Class of May 2018 Part 4
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Hi Mantalady, you’re always welcome here! I still think of this thread as your home anyway because you were here in the class of May before I even joined SR in May 
so welcome home! 
And feel free to post as much as you like
Thanks Guener, I googled Ides too, I’d never heard the term before
I’m still feeling sluggish on the work front. I quit my “great “ job 18 months ago because of the politcs and pressure etc etc and have been doing contracts since then, but I don’t really like it and there may not be any more contracts anyway... It was very well paid, but money isn’t everything, and since losing my parents, my whole perspective has shifted. I’ve been having a bit of an existential crisis to be honest. Questioning absolutely everything, my life, my purpose, what it’s all about.... I am seriously thinking about doing a barista course and making coffees for a living. My highly paid stressful work environment may be a thing of the past
so welcome home! And feel free to post as much as you like
Thanks Guener, I googled Ides too, I’d never heard the term before
I’m still feeling sluggish on the work front. I quit my “great “ job 18 months ago because of the politcs and pressure etc etc and have been doing contracts since then, but I don’t really like it and there may not be any more contracts anyway... It was very well paid, but money isn’t everything, and since losing my parents, my whole perspective has shifted. I’ve been having a bit of an existential crisis to be honest. Questioning absolutely everything, my life, my purpose, what it’s all about.... I am seriously thinking about doing a barista course and making coffees for a living. My highly paid stressful work environment may be a thing of the past
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Willow, I've had a major career change, too, though for different reasons. I basically drank myself out of the position in consulting I used to have and have elected to decline further offers in that area as being just too much like my old life and too much a risk for relapse. I am underpaid but get to leave the job at 5:00 without compunction. I'd much rather work out my finances now than sabotage the strides I've made in the past months. My values have shifted.
I'm going to change into my bed clothes and watch some TV for a little while, shifting away from the dreary news, to enjoy a bit of quiet time.
I'm going to change into my bed clothes and watch some TV for a little while, shifting away from the dreary news, to enjoy a bit of quiet time.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Yes Guener I think sometimes we need to take a step back, down or sideways, or any direction away from where we were in order to put ourselves in a better position to maintain our mental health and our sobriety.
A nice evening in pjs as we call them, watching non serious tv sounds lovely
A nice evening in pjs as we call them, watching non serious tv sounds lovely
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
I didn't get much TV programming in before the cats came by and put me to sleep. Did my usual waking up a few hours later and again after a few hours (now). I'm used to the new sleep pattern and do just fine with it, just as I feel used to not drinking!
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Thanks Guys and Gals
It sounds like I am in the exact place you are Willow. I do contracting and have done for the last 15 years. It is very well paid but on the flip side there is a lot of politics, stress, ego's, long hours, unrealistic expectations, dog eat dog competition where anyone would throw you under the bus to save themselves. On the one had this type of work has afforded me to buy my own home (still a bit left on the mortgage but it's small), travel the world and I owe nothing to no-one in terms of money. I pay all my bills upfront, buy anything I need for the house in cash, never use credit cards etc.
The bad part is I have gotten used to that kind of lifestyle and money and not having to worry about where I am going to get money to pay for bills. When I was a teenager I was homeless for a while and had no family to turn to. I worked nightshift in a factory and was on very low pay. I went from bedsit to bedsit and at one point had to steal toilet roll from the supermarket as I couldn't afford to buy it. Over the years I worked my way out of this poverty and into a good job that I never thought would be an option or a lifestyle I would ever be able to have. Now I am terrified of being poor again and living hand to mouth which has kind of trapped me in this viscious cycle.
