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Class of January Support Thread 2018 Part 8

Old 12-01-2018, 04:18 AM
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Okay well still not super awake but much better than last night. It’s just now 6 a.m. here and I’ve been up for a bit. Helps when you go to sleep at 9:30. Anyhoo, as I was saying...

Palmer, when I read that line (lazier/less to prove) it was like it came from my own brain. So true. It was posting here where I really kind of crystallized my realization that some of the things I assumed I wasn’t doing because I was a terrible lush are really just things that I don’t feel like doing. Without feeling so much like i have to prove THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY LIFE EVERYTHING’S AWESOME AND OF COURSE I DON’T DRINK IN A WAY THAT INTERFERES, I just don’t do certain things I may have forced myself to do when drinking, or beaten myself up for not doing when drinking. Hope the house decision making was effective and brought you closer to a return to normalcy.

Sunflower, really hope date night went well and you can rekindle some of the less roomate-y side of your relationship.

NC, I feel ya on the looming storm of the week to come though I am hopeful in my case it’s just an ordinary week. It sounds like you’ve got kind of a perfect storm of different forces converging at once. I hope the weekend helps you get locked and loaded! I’m sorry about the crap day. That sounds really annoying. Glad you had a good lesson anyway.

I have definitely been feeling twinges of AV, though I think this is really more about my unrealistic expectations that those would go away by now than anything. In other words, I’m only noticing it like it’s a thing because I think i should be over that stuff by now and I’m not. We were out for pizza after the soccer game on Thursday and as you go through the line you pass by a case of drinks. They had a giant can of Chardonnay—wine in a can y’all! Crazy. Then a half bottle of white wine of some kind. For whatever reason that display just really called out to me. Then last night, my daughter went on a sleepover, the weather is beautiful, I had made it through this week, and my son and I were hanging out. I’m glad I don’t drink because in theory at least i can be more present (didn’t really succeed in this because i didn’t want to watch the darn movie and i couldn’t stay awake)...but man did I miss the days of capping off the week being duly buzzed yet anesthetized.

Of course I’m glad I didn’t follow any of the tempting roads but just odd that it called out to me so strongly.

I am nearing the end of Recovery 2.0 and will need a new book. It’s starting to really get on my nerves. It’s just such a privileged, sheltered approach (like if you can’t afford organic vegetables just don’t buy other things....very practical) and you really need immersive meditation retreats. Um, yeah. Not in the cards. I guess some of this is just cloaked resentment for the things in my own life that interfere with taking better care of myself but I do also think it’s justified annoyance with some of the less practical ideas.

Okay enough ranting. Time to find a workout video! Have a wonderful day everyone!
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Old 12-01-2018, 06:14 AM
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Hi all! I need to walk my dogs before it starts raining, but I had to comment on these two gems from NC and NL. All I can say is, I SO agree!

I definitely think that drinking lead us to believe we had to constantly put ourselves out for others to 'make up' for our deficiencies as a result of our latent guilt over drinking

some of the things I assumed I wasn’t doing because I was a terrible lush are really just things that I don’t feel like doing.
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Old 12-02-2018, 04:02 AM
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Hellooooooooooo! Palmer your post made go back and re-read NC’s post. I had skimmed over that part!

Come back folks. Hope you are all well.

Pretty good here still. Solo for weekend while husband on a trip. About to do yoga, pick up groceries, pay someone way too much money to hang up Xmas lights for us, cook, clean, ride herd on homework, and do a little work in between shuttling the children to their extremely robust social life. I go out with friends maybe once a month, twice in a good month. These kids are all over the dang town seeing their friends! Hope to talk to y’all soon.
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Old 12-02-2018, 04:51 AM
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Morning. Up at 4:30 this morning. I took a spin class yesterday and I can barely walk now 😂
Numblady I too decided to hire someone to put up our lights this year. Since moving we have so much more financial freedom. 2018 turned out to be a pretty amazing year.
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Old 12-02-2018, 06:30 AM
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Hi all! It looks like the weather will be better today, which always has a positive effect on my mood. Yesterday was definitely "blah," although as always there were some bright spots. My eating habits were honestly terrible, I had cake for dinner if that gives you any idea. I'd like to lose about 5-10 more pounds, which has been a huge struggle in the home stretch. My plan for today is to remain as active as possible and stay focused on my goal, without becoming too crazy (which is so much easier in sobriety).

Numblady and Sunflower, good for you for hiring someone to do your Christmas lights (and Sunflower, I'm glad to hear that things are looking up, despite your muscle pain!) I agree that 2018 is ending on an upswing.
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Old 12-02-2018, 12:49 PM
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Hi All! Just a drive by as I take a quick break before diving back into work. It’s been a pretty productive weekend, though and although I’ve more to get through this evening, I’m happy that I’ve prepped well for the crazy week ahead!

Will be sure to make time for a better post in the morning before the insanity kicks off!
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Old 12-03-2018, 03:51 AM
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Pretty quiet around here.

Well yesterday was 11 months with no booze. I wish I could say it was full of reflection and maybe even a little treat for myself. It was more like a lot of yelling between, at, and by my children and myself, and a lot of shuttling. Just driving back and forth along the same stretch of road between our house and the shopping and residential community near our house. Seriously. Like 6 times. And frustration for needing to work but not being able or really even wanting to. It was just not a good day and I was really crabby by the time i got here last night so I skipped posting. But that is the quality of days. Some are good and some are not whether they are some kind of milestone or not. I mainly just wish I was heading in to the work week a little more pumped.

On the good news front the Xmas lights got hung. Or at least the ones that the guy did for us. I still have a bunch that I would like to use (he had a certain kind he wanted to use so in addition to paying him I bought a bunch of new strings of lights during one of my many trips back and forth to the shopping center because I am an impatient idiot and he was the first person I called). Sort of hilariously, my husband has not commented on them at all. We have a two story house. I guess he either hasn’t seen them or thinks I was up on the roof putting clips along the eaves? I think I”m just going to keep waiting until he notices.

Well, have a great day everyone!
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Old 12-03-2018, 04:07 AM
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Hi all! I'm getting a very slow and annoyed start this morning, kind of a bummer because I just weighed myself and I'm officially stuck in a plateau of my own making. As it turns out, I can't eat everything I want and still lose weight...who knew?! I felt like I'd made great progress in terms of mindlessly eating, and I have, but obviously I still have some work to do. Luckily I'm sober, so I feel like I can actually focus and do it. Definitely a priority for today. Another priority is to get somewhat organized, now that the Christmas stuff is coming out.

Numblady, I'm sorry you had a rough day yesterday, but HUGE congratulations on 11 months!!!

More later, off to wake up the kids and start the day.
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Old 12-03-2018, 04:43 AM
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NumbLady Congratulations on 11 months!!!!!
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Old 12-03-2018, 04:14 PM
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Congrats from me too Numblady

D
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Old 12-04-2018, 02:49 AM
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Thanks y’all. Hope all are well. I’m just saying hi here in my very early morning stupor (it’s 4:43) before the day’s insanity takes over. I thought I had something to write but my mind is blank!

Palmer, hope the day redeemed itself after the annoying start. I know this doesn’t help as you’re looking at a goal with the number on the scale, or maybe it does, but I am super impressed you even try to be careful with the food. I’m giving myself at least a year. I literally bought an entire cake for myself this weekend. One exception is I am at least venturing into trying to make some healthy, ADHD-friendly food for my son (and of course anyone else who will eat it). Of course right now it’s just theoretical but I did buy some strange (to me) ingredients to at least give it a shot. Flaxseed meal, almond flour, coconut flour, etc. I also do really, really want to reduce my meat consumption. Still also theoretical. Will see if I can turn that into something more concrete, maybe after the one year mark.

Apparently food is my focus today . Have a great day everyone!
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Old 12-04-2018, 10:00 AM
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Congratulations on 11 months @NL!!

