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Class of February 2019 Support Thread Pt 2

Old 02-14-2019, 07:34 PM
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Class of February 2019 Support Thread Pt 2

last part here:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...pt-1-a-20.html

D
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Old 02-14-2019, 07:38 PM
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Hey guys

Guess my new sobriety date would be Feb 4. I've had many sobriety dates in the past, and don't know if it'll be my last one, but I sure to god hope so.
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Old 02-14-2019, 08:08 PM
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Hi
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Old 02-14-2019, 08:26 PM
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Hello new folks!

Addy, nothing triggered it that I can think of, except for the head cold that I have. :shrug:
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Old 02-14-2019, 09:36 PM
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Welcome Skybird!

Foie: I’m sorry you are still sick. That totally sucks! Hang in there friend.
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Old 02-14-2019, 09:37 PM
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Thanks for the new page Dee!
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Old 02-14-2019, 10:59 PM
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I opted for a chocolate dipped strawberry instead of a bottle of Italian wine today. It took me a while. I kept pacing around the wine aisle at the grocery store staring at bottles (normal drinkers don't do this). Anyway, I did not buy the wine.

I just ate my choco-strawberry and it was delicious! Super delicious!

You never regret not taking a drink! Someone once taught me: you're going to have cravings, but the important thing is not to act on the thought. A craving is a thought and at times a physical urge. But we don't have to act on it.
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Old 02-15-2019, 12:32 AM
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Today I haven't had a drink.. Last night I caved though. I didn't do anything I was gonna do after caving last week, in terms of making a solid plan..
It can be so hard to fight off that AV..
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Old 02-15-2019, 02:06 AM
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Sorry haven't caught up on all the threads, been real busy today, so it's time for an early night.
Well done everyone.
Good night class.
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Old 02-15-2019, 05:12 AM
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Originally Posted by listae View Post
I opted for a chocolate dipped strawberry instead of a bottle of Italian wine today. It took me a while. I kept pacing around the wine aisle at the grocery store staring at bottles (normal drinkers don't do this). Anyway, I did not buy the wine.

I just ate my choco-strawberry and it was delicious! Super delicious!

You never regret not taking a drink! Someone once taught me: you're going to have cravings, but the important thing is not to act on the thought. A craving is a thought and at times a physical urge. But we don't have to act on it.
That’s awesome!!

Pick yourself up Red and promise yourself - no alcohol today.

I can’t believd it’s Friday. My week has been all messed up with this cold and working from home. I actually got some decent sleep last night. Hopefully I’m on the downside of the cold.
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Old 02-15-2019, 05:56 AM
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Originally Posted by listae View Post
I opted for a chocolate dipped strawberry instead of a bottle of Italian wine today. It took me a while. I kept pacing around the wine aisle at the grocery store staring at bottles (normal drinkers don't do this). Anyway, I did not buy the wine.

I just ate my choco-strawberry and it was delicious! Super delicious!