I think like you Geuner, in sobriety I have found I am not that person anymore. I don't want to run in the corporate hamster wheel and it was a big factor in my drinking. The stress of being in this new contract I am in at the moment has very quickly brought my mind back into stinking thinking. I am starting to feel really stressed, a bit depressed and the feelings of hopelessness are returning. I am struggling to get my mind to settle, the space between action and reaction has gotten painfully smaller and I am starting to react too quick in a way I wish I hadn't. Because of that I start feeling down on myself like I am a failure and the self loathing cycle continues. xx
It sounds like I am in the exact place you are Willow. I do contracting and have done for the last 15 years. It is very well paid but on the flip side there is a lot of politics, stress, ego's, long hours, unrealistic expectations, dog eat dog competition where anyone would throw you under the bus to save themselves. On the one had this type of work has afforded me to buy my own home (still a bit left on the mortgage but it's small), travel the world and I owe nothing to no-one in terms of money. I pay all my bills upfront, buy anything I need for the house in cash, never use credit cards etc.
The bad part is I have gotten used to that kind of lifestyle and money and not having to worry about where I am going to get money to pay for bills. When I was a teenager I was homeless for a while and had no family to turn to. I worked nightshift in a factory and was on very low pay. I went from bedsit to bedsit and at one point had to steal toilet roll from the supermarket as I couldn't afford to buy it. Over the years I worked my way out of this poverty and into a good job that I never thought would be an option or a lifestyle I would ever be able to have. Now I am terrified of being poor again and living hand to mouth which has kind of trapped me in this viscious cycle.
I think like you Geuner, in sobriety I have found I am not that person anymore. I don't want to run in the corporate hamster wheel and it was a big factor in my drinking. The stress of being in this new contract I am in at the moment has very quickly brought my mind back into stinking thinking. I am starting to feel really stressed, a bit depressed and the feelings of hopelessness are returning. I am struggling to get my mind to settle, the space between action and reaction has gotten painfully smaller and I am starting to react too quick in a way I wish I hadn't. Because of that I start feeling down on myself like I am a failure and the self loathing cycle continues. xx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
MantaLady, it all sounds familiar to me, though as a child I was not beset by the kind of financial duress that you describe. I have been homeless, though, and that definitely is terrible, and I'm happy to have a place on my own and being a productive part of the world once again in a setting that is good for me. Too much of the extreme tilted the world on its axis in my case.
I don't know how long the contracts are in your field, but they aren't forever.
You do have a chance to clear that mortgage, and that's a fabulous goal to keep on top of for the time being. For the future, might you be able to get on board shorter term contracts that you could intersperse with other goals and activities that you'd find allow you time to do some new things, without staying out so long that you lose the momentum of being "in the business" regularly? Being free and clear on your major asset might give you mental freedom of space to make some alterations to your pace.
Things will work out, keep your head high, eyes open, and you're already doing great with sobriety work.
I don't know how long the contracts are in your field, but they aren't forever.
You do have a chance to clear that mortgage, and that's a fabulous goal to keep on top of for the time being. For the future, might you be able to get on board shorter term contracts that you could intersperse with other goals and activities that you'd find allow you time to do some new things, without staying out so long that you lose the momentum of being "in the business" regularly? Being free and clear on your major asset might give you mental freedom of space to make some alterations to your pace.
Things will work out, keep your head high, eyes open, and you're already doing great with sobriety work.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
I’m hearing you both Manta and Guener, although I was never homeless thankfully.. I did however live in a real dump for a short while without any spare money, barely any for food. I used to fry up potato and carrot peelings and whatever scraps I could find to feed my dog. But that’s like living in luxury compared with being homeless. I worked through uni and worked my way up to get an excellent job, but after 15 years I couldn’t stomach it any longer. I was drinking myself into an early grave every afternoon when I got home and every weekend. My mortgage is nearly paid off, so I’m planning on hopefully having it paid out fully this year. I figure that takes the pressure off to have a high paying job... I will still need an income for expenses.
Manta I think work-life balance is extremely important for sobriety. Can you find a way to see out the contract but have at least your weekends entirely work-free? Or do some work from home rather than that huge commute? Or only work 3 days a week or some other way to increase your down time for yourself? Or can you just give that contract away? (I know that may not seem possible, but I think it’s worth asking yourself the question if it’s threatening your sobriety).
