Jewel72

Well done, Darling Darkling . I’m right behind you at a week.

Bekind, You sound peaceful. That meditating must be helping!

Ayers, Your posts are both sincere and funny. Thank you.

Mike, Don’t lose hope...ever. We all know not drinking is the answer. It’s just difficult in the beginning, and we’ve got to get over the initial hurdles.

Speaking of hurdles; (this is where the Chariots of Fire music is supposed to be piped in) my running is going great...already. I was made to run...haha well maybe not that exactly, but it is when I feel most alive and healthy. Exercise is such a great stress reliever. When I drank, I didn’t have it in me to get my rear out the door.

Must get to bed. Night/Morning, All.

mns1

So last night I again let the prospect of no sleep entice me to drink. But at a certain point I stopped myself. I stopped myself because I knew the more I drank, the worse I would feel this morning. And I stopped myself because I realized I really didn't enjoy what I was doing. This is the first time this has ever happened. So hopefully this means I am done. If it's gotten to the point where I hate it so much that I actually just stop mid-binge, then I can most certainly not even bother in the first place.

So today I am running on very little sleep again, but at least I don't feel like complete crap.

Dee74

I'm glad you stopped - but if the temptation comes again...

Drinking to sleep will stop 'working' mns.

By the end of my drinking I'd pass out for a few hours and then wake up wide awake at 3am or something...

it's a bad road that just gets worse the more you use alcohol to try to get some sleep.

You said yesterday you were gonna grind it out like I did - whether you do it that way or see your Dr as others have suggested it's gotta to be a better way forward...

you're just pouring gas on the fire by drinking more.

D

Ayers

Hi Mike . I'm sorry. Just a question. Was there liquor in your house ?

mns1

Dee, I did say I would grind it out. And today I am. Last night I took the coward’s way out. Not tonight.

Ayers, yes. There was the bottle from the night before. I dumped it.

I am committing today — no engaging my AV, no stopping at the liqour store. I am doing this, no matter what.

Jewel72

For the whole month of October, I woke up at 3 AM feeling like absolute crud. It was like I was living a nightmare; every night, the same time. That has now stopped, and I can’t imagine going back to that cycle.

Mike, You can do this and you sound so very determined. Like Dee said, talk to your dr. about sleep if you think that might help. Pull out all the weapons you can to fight this beast.

Day 8 and I’m enjoying a peaceful morning sipping coffee before the day begins.

Have a great weekend and stay strong.

bobdrop

Good morning all. Day 13 here.

I've always thought the fear of what happens after stopping drinking is the biggest reason it's so hard to stop initially. Mike, if you really want to stop, you're just going to have to accept that fact, go minute by minute through the tough minutes, and at some point the bad stuff will pass. Might seem like hell getting there, but is there another way? Logic will tell you no. If there is no other way, the time is now to bite the bullet, face the fears, yes, be ready to suffer some, and get it done. My suggestion, if lack of sleep is one of the big problems, is to plan for things you enjoy watching through the night. Eventually you'll be tired enough to sleep again.

mns1

Thanks everyone.

Quit I know if I just suck it up my sleep will start to normalize again. I’m just being a wimp.

That is a good suggestion Bobdrop. I think I’ll plan on a couple movies to watch. Hell, if I’m really wide awake, maybe I’ll go for a midnight walk. Been having some really nice fall evenings here in Northeast US.

I’m doing this.

Bekindalways

Up and at em . . . sort of.

Thanks to all of you who post. My life has been a bit slow of late. I'm going to head for some friends to help with some rental projects.

Quitnow, I read your thread on the newcomers forum when you were fighting for a day 1 and 2. I really liked the feedback you got. Mike, you might try reading that thread and/or starting your own similar thread to get you through the first coulple of days.

So did some meditation again this morning. Also packing up as I've been squatting in my aunt's guest bedroom for a week.

Tally ho all. Keep getting through the days, nights, moment the best sober you can.

DarklingSong

Friday evening and I can hear little but my AV. Its ok though......no alcohol in the house so I am safe for tonight. I am not strong enough to be around alcohol at home, which depresses me a bit. I stopped drinking in social situations a decade ago so it is only at home that I binge. Going out tomorrow night so that will actually be easier than sitting in.

A slow, torturous day in work. My mood is low but the depressive fog is gradually lifting. I am going to start a new treatment next week that is meant to help with stress and mood. I hope so because the repeated relapses have really knocked the stuffing out of me.
Thinking of you Mike. Hang in there. Kit, Karen......wishing you well. Great to hear thing are going well for you Quit.
Wishing all the Augustonians well.

Bekindalways

Ugh Darkling. Hang tough. I like the HALT (hungry angry lonely tired) but bored and depressed should be in there too. I suppose with Mike insomnia should also be in there.

Please pass on any tidbits of wisdom that you find out in the new treatment!

DarklingSong

Thanks Behind. I have eaten enough to fill two, no actually three large adults. I am giving myself permission on that for now.

I unfortunately am a 'character depressive'. I get stressed easily by small things and if enough bad stuff comes my way I usually end up with a spell of low mood, fatigue etc. I tried anti-depressants in the past and felt worse. Having spoken to doctors and therapists over the years i understand that it is more about my personality than being an illness or disorder. I have done lots and lots of therapy that certainly helped but has never removed these basic tendencies. I am going to try a treatment that combines vitamins and probiotics/prebiotics. It apparently works in the gut and helps turn down the stress hormone. It has been clinically trialed and found safe and effective. I have digestive problems too that it may help with. Anyway, it is worth a try for me. I want to try everything I can to stay sober and it isn't easy when you feel bloody miserable half the time.
I do wish I could find some spiritual dimension in my life as I think that would help. I left organised religion in my teens and I haven't been able to find anything that resonates with me. I have moments when in nature when I can feel a spiritual connection but it is terribly short lived. I will keep trying.

Jewel72

Darkling, Your treatment sounds wonderfully natural. I hope it helps. Well done for not listening to the AV tonight. Another success for the Augustonians. If you ever want to talk about Christianity, please PM me. I am a Christian. Became one over 20 years ago. I don’t know where I’d be without the Lord. He has been a constant help and faithful companion all these years. Yes, I have faltered, but I’ve never let go of my faith. I understand it’s not for everyone, but I do love to share, since it provides so much hope and purpose in the midst of this difficult life journey. Hugs to you.

DarklingSong

Thank you so much Quit. That is incredibly generous of you.

DarklingSong

Mike, how are you?

Dee74

you can do this DS

D

mns1

I’m okay Darkling, thanks. Hope you are hanging in there as well.

Have about an hour and a half of work left. Stopping at the supermarket on my way home and then going to watch a movie or something. Hopefully I fall asleep at some point.

I feel that urge to drink lingering but I’m done. No more. I am just tired of playing this stupid game over and over again.

matrac

Hope those of you experiencing depression begin to feel better soon. Perhaps some of it is actually withdrawal and if that’s the case, it’ll get better as time passes. I think you’re great for hanging in their despite your challenges.

mns1

Made it home. No alcohol in the house,

Not gonna lie, I really wanted to stop at the liqour store on my way home. Which is insane considering how much I realized I don’t actually enjoy drinking. But I guess that’s the nature of addiction.

Just hoping I get some sleep tonight.

Dee74

I can remember Fridays when all I wanted to do was that too Mike - but we change