to be here.