TeeJayVerm

I'm glad it is not just me! I know they are trying to state things in affirmative terms rather than saying something like "not drinking" (because the sub-conscience disregards the word, "not"), but I think there is a better way to state it. Perhaps just saying being sober is better than not being sober would do the trick... because that is true. It would be more effective than trying to make us part of a club that is "high on life".

TeeJayVerm

This is great perspective. I have always had self esteem issues and was primarily a "Weekend Warrior" up until a few years ago, so the "thriving in sobriety" seems hard for me to accept because I didn't really do that in the past.

I love the term "discovery"! It is actively finding our true selves by having desired goals and dreams in life that we will be able to look forward to... then taking meaningful steps towards fulfilling those goals and dreams. Sobriety is critical to making those things happen.

It's like the person who suffers the near death experience... their eyes open and they reevaluate things and value their lives more after that type of an experience. For the vast majority of us, our alcohol abuse issues are a less severe version of a near death experience, yet they can still propel us to valuing our lives more and discovering ourselves.

Rd2quit

Breakfree and bonniefloyd - great job on making it through another Friday. I stayed home and watched a movie with the family. That 3pm to 7pm timeframe Fridays is extreamly difficult for me. I know I just need to hang in there and it will pass.

It's kind of weird, sometimes I think I really have this no more drinking thing down pat. Then other times, like Friday evenings, I kind of panic and think "what in the world was I thinking quiting drinking, I'm never gonna make it.

I took a huge step two days ago. Up until now most people that have noticed I'm not drinking think it is temporary and I have kind of gone along with that because of the whole fear of failure.

Then two days ago, I was emailing an out of town family member, that I'm going to see when I go there for a family reunion in January. I have been nervous about this trip since I quit drinking because everyone in my family drinks. I try not to think about it too much because it's still not for a while. However, because plans need to be made, I have to think about it. Anyway, while we were discussing plans when alcohol came up, I actually said "I quit drinking." After I sent it I freaked out. Of course he is going to tell other family members. Now if I ever go back to drinking everyone will know I tried to quit and failed. I am glad I said it but it really makes me nervous.

Dee74

but you never need to go back to drinking - you really can make that choice RD2

D

Rd2quit

Thanks Dee. Most of the time I know I can make that choice. It is occasionally that I really start to panic. That is why I need this forum. Like two weeks ago I was really having a hard time. I posted on this thread exactly what was going on. It really helped. Not just for the great responses, which I very much appreciate, but just reading what I write helps. Its almost like reading someone else's post. When I read my own post in my head I say "no dont drink RD2quit you can make it!" Then "oh yea I'm RD2quit I better not drink." 🙂

Kaily

Morning all.

Today being 1st Dec feels a bit like being on day 1 again, don't know why.
Guess my AV is looking around for a trap door!

I don't feel secure in my sobriety at all, keep thinking it is only a matter of time till something happens and I lose control again. Is it normal to feel this way?

Pleased to hear that those struggling yesterday made it through. Its SO tough at times. Well done!

Dee74

I think it's common to think that way initially Kaily but it doesn't mean the thoughts are right or that we're doomed to drink again - like I said before to Rd2Quit we can change our choices and outcomes

D

ReadyAtLast

Hi Kaily,

Sorry to hear you're struggling. Dee makes a great point, as always

I'm reading This Naked Mind and she says - I went from the fear of never being able to drink again to the excitement of never having to drink again. Powerful stuff.

This is the only way I can stay sober seeing it not as a negative that I'm depriving myself of something but as a wonderful thing that I never have to go through all that horror ever again.

Do you have any support irl? Have you looked at AA/AVRT/Smart or anything else that may give you more support?

And the difference between a bad day and a good day is only 24 hours (pinched that one as well ) It really does get better.x

ReadyAtLast

Oh we have a new home How exciting it's been over 1 month. Congratulations to us all no matter what day we are on.

