Class of August 2018 Part 8
 

continues from here
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-7-a-20.html

D

Well, I get to joint the slipped club this morning. I drank last night. So I'm back to day one.

I bought a bottle of wine at the supermarket while out shopping and drank it while I was cooking dinner. I hated it the whole time. The smell of alcohol makes me nauseous, so I had to hold my nose in order to get it down. How stupid. Nothing about it was enjoyable in the least.

I guess boredom got to me. Having a lot of empty time on one's hands doesn't do well for staying sober. Maybe HALT should be changed to BHALT. Oh well. I'm still here trying and I guess that's what's important.

Have a good day, All.

Thanks for the new thread Dee :)

Alice, maybe try logging in here when you're bored. Lots to read...glad you came right back and still trying.

Matrac, I think the poll really gets one thinking about how this all got out of hand. I had my first drink when I was 16. Vodka chased with grape juice. From there, every weekend was a binge until I met my husband at 18. I slowed down for awhile, but I think it was already a problem. I managed to have my two kids and not drink much when they were young. Started back up when they were teenagers. I was in my late 30s. I became very good at hiding it. Noticed withdrawal symptoms around 45 years old if I tried not to drink for a day. Been trying to get sober since I was 50. I'll be 54 in March. Really believe this time I will be successful :)

I think out of everything boredom is the easiest thing to fix - but it might not seem that way yet :)

I got so used to my fun coming out of a bottle, I forgot how to have fun and be engaged sober.

What was ok for me as a drinker - sitting on the couch channel surfing - was intolerable to me sober.

I was waiting for fun to descend on me like it used to with the bottle, but lifes not like that - I found you have to think outside the box a little and make a little effort - but there;s fun and interest and meaning out there to be found.

I also can't emphasise enough (to everyone) how important it is to post here before you drink - even if you're in the midst of a huge F it cloud - maybe we can help? :)

D

Alice, sorry to hear about your slip. Did you just want to feel drunk or were you fighting a craving while bored? Boredom irritates me and I never found drinking to help. PS, When I read your post it seemed as though you were taking medicine instead of drinking....sounds like it was bad medicine.

Barbs, I think you can do it too. I am the same age and I think I have worked through a lot in my life...time to work through this!

Ayers, look back only when you need a reminder....don’t let it spoil your day. I think you’re terrific no matter your past

Good to hear from long ago voices...and sober too!

Exhausting day ....a nurse at work and now at home (hubby is sick). Check in tomorrow

Bonnie

Hi all, I haven't written a real post in a few days and this isn't one either.

Today was a long and irritable one. I need to check in more seriously. I'm gunning for tomorrow.

Day 12. My new cousin has forgiven all, so we have agreed to move forward, but a little slower now.

Hi Alice. Hope you're feeling better. Quit-How are you? Ayers, Darkling, BeKind, Zoey, hope you're doing well.

Ready for the weekend. Not sure what's going on yet since my wife is still in bed :) I'm sure I will have plenty to do :)

Hey everyone, still sober here. I was out for a friends birthday last night and was so tempted. My girlfriend convinced me not to drink thankfully. I felt annoyed at myself today for even having the thoughts but I’m grateful I didn’t drink.

Dee thanks for your post, you always seem to say the right thing at the right time for me lol.

Aliceiw... I’m glad you’re back. I hope you find ways in the future to avoid that boredom.

Saturday evening

Hi all

Alice, I’m sorry that happened, but like the others very glad you came right back.
It almost seems as it you were testing/doing an experiment – by the way you describe having to pinch your nose while drinking it. Please , if you feel up to it, could you explain what was going through your mind at the time – apart from being bored- it might help someone in the same situation. Like ... me ?

I have had a rough two days as well – I cannot even call it cravings – more a restlessness and a want , deeper than an urge – it has been horrible. Last night while lazing on the couch, husband drinking his whisky, I told him that I was having a rough time. (His whisky doesn't bother me at all , never has, don't like the taste or smell of it) Also told him that if I hadn’t come clear with him at the start – I would def been drinking last night. It was frightening- I KNEW if I had kept my quitting secret, I would have given in and drank. For sure sure. Anyway, had a tonic and fresh lime and went to read in bed. But today has been the same . Bloody bloody hard. Harder than day 1 , week 1 …. Totally different to what I’ve felt up till now. I actually find myself salivating. Has anyone experienced this. Why is this happening now???

So scary , the more days you string together, the safer you begin to feel and then wham, you hit a low , coming from nowhere. Complacency I suppose?

My family think it has to do with the start of the holiday season. Was husband’s last day at office yesterday, daughter is here and we are off on Monday on our trip. They might be right – maybe it is just “that time of year”. I am going to have to be extra vigilant and in fight mode now. Oh I really hope I am strong enough to get through this. And that it passes asap.

Bee- sounds like it’s time for you to get back home? At least know you are not the only one feeling irritable .

Bob, glad things are ok with you and cousin. Did your wife find enough things for you to do today ? 😊

DoubleDee: So glad you didn’t give in and drink . Isn’t it wonderful when you wake the next morning and realise you may be proud for being strong, instead of full of regret ?

Thinking of all class members – those MIA as well.

Love and hugs to all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hope you are doing ok today Alice.

Be Kind.....hope you start feeling better soon and can work through whatever is going on?

