Class of August 2018 Part 6
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Georgia, USA
Posts: 2,229
Thanks Quit, Ayers and Bonnie! I think looking at that picture will help me a lot. I don't always feel I deserve health and happiness, even though of course I know I really do, but it's that inner feeling that can really mess me up. But I feel a strong desire to give her that chance, and since she's in me, I have to give me that chance, too. That may sound really wacky but it makes sense to me, and it can't hurt.
Alice, how did it go? Sweet P, sorry you're sick. Do you feel better today?
It's wonderful to have the weekend stretching before us!
Ayers, as to your question of moods, I am still too early after my relapse to really add much. I had a day or so of terrible worry over a situation at work, like I mentioned. I don't feel I handled it well, but it could have been a lot worse. But mostly for the past few days I've been 'up'. Today I feel very positive. Tomorrow is one week, though, so I'm sure I'll have lots of mood swings over the next few weeks or months even.
I watched a program on YouTube last night about alcoholism. It talked about the damage it does to our brains, and how important it is to get sober early, because the longer we drink the worse the damage is. I hope all of us stay sober from here out. We need our brains!
Alice, how did it go? Sweet P, sorry you're sick. Do you feel better today?
It's wonderful to have the weekend stretching before us!
Ayers, as to your question of moods, I am still too early after my relapse to really add much. I had a day or so of terrible worry over a situation at work, like I mentioned. I don't feel I handled it well, but it could have been a lot worse. But mostly for the past few days I've been 'up'. Today I feel very positive. Tomorrow is one week, though, so I'm sure I'll have lots of mood swings over the next few weeks or months even.
I watched a program on YouTube last night about alcoholism. It talked about the damage it does to our brains, and how important it is to get sober early, because the longer we drink the worse the damage is. I hope all of us stay sober from here out. We need our brains!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Good morning! Wow. It is getting quiet in here! There used to be pages and pages to read each morning. I hope this just means our August friends are doing well and not needing to come here. I miss everyone.
Ayers, thanks as always for the recap/response. I nominate you to be the August cheerleader. It's not a paying position ( not in monetary terms, anyway) but you can take all of the cranky days off you want as long as you show up and tell us you're ok.
Quit, Bonnie and Karen - Hmmm. Seems like we have a "club" of people who had challenging childhoods. It's not a great club to belong to. Long before I decided to get sober, I had to reconcile with things from my childhood. I had a wonderful father, but he was away much of the time, and my mother had a pretty severe mood disorder that really didn't suit her at all to being the parent of two young children. She was also very beautiful and very vain. My sister and I were more like accessories to her (soo many picture of the three of us all wearing the same outfit - her in the middle, one of us on each side). Accessories have to be perfect, y'know. I always thought she would have been better off with a couple of cute little poodles! When I was a teen, she read the book Mommie Dearest, the memoir written by Joan Crawford's daughter, and identified with it to the point that she even asked us to call her Mommie Dearest! Did the image fit? Oh, yes. 'Nuf said.
Well, almost enough. I got along great with my mom as long as we both were drinking! She allowed me to drink wine with her and to smoke cigarettes starting when I was 15. When she was drinking, she was happy and fun and loving. I had to make peace, as I got older, with the way my mom was and what it meant to my childhood and to my development into an adult. I actually see a lot of her in me. She had a mood disorder and I do too. We both attempted to manage things as best we could, and that didn't always work out best for those around us. I had a therapist once who, having heard all the gory details of my childhood, told me that my mother didn't love me. I think she did, though. She was just coping with the tools she had available to her. Part of moving forward in my life had to do with forgiving her and learning to nurture that "child that I was" who didn't get the right kind of nurture at the right time.
Anyway...that was personal and a lot of blah, blah, blah, but needless to say, Karen, I too was moved by the image of you as a child asking for love and support from you now. Take care of that cute little kid! She deserves a chance! Hugs to you!
So my procedure went just as well as I had hoped! I was completely pain-free for 10 hours, which is counted as a success and we can move on to the next part! Whooo hooo! Y'all have no idea how happy I am! Back pain is the worst and the idea that something can be done to alleviate it is really making me very happy.
I did have one scary moment: When I woke up in the recovery area, I opened my eyes and saw a the patterened dividing curtain between my bed and the next bed, my first thought was, "Oh no!! I got drunk and now I'm waking up on someone's bathroom floor and I can't remember anything!!!" What a relief when I remembered I hadn't gotten drunk -- just had a procedure in a surgical center. Whew!
Have a wonderful Saturday everyone. I hope to hear from those that have been on sabbatical when I check in next.
Love and hugs to all of you.
