Hi ! Ok thank you ----Going to AA today and will inquire somemore..
Yes, Shoes---how are you ?
Babs

I'm hanging in there. I agree with Sas and Venus. Alanon can't hurt. Might be a little interesting to hear the other sides opinions.

Good luck with the ADs Phoenix. Some people swear by them. I'm open to about anything. Except drinking.

Doing laundry. Highlight of my life. Later
xoxo
​​

Having lived with a drunk who refused to admit his problems or change his behaviour, I feel I would possibly have faced my difficult decisions sooner had I gone to al-anon at the time and understood more. I do feel that the issues of being an addict and living with an addict are different - especially when that addict is in denial, and the support you need differs too.
I send you strong thought Babs.

I feel there is a point in our lives when we need to accept that we get one chance at life, one go around. And we need to decide if we are happy with the life we are living or if we will have regrets later at changes we didn't make when we had the chance.

Mum is bearing up, but I feel if one more thing happens to my dad she will let go. Her hold on everything is so fragile, she is almost brittle, and so weary. As things currently stand, my dad is in hospital waiting to go into temporary care while his broken arm mends. Our biggest fear, that they would get him walking with a single stick (relying on the shoulder and wrist he broke last yr and which never fully healed) was almost realised, but we intervened and insisted on an interim placement. If he goes home as he is, he will fall again and soon, possibly taking mum with him as she tries to help him. We made this abundantly clear and hope that sanity reigns. I need to go home today, hubby faces court tomorrow against the drunk driver who rear ended him days before Christmas, thankfully he and my grandson were okay, but I want to offer support. Hopefully she accepts a plea at the last minute and he doesn't need to take the stand.
After court we will take a short break in Fort William on the west coast ( Coo Hill Shoes!) where we will hopefully find some peace and recharge our batteries. I feel drained emotionally and still there is no end in sight.

Toots :hug: you are always so strong for everyone but you need nurturing, too. :You_Rock_

Hi Toots,
You can catch me up if needed but do they have home care available near them? Having an aide be there with them can really be nice. Helps them when meals, laundry, getting dressed etc. and someone is always there in the event a fall happens. Gives families a break too. I worked in home care so I know how helpful it can be for everyone. Tell them it's a maid if they argue about it. Sometimes they hate the idea at first but after awhile they usually love it. Not cheap but it can keep folks in there home as long as possible.
You probably have it handled but I just wanted to ask.

33 days for me! I have a month! Yay!!
xoxo

toots ~ I hear you love and I feel exactly the same. One go-around. And it's up to us to make it count or live with the consequences. That sounds harsh, I just mean that it is WORTH every effort to make yourself happy, to do the work to make it a good life....make the changes that are necessary to find your peace.

It seems amazing that you and your siblings had to work so hard to get the medical staff to see that your dad MUST go to rehab here. And I am praying that your mum can get through this love and be alright(ish). Poor love....this is SO much for her. :(

Hugs dear toots and love to you and your family...and all the best for court tomorrow. I also hope she takes the plea so your husband and grandson don't have to go through this again...I really hopes she takes responsibility and is getting help. :hug:

Hello dear shoes....33 days....fantastic love!!!!! :) :) ♥

Shoes they were in the process of getting home care sorted, but it would only be for a couple hours a day, which is fine for most their usual needs, but no good for dad at the moment as with his unsteadiness he needs 24 hour supervision. My mum is actually in really good health and still tries to get a game of golf in every week! At 80! I played nine holes with her on Tuesday. The only problem she has is my dads demands both psychological, as he has ridden roughshod over her for years, and physical as his needs have increased.

Shoes, congrats on a month!

Toots, sending loads of *hugs* to you and your family :hug:

Way to go on a month Shoes!

Congrats Shoes !
It would have been three years for me today but blew it one night in Dec. I'm still mad at myself.
Babs

Babs, please try to stop beating yourself up. You are far from alone, as you will see in posts on SR :hug:

I know----but, it's a hard one for me. thanks Sass.
Babs

Oh Babs, don't feel bad about that day in December. No one is perfect and this isn't a competition on days. I think you should look at it as +1093/-1 if you need to look at days. Now doesn't that look pretty darn good!! Same thing. Just another way to look at it!

I don't pay too much attention to days. Every now and then I look at them just to see how far I have come from drinking every day. As I get older, the more I realize I really only do have today. The past is gone and beats me what happens in the future. I could do everything right and still have something come up that puts me right on the edge. I can only handle one day at a time for real. At least for now. I get how the count has a meaning in AA. But I think that has to do more with helping people keep honest more than anything. If we drink, we need to own it. That's all.

And you are here and doing it. That's what important today!

xoxo

I find great meaning in celebrating my sober time, and all of ours. That's just me. :) :hug: s

And Babs honey ~ you know I know how you feel....I didn't forgive myself for a long long time for my relapse. I do now though. :hug: s

:grouphug:

I didn't mean to sound like I don't think the days are not important V. I'm sorry. They are a reason to celebrate. Some days those it just reminds me of what I am not. Someone with a long time. If I compare 30+ days to what I had I get sad. If I compare 30+ days to drinking every day, I am grateful. It's a balancing act for me right now.

shoes, I made the mistake of comparing sober days to drinking days. Don't do that.

I'm having a strange week. It has really sunk in recently just how different a person I am fully sober. Really strange feelings.

I think its important to remember whether you count or not that all we accomplish and learn as sober folks doesn't dissipate if we make a mistake.

You may have faltered babs, you may even have started the count over, but it's still the same journey :)

D

I didn't mean that any way was better....at all...for me it's about looking at my sober time and seeing it in contrast to my drinking days....and being mindful of it....one day, one week or one year doesn't matter....just that today is another sober day. Another day to be proud of...another day to live and I feel blessed to have every single one of these days. It's like that, if that makes sense. :) :hug: s

For me my sober days are a steady reminder of how far I have come and why I don’t want to go back there. Prior to my last relapse I had 13 years sober. I mostly count years now and sometimes remember month anniversaries. We are all different in what works for us as we move along. I don’t believe that there is only one way to do this.

I had previously thought that once I got to this stage of my life that I wouldn’t worry about drinking. I don’t feel that way now. I want to enjoy every minute I can. After seeing a couple here who continued to drink and how demented they got, it’s so much easier to stay sober!

Shoes, you have plenty of good sense and I know you will do whatever works for you :hug:

Suze, you have your own lovely ways to take care of yourself, especially in helping others!

Babs, better to regret a slip than to be complacent about it. It is especially hard in a group to feel behind the eight ball. During my first few years here I couldn’t stay away from drinking and felt I was ******** in comparison with everyone else. We all find our own path and none of us can be complacent. The risk is always there.

Trachy, I am so happy you stuck it out here and eventually got yourself some excellent help! I would imagine that this is a huge transition for you :hug:

Hi Budd!

Love your post Sass. :hug: