Class of August 2018 Part 6
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,278
Originally Posted by JustTony 
Back from our short cruise. Let's just say that it led to another "relapse".
I intend to get back on track tomorrow. I don't want to join another group so I'll post here again if that is ok?
I've had a couple of drinks today with a colleague so tomorrow will have to be Day 1.
Best Regards,
JT
I intend to get back on track tomorrow. I don't want to join another group so I'll post here again if that is ok?
I've had a couple of drinks today with a colleague so tomorrow will have to be Day 1.
Best Regards,
JT
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 194
Hello friends,
I am finally at my laptop and can read properly. And properly I have...for the last hour almost.
The perspective I have after thinking of your voices in my head this weekend and then reading your posts is once again how kind, thoughtful....well Caramel said it so beautifully (thank you!). There is some real sharing and introspection and yes I say this stuff all the time, but really...whether you have been struggling or not, I just believe in the spirit of everyone here.
And then as I reach the end of catching up, to see you are back Tony or coming back or not gone or whatever you want it to be....that choked me up as the culmination to catching up. So glad to see you.
Right, here we go!
In a nutshell, Karen sharing her ride home struggle which led to advice which led to that beautiful note and picture you shared Karen which led to people sharing childhood stories and....THAT RIGHT THERE. I can't relate to some of the childhood stories, but those stories and sharing just is everything. Thank you Queen Karen!
Maltrac, I couldn't get that link to work or track it down. I hear you on time alone and I am so glad you are still sharing all this time in. I am much more confident this far in, but also much more scared of what a slip would be. That can be great, but also can be something I can think too much about. I overthink as well, so I totally hear you.
BeKind, glad you are checking in and stay as close as you can if you can.
Alice, yay on the surgery! That is awesome. I was so happy to see Zoey say she did not know you were getting married....did you spring that on us or did i totally miss it? That is fantastic. Thanks for all of your rich posts this weekend. I have seen an enormous change in my moods leveling out. I would say it is one of the most prominent changes. I just am so much more even.
Ayers, I did have some spotty moodiness (didn't feel spotty at the time) right after a month and other times. But overall things are getting more and more even, So Lit is actually my favorite book on the topic, but The Recovering may compete with it. I love her writing in general and that book spoke to me so much. Drinking a Love Story and Dry too. Oh so many good reads. I totally relate to your adults at the wine thing and glad you have such a great husband.
Quit, keep keep keep coming and staaaaaaay. I love your morning walk idea. Tony's routine really inspired me and I found that I would wake up and do a little child's pose/prayer thing in the morning. Just some mindful routine for the day made me right. I say past tense because I have been bad about it, but your post inspired me to get back to that. I love "working through the junk." Dee always says how are we going to change our routine. Sometimes I think it is that we also haven't "worked through the junk" and maybe it is not the junk we think it is that needs to be worked on.
Mike, I have complete confidence you will get back on track. Like above, I am glad you are starting to think through what is going on in your head. I am someone who really responds to environment as far as memories. Time of year triggers things good and bad. I think you are very wise. Maybe that is something to journal on. I find that past loves are a part of us. But the good news is, they help inform the person we will find in life too. Right before I met my husband I thought, I just want to find someone who I be at peace with. I realized it wasn't my ex. As the saying goes, find peace inside and you will find the one. Perhaps it is her perhaps not, but finding the balance in what to keep with you and what to let go is hard and I think you are wise to see that is going through your head. Thanks for sharing.
Darkling, glad to see you. You are tenacious and I smile whenever I see you have checked in.
Zoey, sorry you slipped. Damn these gifted bottles of wine! Forget down and out in an alley, apparently our group just has wine falling from heaven! I don't mean to make light of it, but glad you are here. Thanks for sharing over the weekend.
Red, I so want to put a for sale sign on that neighbor's house. Hmph. I think if I had not told my husband it would be tempting to ask him for a bottle and then pretend I was leaving it up to fate if he got the message or not (not speaking for you....that was a real thing I would do). Alcohol experiment (That was you, right?) sounds great.
David, congrats on 9 weeks! How are you doing/what are you thinking job wise?
Ben, join as many groups as you want! You are always part of us and the hugs are free. You know how to do this. Just get some momentum.
Barbs, sorry you are struggling, but you are doing it! Get home soon!
DoubleDee, thanks for checking in.
Dee....you have had so many great words of wisdom. Thanks for engaging in our class here when we needed it. I feel like you recently have been posting just what I needed at the moment I did. Thanks!
I am finally at my laptop and can read properly. And properly I have...for the last hour almost.
The perspective I have after thinking of your voices in my head this weekend and then reading your posts is once again how kind, thoughtful....well Caramel said it so beautifully (thank you!). There is some real sharing and introspection and yes I say this stuff all the time, but really...whether you have been struggling or not, I just believe in the spirit of everyone here.
And then as I reach the end of catching up, to see you are back Tony or coming back or not gone or whatever you want it to be....that choked me up as the culmination to catching up. So glad to see you.
Right, here we go!
In a nutshell, Karen sharing her ride home struggle which led to advice which led to that beautiful note and picture you shared Karen which led to people sharing childhood stories and....THAT RIGHT THERE. I can't relate to some of the childhood stories, but those stories and sharing just is everything. Thank you Queen Karen!
Maltrac, I couldn't get that link to work or track it down. I hear you on time alone and I am so glad you are still sharing all this time in. I am much more confident this far in, but also much more scared of what a slip would be. That can be great, but also can be something I can think too much about. I overthink as well, so I totally hear you.
