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Class of September 2018 Part 4

Old 03-21-2019, 03:48 PM
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Thanks so much Final.
It feels really great to feel like things are leveling out more.
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Old 03-22-2019, 09:22 AM
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Happy Friday!

Just a little thought to get you through the weekend

Ya know the song..."Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream".....? No where in the song does it say force your boat up the stream! When the going gets tough, just row your boat gently down the stream, relax and go with the flow of life. Resist the urge to row upstream, everything doesn't have to be a such a struggle.

Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream....merily, merily, merily, merily, life is but a dream.

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Old 03-22-2019, 03:34 PM
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Good one WF.

Hey Bumboid. What's up?
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Old 03-23-2019, 05:49 AM
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Hey guy! I wanted to update you on the progress of renting my room!

So, I sat down with her and had a heart to heart conversation about my feelings regarding drugs and alcohol. I point blank asked her if she was a regular drinker. I explained that drugs and alcohol have affected my life in so many negative ways, and that I'm just not comfortable being around any of it! I did this without admitting I'm in recovery. I wasn't ready to share that, at this time.

What she said surprised me, that she really doesn't drink, hardly ever, but mentions it more often than necessary to make it appear like she actually has a social life. She confessed to being a boring home body, like me. She has also been around hard partiers, and has no time for it. I'm going to trust that she is being honest with me, and I trust myself wholeheartedly, I will not drink, no matter what.

I'm excited to have someone around again, and financially relieved.

Have an awesome weekend!!
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Old 03-23-2019, 04:32 PM
  # 405 (permalink)  
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Sounds good WF

Bumboid I'm not sure what device you're on but it sounds like you're stuck in mobile view.

on Iphones you have to scroill right down as far as you can to get to the option of going to desktop view?

androids I think it's through the three dots or three horizontal lines menu?

D
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Old 03-23-2019, 08:16 PM
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Going to be a beautiful spring day tomorrow in the 60's and sunny.

Breakfast and coffee then out for a bike ride. Been looking forward to this weather to get riding again. Lots to do after that so

Goodnight!
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Old 03-24-2019, 04:48 PM
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I only have an Iphone Bumboid sorry.

D
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Old 03-25-2019, 07:32 AM
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Happy Monday!

Another week begins, another opportunity to be the best version of ourselves!

Let go of the past mistakes, stop worrying about the future, and be in the present moment.

Have a blessed day
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Old 03-25-2019, 07:01 PM
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I did not get out. Turned out to be a nice day midday. Rather cool in the morning and evening. I was very busy throughout the day. Fixed drains and helped my son paint at one of our rental properties. I've given him more responsibily towards managing the rentals. He's going to school for business and he enjoys the challenge of learning to run a business. It also helps to take a little extra load off my plate. I have it structured so that the more he does and learns the greater share he will be part of.

I posted in the March class about this weekend. It was great. Spent time with friends and family and fully embraced my sobriety. Let them all know that I no longer drink. That's it. No reasons or excuses, I just don't drink. Once I put it out there and fully accepted it, I was much more easy going and relaxed. Was able to just be myself and made people laugh and feel welcome and special.

Don't mind me saying but, I'm one hell of a guy. And it's the real ME.

And yes, Bumboid, I am still planning on a new bike. Biking is going to be my go to exercise for this summer. That and hiking.

Much love to you all. I'm in a great place.
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Old 03-26-2019, 05:46 AM
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Great job everyone!! Spring seems to be off to a great start

I however went to the doc yesterday for my physical.....oh dear, I have gained 10 pounds since quitting drinking! I have always been fairly thin, but I can sure feel this extra weight. Time to curb the sugar and snacking, something I gave myself permission to do doing the first 6 months. On to phase 2, getting back to a healthy diet and exercise program!!

Have a great day.....thanks for being you!

