One Year and Under Club Part 62
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Today I came home after work with a sense of self-confidence, not so much in my ability to avoid drinking, I'm resolute on that, but just a sense of well-being that I haven't felt in a few weeks. I am hopeful that this will carry on for the days ahead.
I was experiencing some dread yesterday, and I'm not sure why things changed, but maybe it's part of being around more people again. I have been reminded by Willow that there are things that I can do to settle my mind and body on a regular basis and that it should be habitual and not reactionary to stress. Tonight I am grateful to be at peace and wish that feeling upon all of you.
I was experiencing some dread yesterday, and I'm not sure why things changed, but maybe it's part of being around more people again. I have been reminded by Willow that there are things that I can do to settle my mind and body on a regular basis and that it should be habitual and not reactionary to stress. Tonight I am grateful to be at peace and wish that feeling upon all of you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Anywhere USA
Posts: 2,099
Good for you Guener. This is a complex journey we are on, I stayed in hermit mode for months and months, still am actually. I had spent so many years not being my true self to people that I did not know how to behave sober, Still not very good at it, but it is getting better.
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Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
I think for some people here, drinking was a way early on in life to overcome social anxiety, it certainly was for me. I don't particularly socialise, tho I am a very social animal when I am around others. I am comfortable in my own skin and company for long stretches of time. It is not necessarily a good thing though as I do not go out of my way to make friends. I have more friends here on SR than in the real world. It is easier to visit here and maintain these friendships than make the effort in real life.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: US
Posts: 16,898
Same here ! Total introvert.....people always ask why I don't have a boyfriend or why I'm still single.....I'm like "Trust me, it's by choice!" I definitely need to get to know myself first....I like hanging out with you guys.....and dogs 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: GA
Posts: 700
Willow, I'm encouraged and motivated by your strength and determination over the holidays. I missed reading your updates in the 24 hr. glad you're still here too. My March thread is very quiet.
Feeling pulled in between practicing stoicism and spilling my guts at work. Only one person truly knows most of my past. People are very nonchalant and positive about alcohol and not sensitive or kind towards drug addiction. Since I dont want to bring my drama to work maybe I can share it here briefly. I almost want to just link to the clip that aired on the news last night to make it briefer but I'm not sure about the anonymity ethics there.
My bf (7 yrs together, he's 11 months sober) let his alcoholic mom borrow his truck 2 years ago. A couple weeks and she clips someone and broke the side mirror. He told her to park it and not drive it again until he could come get it. His mom ignores the request. His mom, brother and brother's gf go on trip to pick up drugs. On the way home they realize they've forgotten the drugs. Brother wants mom (driving) to turn around. Argument ensues. A struggle. The wheel is jerked into the other lane and they hit the oncoming vehicle. The other driver dies and his young son in the passenger seat must get reconstructive facial surgery. Mother is arrested for vehicular homicide, drunk driving, injury by vehicle etc. Shes been out on bond for 2 years and we've just been waiting to see what happens with very little contact.
Now my bf's mom, in one of her many attempts to escape justice has gotten the ex gf who was in the vehicle to back up her story that her son, my bf's brother, jerked the wheel into the other lane. Now they are both being charged with vehicular homicide.
I feel many ways. Shes one of the few people I had a deep resentment I had to work through and am still working through. She visited twice in the past few month. Once when she wanted to spend the night and drink, before she thought she was going away for 25 years. She kept talking about her anemia and how the victim was an illegal immigrant and his child wasnt restrained properly. I made dinner, kept my mouth shut and went to bed early.
Theres much more to this story, since this brother struggles with addiction with different things and lived with us late last year when I was almost done with my step zero. He moved out pretty much at my insistence (I was moving home to PA if he didnt).
I feel guilt for not being able to help his brother and who blames me for much of his situation, anger towards his mom and sadness for my bf and for the victims family and the broken lives surrounding this. I should probably just write a blog post since theres more but I just needed to write this out to someone, not trying to bring down the thread! I am so glad to be dealing with this sober and of course it is a somber reminder to what my fate could easily have been and could be if I am not mindful of how destructive a few bad decisions can be.
Feeling pulled in between practicing stoicism and spilling my guts at work. Only one person truly knows most of my past. People are very nonchalant and positive about alcohol and not sensitive or kind towards drug addiction. Since I dont want to bring my drama to work maybe I can share it here briefly. I almost want to just link to the clip that aired on the news last night to make it briefer but I'm not sure about the anonymity ethics there.
My bf (7 yrs together, he's 11 months sober) let his alcoholic mom borrow his truck 2 years ago. A couple weeks and she clips someone and broke the side mirror. He told her to park it and not drive it again until he could come get it. His mom ignores the request. His mom, brother and brother's gf go on trip to pick up drugs. On the way home they realize they've forgotten the drugs. Brother wants mom (driving) to turn around. Argument ensues. A struggle. The wheel is jerked into the other lane and they hit the oncoming vehicle. The other driver dies and his young son in the passenger seat must get reconstructive facial surgery. Mother is arrested for vehicular homicide, drunk driving, injury by vehicle etc. Shes been out on bond for 2 years and we've just been waiting to see what happens with very little contact.
Now my bf's mom, in one of her many attempts to escape justice has gotten the ex gf who was in the vehicle to back up her story that her son, my bf's brother, jerked the wheel into the other lane. Now they are both being charged with vehicular homicide.
I feel many ways. Shes one of the few people I had a deep resentment I had to work through and am still working through. She visited twice in the past few month. Once when she wanted to spend the night and drink, before she thought she was going away for 25 years. She kept talking about her anemia and how the victim was an illegal immigrant and his child wasnt restrained properly. I made dinner, kept my mouth shut and went to bed early.
Theres much more to this story, since this brother struggles with addiction with different things and lived with us late last year when I was almost done with my step zero. He moved out pretty much at my insistence (I was moving home to PA if he didnt).
I feel guilt for not being able to help his brother and who blames me for much of his situation, anger towards his mom and sadness for my bf and for the victims family and the broken lives surrounding this. I should probably just write a blog post since theres more but I just needed to write this out to someone, not trying to bring down the thread! I am so glad to be dealing with this sober and of course it is a somber reminder to what my fate could easily have been and could be if I am not mindful of how destructive a few bad decisions can be.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Oh Evan, that is so much to be dealing with, so many emotions flying around and I feel you are being caught in the midst of them. It sounds like the mom and brother are refusing to accept either their responsibility in their addictions, and in this specific accident.
None of their issues are your fault. You know yourself how difficult it is to deal with addiction and how hard it is to find a way to recovery. But you are doing just that, and if any member of your bfs family wanted to do the same thing I am sure would be understanding and empathetic.
In the first year of recovery, our sobriety has to come first. It has to be the first thing we consider in any actions. My bil died very suddenly in my early recovery. I was so glad I was present and in the moment to comfort my husband, but I avoided many of his family as they would have severely tested my recovery.
Evan, it sounds like you are making good choices, and doing what you can. I am sure there are 'families of victims' support groups, online if you feel uncomfortable with f2f in this situation. Most people can tell the difference between someone who commits a crime, and their family who are affected by the repercussions of their actions. It does sound like you need to deal with your emotions relating to all this, and I'm sure you know, letting it out and letting it go so much better than suppressing.
So glad I am not the only happy hermit or coffee addict here !!
None of their issues are your fault. You know yourself how difficult it is to deal with addiction and how hard it is to find a way to recovery. But you are doing just that, and if any member of your bfs family wanted to do the same thing I am sure would be understanding and empathetic.
In the first year of recovery, our sobriety has to come first. It has to be the first thing we consider in any actions. My bil died very suddenly in my early recovery. I was so glad I was present and in the moment to comfort my husband, but I avoided many of his family as they would have severely tested my recovery.
Evan, it sounds like you are making good choices, and doing what you can. I am sure there are 'families of victims' support groups, online if you feel uncomfortable with f2f in this situation. Most people can tell the difference between someone who commits a crime, and their family who are affected by the repercussions of their actions. It does sound like you need to deal with your emotions relating to all this, and I'm sure you know, letting it out and letting it go so much better than suppressing.
So glad I am not the only happy hermit or coffee addict here !!
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Oh my goodness Goodbyeevan, what an awful lot to deal with! No wonder you’re feeling pulled. It sounds overwhelming to say the least. Hopefully by getting it out it may give you some release. I often find writing or talking about things helps release some pressure, a bit like taking the lid off a pressure cooker to release some steam. Sometimes it’s difficult to know who you can talk so, especially in the workplace, but I feel that SR is a safe place to let out what we need to. Sending you support across the oceans. I hope that whatever happens, things settle for you
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: US
Posts: 16,898
(((Evan))) How scary is that! Like Toots and Willow mentioned, it's hard when we don't know who we can trust to talk to, especially at work. Sounds like your bf is lucky to have you for support, but also important to keep your boundaries to protect your own recovery. Stay close! 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Evan, what you are going through is indeed a lot to try to keep bottled up, I would be feeling overwhelmed by the emotions that you are echoing here on SR.
I agree with Toots that your primary goal is to sustain your recovery, while being as supportive as you can to your close ones, and those things can work together.
