zoeydog

I finally went back to the gym yesterday, and it felt great! It had been so long I forgot the code for my lock! I'm going to try to make more time for exercise; that's something I've really been missing.

BeKind, good luck with your mom. You are in my thoughts!

Have a good sober Tuesday, everyone. See you tonight!

bobdrop

Bonnie-Thanks so much for the explanation on 2 cents. I often wonder about phrases that we use everyday. Especially in todays' world where I have learned to question everything I hear.

BeKind-Sorry about your mom. In reference to people saying "well, we'll just see how long this lasts". Wow, that's enough reason right there for me to stop drinking. But then again, I'm a stubborn person that will do stuff out of spite.

Darkling-Congrats on 3 weeks!

Barbs-One day, your daughter will come back to you. I know it.

Just one more thought on coming clean. You can say whatever you're comfortable with. If you're like I was, the ones that really knew me, figure out the truth anyway without it actually being said outloud. I think someone already said something similar to this. Just the act of opening up the topic should be a big relief mentally.

Have a great day!

Bekindalways

Good morning all,

My sister flies in today. She brings new blood to the situation with my parents. I so appreciate having siblings at this point in life although I know relationships can get dicey when the parents die. I never had my own family so I cling to my siblings and hope our connections survive the loss of our parents.

Again thanks for your thoughts on coming clean about sobriety. I've told one sister and my foster-sister. I'm a hanging-in-there Roman Catholic and started going to my foster-sister for confession. I'm less concerned that she can not offer my "absolution" and more concerned that she rolls on the floor with laughter as I confess (= . I made my coming clean to her a confession. She didn't laugh this time.

Okay, picking up the torch and heading into Tuesday.

Sunflower84

I can't face the yoga class

I've had to cancel. I've been feeling exhausted again all day, so tired and lifeless but I was still determined to go, anyway as it got closer to the time for me to go I got overwhelmed with emotions and couldn't stop sobbing...

I have just accepted its early days and its too much too soon unfortunately. I'm pushing myself everyday to keep progressing and move forwards but I'm clearly still very early in my journey. There's no way I could of got there, I completely broke down.

I spoke with my BF and my Mum and they both said its only just over 7 weeks ago I was in hospital and could of died, I need to stop fighting how IM feeling so much and just take it as it is and accept I will start yoga but just not yet, very disappointed but accepted it is what it is. My Mum said I need to realise that it took me a long long time to get to the bad place I got through the drinking so it's not going to bounce back over night. I have just started work again and my CBT so will have to just focus on those for now and try yoga again later down the line.

Katy xxx

Caramel

^ look after yourself, Sunflower, take gentle care

DarklingSong

Katy, you have come so far in a very short time. Yoga can wait another while! You had such a huge day yesterday I am not surprised you were exhausted. Anyone would be.

Be Kind, prayers for you and your mum. Glad you have your siblings to turn to. Take good care of yourself.

Thinking of all the Augustonians.

matrac

Thanks Dee. I also thought about the worry I would cause. Additionally, having some family issues right now and I glad that they dont know....could get uglier.

Katy,give yourself more time. I really think that you’re doing better overall and so just go with that. It’ll come.

Good for you Zoey at the gym.

I’m struggling with a lot of things. Sometimes going moment to moment. Have to admit Ive had thoughts about how a drink would make me not care for a bit... I won’t but wow, I hope things with my mom get settled soon. I’m really feeling it. Ugh

Barbs

Bekind, I know how difficult it is to watch someone you love wither away. Prayers to you and your family. Confessing to your foster-sister had me laughing out loud too! Anyway, it’s nice to have someone to confide in.

Bonnie, thanks for the very interesting info. My daughter got her B.A. in both linguistics and French and a M.A. in French. She did not get either of those strengths from me, lol. Thinking of you and your mom. Stay strong, this too shall pass.

Katy, so sorry you were not up to going to yoga. I know how you are feeling all too well. Anxiety is so horrible and paralyzing. I don’t think I could have gone to yoga by myself in the beginning. I go with my neighbor. Over time I have over-come the anxiety and can now go to the gym, group workout sessions and yoga by myself. I think giving it sometime is a good thing. No need to rush it. Maybe find someone to join you in a class when you’re ready. I hope you feel better soon.

Bob, I believe one day she will too. Thanks for the encouragement, it means a lot

Zoey, glad you got to the gym. I love my workouts too.

Well, I am fully engrossed in puppy training. Harley has finally settled down enough to listen and realize she will get a treat when she does. I’m trying to get her caught-up to Lucy’s level and then enroll them both in the canine good citizens program. Trying to train Lucy as a therapy dog (she has the perfect personality for it) but I’m not so sure Harley does.