Ayers, thanks as always for the recap/response. I nominate you to be the August cheerleader. It's not a paying position ( not in monetary terms, anyway) but you can take all of the cranky days off you want as long as you show up and tell us you're ok.
Quit, Bonnie and Karen - Hmmm. Seems like we have a "club" of people who had challenging childhoods. It's not a great club to belong to. Long before I decided to get sober, I had to reconcile with things from my childhood. I had a wonderful father, but he was away much of the time, and my mother had a pretty severe mood disorder that really didn't suit her at all to being the parent of two young children. She was also very beautiful and very vain. My sister and I were more like accessories to her (soo many picture of the three of us all wearing the same outfit - her in the middle, one of us on each side). Accessories have to be perfect, y'know. I always thought she would have been better off with a couple of cute little poodles! When I was a teen, she read the book Mommie Dearest, the memoir written by Joan Crawford's daughter, and identified with it to the point that she even asked us to call her Mommie Dearest! Did the image fit? Oh, yes. 'Nuf said.
Well, almost enough. I got along great with my mom as long as we both were drinking! She allowed me to drink wine with her and to smoke cigarettes starting when I was 15. When she was drinking, she was happy and fun and loving. I had to make peace, as I got older, with the way my mom was and what it meant to my childhood and to my development into an adult. I actually see a lot of her in me. She had a mood disorder and I do too. We both attempted to manage things as best we could, and that didn't always work out best for those around us. I had a therapist once who, having heard all the gory details of my childhood, told me that my mother didn't love me. I think she did, though. She was just coping with the tools she had available to her. Part of moving forward in my life had to do with forgiving her and learning to nurture that "child that I was" who didn't get the right kind of nurture at the right time.
Anyway...that was personal and a lot of blah, blah, blah, but needless to say, Karen, I too was moved by the image of you as a child asking for love and support from you now. Take care of that cute little kid! She deserves a chance! Hugs to you!
So my procedure went just as well as I had hoped! I was completely pain-free for 10 hours, which is counted as a success and we can move on to the next part! Whooo hooo! Y'all have no idea how happy I am! Back pain is the worst and the idea that something can be done to alleviate it is really making me very happy.
I did have one scary moment: When I woke up in the recovery area, I opened my eyes and saw a the patterened dividing curtain between my bed and the next bed, my first thought was, "Oh no!! I got drunk and now I'm waking up on someone's bathroom floor and I can't remember anything!!!" What a relief when I remembered I hadn't gotten drunk -- just had a procedure in a surgical center. Whew!
Have a wonderful Saturday everyone. I hope to hear from those that have been on sabbatical when I check in next.
Love and hugs to all of you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 451
Alice! I'm so thrilled that your medical procedure went well and you finally got some relief from the pain. You have been in a tough place, and on-going pain can take over your life because it's so unrelenting.
Everyone, I really appreciate your candid and thoughtful posts about your childhoods, your mental and physical health issues, your relationships with SOs and neighbors, and everything else. Tough stuff. You are all so strong.
I have to confess that I slipped last night. A gifted bottle of wine I split with my husband, a special meal, and a knucklehead with zero willpower (me!). No excuses, just very poor judgement, or perhaps no judgement at all. I'm back to Day 1, but not giving up. Clearly, longer-term sobriety is something I need to work on, staying committed for more than 40 days.
Please have a lovely weekend, everyone. I hope to sign in tomorrow just as committed to sobriety as I am this morning!
Everyone, I really appreciate your candid and thoughtful posts about your childhoods, your mental and physical health issues, your relationships with SOs and neighbors, and everything else. Tough stuff. You are all so strong.
I have to confess that I slipped last night. A gifted bottle of wine I split with my husband, a special meal, and a knucklehead with zero willpower (me!). No excuses, just very poor judgement, or perhaps no judgement at all. I'm back to Day 1, but not giving up. Clearly, longer-term sobriety is something I need to work on, staying committed for more than 40 days.
Please have a lovely weekend, everyone. I hope to sign in tomorrow just as committed to sobriety as I am this morning!
Sober Soldier
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
Hi everyone. Still around. Still struggling.
This week was an up-and-down kind of week. Some nights I drank, some I didn’t. Last night I did. And today I feel like I have a cold or something. Just all around feel like crap. And it’s very dark and dreary outside. Yay.
In terms of my attempts to limit my electronic usage, that has proven to be a formidable challenge. It really is hard to go a whole day without compulsively grabbing a mobile device. But I will say on the days when I am able to avoid them for the most part, I do notice I feel better in some way.