When I was stressed and overworked I became quickly overwhelmed and the feelings of despair and pointlessness and worthlessness and questioning everything led me to drinking far too much as a “coping “ mechanism, which was counterproductive to say the least. I think finding space between work is really important, like Guener said. Maybe shorter contracts, or fewer, or even something different? It sounds to me like work is threatening your sobriety, and that’s not good. We know we need to hang onto our sobriety and do whatever it takes to NOT pick up a drink.
For me, that meant letting my old job go. I’m still not sure what I’m going to do with the rest of my working life (I’m 50 so have a number of years to work yet) but I know I had to move on from where I was. A leap of faith into the void. Scary, but something will come up. I don’t know what yet, and in the back of my mind a little voice keeps saying “you need to hurry up and get a job”. But realistically I know I’m fine financially for a couple of months or more. Something WILL come up, I’m just not sure what yet. In the meantime, I’m working on my recovery and ways to maintain my sobriety long term....
Manta I think work-life balance is extremely important for sobriety. Can you find a way to see out the contract but have at least your weekends entirely work-free? Or do some work from home rather than that huge commute? Or only work 3 days a week or some other way to increase your down time for yourself? Or can you just give that contract away? (I know that may not seem possible, but I think it’s worth asking yourself the question if it’s threatening your sobriety).
When I was stressed and overworked I became quickly overwhelmed and the feelings of despair and pointlessness and worthlessness and questioning everything led me to drinking far too much as a “coping “ mechanism, which was counterproductive to say the least. I think finding space between work is really important, like Guener said. Maybe shorter contracts, or fewer, or even something different? It sounds to me like work is threatening your sobriety, and that’s not good. We know we need to hang onto our sobriety and do whatever it takes to NOT pick up a drink.
For me, that meant letting my old job go. I’m still not sure what I’m going to do with the rest of my working life (I’m 50 so have a number of years to work yet) but I know I had to move on from where I was. A leap of faith into the void. Scary, but something will come up. I don’t know what yet, and in the back of my mind a little voice keeps saying “you need to hurry up and get a job”. But realistically I know I’m fine financially for a couple of months or more. Something WILL come up, I’m just not sure what yet. In the meantime, I’m working on my recovery and ways to maintain my sobriety long term....
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,327
Honk honk!!
Hi everyone!
Putting in the brakes and parking for a couple hours....
Willow. Glad you are creative and perserverant—I’m sure something wonderful is in your future 😍
Guener. Thanks for teaching me something new. Willow stole the words right out of my mouth.
Manta. Of course you’re welcome any time!!
Lots of AV today. Ya know, “have s glass, it’ll take the edge off!”
NOT!!!!
Alcohol does didley squat!!!
My legs and neck ache
Tomorrow I’m going to post a pic of all the water bottles I have....seems I have a fetish I didn’t know I had!!
Also a bit of info on Ides of March ....stay tuned folks!!
GN❤️🙏🏼😍😴
Hi everyone!
Putting in the brakes and parking for a couple hours....
Willow. Glad you are creative and perserverant—I’m sure something wonderful is in your future 😍
Guener. Thanks for teaching me something new. Willow stole the words right out of my mouth.
Manta. Of course you’re welcome any time!!
Lots of AV today. Ya know, “have s glass, it’ll take the edge off!”
NOT!!!!
Alcohol does didley squat!!!
My legs and neck ache
Tomorrow I’m going to post a pic of all the water bottles I have....seems I have a fetish I didn’t know I had!!
Also a bit of info on Ides of March ....stay tuned folks!!
GN❤️🙏🏼😍😴
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
It's never a bad idea to take a time-out when you are really busy and need to keep going, and it's always a right time to put the AV in time-out!
My addiction therapist moved on to another job, I found out today. I will miss her, she and I have been through a lot together. My new person is the wife of a professor who teaches chemical dependency at the University, so she is very knowledgeable and has been doing this a long time. I only go in once every few months now, and we are going to work on some goal setting ideas in recovery next time which will be productive, I think.
Today, I was so busy from a very early hour that I just had dinner after coming home and fell asleep.