You never regret not taking a drink! Someone once taught me: you're going to have cravings, but the important thing is not to act on the thought. A craving is a thought and at times a physical urge. But we don't have to act on it.
Good for you, Listae! Someone at an AA meeting the other night told me it’s a good idea in early recovery to carry around candy like chocolate or jolly ranchers for when these urges come up. There’s something about the sugar that can calm the edge and help resist the urge. I’m keeping some in my bag and my car glove compartment!
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Old 02-15-2019, 06:03 AM
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Liveher, thank you for your comment yesterday regarding perimnopause - I don't think that it's contributed to my alcoholism (yikes, using that word about myself for the first time... more honest than saying drinking problem though I think), but I do think it's forced me to take a look at my life, the physical changes I'm experiencing, and what the next 20 years will look like. One quote I read earlier this week was "Do you want to have the same drinking patterns in 5 years' time?" Woof. Nope.
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Old 02-15-2019, 06:05 AM
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Good morning all. Day 4 for me. Feeling okay, still a lot of fear and shame swirling around. I went to a great AA meeting last night. I’m going to attend one today as well. I’m also having dinner with 2 friends who have been sober for a long time. I’m not sure if I’m going to tell them what’s been going on. I know that may sound weird, but one of them has the tendency to gossip and also she might try to take it over, texting and calling me everyday at unreasonable hours, etc. Boundaries tend to be an issue with her. It’s not that I plan to hide it forever, I just need to go at my own pace with disclosing it to people.
I hope everyone is doing okay. Hello to Red and Sky-welcome to the class!
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Old 02-15-2019, 06:14 AM
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Originally Posted by Liveher View Post
Good morning all. Day 4 for me. Feeling okay, still a lot of fear and shame swirling around. I went to a great AA meeting last night. I’m going to attend one today as well. I’m also having dinner with 2 friends who have been sober for a long time. I’m not sure if I’m going to tell them what’s been going on. I know that may sound weird, but one of them has the tendency to gossip and also she might try to take it over, texting and calling me everyday at unreasonable hours, etc. Boundaries tend to be an issue with her. It’s not that I plan to hide it forever, I just need to go at my own pace with disclosing it to people.
I hope everyone is doing okay. Hello to Red and Sky-welcome to the class!
My approach so far has been to tell people in general "I'm not drinking right now." People I trust I've told "I may not drink ever again." My husband I've told "I don't want to drink anymore." I know that I need to get explicit. And I know that I need to start saying "I don't drink anymore - it's no longer part of my life." Part of me feels like I need to hit a milestone before I can say that, but... is that an excuse? A 'get out of jail' card? Regardless - I feel ready to say that I don't drink anymore, I am living a sober life. But a little part of me (this is the alcoholism talking, isn't it?) thinks I should wait until I've proven I can do it.

I know, I'm looking for a meeting as I type.
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Old 02-15-2019, 06:38 AM
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Originally Posted by pupper View Post
Liveher, thank you for your comment yesterday regarding perimnopause - I don't think that it's contributed to my alcoholism (yikes, using that word about myself for the first time... more honest than saying drinking problem though I think), but I do think it's forced me to take a look at my life, the physical changes I'm experiencing, and what the next 20 years will look like. One quote I read earlier this week was "Do you want to have the same drinking patterns in 5 years' time?" Woof. Nope.
Hi Pupper,
Yeah, hormone changes can be pretty potent and a lot of people don’t talk about it. I was already well on my way to being an alcoholic before the hormone changes... I just think it possibly added another piece to the perfect storm that led me to admit that my life had become unmanageable and I was indeed powerless in the presence of alcohol. I’m also feeling very down about a decade of infertility.... lots of very complex feelings - guilt, self fulfilled prophecy, sadness, regret, you name it. Alcohol definitely contributed to my never becoming a parent. I never drank during my unsuccessful pregnancies, but my drinking in my 30s led me to procrastinate too long and not have clarity about starting a family. And also probably had a lot of reproductive/hormone health repercussions. I wish I had woken up 10-15 years ago. But I can’t change it, so I have to face it. It can feel very lonely. But I know that if I keep choosing to put the cap on my feelings, I probably won’t live through the next decade.
So glad you are here Pupper... I just started going to meetings, if you’re thinking that route. I’m still confused and nervous in them but definitely feel relieved that people there are being very compassionate and welcoming. They’ve all been there before and wish to help.
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Old 02-15-2019, 06:45 AM
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Originally Posted by pupper View Post
My approach so far has been to tell people in general "I'm not drinking right now." People I trust I've told "I may not drink ever again." My husband I've told "I don't want to drink anymore." I know that I need to get explicit. And I know that I need to start saying "I don't drink anymore - it's no longer part of my life." Part of me feels like I need to hit a milestone before I can say that, but... is that an excuse? A 'get out of jail' card? Regardless - I feel ready to say that I don't drink anymore, I am living a sober life. But a little part of me (this is the alcoholism talking, isn't it?) thinks I should wait until I've proven I can do it.