BeKind, glad you are checking in and stay as close as you can if you can.
Alice, yay on the surgery! That is awesome. I was so happy to see Zoey say she did not know you were getting married....did you spring that on us or did i totally miss it? That is fantastic. Thanks for all of your rich posts this weekend. I have seen an enormous change in my moods leveling out. I would say it is one of the most prominent changes. I just am so much more even.
Ayers, I did have some spotty moodiness (didn't feel spotty at the time) right after a month and other times. But overall things are getting more and more even, So Lit is actually my favorite book on the topic, but The Recovering may compete with it. I love her writing in general and that book spoke to me so much. Drinking a Love Story and Dry too. Oh so many good reads. I totally relate to your adults at the wine thing and glad you have such a great husband.
Quit, keep keep keep coming and staaaaaaay. I love your morning walk idea. Tony's routine really inspired me and I found that I would wake up and do a little child's pose/prayer thing in the morning. Just some mindful routine for the day made me right. I say past tense because I have been bad about it, but your post inspired me to get back to that. I love "working through the junk." Dee always says how are we going to change our routine. Sometimes I think it is that we also haven't "worked through the junk" and maybe it is not the junk we think it is that needs to be worked on.
Mike, I have complete confidence you will get back on track. Like above, I am glad you are starting to think through what is going on in your head. I am someone who really responds to environment as far as memories. Time of year triggers things good and bad. I think you are very wise. Maybe that is something to journal on. I find that past loves are a part of us. But the good news is, they help inform the person we will find in life too. Right before I met my husband I thought, I just want to find someone who I be at peace with. I realized it wasn't my ex. As the saying goes, find peace inside and you will find the one. Perhaps it is her perhaps not, but finding the balance in what to keep with you and what to let go is hard and I think you are wise to see that is going through your head. Thanks for sharing.
Darkling, glad to see you. You are tenacious and I smile whenever I see you have checked in.
Zoey, sorry you slipped. Damn these gifted bottles of wine! Forget down and out in an alley, apparently our group just has wine falling from heaven! I don't mean to make light of it, but glad you are here. Thanks for sharing over the weekend.
Red, I so want to put a for sale sign on that neighbor's house. Hmph. I think if I had not told my husband it would be tempting to ask him for a bottle and then pretend I was leaving it up to fate if he got the message or not (not speaking for you....that was a real thing I would do). Alcohol experiment (That was you, right?) sounds great.
David, congrats on 9 weeks! How are you doing/what are you thinking job wise?
Ben, join as many groups as you want! You are always part of us and the hugs are free. You know how to do this. Just get some momentum.
Barbs, sorry you are struggling, but you are doing it! Get home soon!
DoubleDee, thanks for checking in.
Dee....you have had so many great words of wisdom. Thanks for engaging in our class here when we needed it. I feel like you recently have been posting just what I needed at the moment I did. Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 194
A Columbus Day Vacation Sans Booze: A Novel (just my way of saying, long post below, be warned)
I spent so much time doing all that, I can't spend long (my children insist on eating several times a day, much to my dismay).
I got through it! I am genuinely grinning and want to do a little dance! I way underestimated the boozefest I was walking into. At first I thought, gee everyone is drinking so much what happened. I was not miserable or unhappy, but it was like a muscle that was confused. Think of it as an itch on my face that I cannot scratch. It didn't make me have a bad time, but it was a bit distracting and annoying at first.
Then as it goes, at some point I totally forgot about it. I mean, rinse and repeat for a little bit each night, but a little less each time. It got easier and more natural and less distracting.
So here are a few big takeaways:
1. No, my extended family did not suddenly get on some conference call I was not on and say, "hey let's kick it up a notch and drink more than usual and really focus on this." It is so obvious, but it took me like 2 full days before i realized the obvious truth that they always do this (yes, I am slow). I just was so focused on not drinking too too much that I never noticed. It was eye opening and made me realize why it took me so long to realize my drinking was not normal.
2. I kept calling it "Septuagenarians Gone Wild." Sure it was vacation, but they were acting like college kids. No, I am not judging. But I realized when I was in college I thought "well I won't do this after college." Well, I have been playing that game for decades (not consistently). I don't care what they are doing, but I don't want to be doing this then. I kept thinking, and I know I overuse this, I am quitting quitting. I am tired of this topic and don't want to be measuring and controlling (best case scenario if I even could) for the next 30 years. Glad I am done with it.
3. Regarding the above, glad to not be setting that example for my kids.
4. I had a great time! I stayed up late and talked to my family. In Maine I sort of went to bed and didn't tempt myself. This time I did everything everyone did. I just woke up well rested and did a whole lot MORE than they did.
5. As so many of you have said, I was so much more present and none of that "who was telling me last night" or realizing I was rambling. I was just engaged. It was great.
6. At a certain point a few times I started getting a little annoyed. In fact three times. Each night. At the exact same time. It was not around me wanting a drink or anything else. Like above it took me almost the whole time to figure it out. I thought, these conversations keep "going in circles and why is so and so keep bringing it back to her and wow, his humor was off in that conversation and for the love of god can we just finish this thought that was interesting and wait, where are you going and oh my gosh we are going in circles again....can we just finish this conversation!" I am sure you figured it out, but I didn't. I suddenly know what it is like to be around drunk people at the end of the night! And man, is it annoying. Good ideas, but ughhhhhh. So that was eye opening.
7. Can't remember who posted this that maybe it will encourage others. It did! I finally told people that I don't like the way it makes me fell whatever. I told my sister, look I am not a one drink girl. I think with our family history it was playing russian roulette and I like my life too much to do that. I can kick it down the road, but I am worry one day I would lose control over it like mom did and not be able to make the choice not to drink the way I am today. What if something happens like when dad got ill and mom lost her job and they both started drinking a lot lot more? I just want to eliminate even the chance it could destroy my life. I can't control everything, but I can control that and for me that is no drinking at all
Her response? I agree 100%. I agree with everything you said. I am proud of you. I need to get there. I am not there yet.
I cried. She cried. And I didn't need to say a thing more. I don't need to tell her what to do, but I can keep setting a good example and I have her support. And she and my other sister and brother in law drank way, way less (even in the midst of this) because I think we were enjoying ourselves so much and I just set a different pace.
So while I am not kidding about the amount of booze, I do also realize most of them have no problem with booze and this is a vacation thing. When I came home last night and my flight was delayed, I thought to myself, and I would either be drinking a ton for the next week or I would be coming off of that. I also would have been snippy the last day when we mainly traveled.
So it was not easy...at first, but so glad. I enjoyed it so much more sober and am so much more peaceful now.
I spent so much time doing all that, I can't spend long (my children insist on eating several times a day, much to my dismay).
I got through it! I am genuinely grinning and want to do a little dance! I way underestimated the boozefest I was walking into. At first I thought, gee everyone is drinking so much what happened. I was not miserable or unhappy, but it was like a muscle that was confused. Think of it as an itch on my face that I cannot scratch. It didn't make me have a bad time, but it was a bit distracting and annoying at first.
Then as it goes, at some point I totally forgot about it. I mean, rinse and repeat for a little bit each night, but a little less each time. It got easier and more natural and less distracting.
So here are a few big takeaways:
1. No, my extended family did not suddenly get on some conference call I was not on and say, "hey let's kick it up a notch and drink more than usual and really focus on this." It is so obvious, but it took me like 2 full days before i realized the obvious truth that they always do this (yes, I am slow). I just was so focused on not drinking too too much that I never noticed. It was eye opening and made me realize why it took me so long to realize my drinking was not normal.
2. I kept calling it "Septuagenarians Gone Wild." Sure it was vacation, but they were acting like college kids. No, I am not judging. But I realized when I was in college I thought "well I won't do this after college." Well, I have been playing that game for decades (not consistently). I don't care what they are doing, but I don't want to be doing this then. I kept thinking, and I know I overuse this, I am quitting quitting. I am tired of this topic and don't want to be measuring and controlling (best case scenario if I even could) for the next 30 years. Glad I am done with it.
3. Regarding the above, glad to not be setting that example for my kids.
4. I had a great time! I stayed up late and talked to my family. In Maine I sort of went to bed and didn't tempt myself. This time I did everything everyone did. I just woke up well rested and did a whole lot MORE than they did.
5. As so many of you have said, I was so much more present and none of that "who was telling me last night" or realizing I was rambling. I was just engaged. It was great.
6. At a certain point a few times I started getting a little annoyed. In fact three times. Each night. At the exact same time. It was not around me wanting a drink or anything else. Like above it took me almost the whole time to figure it out. I thought, these conversations keep "going in circles and why is so and so keep bringing it back to her and wow, his humor was off in that conversation and for the love of god can we just finish this thought that was interesting and wait, where are you going and oh my gosh we are going in circles again....can we just finish this conversation!" I am sure you figured it out, but I didn't. I suddenly know what it is like to be around drunk people at the end of the night! And man, is it annoying. Good ideas, but ughhhhhh. So that was eye opening.
7. Can't remember who posted this that maybe it will encourage others. It did! I finally told people that I don't like the way it makes me fell whatever. I told my sister, look I am not a one drink girl. I think with our family history it was playing russian roulette and I like my life too much to do that. I can kick it down the road, but I am worry one day I would lose control over it like mom did and not be able to make the choice not to drink the way I am today. What if something happens like when dad got ill and mom lost her job and they both started drinking a lot lot more? I just want to eliminate even the chance it could destroy my life. I can't control everything, but I can control that and for me that is no drinking at all
Her response? I agree 100%. I agree with everything you said. I am proud of you. I need to get there. I am not there yet.
I cried. She cried. And I didn't need to say a thing more. I don't need to tell her what to do, but I can keep setting a good example and I have her support. And she and my other sister and brother in law drank way, way less (even in the midst of this) because I think we were enjoying ourselves so much and I just set a different pace.
So while I am not kidding about the amount of booze, I do also realize most of them have no problem with booze and this is a vacation thing. When I came home last night and my flight was delayed, I thought to myself, and I would either be drinking a ton for the next week or I would be coming off of that. I also would have been snippy the last day when we mainly traveled.
So it was not easy...at first, but so glad. I enjoyed it so much more sober and am so much more peaceful now.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Originally Posted by SuzesSobriety
7. Can't remember who posted this that maybe it will encourage others. It did! I finally told people that I don't like the way it makes me fell whatever. I told my sister, look I am not a one drink girl. I think with our family history it was playing russian roulette and I like my life too much to do that. I can kick it down the road, but I am worry one day I would lose control over it like mom did and not be able to make the choice not to drink the way I am today. What if something happens like when dad got ill and mom lost her job and they both started drinking a lot lot more? I just want to eliminate even the chance it could destroy my life. I can't control everything, but I can control that and for me that is no drinking at all
Her response? I agree 100%. I agree with everything you said. I am proud of you. I need to get there. I am not there yet.
I cried. She cried. And I didn't need to say a thing more. I don't need to tell her what to do, but I can keep setting a good example and I have her support. And she and my other sister and brother in law drank way, way less (even in the midst of this) because I think we were enjoying ourselves so much and I just set a different pace.
Her response? I agree 100%. I agree with everything you said. I am proud of you. I need to get there. I am not there yet.
I cried. She cried. And I didn't need to say a thing more. I don't need to tell her what to do, but I can keep setting a good example and I have her support. And she and my other sister and brother in law drank way, way less (even in the midst of this) because I think we were enjoying ourselves so much and I just set a different pace.
Also, I'm thinking "I AM NOT A ONE-DRINK GIRL" would make a really cool tee-shirt.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Mike -- I just want to send you some good energy and hug. I think relationship issues can be the biggest trigger of all. They are for me, anyway. I was in a complete dustercluck of a relationship right after my divorce, and my drinking amped up a LOT because of that. So, although I wholeheartedly want you to stop, I also wholly understand why it's so hard right now.
When I finally got myself somewhat together, I left the toxic relationship I was in, and to my great surprise found myself shortly after in a relationship that was/is totally fantastic: peaceful, nurturing, loving, honest....I could go on.
Maybe as you give yourself permission to let go of idealized ideas of how your relationship with your past GF is supposed to be, you will create a place in your life for the kind of truly fulfilling, happy relationship that I can tell you deserve.
Give yourself time and space to allow the universe to conspire with your best self to make good things happen. And, of course, you know that your BEST self is your sober self.
When I finally got myself somewhat together, I left the toxic relationship I was in, and to my great surprise found myself shortly after in a relationship that was/is totally fantastic: peaceful, nurturing, loving, honest....I could go on.
Maybe as you give yourself permission to let go of idealized ideas of how your relationship with your past GF is supposed to be, you will create a place in your life for the kind of truly fulfilling, happy relationship that I can tell you deserve.
Give yourself time and space to allow the universe to conspire with your best self to make good things happen. And, of course, you know that your BEST self is your sober self.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Oh -- and yes -- I guess I did kind of spring it, but I am getting married! Not until June 15 next year, but I hope you all will be at my wedding. I intend to check in on that day for sure, and I hope to find you all still here. I the meantime, we'll keep taking it one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Georgia, USA
Posts: 2,229
Suze, I'm so grateful you're back! And such a great experience to share with us. Thank you!
Glad you're back too, Tony. I can't wait to hear more from you.
Mike, I totally agree with what others have said. I hope you can find peace, get and stay sober, and find a wonderful woman. But I understand the need to grieve, too. When we're drinking all the time, it postpones that grieving process, and may be part of why you're having a struggle with it now. Sorry if it sounds like I'm psychoanalyzing you. I really don't mean it that way, just wanting to be a help and telling you my thoughts.
I am so tired. Going to chill out and get some sleep. I had a huge day at work.
I think that's one of my biggest triggers, is being tired. And thirsty. So I've been doing great at drinking water, bought a covered cup that I keep with me all day. But, I have to work, and it makes me tired. Vitamins, eating right and getting lots of sleep is all I know of to help at this point.
Sweet dreams to all my fellow Augustonians!
Glad you're back too, Tony. I can't wait to hear more from you.
Mike, I totally agree with what others have said. I hope you can find peace, get and stay sober, and find a wonderful woman. But I understand the need to grieve, too. When we're drinking all the time, it postpones that grieving process, and may be part of why you're having a struggle with it now. Sorry if it sounds like I'm psychoanalyzing you. I really don't mean it that way, just wanting to be a help and telling you my thoughts.
I am so tired. Going to chill out and get some sleep. I had a huge day at work.
I think that's one of my biggest triggers, is being tired. And thirsty. So I've been doing great at drinking water, bought a covered cup that I keep with me all day. But, I have to work, and it makes me tired. Vitamins, eating right and getting lots of sleep is all I know of to help at this point.
Sweet dreams to all my fellow Augustonians!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,982
Okay everyone . . . . plans for June 15, 2019: raise a glass of something non-alcoholic to celebrate with Alice!
Oh wow, Dee you changed your avatar: nice. I just always looked for the walking critter when reading.
My usually afternoon slump turned into a spot of depression for me today: ugh. I got myself out of the house for a haircut and then took my nephew to a piano lesson.
So many times with depression, I just carry on knowing it will pass sooner or later. It does indeed make me want wine but I'm now in bed and feeling better. Had a lovely beet salad with goat cheese for dinner with my tonic water.
I loved wine and cheese at formal dinners and have continued to get cheese plates but it isn't the same with out wine. I'm cutting out the cheese course and just having salad as I don't crave wine with salad. This can be one tiny plan to help me avoid missing wine.
Tony, so hope to hear something from you tomorrow morning. Come back to us hungover or not. We are still here passing the torch around this wounded planet.
Oh wow, Dee you changed your avatar: nice. I just always looked for the walking critter when reading.
My usually afternoon slump turned into a spot of depression for me today: ugh. I got myself out of the house for a haircut and then took my nephew to a piano lesson.