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Old 03-26-2019, 04:53 PM
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Hi hopeful. How are you?
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Old 03-27-2019, 06:07 PM
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Thinking about everyone here. Hope we are being our best selves today.

Love to you all.
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Old 03-28-2019, 07:49 AM
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Good morning guys....

I've got lots of stuff going on right now, trying to stay positive! My daughter continues to punish me for things that happened 18 years ago, sometimes it feels like I will never stop paying for my mistakes.

Today, I forgive myself.

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Old 03-28-2019, 06:24 PM
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Hang in there WF

D
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Old 03-28-2019, 07:53 PM
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Thanks Dee,

The real bummer is that she continues to tell me I am a horrible person, despite the fact that I was (am) an alcoholic that was sick, and in need of help. My son gets it, he is proud of my accomplishments. I haven't had a relationship (to speak of) with her for years, she only calls when she needs money....and to remind me that I'm a terrible person.

Of coarse, I don't believe this. I know that she is holding on to anger, some of it placed on me without justification. She has chosen to blame all of life's problems on the fact that she saw my addiction. She refuses to take ownership of her own crap.....ugh. Sometimes I feel like she is toxic for me, she just isn't going to let it go.....all of these years later.

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Old 03-28-2019, 08:28 PM
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so, I was trying to put into words the message I was trying to convey but it just didn't sound right so I deleted it.

WF, if your actions in your recovery on TOP of an apology isn't enough, what more can you offer? And at some point in our own lives, we put the blame game away and just fix our broken lives, don't we? We can only fix ourselves.

Getting to know you here makes it difficult for me to imagine you being such a horrible person. But, I'm not your son either. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
Be proud of yourself for all you have done. You deserve it.

And if none of that helps then here's a virtual (((WF)))
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Old 03-29-2019, 05:26 AM
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Thanks Final, my son does understand the dynamics of my alcohol abuse and had forgiven me a long time ago. I have continued to rebuild a healthy relationship with my son and his family (wife and 3 grandbabies)

My daughter is the one who won't let it go, and admitted to me a few days ago that the choices I have made in my recovery aren't good enough either! I can't win with her.

My son told me me a few years back, when I was relapsing on a regular basis and an emotional wreck over the loss of my daughter, "Mom, you need to find PEACE, more than you need your daughter."

His statement literally saved my life. I do need that internal peace, the kind of peace that only comes from forgiving oneself and letting go of the guilt and shame of past mistakes.

So, I have decided to stand my ground with my daughter, even if that means loosing her forever. I will not be called a horrible person, a piece of ****, or told that my recovery efforts aren't good enough.

I will walk away from her too, if I have to, to protect my sobriety. Because I can tell you for certain that this pain and guilt has kept me stuck in the cycle of addiction for way too long. The buck stop here.

Thank you for being here, I really need you guys right now (and always)
:grou phug:
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Old 03-29-2019, 10:18 AM
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Hang in there WF.
Youve done everything on your side. Its up to her, when she wants too, but you don't need to rehash the guilt over and over. Be proud of all you have become
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Old 03-29-2019, 10:22 AM
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I relapsed on Wednesday.
I don't know how it happened again. I'm trying to keep learning everything I can, so that it doesn't happen again. I'm trying to stay out of self loathing as it doesn't help me.
I have felt overwhelmed, although a million times better then the state I was in last month. Drinking only ruins everything. I need to be strong and keep moving forward. I know I get urges to drink for many different reasons, bc i self treated my emotions and bc I'm an alcoholic. I have to not give in to these lies.
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Old 03-29-2019, 10:27 AM
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I was baffled when the urge came on, as i felt clarity and conviction in not drinking and felt fully committed to living sober.

When it happens, it almost is like I am two different people. And it starts small like a small itch you want to scratch but can't, and then I try and do anything at all, use my tools, rethink my invalid thoughts,and it passes but its like it remains there and builds until i explode. I don't want to keep starting over, and I don't want drinking in my life, so i need to keep fighting harder.
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