I know, I'm looking for a meeting as I type.
My feelings on this... most people don’t even care or even wonder why we’re not drinking. The people that do, possibly feel threatened by it because they’re worried they have their own issue. I don’t know if others will agree, but I don’t think it matters what excuse you have now... “I’m on medication. I’m getting over being sick... I’m on a cleanse...” whatever you want to say now and it’s always your choice when you’re ready in the future to disclose. As long as you DO have something ready to say is more important. For example, I went to an Xmas dinner during one of my attempts to quit late last year... it was with a group I usually drank with. I wasn’t prepared or strong on what to say so when someone poured wine in front of me, it was too easy not to protest. In hindsight, I think it was also a bit premeditated on my part.
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Old 02-15-2019, 07:11 AM
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Hey all — I could use some support today.

Last night I had the first hit in my armor when my Dad sent me a text to the effect of, “I have some really great bottles of wine for you guys!”

I’m gonna talk to him — won’t be too much of a surprise — I’ve gone long stretches without alcohol, not only for personal reasons but for several unrelated diets and for health reasons related to my crohns (excessive alcohol is a trigger — and I’m in remission... add that to good reasons for lifelong sobriety).

Not worried about a conversation w/ my parents. They understand completely — neither one of them struggle with alcohol abuse, but they are supportive. But my inner monologue did start to emerge a bit with some of the following thoughts:

Oh come on. You’re really never going to have a sip of wine again? Not even a $100 bottle at Christmas? You love the taste of wine, you love the complex flavors, the varying types — the deep cultural tradition behind it, the pageantry of tasting. You could probably do that. Make it a once a year thing. You’re not so weak that you couldn’t do that? Right?


I instantly used the externalizations technique that Dee has posted about, and identified this as my AV “alcohol voice” trying to put the first hit in my armor, the first counter attack.

I also discussed it with my wife, she said: “This alcohol voice of yours isn’t very kind, is it?

I had never really thought about that. The internal monologue that tells me I can drink and be fine is pretty damn mean about it. Always framing abstinence as petty weakness. I’m literally calling myself names, encouraging myself that I can have just a little poison, like everybody else. You could be normal with alcohol. My AV is a total *******. Which is weird, because I am considered a very even tempered / relaxed and kind person among family and friends.

I’m going to stick to my guns here and play the tape forward. I’ve been here before. I may be able to have a glass and cut it off one night, I may like or even love the taste — but not the feeling it gives me (moderate drinking gives me a headache). And God help me if I get buzzed — I may be able to “moderate” that, but AV won’t stop there. Next time it’ll be two and a glass of dessert wine. Then a mimosa with brunch. Then bringing home beer again. Then hiding alcohol. Then grabbing a bottle of vodka to slip into my drinks. The first hangover? Well I have to drink it off. Just enough to feel better.

And the cycle continues.

Not this time. I see through it, and I’m not buying it. Your move, AV.
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Old 02-15-2019, 07:31 AM
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Not sure that hormones are involved, but who knows!? I drank before and during menopause....it didn't matter. Welcome to the class Red and Sky! As for what to say when others are drinking and you are not, it's not really necessary to say anything...but if you are hanging with people you used to drink with.....really, I think you can say anything....no one seems to care...lol. For me, in my previous bouts with sobriety, it took me time in sobriety before I could say anything, since I was so filled with shame. For my own sobriety, I stayed away from my "drinking buddies, and even did not go to my husband's niece's bat mitzvah reception. Too slippery for me at the time, so we drove separately. Today, I am doing the same thing....still kinda isolating, but taking care of ME. Going to walk today (since it's not raining) and do some more paperwork...maybe. Or....I may just kick it and watch movies! Fortunately, nothing pressing this weekend....I used to plan 3 day weekends, when I was working, so that I could drink Fri. night, Sat and Sun. (with some tapering on Monday) so I could go to work on Tuesday! No more....I may be retired, but I am sober (today)!
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Old 02-15-2019, 08:08 AM
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Hey everyone. Checking in on day 11. Feels sooo good to be sober. I am truly grateful . I have an appointment & when I get back I’m gonnacatch up on all the posts.
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Old 02-15-2019, 08:18 AM
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Good morning. Day 3 here. Feeling so irritable at the moment. No desire to do anything. But I’m putting one foot in front of the other. Staying close to SR.
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