So many times with depression, I just carry on knowing it will pass sooner or later. It does indeed make me want wine but I'm now in bed and feeling better. Had a lovely beet salad with goat cheese for dinner with my tonic water.
I loved wine and cheese at formal dinners and have continued to get cheese plates but it isn't the same with out wine. I'm cutting out the cheese course and just having salad as I don't crave wine with salad. This can be one tiny plan to help me avoid missing wine.
Tony, so hope to hear something from you tomorrow morning. Come back to us hungover or not. We are still here passing the torch around this wounded planet.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,320
OK. 8 Weeks tomorrow, but not now. I guess no-one missed me. No surprise. I think I have found my way forward. I stopped on New Years Eve 2017, but every 2 to 3 months, I drink, for a night or 2. Tonight is one of them. Tomorrow, I will continue on, but probably not on this site. Dee, I love you, but this may not be my answer. I have survived my barrage of doctor appointments and came out good. I never see myself drinking regularly again unless there is a catastrophic event. I am blessed and if the worst I do is 1 night every 2 to 3 months, I win. I'm approaching 60, so all the good health reports I've been getting makes me appreciate my genes. Kinda sucks that I have diabetes, but I guess that was coming, no matter what. I will be back to no drinking again tomorrow. I need to kick the habit of needing others to approve and just live what I have learned here. Sometimes think day counting is punishment. On December 31st,2017, if I thought I'd go into October with just a few nights drinking, I would have been thrilled. I still am. I will never drink in front of my kids or wife again. I will control my diabetes. I will try to find a way to enjoy the rest of my life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,278
Hi all my fellow Augustonians , Wednesday morning, day 48
Bob – how can you say we didn’t miss you – !! I’m sorry you drank a day before your 8 weeks (not that a date makes any difference), but I get you, when you say you are still thrilled : As you say , you don’t need others to approve, this is between you and yourself .
I understand that you want to try another way, but I don’t think you need to leave SR for that – stay with us, and try other good stuff as well – but don’t leave? I am happy to hear you have been getting good health reports and that you are managing your diabetes. Please stay and be a part of our group.
Suze , welcome back and well done , knew you’d make it through!
So glad you had a great time with your family.
As for not being a “one drink girl” – I think that sums me up pretty much – and I might use your line in future to explain to my friends why I have quit… none of them are “one glass girls”, so I think they’ll get it. I also want that T-shirt !!!
I have been in situations recently where I have been telling more and more people that I am not drinking any more – and it is getting easier and easier to tell them – I’m not ashamed any more or worried about what they might think … that to me is a huge burden off my shoulders – not worrying what they think. But now that it’s out there … mmm, I’m not so sure it was a good idea . Extra pressure. But maybe my way of commiting ? Dunno ☹
I have an upcoming event on the 17th – one of our group (do you remember our group “The Sauvignon Blancs ☹) has moved out of town and has invited us to her birthday . Looking forward to seeing her but not looking forward to the event, but feel I have to support her – lonely after moving , hasn’t made new friends, etc) Oh well , suppose I’ll be the designated driver ? But maybe I should get that T-shirt ??
Tony – glad you are back on solid ground , and here’s hoping to hear more from you – nice, looong posts, please. Hugs to you !!
Mike, also glad that you have reached some kind of answer . That is a step forward. And remember, we sometimes have to let go of something/one to allow the better something/one into our lives. The bottom line is – let go !!! Easier said than done, I know, but nonetheless something we all have to do at certain times in our lives. Still rooting for you , our warrior !!!
Alice- you are full of surprises!! . Getting a new smile on your dial and now … a wedding announcement !! How exciting is that ?? Whoop-dee-doo ! Congrats, girl 😊
I read / saw a show somewhere ( think it was the youtube video about Elizabeth Vargas ) that on average alcoholics have 5 relapses before they finally have a breakthrough. That is a double cutting sword for me- making me feel both despondent and hopeful at the same time.
To this day, I cannot believe I’ve made it this far- but there is this little voice inside my head saying – look at the stats ! You are going to fold at some stage or another – because it’s been just too good to be true (I’m not saying it was easy – not at allll!)
So Red, Quit, Zoey, Darkling, Bob, Tony, Mike and others who slipped , remember I for one, look at you and think – wow, wow,wow, - for coming back and trying again – and for knowing it might be me in your shoes, and that it might happen at any time.
I do tend to romanticize many things in my life and I have this vision of our group sticking together for years to come. Imagine us all making it to the “One year and over”-group , with our class still intact ?And then 2 yrs and more and more! I need to know that you guys are in it for the long haul with me – please ? Maybe I’m being silly , I know people move along in their lives , but I can only hope that you are all as commited to this group as I am.
Odaat - miss you, and hope to hear from you. Please come back?
For good measure, I am posting the group covenant again.
Blessings to all of you today.
Look out for the sniper and be armed and ready !
ONWARDS !!! GO, GO,GO !!!!
:danc er5:
Bob – how can you say we didn’t miss you – !! I’m sorry you drank a day before your 8 weeks (not that a date makes any difference), but I get you, when you say you are still thrilled :
“On December 31st,2017, if I thought I'd go into October with just a few nights drinking, I would have been thrilled.”
I understand that you want to try another way, but I don’t think you need to leave SR for that – stay with us, and try other good stuff as well – but don’t leave? I am happy to hear you have been getting good health reports and that you are managing your diabetes. Please stay and be a part of our group.
Suze , welcome back and well done , knew you’d make it through!