Thinking of you all, Ayers, Darkling, Dee and anyone else lurking.

Bekindalways

Katy, that sounds like a way good call on the yoga. Too soon. Have you done yoga before? I sometimes find youtube yoga classes and do them on my own. No pressure though on you as you are currently doing Everest level emotional/life work.

Darkling and Barbs, thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers. I've spent the last 6 years looking after my parents and their home. I have enjoyed it but wonder what comes next when they are gone.

Matrac, so so hope this isn't long but wonder how you can find ways to make it easier or have an escape plan . . .ugh . . . rough times. Let us know how you get on.

Sunflower84

Yawwwnnnnn from me lol. I am so so tired AGAIN.

Just been to the vets this morning for my dogs annual vaccine and a health check, had breakfast and now staring at the potential customers I need to be calling but I feel such a head fog with tiredness, hoping it passes soon, constantly wanting to sleep.

Not much to say, not feeling too bad just exhausted...

Wishing you all a good day.

Check in again later when hopefully I'm not feeling like a zombie.

Katy xxx

Bekindalways

I will probably do some version of the, "I'm not drinking to see if I feel better without it" kind of thing.

I could even say something about it helping my depression but some of my family gets upset about my depression. This may seem weird but my family is aggressively positive. My sister and foster sister have been very angry with me for being a depressive. I bend over backwards to not talk about it to them . . . sigh.

Katy, I known you had trouble sleeping earlier in you sobriety. Are you still struggling with this?

DarklingSong

Be Kind.....'aggressively positive' that really made me laugh. Not so fun if you have to live with it....you know though, you are a very positive person in this group. Though I hope you would feel that you can discuss depressive type thoughts here (if you want to of course!). Whatever is to come with your parents, you will have so much more capacity to think about things and cope being sober.

Matrac, strength to you. Sounds like you are dealing with multiple demands from all angles. Hope your mum gets sorted out soon.

Katy.....hope the exhaustion passes soon.

Good luck with the puppy training Barbs.

Not a good few days for me. High anxiety. Still waiting on an appointment for medical test....they lost the referral apparently. I am really struggling with symptoms and am worried I will end up in accident and emergency if this goes on. Really, really don't want to do that.

Thinking of you all.

Caramel

Bekindalways - sorry to read about the unhelpful attitude of some of your family! Hoping you have supportive people in your life; kind thoughts to you

Barbs

Bekind, my father passed away 7 years ago. Even though my mom is very independent, I am here right hand in every situation. I love being with her, but like you, I also wonder what comes next when she is gone.

Darkling, so sorry you are struggling. Sending prayers and (((hugs)))

Katy, hopefully you got a chance to take a nap. Hope you’re feeling better.

My day off today. I went to spin class this morning and then dug in on my to do list. I got a lot accomplished and feel great about it.

I hope everyone is doing well. Getting kind of quiet around here.

matrac

DS have you ever tried CBT for your anxiety? The objective would be to deconstruct or challenge your thinking at critical points to de-escalate the anxiety. You challenge the validity of the offending thoughts (aka the cause of the anxiety) as they come By asking yourself some reality based questions . It takes time to learn, but it can be very empowering and help to decrease your anxiety over time. Desensitization also comes to mind, but Im not sure how that would be approached in your situation. I’m hoping that you can have your EGD soon so that you can focus on getting some relief. I applaud you for being so strong about your sobriety in the face of the suffering I hear in your voice.

Barbs, sounds like you’re doing well. I can’t imagine a spin class. I have been so on edge with my mom here that I have been busying myself cleaning and cooking and running errands and I am loosing weight that way.

Bekind, too bad that your sisters are not there for you when you’re depressed. Wonder where the anger comes from? Do they feel frustrated because they cant help you? As for the drinking....nothing wrong with saying “I just dont want a drink today”. You dont owe excuses? Anyway, we are here and I’ll always listen.

Hope all the rest of you are doing OK today....

Check in later
Bonnie

Bekindalways

Thanks so much all for the support. I really have a pretty decent family and know I am lucky but man oh man there have still been some tough times.

Darkling so so hope you can get in for the medical test. This sounds like hell for you. Like Matrac says is there any mental tricks or tools that you can use to calm yourself? Ugh.

Ah Barbs, so you are kinda in my situation too. There sure can be a lot of sweetness and meaning in these years but sadness too as they age.

Dee74

join us here for part 9
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-9-a.html (Class of August 2018 Part 9)
D