I’m not drinking tonight. That’s all I’m saying. I’m done thinking in terms of “never again.” I’m taking it one day, even one hour, at a time now if I have to.
This week was an up-and-down kind of week. Some nights I drank, some I didn’t. Last night I did. And today I feel like I have a cold or something. Just all around feel like crap. And it’s very dark and dreary outside. Yay.
In terms of my attempts to limit my electronic usage, that has proven to be a formidable challenge. It really is hard to go a whole day without compulsively grabbing a mobile device. But I will say on the days when I am able to avoid them for the most part, I do notice I feel better in some way.
I’m not drinking tonight. That’s all I’m saying. I’m done thinking in terms of “never again.” I’m taking it one day, even one hour, at a time now if I have to.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
Originally Posted by mns1 
Hi everyone. Still around. Still struggling.
This week was an up-and-down kind of week. Some nights I drank, some I didn’t. Last night I did. And today I feel like I have a cold or something. Just all around feel like crap. And it’s very dark and dreary outside. Yay.
In terms of my attempts to limit my electronic usage, that has proven to be a formidable challenge. It really is hard to go a whole day without compulsively grabbing a mobile device. But I will say on the days when I am able to avoid them for the most part, I do notice I feel better in some way.
I’m not drinking tonight. That’s all I’m saying. I’m done thinking in terms of “never again.” I’m taking it one day, even one hour, at a time now if I have to.
This week was an up-and-down kind of week. Some nights I drank, some I didn’t. Last night I did. And today I feel like I have a cold or something. Just all around feel like crap. And it’s very dark and dreary outside. Yay.
In terms of my attempts to limit my electronic usage, that has proven to be a formidable challenge. It really is hard to go a whole day without compulsively grabbing a mobile device. But I will say on the days when I am able to avoid them for the most part, I do notice I feel better in some way.
I’m not drinking tonight. That’s all I’m saying. I’m done thinking in terms of “never again.” I’m taking it one day, even one hour, at a time now if I have to.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 100
Hi all,
Just checking in , not too much to report. No interesting insights - just felt like posting!
Had a pretty negative day , woke up irritable and could not shake it, however its nearly over now (also think have got a cold coming on). Feel better after a good dinner and am just going to go to sleep early.
Keep plugging at it everyone
Just checking in , not too much to report. No interesting insights - just felt like posting!
Had a pretty negative day , woke up irritable and could not shake it, however its nearly over now (also think have got a cold coming on). Feel better after a good dinner and am just going to go to sleep early.
Keep plugging at it everyone
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Georgia, USA
Posts: 2,229
So glad to hear you great news, Alice! I've had a back injury before, and I know how bad that pain can get.
Zoey, Mike and Darklingsong, my hopes and prayers are with you. And also you, Quitnow and anyone else who relapsed recently. Big hugs, let us know how we can help.
I'm really sad at how few of us have stayed sober, me included, though I do have almost a week. We were sounding so strong a few weeks ago.
Zoey, Mike and Darklingsong, my hopes and prayers are with you. And also you, Quitnow and anyone else who relapsed recently. Big hugs, let us know how we can help.
I'm really sad at how few of us have stayed sober, me included, though I do have almost a week. We were sounding so strong a few weeks ago.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 194
Hey guys!
I’m never good on my phone, but wanted to check in.
Wow I never realized how much my extended family drinks. It’s really eye opening and makes you really feel like if you’re not day drinking you’re doing well. The old, I’m better than that guy so I must be fine. But really, there must have always been this much drinking and focus on drinking (all with a very sophisticated facade), but I’m really sort of shocked seeing it sober.
Still on vacation. It’s beautiful and relaxing. I’ve done a lot of beach thinking and am so calm. At 4pm it’s been really hard for about 1-2 hours like early on, but I’ve made it. Two hours later I’m wondering why I even was contemplating it, but at the time it seems like a reasonable option. Better at playing the tape now. Old habits die hard especially when you’re saying no 10,000 times, but I think people are getting the hint. Still didn’t just say, I don’t period and I think that would have made it easier.
But Dee, your line that at a certain point I wanted to fight to not lose this sobriety resonates and I keep thinking it.
I’m sorry it’s quiet. It’s a long weekend for parts of the US. I’ll be back home Monday night.
Thanks for the encouragement. You guys in my phone are helping so much.
Please keep posting! Darkling, please keep posting. Don’t kick off a “once I’ve” thing (humbly asked, do what you need to).
Hoping to post more tomorrow. I’ve needed all the tools in my toolbox, but I think I’ll get through and the other 22 hours I’m so glad I am.
I’m never good on my phone, but wanted to check in.