It's great we have a good solid foundation going into December, for what for many can be a difficult month. Plan plan plan. Avoid Xmas parties, group events, family gatherings if necessary anything that makes us feel uncomfortable and we know might compromise our sobriety. We've done so well let's protect it and not do anything to put it in jeopardy. Always have an escape route too

It's ok to say no to family and friends, to put ourselves and our sobriety first. It's not selfish to protect and respect ourselves first and foremost. If others don't like it that is their problem, not ours.

Happy sober saturday.

I feel quite agitated-have done for the last 2 days and I don't know why.Bizarre really. Oh well sure things will improve.

Kaily

Hi RAL and thank you.

Unfortunately I was self medicating with alcohol so its not really that I feel I am depriving myself, more that I have taken away coping mechanism. I feel raw and exposed.

I don't have any support at all. These days I live a very lonely life but I find that safer emotionally. That said it doesn't mean I like it but I feel it is necessary.

Yes I went to AA a few years ago for some time, I never really felt comfortable more about me than anything else.
I love the concept of AVRT - obviously they don't have real life meetings.

Kaily

PS RAL I expect you feel agitated due to the tragedy that happened so close to you.
Take care x

ReadyAtLast

Hi Kaily, I understand. I went to AA too years ago and whilst it was good I couldn't really get into it. I'm quite an insular private person adn just felt so uncomfortable in a large group. Have you looked at SMART? I think they do meetings especually if you're in near London.

I'm thinking more of stuff you can do to feel less alone that isn't necessarily alcohol/recovery related. Libraries often have posters up with stuff that's available. yoga classes/art groups/anything really

BreakFree

Good Morning :)

jimmyJlover… I don’t know how I missed your post yesterday morning! Not enough coffee! That’s what I’m sayin’! :) Wow! You did awesome this month! I hope you’ll continue to join us through the month of December! I, too, have been using memories of all the consequences of drinking alcohol to stay strong. It’s been very effective thus far!

ClearPath64… I really enjoyed reading your reply! Thank you! “Clean” is another one! I don’t know about you, but even when I was consuming alcohol, I would not consider myself “dirty” or “unclean”. Yuck. LOVE clear-headed. That word conjures up really positive thoughts for me. Words can be so powerful to me and for whatever reason, they really matter when it comes to this particular journey. I am with you on “regaining something you had before”. No!!! I don’t want what I had before! That’s what – in part – lead me to this place I’m in, right? But, to each his own and whatever takes, right? Happy December, my friend :)

UhOh… That’s awesome! I’m so glad you had a moment to check-in with us :)

RikerNY… Oh gawd. I used to get those exact thoughts all the time! I still do, but they are a little different now that so much time has passed and I know that I am not “okay” and that I’m “different” or we could say “special” instead! LOL Now what I will tell myself after a successful streak is “Well, if I’m strong enough to go so many days, maybe I can be just as strong at trying to be normal!” OMG… it never seems to end! You sound great, Riker! Keep up the good work :)

Dee74… Thank you :)

Citrus… My kids hate school. The struggle is real… sigh. Love the vision of coffee by the tree with soothing music in the background!

Chaisson… Thank you! I love your post (#50) :)

Bonniefloyd… Did my PM to you go through yesterday? You are NOT a “Debbie Downer”. Even in the midst of all the “suck”, you manage to make me laugh. I’m so grateful for you and I’m so glad you didn’t buy the wine! I’m going to think of you when I sip my first peppermint mocha! OMGosh. That plot twist. Just wow. Not that I would want the Universe to go to that extreme to keep us from drinking alcohol, but just…wow. I hope everything is okay. That just gave me shivers.

RAL… Thinking of you and your community. Hoping for a miracle and that they turn up! I have felt that “agitated” feeling all week! I was having a hard time putting a name to it and you said it best. AGITATED. Yes!!! It’s awful.