While it might be liberating to share at work with the circumstances that you are going through, I think I would choose to leave that as a boundary to protect myself from being exposed to ensuing questions, however innocent they might seem to be. Other venues, including SR, are a safe place to relate the impacts that are touching you now. Here your support is unqualified by the relationships that are informed by the workplace.
I wish you strength and resiliency in this difficult predicament.
I agree with Toots that your primary goal is to sustain your recovery, while being as supportive as you can to your close ones, and those things can work together.
While it might be liberating to share at work with the circumstances that you are going through, I think I would choose to leave that as a boundary to protect myself from being exposed to ensuing questions, however innocent they might seem to be. Other venues, including SR, are a safe place to relate the impacts that are touching you now. Here your support is unqualified by the relationships that are informed by the workplace.
I wish you strength and resiliency in this difficult predicament.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: GA
Posts: 700
Thank you all so much. A week or so ago I was feeling pretty bad. My sleep cycle was off (does this happen to anyone else all the time), drinking too much coffee (possibly related?) eating only dinner and feeling emotionally shaky. Catching up on SR, deleting Facebook off my phone and being more intentional about social media, slowly correcting my circadian rhythm, getting coffee back to (a still debatable) 20oz a day and eating more better has helped get me back on track to feeling more myself.
I want recovery so badly for them both but especially his brother. I really loved him before he started actively trying to sabotage my relationship. And I wanted to help him but I wasnt able to, instead actually being a bad influence at times and definitely not able to process trying to get sober with him living with us again. I wish my sobriety had been timed differently as it seems its too late now. I am so grateful my bf is sober with me.
Now that some time has passed since the initial shock of the news coverage and hearing about the 2nd indictment against the brother, I kept myself busy at work today and tried to focus on others. It was good. Unfortunately I've been given my third 4-day weekend in a row since we are in our slow period and will now research more recipes as we're expecting cold rain this weekend. Maybe bundle up for a hike tomorrow.
Thank you all for words of wisdom, they gave me strength today <3
I want recovery so badly for them both but especially his brother. I really loved him before he started actively trying to sabotage my relationship. And I wanted to help him but I wasnt able to, instead actually being a bad influence at times and definitely not able to process trying to get sober with him living with us again. I wish my sobriety had been timed differently as it seems its too late now. I am so grateful my bf is sober with me.
Now that some time has passed since the initial shock of the news coverage and hearing about the 2nd indictment against the brother, I kept myself busy at work today and tried to focus on others. It was good. Unfortunately I've been given my third 4-day weekend in a row since we are in our slow period and will now research more recipes as we're expecting cold rain this weekend. Maybe bundle up for a hike tomorrow.
Thank you all for words of wisdom, they gave me strength today <3
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: US
Posts: 16,898
Glad to hear you're making healthier choices Evan....I still need to work on that....Oh yeah, and I deactivated my fb account years ago.....still relieved after all this time....I like to tell people I "unfriended myself" lol
Feel free to visit the March 2016 class if you'd like......the Soberbus is fun as well....maybe we'll see you in the Weekender Thread too....Come on in!
Feel free to visit the March 2016 class if you'd like......the Soberbus is fun as well....maybe we'll see you in the Weekender Thread too....Come on in!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Anywhere USA
Posts: 2,099
Wow GBE that is so much to deal with!, remember you cannot control nor are responsible for anyone else's actions or their responses to yours.
In the first year of recovery, our sobriety has to come first. It has to be the first thing we consider in any actions. Toots is spot on with this. be selfish, walk away, no matter how hard it is or what yours fears are trying to tell you.
You got this, post often, vent when you need to.
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In the first year of recovery, our sobriety has to come first. It has to be the first thing we consider in any actions. Toots is spot on with this. be selfish, walk away, no matter how hard it is or what yours fears are trying to tell you.
You got this, post often, vent when you need to.
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Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
I’ve been really struggling since I got home, especially today. I think bottling up most of my grief for 3 weeks while I was away with my partner’s family and being almost constantly in social situations (mostly drinking people), has caused it to all come pouring out in a flood. After 5 hours of almost constant crying this morning I rang my gp and have an appointment this afternoon that she squeezed me into, for a referral to a specialist grief counsellor. I have also been squeezed in for an appointment mid February with the grief counsellor (she’s booked out till April...) So I’m feeling a bit better, just having done something proactive I think.
I also had a shower, washed my hair and washed the sheets on my bed. All of which helps I think, as I was really struggling to get out of bed at all this morning.
I’m feeling more settled now and am heading to town to see my doctor.
I also had a shower, washed my hair and washed the sheets on my bed. All of which helps I think, as I was really struggling to get out of bed at all this morning.
I’m feeling more settled now and am heading to town to see my doctor.
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