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Old 01-27-2019, 11:47 PM   #61 (permalink)
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I know its easy for me to say but it took me about a year of hard work to crawl out from under the mess I created by drinking like I did for twenty years...

You really are going in the right direction - don't lose hope (or heart) Kaily

D
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Old 01-27-2019, 11:54 PM   #62 (permalink)
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Keep going, Kaily. I don't know if this applies to you or not, but for me a huge part of changing my overall mental outlook was and is learning how to be ok with myself. I have had to change a lot of things to begin that process, but I can already the differences manifesting themselves. I keep almost everyone at arms length, and have trust issues and other issues that came from my two decade plus relationship with a woman who has severe borderline personality disorder. But I know I have to spend the time to fix me before I can be of a whole lot of value to anyone else. Its actually going faster than I thought it would. Hang in there.
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Old 01-28-2019, 12:44 AM   #63 (permalink)
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((Kaily))
Can anyone stir up the NHS for you - two years is a long time.
There will be brighter days ahead.
I hope you have some little things to look forward to today.
Kind thoughts. xx
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Old 01-28-2019, 11:04 PM   #64 (permalink)
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Hello everyone... I'm still here. My original plan to be in LA for 9 days was extended to 14 days due to the weather back in Chicago (Oh darn... ).

Early in my vacation, I wanted to absorb as much sunlight and 70 degree Fahrenheit weather as possible so I would have a drink or two then wake up motivated in the morning to soak up sunshine and explore the area.

Then, I got to spend three solid days with my daughter and her boyfriend in Arizona and no drinking was involved. (Great to see my daughter completely out of the college party scene already as a sophomore.)

Finally, to the surprise of absolutely nobody (including myself), the volume is creeping up again.

It's like I am in this "paradise" mindset where I am just living for the day but will eventually have to face reality again. I know that... I get it.

I hope you all are doing well... especially those of you who are suffering through well below normal temperatures.
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Old 01-28-2019, 11:24 PM   #65 (permalink)
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On another note, cannabis used recreationally is completely legal here in CA. I have seen people using it in the open and have been approached by others (hired by distributors) to promote its use.

I've avoided pursuing it because I figure it is just replacing one problem with another one. That being said, evidence seems to indicate that one has fewer implications on overall health than the other... but also doesn't have the aftereffects that would discourage future use.

It's complicated... but sobriety is not complicated obviously.
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Old 01-28-2019, 11:46 PM   #66 (permalink)
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If you take my advice don't go down that road - it got its hooks into me as much as alcohol did - maybe even more because its effects and downside were not as readily apparent as alcohol...

but...stop me if this sounds familiar:

I blew off my responsibilities, wasted all my money, ended up in bad situations and lost my self respect, stewed in my post cone shame and guilt, and disappointed those who loved and relied on me... that happened every bit as much with me and pot as it did me and alcohol.

It was all about escape.

There's there's the making really bad ideas seem like really good ones thing...

'I'm so stoned a beer would go down well and I'll only drink one or two cos I'm so high already'.

hard pass, man.

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Old 01-29-2019, 06:55 AM   #67 (permalink)
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Iím having a very hard time today. I havenít cried over physical pain since I was a little kid. I donít know if I should keep trying to walk it off each day when it seems to just get worse. So Iím back in bed now, not sure if I should get up and try to move.

Anyway, day 23. Iíll try to get my head right, must be positive.

Tj ó I agree with Dee about the marijuana. I think we always have to be wary about anything that has the potential to be addictive. Personally, I donít enjoy it; it turns me into an overthinker, and I start annoying myself.

Have a great day everyone! ❤️
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Old 01-29-2019, 08:39 AM   #68 (permalink)
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Day 90

Sorry your back is so painful Bonnie. I would imagine, tempting as it is, staying in bed will probably not help. I believe you have to keep moving as much as possible. What did your Doctor advise?

Must admit I have had bit of a lazy day today, it's just so cold! Dogs don't seem interested in going anywhere except under the duvet.
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Old 01-29-2019, 10:12 AM   #69 (permalink)
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He advised that I move as much as I can as long as Iím not making it worse. Im just starting to wonder if Iím making it worse because the pain continues to intensify, but itís probably fine. I canít imagine how stiff Iíll be if I just lie around all day. Iím out walking up and down my street right now. Every step sends shooting pains through my left side. Hopefully will loosen up in a while.

Anyway, happy thoughtsó big congratulations on 90 days Kaily! You are doing so great!
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Old 01-29-2019, 10:12 AM   #70 (permalink)
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So sorry you're in pain, Bonnie. TJ, not to gang up on you but I agree with Dee and Bonnie. Legal doesn't mean its something I can handle. I've never smoked, but it is a mood altering substance. Alcohol is legal, too. I can't handle it. My 2 cents, worth what was paid for it.