So glad you had a great time with your family.
As for not being a “one drink girl” – I think that sums me up pretty much – and I might use your line in future to explain to my friends why I have quit… none of them are “one glass girls”, so I think they’ll get it. I also want that T-shirt !!!
I have been in situations recently where I have been telling more and more people that I am not drinking any more – and it is getting easier and easier to tell them – I’m not ashamed any more or worried about what they might think … that to me is a huge burden off my shoulders – not worrying what they think. But now that it’s out there … mmm, I’m not so sure it was a good idea . Extra pressure. But maybe my way of commiting ? Dunno ☹
I have an upcoming event on the 17th – one of our group (do you remember our group “The Sauvignon Blancs ☹) has moved out of town and has invited us to her birthday . Looking forward to seeing her but not looking forward to the event, but feel I have to support her – lonely after moving , hasn’t made new friends, etc) Oh well , suppose I’ll be the designated driver ? But maybe I should get that T-shirt ??
Tony – glad you are back on solid ground , and here’s hoping to hear more from you – nice, looong posts, please. Hugs to you !!
Mike, also glad that you have reached some kind of answer . That is a step forward. And remember, we sometimes have to let go of something/one to allow the better something/one into our lives. The bottom line is – let go !!! Easier said than done, I know, but nonetheless something we all have to do at certain times in our lives. Still rooting for you , our warrior !!!
Alice- you are full of surprises!! . Getting a new smile on your dial and now … a wedding announcement !! How exciting is that ?? Whoop-dee-doo ! Congrats, girl 😊
I read / saw a show somewhere ( think it was the youtube video about Elizabeth Vargas ) that on average alcoholics have 5 relapses before they finally have a breakthrough. That is a double cutting sword for me- making me feel both despondent and hopeful at the same time.
To this day, I cannot believe I’ve made it this far- but there is this little voice inside my head saying – look at the stats ! You are going to fold at some stage or another – because it’s been just too good to be true (I’m not saying it was easy – not at allll!)
So Red, Quit, Zoey, Darkling, Bob, Tony, Mike and others who slipped , remember I for one, look at you and think – wow, wow,wow, - for coming back and trying again – and for knowing it might be me in your shoes, and that it might happen at any time.
I do tend to romanticize many things in my life and I have this vision of our group sticking together for years to come. Imagine us all making it to the “One year and over”-group , with our class still intact ?And then 2 yrs and more and more! I need to know that you guys are in it for the long haul with me – please ? Maybe I’m being silly , I know people move along in their lives , but I can only hope that you are all as commited to this group as I am.
Odaat - miss you, and hope to hear from you. Please come back?
For good measure, I am posting the group covenant again.
If you are a member of a small group or class, I urge you to make a group covenant that includes the nine characteristics of fellowship:
We will share our true feelings (authenticity),
forgive each other (mercy),
speak the truth in love (honesty),
admit our weaknesses (humility),
respect our differences (courtesy),
not gossip (confidentiality),
and make group a priority (frequency).
― Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here for?
We will share our true feelings (authenticity),
forgive each other (mercy),
speak the truth in love (honesty),
admit our weaknesses (humility),
respect our differences (courtesy),
not gossip (confidentiality),
and make group a priority (frequency).
― Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here for?
Look out for the sniper and be armed and ready !
ONWARDS !!! GO, GO,GO !!!!
:danc er5:
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Hi Bob
apols if you haven't been getting name checked by me - nothing personal.
Old brain.,..years of abuse...I often have to go back a page or two to remind myself who's in what group...so the folks on those recent pages tend to get the shout outs .
Still rooting for you tho Bob - congrats on 8 weeks - that's awesome, regardless of relapse
Please don't fall for the old if I only do this a few times a years I'm good. If I'm right you've tried this before yeah?
None wants to be different - but we are Bob. I don;t want diabetes either, but it's not looking good for me.
You know how to leave the surface of Planet Addiction - you've proved that - but you still need to work out how to achieve escape velocity.
One - I think you'll struggle to do that consistently, and Two it's never good to do something you know darn well is not good for you.
Sure SR may not be enough for you - it's not for everyone but you haven't really utilised us regularly for a while either.
When you did, back in the beginning, I think you did pretty well.
D
apols if you haven't been getting name checked by me - nothing personal.
Old brain.,..years of abuse...I often have to go back a page or two to remind myself who's in what group...so the folks on those recent pages tend to get the shout outs .
Still rooting for you tho Bob - congrats on 8 weeks - that's awesome, regardless of relapse
Please don't fall for the old if I only do this a few times a years I'm good. If I'm right you've tried this before yeah?
None wants to be different - but we are Bob. I don;t want diabetes either, but it's not looking good for me.
You know how to leave the surface of Planet Addiction - you've proved that - but you still need to work out how to achieve escape velocity.
One - I think you'll struggle to do that consistently, and Two it's never good to do something you know darn well is not good for you.
Sure SR may not be enough for you - it's not for everyone but you haven't really utilised us regularly for a while either.
When you did, back in the beginning, I think you did pretty well.
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: London, UK
Posts: 165
Originally Posted by SuzesSobriety
A Columbus Day Vacation Sans Booze: A Novel (just my way of saying, long post below, be warned)
I spent so much time doing all that, I can't spend long (my children insist on eating several times a day, much to my dismay).