The sun has been shining lately, so I am in good spirits and use the opportunity to get outside on work errands as much as possible for some exercise during the day.
My addiction therapist moved on to another job, I found out today. I will miss her, she and I have been through a lot together. My new person is the wife of a professor who teaches chemical dependency at the University, so she is very knowledgeable and has been doing this a long time. I only go in once every few months now, and we are going to work on some goal setting ideas in recovery next time which will be productive, I think.
Today, I was so busy from a very early hour that I just had dinner after coming home and fell asleep.
The sun has been shining lately, so I am in good spirits and use the opportunity to get outside on work errands as much as possible for some exercise during the day.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Hey Free, good to see you! 
It’s getting cold in the U.K. today, supposed to have snow on the way next week so going to put my emergency box in the car. One year I got stuck in snow and it took 9 hours to drive 25 miles, I was cold, had no food or water, phone ran out of charge and so on. So I have a box now with some water, energy bars, warm socks and gloves and a thermal jumper, a juice box full of power to re-charge my phone and other helpful shizzle in it just incase!
Feeling less down today so thanks for the support yesterday, I really appreciate it. I’ve been trying to do stuff on my own and not really sharing or talking out loud about how I feel and need to reach out more or sometimes just chew the fat with likeminded folks. Thanks again and be good 😬 x
It’s getting cold in the U.K. today, supposed to have snow on the way next week so going to put my emergency box in the car. One year I got stuck in snow and it took 9 hours to drive 25 miles, I was cold, had no food or water, phone ran out of charge and so on. So I have a box now with some water, energy bars, warm socks and gloves and a thermal jumper, a juice box full of power to re-charge my phone and other helpful shizzle in it just incase!
Feeling less down today so thanks for the support yesterday, I really appreciate it. I’ve been trying to do stuff on my own and not really sharing or talking out loud about how I feel and need to reach out more or sometimes just chew the fat with likeminded folks. Thanks again and be good 😬 x
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Glad you’re feeling better Manta, it’s good to talk about things, sometimes just putting it out there is like a release valve and lets the pressure out
I hope you get on well with the new addiction therapist Guener, sounds like she knows her stuff
Hi Free, banish that AV bear! Hope your neck and back settles down ❤️
Just went to the pub for dinner with family ❤️ Our first full family dinner since we lost Mum n Dad
it was lovely to catch up together but a bit bittersweet.... I had yummy chicken and avocado salad and soda water
Now I’m stuffed full and home and rolling myself off to bed
I hope you get on well with the new addiction therapist Guener, sounds like she knows her stuff
Hi Free, banish that AV bear! Hope your neck and back settles down ❤️
Just went to the pub for dinner with family ❤️ Our first full family dinner since we lost Mum n Dad
it was lovely to catch up together but a bit bittersweet.... I had yummy chicken and avocado salad and soda water Now I’m stuffed full and home and rolling myself off to bed
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,280
Hello folks 
I found some posts on the wider forum were making me think about drinking and not in a good way so have stepped back.
The road has been rocky but I'm doing ok though and approaching 8 months.
Just thought I'd say hello.
Best wishes to all.
John
I found some posts on the wider forum were making me think about drinking and not in a good way so have stepped back.
The road has been rocky but I'm doing ok though and approaching 8 months.
Just thought I'd say hello.
Best wishes to all.
John
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
I can understand it's difficult to read some of the posts on the forums, especially for me when somebody is really struggling. Generally I just leave those aside after a bit of reading and let others, especially those with long sobriety, jump into the fray. Occasionally I wonder about if reading so much about drinking makes me think about it a bit too much: some days I think I'd just like to enjoy my sobriety without the "noise", so to speak.
Then I think about why I came to SR in the first place, and that is to maintain my focus that I need. So I deal with the discomfort and know that I can always share how I'm feeling (especially with this smaller group) where I'm at with things. Sometimes I wonder what the one year and older folks are talking about, but I haven't been reading that group. In some ways I feel obligated to stick close to the influx of people to remind me of where I have been. I have months to go before I reach a year, and so I keep my seat in certain spaces.