Wow I never realized how much my extended family drinks. It’s really eye opening and makes you really feel like if you’re not day drinking you’re doing well. The old, I’m better than that guy so I must be fine. But really, there must have always been this much drinking and focus on drinking (all with a very sophisticated facade), but I’m really sort of shocked seeing it sober.
Still on vacation. It’s beautiful and relaxing. I’ve done a lot of beach thinking and am so calm. At 4pm it’s been really hard for about 1-2 hours like early on, but I’ve made it. Two hours later I’m wondering why I even was contemplating it, but at the time it seems like a reasonable option. Better at playing the tape now. Old habits die hard especially when you’re saying no 10,000 times, but I think people are getting the hint. Still didn’t just say, I don’t period and I think that would have made it easier.
But Dee, your line that at a certain point I wanted to fight to not lose this sobriety resonates and I keep thinking it.
I’m sorry it’s quiet. It’s a long weekend for parts of the US. I’ll be back home Monday night.
Thanks for the encouragement. You guys in my phone are helping so much.
Please keep posting! Darkling, please keep posting. Don’t kick off a “once I’ve” thing (humbly asked, do what you need to).
Hoping to post more tomorrow. I’ve needed all the tools in my toolbox, but I think I’ll get through and the other 22 hours I’m so glad I am.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,055
Ok. Many of us are struggling right now to stay the narrow course of sobriety. But; I am so thankful we continue to post and struggle together. I think we just need to keep at this...keep posting until we get it. I have read so many success stories here. I want that for this class. I want this for myself.
Mike, Darkling, Zoey, Thank you for posting. Let's continue to strive towards a sober life.
Suze, You are doing so well...enjoy your vacation!
Karen, Alice, Ayers, timetotry, nd Matrac, Thank you for being here. Your posts are strong and great reminders of why we want a sober life.
Forgive me if I have not mentioned you by name! David and Bobdrop...how are you?
Night all.
Mike, Darkling, Zoey, Thank you for posting. Let's continue to strive towards a sober life.
Suze, You are doing so well...enjoy your vacation!
Karen, Alice, Ayers, timetotry, nd Matrac, Thank you for being here. Your posts are strong and great reminders of why we want a sober life.
Forgive me if I have not mentioned you by name! David and Bobdrop...how are you?
Night all.
Sober Soldier
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
Originally Posted by Quitnow4
Ok. Many of us are struggling right now to stay the narrow course of sobriety. But; I am so thankful we continue to post and struggle together. I think we just need to keep at this...keep posting until we get it. I have read so many success stories here. I want that for this class. I want this for myself.
I am home for the evening after going out to the movies by myself. I encountered a number of things that triggered thoughts about drinking. But I made it home sober. I feel myself starting to fight back. I am really trying to objectively observe what is going on in my head and see it for what it is.
I know we can do this. We just have to not give up.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 451
Karen, I am proud of you for coming back and staying sober for almost a week. It's really tough to start over! Keep it up, and I hope to follow right behind you. And same to you, Red. I don't know how you found the inspiration to start over. But bravo!
Mike, keep trying and keep posting! You can do this (and I hope I can, too). Same to you, Darkling … hang in there!
Quit, thank you for encouraging us to all stay here together. I was tempted to drop off, or troll. I do think I need to be here, it really does help, even when I fail.
Suze, enjoy your trip! Keep fighting off that awful AV. You've got this!
Hello Alice, Tony, Dee, Bonnie, TimetoTry, and everyone I'm not naming. Please stay connected because we need each other. Happy Sunday!
Mike, keep trying and keep posting! You can do this (and I hope I can, too). Same to you, Darkling … hang in there!
Quit, thank you for encouraging us to all stay here together. I was tempted to drop off, or troll. I do think I need to be here, it really does help, even when I fail.
Suze, enjoy your trip! Keep fighting off that awful AV. You've got this!
Hello Alice, Tony, Dee, Bonnie, TimetoTry, and everyone I'm not naming. Please stay connected because we need each other. Happy Sunday!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,279
Well what can I say... Not day 45 minus 2 but I'm going with day 2 now.
Yep I drank on Friday night and I did get drunk and I did have a hangover. I came right on Sat night and went to my mates 40th, I was sober driver even though I told everyone I would be drinking at the party. Something weird happened that I wasn't expecting, maybe it was off the back of a hangover but I had the feeling of my drive to be sober was stronger than my drive to drink. I don't need or want this crap anymore..
I've spent all day in bed today as I was suffering a migraine.. If this is what alcohol does to me then it can get lost.