Another drive by for me. Hellish week truly underway. 2 down (almost).
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Old 12-05-2018, 04:02 AM
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Hi all! I'm sorry for not checking in yesterday, I typed something up but was then interrupted before I could post it. One of my kids is having some stomach issues that cause a lot of pain, usually in the middle of the night and probably related to stress. So, we were up at 2 a.m. with lots of drama and I ended up spending most of yesterday in a fog. Luckily, everything seemed OK last night and we all got some much-needed sleep.

I decorated the Christmas tree the other night, and it was pretty fun and made this sad rental house much more festive. As with most things, I'm much less worried about perfection, which feels pretty freeing.

Numblady, I hear ya on the eating front. After reading your post, I actually went and adjusted my weight goal (which I had set for my sobriety date) down by 5 pounds, which is much more realistic and the right thing to do. Since I was pretty overweight by the time I stopped drinking, I felt like I needed to address my food issues sooner than later, but it's such a slippery slope to the other extreme, and really, the objective is some kind of balance (which as an alcoholic, I obviously excel at, hahaha).

Chase, I hope the family is doing well and you're getting lots of insight from your therapy sessions!

Hi to NewChapter, Sunflower, Dee, and anyone else out there (Scotty?) I hope everyone has a great day.
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Old 12-05-2018, 04:14 AM
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Chase, worried about you. Hope you are surviving the sleeplessness okay.

Morning Palmer! Well that seems like a very healthy adjustment. And a happy image with your tree brightening the rental.

I’m just cruising through. I got up this morning later than I should have—but still got up earlier than the rest of the family, with the idea that I’d work out or work before the family gets up and the chaos begins. So far I’ve done neither. Oh well!

I hope you all have a very good day!
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Old 12-05-2018, 04:15 AM
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Hi all. I’m sitting by my Christmas tree thinking about how much fun I’ve been having this season. I’ve had sober Christmas’s before but I’d always been within 30 days of drinking so I was still tired and foggy. ( I didn’t see that then but I can look back and notice it now )
This year I have energy and I’m happier. The kids and I are really getting into things like decorating the tree and making gingerbread houses. I’m grateful for this.

Palmer I totally get going to extremes. I have to really watch myself. I’m glad you’ve been able to make your rental cheerful with decorations.

Have a fabulous day everyone. Scotty I’ve been thinking of you lately. I hope you’re doing well.
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Old 12-05-2018, 12:05 PM
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Just a drive by guys - I actually started typing a proper post this morning and got pulled away mid text to sort a work drama that took up almost the whole day! 3 down, 2 to go of crazy week. Thinking of you all!
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Old 12-06-2018, 03:25 AM
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Hi all! Well, yesterday was a decent day, but not great. I'm in total denial that it's less than 3 weeks until Christmas, and I haven't found a single gift (not that I've been looking that hard, of course). I had high hopes that I would enjoy the season like Sunflower described, but it's just been a lot of preoccupation with the house stuff and aimless shopping online for overpriced chandeliers. Whenever I start feeling like this, I need to remind myself that I can make a choice to shift my focus to what's important, especially enjoying my family instead of sometimes feeling like they are holding me hostage in an endless cycle of bickering and complaining (mostly my kids, but my husband and I too).

I did have a good moment at bedtime last night, just thinking about where I was a year ago and appreciating how far I've come. I read through some threads from the Newcomers Forum by people who have been sober for a couple of days (or less), just being thankful that I'm not dealing with the same old issues anymore.

NewChapter, I'm sorry to hear that work has overtaken you but I'm glad you're driving by! Hi to Numblady, Sunflower, Dee, and Chase. Have a good day!
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Old 12-06-2018, 04:26 AM
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Good morning. Today I am getting my hair done and going to a meeting. Not much else happening. Just a quick check in to say hi 👋🏻
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Old 12-07-2018, 03:58 AM
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Hey everybody!

Chase, please let us know you are okay. I will try to PM you later.