I got through it! I am genuinely grinning and want to do a little dance! I way underestimated the boozefest I was walking into. At first I thought, gee everyone is drinking so much what happened. I was not miserable or unhappy, but it was like a muscle that was confused. Think of it as an itch on my face that I cannot scratch. It didn't make me have a bad time, but it was a bit distracting and annoying at first.
Then as it goes, at some point I totally forgot about it. I mean, rinse and repeat for a little bit each night, but a little less each time. It got easier and more natural and less distracting.
So here are a few big takeaways:
1. No, my extended family did not suddenly get on some conference call I was not on and say, "hey let's kick it up a notch and drink more than usual and really focus on this." It is so obvious, but it took me like 2 full days before i realized the obvious truth that they always do this (yes, I am slow). I just was so focused on not drinking too too much that I never noticed. It was eye opening and made me realize why it took me so long to realize my drinking was not normal.
2. I kept calling it "Septuagenarians Gone Wild." Sure it was vacation, but they were acting like college kids. No, I am not judging. But I realized when I was in college I thought "well I won't do this after college." Well, I have been playing that game for decades (not consistently). I don't care what they are doing, but I don't want to be doing this then. I kept thinking, and I know I overuse this, I am quitting quitting. I am tired of this topic and don't want to be measuring and controlling (best case scenario if I even could) for the next 30 years. Glad I am done with it.
3. Regarding the above, glad to not be setting that example for my kids.
4. I had a great time! I stayed up late and talked to my family. In Maine I sort of went to bed and didn't tempt myself. This time I did everything everyone did. I just woke up well rested and did a whole lot MORE than they did.
5. As so many of you have said, I was so much more present and none of that "who was telling me last night" or realizing I was rambling. I was just engaged. It was great.
6. At a certain point a few times I started getting a little annoyed. In fact three times. Each night. At the exact same time. It was not around me wanting a drink or anything else. Like above it took me almost the whole time to figure it out. I thought, these conversations keep "going in circles and why is so and so keep bringing it back to her and wow, his humor was off in that conversation and for the love of god can we just finish this thought that was interesting and wait, where are you going and oh my gosh we are going in circles again....can we just finish this conversation!" I am sure you figured it out, but I didn't. I suddenly know what it is like to be around drunk people at the end of the night! And man, is it annoying. Good ideas, but ughhhhhh. So that was eye opening.
7. Can't remember who posted this that maybe it will encourage others. It did! I finally told people that I don't like the way it makes me fell whatever. I told my sister, look I am not a one drink girl. I think with our family history it was playing russian roulette and I like my life too much to do that. I can kick it down the road, but I am worry one day I would lose control over it like mom did and not be able to make the choice not to drink the way I am today. What if something happens like when dad got ill and mom lost her job and they both started drinking a lot lot more? I just want to eliminate even the chance it could destroy my life. I can't control everything, but I can control that and for me that is no drinking at all
Her response? I agree 100%. I agree with everything you said. I am proud of you. I need to get there. I am not there yet.
I cried. She cried. And I didn't need to say a thing more. I don't need to tell her what to do, but I can keep setting a good example and I have her support. And she and my other sister and brother in law drank way, way less (even in the midst of this) because I think we were enjoying ourselves so much and I just set a different pace.
So while I am not kidding about the amount of booze, I do also realize most of them have no problem with booze and this is a vacation thing. When I came home last night and my flight was delayed, I thought to myself, and I would either be drinking a ton for the next week or I would be coming off of that. I also would have been snippy the last day when we mainly traveled.
So it was not easy...at first, but so glad. I enjoyed it so much more sober and am so much more peaceful now.
I spent so much time doing all that, I can't spend long (my children insist on eating several times a day, much to my dismay).
I got through it! I am genuinely grinning and want to do a little dance! I way underestimated the boozefest I was walking into. At first I thought, gee everyone is drinking so much what happened. I was not miserable or unhappy, but it was like a muscle that was confused. Think of it as an itch on my face that I cannot scratch. It didn't make me have a bad time, but it was a bit distracting and annoying at first.
Then as it goes, at some point I totally forgot about it. I mean, rinse and repeat for a little bit each night, but a little less each time. It got easier and more natural and less distracting.
So here are a few big takeaways:
1. No, my extended family did not suddenly get on some conference call I was not on and say, "hey let's kick it up a notch and drink more than usual and really focus on this." It is so obvious, but it took me like 2 full days before i realized the obvious truth that they always do this (yes, I am slow). I just was so focused on not drinking too too much that I never noticed. It was eye opening and made me realize why it took me so long to realize my drinking was not normal.
2. I kept calling it "Septuagenarians Gone Wild." Sure it was vacation, but they were acting like college kids. No, I am not judging. But I realized when I was in college I thought "well I won't do this after college." Well, I have been playing that game for decades (not consistently). I don't care what they are doing, but I don't want to be doing this then. I kept thinking, and I know I overuse this, I am quitting quitting. I am tired of this topic and don't want to be measuring and controlling (best case scenario if I even could) for the next 30 years. Glad I am done with it.
3. Regarding the above, glad to not be setting that example for my kids.
4. I had a great time! I stayed up late and talked to my family. In Maine I sort of went to bed and didn't tempt myself. This time I did everything everyone did. I just woke up well rested and did a whole lot MORE than they did.
5. As so many of you have said, I was so much more present and none of that "who was telling me last night" or realizing I was rambling. I was just engaged. It was great.