Yep I drank on Friday night and I did get drunk and I did have a hangover. I came right on Sat night and went to my mates 40th, I was sober driver even though I told everyone I would be drinking at the party. Something weird happened that I wasn't expecting, maybe it was off the back of a hangover but I had the feeling of my drive to be sober was stronger than my drive to drink. I don't need or want this crap anymore..
I've spent all day in bed today as I was suffering a migraine.. If this is what alcohol does to me then it can get lost.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Georgia, USA
Posts: 2,229
So wonderful to see all your posts this morning, and the positivity and will to do what it takes to stay sober. Very inspiring, thank you Augustonians!
Today is one week for me. Coming back, it's the first two days that are the real hurdle, the Mount Everest of sobriety, for me. If I can get those two days, then I get a glimmer of hope. But it takes a lot to get the two days. Just speaking for myself, I don't know how it feels for others.
So now, I want to make it stick. I need a much stronger plan than before.
Will check back later. I hope you all have a great Sunday.
Today is one week for me. Coming back, it's the first two days that are the real hurdle, the Mount Everest of sobriety, for me. If I can get those two days, then I get a glimmer of hope. But it takes a lot to get the two days. Just speaking for myself, I don't know how it feels for others.
So now, I want to make it stick. I need a much stronger plan than before.
Will check back later. I hope you all have a great Sunday.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Darkling, Red, Mike, Bonnie, Karen -- Good job getting back up after some slippage. I'm very glad you're still here!
This is kind of against the rules, I know, but when I count my days, I don't count the day I slipped. I don't because I think that when I started this journey I had a sober mindset. That was the biggest change of all. Before that, I really hadn't cared about getting sober or really wanted to. I count from there because that was the day that mattered most despite the one night I drank since then. I think those of us that have slipped but are still here trying have a day that their mind changed. Now we're kinda waiting for our physical responses to stress to keep up with that big change, but It'll happen. Good, better and best things from here on out.
Suze -- You're rocking this thing, girl! Keep up the good work! Tell those relatives you've decided you don't love drinking anymore. Maybe there's someone in the well-lubricated crowd just waiting for someone else to stand up and say, Hey, what do you say we stop this madness?
Have a happy, peaceful sober Sunday.
This is kind of against the rules, I know, but when I count my days, I don't count the day I slipped. I don't because I think that when I started this journey I had a sober mindset. That was the biggest change of all. Before that, I really hadn't cared about getting sober or really wanted to. I count from there because that was the day that mattered most despite the one night I drank since then. I think those of us that have slipped but are still here trying have a day that their mind changed. Now we're kinda waiting for our physical responses to stress to keep up with that big change, but It'll happen. Good, better and best things from here on out.
Suze -- You're rocking this thing, girl! Keep up the good work! Tell those relatives you've decided you don't love drinking anymore. Maybe there's someone in the well-lubricated crowd just waiting for someone else to stand up and say, Hey, what do you say we stop this madness?
Have a happy, peaceful sober Sunday.
Last edited by Aliceiw; 10-07-2018 at 06:07 AM. Reason: misspelling, sentence error
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
I cannot tell you how much it means to have you all here.
I am down but not out......
I am just going to keep trying and I find so much inspiration from all of you here doing the same.
I see with a new clarity (as Dee said) - that drinking is my solution- obviously with an increasingly high price to pay. I'm always trying to escape something. So being sober, sooner or later, starts to become painful. That why I chose to drink after my first six months sober. I knew without a doubt I wasn't going back to normal drinking- rather it just felt too unbearable to stay in a state of sobriety; with no respite from my own thoughts.
So, I see now I need to change my relationship to my thoughts. I knew this intellectually before but now I feel it.
And so, I start again......
I am down but not out......
I am just going to keep trying and I find so much inspiration from all of you here doing the same.
I see with a new clarity (as Dee said) - that drinking is my solution- obviously with an increasingly high price to pay. I'm always trying to escape something. So being sober, sooner or later, starts to become painful. That why I chose to drink after my first six months sober. I knew without a doubt I wasn't going back to normal drinking- rather it just felt too unbearable to stay in a state of sobriety; with no respite from my own thoughts.
So, I see now I need to change my relationship to my thoughts. I knew this intellectually before but now I feel it.
And so, I start again......
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Hi all
I am here, "back" (you know how much I hate "day one" posts!!). I am going to post in the newcomers and look for support in my own thread as I am just bleeding the internet dry with keeping joining new groups.
Well done all, this can be done
I am here, "back" (you know how much I hate "day one" posts!!). I am going to post in the newcomers and look for support in my own thread as I am just bleeding the internet dry with keeping joining new groups.
Well done all, this can be done
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