Day 57. Feeling pretty good. Down about 15 pounds. Working out a lot. Work is going really well. My boss told me this week is the healthiest she's seen me look since I've known her, so that felt good. Emotions can still be a mess, but I'm working on that and trying to find some acceptance. Well, acceptance isn't the right word. I want the girl back. But to do that I gotta fix me first. In all ways. Working on that. Then we'll see. I'll give it a shot. Gotta try, right? That way if it works, great. If it doesn't, I'll know I did everything I could and I think I will have to be in that position to move past it in a healthy way. Hope everyone is having a good Tuesday.
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Old 01-29-2019, 12:25 PM   #71 (permalink)
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Dafrumba - 57 days is great

kaily - wow 90 days, time flies.

teejayverm - I personally know people with major marijuana dependency. Like alcohol, some people use it occasionally and some use it way to much. I used marijuana occasionally for many years. Maybe two times a month. When I quit drinking 102 days ago I also quit marijuana. I asked myself do I just want to quit drinking or do I want to be sober. My answer is that I want to be sober.
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Old 01-29-2019, 05:51 PM   #72 (permalink)
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I'm really sorry you're in so much pain Bonnie

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Old 01-29-2019, 06:09 PM   #73 (permalink)
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I really didnít sleep well last night. I couldnít stop thinking about the man from Fla whose name I canít recall right now that posted about his DUI with bodily harm and pending sentence. I donít know who else here read it but man has it ever stuck with me. It brought back the intensely horrowing feelings associated with my last drunk 83 days ago and that wasnít even close to my worst. However, 83 days ago that could have been me. Driving while blacked out on a weeknight after a work event... a night that started with zero intention of ending up not knowing how it was going to end. I was beyond fortunate that I didnít kill anyone or myself or get a DUI. I hadnít driven after drinking in probably more than a year. Not that that is something to be proud of, but I say it because itís like it just came from out of no where. And itís terrifying. Sometimes the randomness of it has convinced me in the past that itís really not a problem because itís not all the time. But it always builds in consistency... not the driving, but the frequency of blacking out. And how sick that my mind is trying to trick me that it isnít really a problem. I made the decision to take the first drink. I really believe thatís the one decision I can influence by getting enough sleep, eating well, staying hydrated, working my program here, reading, sharing, staying humble and everything else in my daily list to keep me from drinking AT ALL.

Thanks for readjng my ramble. Itís so helpful just to get it out.
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Old 01-29-2019, 06:19 PM   #74 (permalink)
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Thanks Dee, Iím just being a big,whiny baby. Iím just tired and frustrated.

Kaily ó I hope you enjoyed a lazy day with your pups. Itís good to rest sometimes.

dafunbra ó congrats on the weight loss and especially your continued sobriety. You are working so hard on yourself, I know you are on the right track.

serenity ó that was an excellent ramble. Itís very scary to think of all the things that could have happened to us when we were drinking. This is why we must not continue pushing our luck.
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Old 01-29-2019, 07:00 PM   #75 (permalink)
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don't sell yourself short Bonnie - constant pain is not fun.
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Old 01-29-2019, 08:08 PM   #76 (permalink)
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Congratulations Kaily, R2Q, Bonnie, Dafrumba .

I'm at 60 days now. Wow time really flies. It seems like yesterday I went to the doctor scared to find out how much I damaged my body drinking.

I'm doing well. My son wanted an aquarium for dwarf shrimp and so I have been spending my time setting it up. This makes aquarium number two and I 'accidentally' order an extra one so this should keep me busy for a while.

Kaily - Sorry you have been struggling and can't get the help you need. That must be frustrating. Just keep posting. We are here for you.
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Old 01-29-2019, 10:23 PM   #77 (permalink)
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Thanks for the confirmation, Dee, Bonnie, Rd2quit, and dafunbra. I know several people who have or had used marijuana regularly and it definitely seemed to cause a lot of problems for them.

Bonnie - I really hope you recover from your pain soon.

I've had to rest a bit while in SoCal the past three days because I was walking about 8 miles a day on hilly surfaces (including a hike up to Griffith Observatory) and my shins got really sore. Once that went away, I still had lingering pain in my right Achilles heel. Tomorrow should be good for some more moderate walking.

Side note: I am in love with this area. So beautiful and people are really nice and friendly. The traffic here is comparable to Chicago traffic so that is something I am already accustomed to.

For those of you in the "subzero zone"... please be safe tomorrow. Up to -50 degree wind chills (Fahrenheit) in the Chicago area... insane!!!
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Old 01-30-2019, 12:48 AM   #78 (permalink)
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Serenity, I have read the post you mean, there but for the grace of god. Lets hope he gets some conclusion soon and can start to heal and rebuild his life.

TJV Sounds like you are enjoying your extended holiday, glad your not going home with a new addiction!
Never had my shins hurt from walking, my calf's and hips often ache but never shins. Guess we are all different.

Thanks Kay, yes some days are ridiculously difficult, not just the not drinking but stuff, life is hard. I always feel like I am in survival mode.
Your aquariums sound interesting, never heard of shrimps as pets before.

Rd2 your doing amazing and thanks for the support and encouragement.

Bonnie pain grinds us down be it physical or mental. Not long till your op now. Hopefully then it will all be a distant memory and you will be bouncing about like a kid, putting us all to shame with your exercise regimes.

Dafunbra 57 days, well done. Must of been a big confidence boost when your boss complemented your healthy appearance - keep up the good work.
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Old 01-30-2019, 02:06 AM   #79 (permalink)
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congrats on your milestone Kay

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Old 01-30-2019, 09:22 AM   #80 (permalink)
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Kay ó congratulations on 60 days!

TJ ó your vacation sounds so nice. Take it easy on those shins! A bit of rest should do the trick.

Day 24 for me. Im doing better today, maybe because I slept on my heating pad. I really want to complain about the cold weather weíre getting here in Houston (itís in the 40s!) but I wonít. My neighbor is from the Midwest and calls this a ďlight jacket day.Ē

Anyway, have a great day! ❤️
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