Palmer, I hear you. I am wanting to feel peaceful and serene and thankful (especially after attending the funeral of a pretty young attorney yesterday—more on that below) but I am still utterly drowning in work and then somehow supposed to help keep up with school projects, gifts for teachers, after school providers, our adopted family, my staff, our helpers (housekeeper, sitter), our family and then my MIL asked me to pick out her gifts for the kids to boot! She and my mom did the same thing last year. I told my husband about it and he was like just say no. That he talked to someone who was making this year or next year the year of no. I’m into that. So I told her no. And I”ll tell my mom the same thing. Since when did the mom of the kids start having to do the shopping of the other people too?! I have not bought a single gift. Do not have a pet sitter lined up. Have company coming to stay the weekend starting this evening and I’m about to hyperventilate because it will be fun but I can’t get any work done and I”m so behind. I’ve got to not let it overwhelm me and just try to tackle a couple of things at a time. And try to look at how far I’ve come.

Sorry for whine! I really as going to try and talk about how I went to that funeral yesterday for someone who worked for us. It was totally unexpected. She was pretty young (61). Seeing the slideshow they played —seeing her as a young girl, young woman, young mom, grandmother, wife—it was just so powerful. One day we are holding our first baby, or going to the school dance, or at the beach with our grandkids, and then it can all just vanish. I came home wanting to hold my precious babies so tight, and be a kinder wife. Of course this lasted about 4 minutes before my son was having a complete meltdown on the floor, I was slamming a door and walking out, and I wished I had some kind of vice to numb me out! But of course I’m ultimately glad I didn’t. And I’m trying to keep this all in the back of my mind while work tugs at my every bit of attention. Or just about every bit of it.

I am very grateful for where I am as opposed to this time last year. I remember this same friend visiting (the daughter of my beach friend, sister to the guy who disappeared and ultimately got sober— around the time of our vacation) and just getting plastered. I remember talking about how much we all drank and saying, sadly, that’s just my normal. She herself has a definite drinking issue and used to be in AA (e.g. she was drinking a beer one morning last time she visited). So between her and my husband it should be an interesting weekend. But also sweet and fun. We’ll do some holiday stuff with the kids. Heck, maybe I’ll even find some gifts for the laundry list of people I’ve got on my mind.

Sunflower, hope the day was uneventful—or only eventful in good ways.

NC, sorry for the continued drama. I hear you on that. I stewed all night on one of my managers who is unhappy in her job and said some pretty unpleasant things in a very passive aggressive way yesterday. So now I need to deal with that. Not too dramatic but it wears one out mentally as the work itself is hard enough.

Okay time for yoga bye!
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Old 12-07-2018, 10:45 AM
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Hi all! I'm checking in a little late today because I spent my morning in meetings at my kid's school (trying to demystify the course enrollment process) followed by a trip to the car repair shop and a multitude of other random errands and tasks. There are several situations brewing at work, the most annoying of which is one of my managers who is unhappy at her job (sound familiar, NL?) I put her in charge of a project which is very important to me, but she told me yesterday that she does not buy into the "why" and needs me to step back in and make it work, since she has other stuff to do anyway. Ummm, ok? I tried to be the new and improved PS and listen empathetically to all her BS excuses, but I honestly just wanted to drop-kick her out of my office, like come on girl. This is the same person I've complained about before, someone who I considered a friend even though she is also my employee, but who I honestly don't like that much anymore.

NL, I'm really sorry about your friend. 61 is very young, and I can definitely see how it would cause you to try to reflect...but then the holiday madness on top of your work madness kind of defers that! One thing I'll say about the holidays is that I am in the process of implementing a system, whereby I purchase catagories of gifts and give them to multiple people (and I do like to bake, so I will hopefully start that this weekend). Gift card+coffee/cookies/candy+heartfelt card (x20)=done! And then...Amazon. Thank God we're in an age where we can sit down for an hour and knock out half our list! Although I do hear you about the year of no (and seriously, can retirees please not delegate to us?!)

Sunflower, NC, Chase (where are you?), Dee, I hope you all have a good day and check in soon.
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