Solace exists, for me, in the other areas of my life where I am increasingly confident, reliable, and happy with my progress that has come from quitting the drink.
Then I think about why I came to SR in the first place, and that is to maintain my focus that I need. So I deal with the discomfort and know that I can always share how I'm feeling (especially with this smaller group) where I'm at with things. Sometimes I wonder what the one year and older folks are talking about, but I haven't been reading that group. In some ways I feel obligated to stick close to the influx of people to remind me of where I have been. I have months to go before I reach a year, and so I keep my seat in certain spaces.
Solace exists, for me, in the other areas of my life where I am increasingly confident, reliable, and happy with my progress that has come from quitting the drink.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Hi John, nice to see you
I hear what you and Guener mean about reading wider on the forums.
I tend to stick to just a few threads where I feel I’m getting to know people and I feel comfortable to share my thoughts and feelings and get support when I’m struggling. There are so many threads out there that I think you could spend all day on SR and still not get through it all! And some of it is confronting at times, we’re all struggling in different ways. So I stick to my favourites that I know. I generally check in and read posts when I’m drinking my morning coffee, and sometimes again later in the day or before bed if I have time, but I don’t worry if I’m too busy. I just find that for me, the regular morning SR connection helps keep me focussed on why I must remain alcohol-free today
I hear what you and Guener mean about reading wider on the forums.
I tend to stick to just a few threads where I feel I’m getting to know people and I feel comfortable to share my thoughts and feelings and get support when I’m struggling. There are so many threads out there that I think you could spend all day on SR and still not get through it all! And some of it is confronting at times, we’re all struggling in different ways. So I stick to my favourites that I know. I generally check in and read posts when I’m drinking my morning coffee, and sometimes again later in the day or before bed if I have time, but I don’t worry if I’m too busy. I just find that for me, the regular morning SR connection helps keep me focussed on why I must remain alcohol-free today
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,327
Hi john and manta!!!
My post erased from earlier. Operator error, I’m sure.
Today I went through the crawlspace in my basement and pulled out every single bin.
My neck, back, and knees hurt so I went to the gym and sat in the hot tub and took a shower. I did not go there to exercise 😂
Sweet dreams!!
Let’s be one of the largest classes to all make our 1 year mark!!
My post erased from earlier. Operator error, I’m sure.
Today I went through the crawlspace in my basement and pulled out every single bin.
My neck, back, and knees hurt so I went to the gym and sat in the hot tub and took a shower. I did not go there to exercise 😂
Sweet dreams!!
Let’s be one of the largest classes to all make our 1 year mark!!
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,327
I like posting on the “lighter side” thread
I was laughing so hard last evening. And then here is my own little anecdote that I added:
————————————————————————
Ok. This is real folks
I had neck surgery on October 31 2018. My scar is hideous. My 18 DD drove me home from hospital.
Helping 18-year old make her bed two afternoons ago and she looked right at me and said, “what happened to your neck?!”😂
I was picking up my 18 year old son from high school yesterday. I called him and said “I’m in the parking lot. I drive a dark grey Prius V wagon, had for almost two years.... he says “I see you!!!”
He strides toward a silver sedan, a light silver Malibu with an African American man with a hoodie on. I’m white and female. I wave, catch my sons eye before he rips open this Man’s car door.....”Um, I’m over here!”😳
I was laughing so hard last evening. And then here is my own little anecdote that I added:
————————————————————————
Ok. This is real folks
I had neck surgery on October 31 2018. My scar is hideous. My 18 DD drove me home from hospital.
Helping 18-year old make her bed two afternoons ago and she looked right at me and said, “what happened to your neck?!”😂
I was picking up my 18 year old son from high school yesterday. I called him and said “I’m in the parking lot. I drive a dark grey Prius V wagon, had for almost two years.... he says “I see you!!!”
He strides toward a silver sedan, a light silver Malibu with an African American man with a hoodie on. I’m white and female. I wave, catch my sons eye before he rips open this Man’s car door.....”Um, I’m over here!”😳
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