Kaily… I keep forgetting to pick up some hot chocolate at the store! Thank you for the reminder! It made me think back to the days when I would go into specialty shops this time of year and buy really good hot chocolate! I thought of mint chocolate for some reason! I think it’s totally normal not to feel “secure”. I know I’ve felt like that a ton of times and I still feel that way now.

dafunbra… Way to go on 30! I can sooo relate to everything you wrote in post #57. I’ve only “known you” for a short time, but you seem like a really strong, thoughtful, loyal and supportive person. Being alcohol-free looks good on you and I hope you will continue to find lots of reasons inside of yourself to keep going! And for that matter, I will take my own advice. Let’s do this! :)

Hopeforme2014… Day 31!!! That’s awesome! I’m so sorry you aren’t feeling well. I hope it passes soon!

Rd2quit… I am not sick of hearing how difficult Friday is for you! You are not alone! I’m sorry that last night was tough for you too, but thank you so much for reaching out to tell me I was not alone. You made me smile and I am grateful. I have the same issues with my family. It’s a really big thing for me because in moments/times like that I actually WANT to drink and when I WANT to drink, that’s trouble.

Tinkerbeau… I’m sorry you aren’t sleeping well! It seems to be going around – myself included. Exhaustion is NOT our friend, that’s for sure.

Linners820… I think it’s wonderful that you now have someone IRL to talk to! I hope it helps a lot. Thank you for the reminder of all the positive things being alcohol-free brings us (or keeps away for that matter)! :) I can relate to so much of what you said in post #72. You are definitely not alone. Alcohol sucks.

OtterIsland… I love your post #80 so much! I live in NH and spend a ton of time in the White Mountains! Were you in North Conway?

TeeJayVerm… Great minds! We should tell the authors to change it “Thriving in Discovery”! LOL

I am feeling annoyed right now. It’s not even 7am and my “energizer bunny” of a husband is making me feel like I’m already behind. My son just walked in the door (home from a friends) and the dogs flipped out. SERENITY NOW! Going to proof-read this post and hit SEND. Hope to be back later for my own “check-in”.

Sending love and positive thoughts for an amazing Saturday for all!

OMGoodness... he just interrupted me AGAIN! Now he's on his way to Home Depot and I've only just finished my first cup of coffee. Sigh.

ReadyAtLast

I'm so glad it is December. November is my least favourite month of the year. Just back from hols, clocks go back, it's dark, it rains, nothing exciting happens. At least when we get into December it's Advent Calendar time, decorating tree time, looking forward to Christmas etc.

Anyway, just glad it's December.

Bonniefloyd

ReadyAtLast

Oh how horrendous. I'm so sorry to hear that. What a terrible tragedy

ClearPath64

Knock, knock, knock. Hello, hello? Is this our new meeting room? Hey, this isn't so bad. Maybe some new curtains would brighten up the place, but this will do.

Good morning everyone and happy first day of December. Familiar feeling last night, right before leaving from work. Uneventful Friday night ahead of me. The same empty feelings started creeping in. The very first thing I told myself was, drinking is off the table, so what's next? That actually seemed to help. I removed it as an option, period, before my thoughts began to take shape. So I then decided to drive a little bit out of the way to one of the coffee shops I like and had a cup of coffee, read some SR, and read some news before resuming the drive home. Then stopped at a restaurant close to home and ate before coming home. Any potential crisis was averted. Removing alcohol as an option worked this time, and I'll add it to my toolbox. Another day in the books.

Bonnie, I just read your post and I'm horrified by what transpired in your neighborhood. In the blink of an eye, four lives (assuming the disturbance was between husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, two partners) completely turned upside down, with one snuffed out before it had a chance to start. So very sad. I feel for you.

ClearPath64

I really feel for you dafunbra. All you can do is face this clear-headed and do what you need to do going forward. If your divorce orders are clear on who is responsible for what, and you have documentation to support that you've met your obligation, then her demands are just bluster. Don't let the frustration lead you back to drinking, because then she truly is controlling you. Stay strong, my friend.

ClearPath64

Linners, I think that this was a great decision. Sharing this information with another trusted person, and having a lifeline is a great step forward. Thanks for sharing this, as it makes me think that I need to do something similar.

ClearPath64

Okay, last post. Looked at the thread directly below us on our new page. Class of July 2013, Part 55! That's going to be us in five and a half years. Glad to be on this journey with all of you.