Finalround

WF, I have a very strained relationship with my father. I'm not sure why, well I kind of do. He just has an awful resentment towards me and by association, my wife and kids at times. I purchased the house I grew up in from my parents. I Fixed everything that needed to be and upgraded many of the outdated rooms and systems. The house is worth 3times what it was when I purchased it. I am very close to my family members and we get together every week for dinner. I even convinced my sister to buy the house behind me and share a backyard. By all measures I have been a very good son and brother. He just has a seething resentment towards me. His insults and criticism of me roll off my shoulders but I get very angry when he takes it out on his grandkids or my wife.

Anyway, a lot of story to make this point about family. I've tried to be kind and civil towards him with little in return. I told him quite clearly and directly, "dad, I love you. I will cry at your funeral. But you are an *******".

Love for family is unconditional. It doesn't mean we have to like them too.

wildflower70

Final, your dad sounds a lot like my mom. I guess it just sucks when I know things could be so much better, with my mom and my daughter. If either of them were willing to put in the effort. I can't do it all alone.

It's freaking exhausting.

Hopeful, this is such a hard disease to fight, and beat. Do you think the relapse has anything to do with your home environment? If that is still your biggest downfall, maybe it's time for a change of scenery?

Hang in there gang, we're going through a rough patch!

Hopeful528

I don't think it helps at all to be around it so much, I am making action to move soon.
I also find moving, even though I know its the answer, also overwhelming. But I know that change sets me off a bit and it will be good long term.

Hopeful528

I think I've been isolating too much, which I will stop doing.

And I started feeling really overwhelmed about everything in my life, which I know drinking causes to get worse, it felt baffling to even be having the thoughts of drinking after the consequences last time. My feelings felt so overwhelmed and I fought it off for a long time but ended up giving in.

Hopeful528

All I can do is keep trying.
Learn from where I was weak and try harder.

wildflower70

Hopeful, I know you've heard this before, but what about posting here when you are feeling overwhelmed? If you start posting when the urges get strong, the extra support from your September crew might help! Or post a new thread and get some other opinions on SR

I was nowhere near drinking over my family issues, but I could feel myself starting to get overwhelmed by some uncomfortable emotions. Anger, guilt, shame, fear...these are all emotions that can quickly lead to relapse. I am committed to posting here when I feel down.

You can do this, it just takes practice to work through those feelings, without the use of drugs or booze. If moving is too much right now, how about getting some one on one support outside of the home? Church groups, community centers, book club, it doesn't necessarily have to be recovery related, all social support is helpful.

Hopeful528

Thanks, WF.
Yes I will post here. I have a sponsor and I could of called as well. I will keep doing everything I can to get free of this.
It kept feeling like it was passing, but obviously, in retrospect, I need to reach out then before its too late because it doesn't work to try and handle it on my own.
I will join things and get connected too. My depression feels like its lifting with the brighter days and I have more energy to motivate myself to take more of the steps i need to take.

wildflower70

When I was feeling a little fragile in the beginning (needed support-but not ready for a crowd)....I started meeting a friend every week/or every other week for a movie night. We would meet at a discount theater, watch a good movie, and then head over to a sub shop and talk over sandwiches.

This connection on a weekly or bi-weekly basis gave me something to look forward to, provided an inexpensive night out, got me out of the house, and got the ball rolling on being able to enjoy things while being sober. I chose a new acquaintance that I barely knew, and now we have become great friends!

Think small steps, then bigger strides, and then your off and running the marathon!!

Hopeful528

Thanks WF I will try that.
One thing that is the case at the moment, with my best friend moving away, I seem to have had two lives since getting sober.
I ditched all of my new drinking friends, to focus on sobriety, and then in getting depressed/having relapses i stopped hanging out with the few people i met in AA.
But joining something new and going to the women's meeting at aa would give me an opportunity to find a good new sober friendship. And I have my sister that I can do activities with like going to the movies, That sounds attainable.
Thanks!

Dee74

We continue here:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-5-a.html (Class of September 2018 Part 5)

D