6. At a certain point a few times I started getting a little annoyed. In fact three times. Each night. At the exact same time. It was not around me wanting a drink or anything else. Like above it took me almost the whole time to figure it out. I thought, these conversations keep "going in circles and why is so and so keep bringing it back to her and wow, his humor was off in that conversation and for the love of god can we just finish this thought that was interesting and wait, where are you going and oh my gosh we are going in circles again....can we just finish this conversation!" I am sure you figured it out, but I didn't. I suddenly know what it is like to be around drunk people at the end of the night! And man, is it annoying. Good ideas, but ughhhhhh. So that was eye opening.
7. Can't remember who posted this that maybe it will encourage others. It did! I finally told people that I don't like the way it makes me fell whatever. I told my sister, look I am not a one drink girl. I think with our family history it was playing russian roulette and I like my life too much to do that. I can kick it down the road, but I am worry one day I would lose control over it like mom did and not be able to make the choice not to drink the way I am today. What if something happens like when dad got ill and mom lost her job and they both started drinking a lot lot more? I just want to eliminate even the chance it could destroy my life. I can't control everything, but I can control that and for me that is no drinking at all
Her response? I agree 100%. I agree with everything you said. I am proud of you. I need to get there. I am not there yet.
I cried. She cried. And I didn't need to say a thing more. I don't need to tell her what to do, but I can keep setting a good example and I have her support. And she and my other sister and brother in law drank way, way less (even in the midst of this) because I think we were enjoying ourselves so much and I just set a different pace.
So while I am not kidding about the amount of booze, I do also realize most of them have no problem with booze and this is a vacation thing. When I came home last night and my flight was delayed, I thought to myself, and I would either be drinking a ton for the next week or I would be coming off of that. I also would have been snippy the last day when we mainly traveled.
So it was not easy...at first, but so glad. I enjoyed it so much more sober and am so much more peaceful now.
This is a great post. What you are doing is way more than being sober yourself. It seems that you are breaking the cycle in your family. As you say you can’t decide for anyone else but it looks like you might be taking some of them with you. It may not feel like it but that is courage, right there. True courage is not when we have it all sorted. It’s the opposite, when we are struggling, confused, scared and still do it anyway.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: London, UK
Posts: 165
Originally Posted by SuzesSobriety
David, congrats on 9 weeks! How are you doing/what are you thinking job wise?
Thanks, I am finding sobriety surprisingly easy. 9 weeks has been a breeze from that point of view
Regarding work, it is a struggle. Looking for a job that you know you will not enjoy is pretty tough going. So, i will continue to look because I need to earn money soon.
I’ve worked in manufacturing for decades and I do not like it and probably never have.
My real passion is coaching which I have been doing for 10 years on the side. I am taking. About mental coaching and I do a fair amount in sport. I also work with a wide range of other people on a whole bunch of different things, I have even worked with people in recovery (yes I get the irony given that I am now posting here) So I have also been working on that. I have a new website and am getting into social media, podcasts that kinda thing to get the conversation going.
If I don’t tell people, they are never going to know, right?
Last edited by Dee74; 10-10-2018 at 06:26 AM. Reason: Rule one no advertising.
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Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,278
Good for you David. Sounds like you are actually keeping very busy despite job hunting . Will check out your web- it sounds like coaching is the way to go for you , seems like you love doing it .
Here in South Africa they have courses on "Life Coaching" and it is something that has interested me as well.
You are doing great . 9 Weeks !!. And you say it has been a breeze?
Would love if you share and tell us what you did to make it a breeze ? we could all benefit from it. I know you have posted as the thread moved along , but maybe a recap of suggestions/tips/tricks ?
Here in South Africa they have courses on "Life Coaching" and it is something that has interested me as well.
You are doing great . 9 Weeks !!. And you say it has been a breeze?
Would love if you share and tell us what you did to make it a breeze ? we could all benefit from it. I know you have posted as the thread moved along , but maybe a recap of suggestions/tips/tricks ?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 451
Bob, I totally identify with your post. I also seem to go a month sober and then blow it with a night or two of drinking. That's my challenge right now -- to keep the sobriety going long term. Sometimes that one night isn't a problem (except that of course it is … but you know what I mean), but this last time I had dear friends over to dinner and suspect I embarrassed myself a bit. And I felt really lousy the next day. But I'm back now 3 days in, and going back to some of the basics -- having a plan, journaling, touching base with everyone here twice a day. Good luck to you (and to me!).
Happy Wednesday, everyone! Half-way to the weekend (which for me is both a good and bad thing … I love the time off, but weekends are filled with triggers and it's critical that I fill my time with sober things to do and sober friends to do it with).
Thanks for being here for me and for all of us! We're so much stronger together!
Happy Wednesday, everyone! Half-way to the weekend (which for me is both a good and bad thing … I love the time off, but weekends are filled with triggers and it's critical that I fill my time with sober things to do and sober friends to do it with).
Thanks for being here for me and for all of us! We're so much stronger together!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 451
Wow, that last post sure was all about me-me-me! 
I'm actually thinking about all of you … Bob, Ayres, Suze, Strawberry, Red, SP, Ben, DavidBrown, Dee, BeKind, Bonnie, Karen, Alice, Tony, Red and everyone else who is on this journey with me. Your stories are so important to me!
I'm actually thinking about all of you … Bob, Ayres, Suze, Strawberry, Red, SP, Ben, DavidBrown, Dee, BeKind, Bonnie, Karen, Alice, Tony, Red and everyone else who is on this journey with me. Your stories are so important to me!
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