Matrac....hope the you get a break from the caring role soon! Caring for others is very tough - I do hope you get some time for yourself.

I am still struggling with anxiety but it has eased up a bit. Some energy has returned so I have been able to get on top of the ever mounting to do list. This weekend I am trying to stay in the present.....it helps.

Strength to the Augustonians.

Thanks for watching over us Dee.

Ayers, I want through those feelings you describe at around five months when I quit last year. It was the end of November and I started to feel that I deserved to drink...the holidays were coming etc. i made it to just before Christmas and then very deliberately drank. I was in control....I could have stopped myself. I regret it hugely, as it has meant I have stumbled all through this year. It wasn't remotely enjoyable. And it made me think I couldn't stay sober....which was pure AV, but still, it was hard to come back from it. Looking back I had been losing momentum for a few months. I was entertaining the AV on a daily basis. I think that AV needs to be shut down, not reasoned with for a minute.
Thats just my experience.. I had been pretty miserable throughout that quit, which is very different to you (your posts have been so insightful and determined).
Strength and support to you.

Hi all,

I had to go back and find out what had happened with Bob's cousin. Glad you made up with her . . . . I hadn't thought much about it but I would imagine finding out about your birth parents would probably hit some nerves. On the other hand finding out that your straight laced relative had lived a somewhat wild youth could also hit some nerves.

Ayers, the story of your restlessness and urge was well expressed. I probably haven't experienced that as much as just a boredom/disatisfaction/laziness/restlessness. Ugh.

The question about when drinking became a problem stymied me a bit. I drank wine with my family as a teenager as part of long evening dinner conversations. I didn't drink much in college as it made me sleepy. Friends would ask me not to drink as I would just go to sleep. In the workaday world a glass of wine or two after work became a habit that I would occasionally break. I started craving wine in the pm more and more. Often I would want 3 or 4 glasses of wine and I would look forward to it way too much. I'm not sure if I reached a point of it being unmanageable. I'm a depressive. I know what alcohol can do. I often wondered why I played with something so potentially dangerous. Blacking out last summer was horrifying to me. I might have been able to continue drinking without it escalating beyond what it was but "might" wasn't a good enough reason to continue drinking.

I've struggled a bit as stopping drinking hasn't really changed my life much if at all but I still really think it is worth it. A person who deals with depression and lots of solitude just shouldn't be taking chances with alcohol like I was.

Another slow day for me. I did get some adult tasks done: changed oil in the car and shopped for some boring household goods.

My 75 year old aunt was hit by a car last night walking back from mass. She wasn't hurt badly but the car knocked her down. I've been handing her ice packs and walking her dog. It makes me feel useful at least.

Bekind, so sorry about your aunt. Glad she wasn't seriously hurt.

Ayers, I have experienced those same feelings. Not so much this time around, but back when I slipped in December 2017 after 15 months sober. However, those feelings started to creep in several months before I actually slipped. Complacency was what I think was my down fall. Stay extra vigilant...this is too important to let it slip away.

That being said, I have been struggling a bit today myself. My daughter seems to have chosen to disappear out of our lives. Her blissful elopement last January only lasted until June. She hasn't spoken to any of us since my son's wedding June 30th. I had some peace of mind though because her cell phone is on my plan and I could at least see that she was alive. There has been no activity on her phone for two weeks now. My son says just let her go, but I'm worried sick. And yes, a drink sounds really good right now...but no booze in the house and I know the feeling will pass. And so... I will ride it out.

I'm glad your aunt is ok behind :)

I think lows are normal for everyone Ayers - especially going into your first sober Christmas - it would be fairly rare for there not to be some fear there.

I love sober Christmasses tho =- much much better than the drunken alternative.

This, too, shall pass :)
Stay true and you'll be OK :)

D

Gee holidays as nice as they are can be so stressful.....especially if and when family relations are not so great. Going through that a bit myself. My side of the family is terribly dysfunctional and so it’s never great, but tougher than usual right now.

Bekind, I drank mostly during the same times a day as you did. For me I think it was a need to feel relaxed and not tired, stressed, irritable. My drinking later became “necessary” almost anytime that I thought I’d be stressed. I thought drinking would help me handle it better. I began to crave a drink more often and I needed more wine to do the same job. I started feeling ill often, my drinking became a source of worry, and I didn’t like myself when I was under the influence. These things led to my decision to stop. Was wine a way for you to numb yourself too?

Ayers, please remind yourself that drinking - even just one - isn’t worth it! You dont need it to have fun and enjoy your holiday. Plan out your itinerary to stay busy and build in some contingency plans. WIll your husband put away his whiskey for a while for you? Would that help keep it off your mind? I will be thinking of you and sending vibes for strength and resolve your way and to anyone else who’s struggling now.

Go Bob, day 12 and you’re handling your family situation too!

Good night all
Bonnie

Barbs, I hope you get some news soon. I know that your heart must ache. Maybe your son can be the ambassador..... help break the ice?

Wishing you happier days
Bonnie

Barbs-I'm thinking of you and hope this works out soon!

Ayers-Sorry you're going through this.

I have to admit that I've been pretty bummed today. Getting ready to go to bed without any booze, but I've really been looking at my life today. Nothing as serious as Barbs, but has had me down. So hoping to wake in the morning with a fresh outlook.

Sorry for those feeling low today :grouphug: I hope tomorrow is better :)

D