Mags1

Good to see you Snoozy love

Lulu, I wonder if your daughter has subconsciously having a break from him! She gets to be her own person when she’s with you!

Hi to all the Julyers, hope you’re all doing ok. Sending love and hugs.

venuscat

I hope your lovely daughter comes to her senses LuLu and dumps this guy.
Sounds like she has everything going for her.....lovely, intelligent, smart, great job, great mum.

LuLu13

Hi Mags, that's just it. She is not herself around him at all. She is a nervous wreck. The way he speaks to her makes me want to punch him in the face. He is constantly berating her habits which are so horrible - like making time to workout, eating healthy, not drinking much ever. The only compliment I have hear him give her in 3 plus years is that she is beautiful. He says that all the time. I truly think, like true narcissist, he just likes having the prettiest girl in the room. Not trying to be mean but he is not very attractive and he has gained a good 40 pounds since they met. Every time someone sees a picture of them they are surprised. The people at my office call them beauty and the beast! He never, ever does anything to help her. Has no manners. A few examples. She fell in his driveway on the ice and broke her arm. He was at work as was I. I told her to go to urgent care, she did. She needed a specialized temporary splint until she could get into the specialist. He made no attempt to find it or go and get it. I ended up getting it and driving an hour to his house the next day to drop if off. No offer to meet me halfway, didn't even come out to say hello or get it from me for her. She paid for a trip to Vegas as well as VIP tickets to see a country music singer named George Strait. He was coming here to meet the limo (that I paid for) at 4 A.M. in order to make their flight. My daughter worked that night and when she came home was deathly ill, and I mean horribly sick. The sort of sick you cannot leave the house. She was extremely upset as she loves George Strait and had spent a ton of money on this trip. I was trying to help her and figure something out. He walked in and just said, in a very disgusted tone "What do you want to do, Jane?" He then sat down at the table and started playing with his phone. No hug, no words of comfort, no suggestions just angry. I paid for a vacation that he came on, a dog friendly cabin. He never once said thank you, didn't pay for one thing, didn't drive one mile, didn't contribute to gas AND dropped a very heavy iron charge right in front of one of my dogs noses because he was wet. We were in the woods for God sake. I once asked him to do a very simple task for me at the house and his response was "I don't have to do anything, I don't live here." He will literally sit and watch me and Jane work, or carry heavy items. I am a very giving person, I LOVE giving gifts but have stopped getting him anything. I only acknowledged his birthday with a text I am so tired of his lack of gratitude. I even brought him a T-Shirt from the Vegas trip he would not let Jane go on and he never even said a word. I could go on and on. I would say it was me but I absolutely loved my daughter's first love. She used to say he loved me more than her! I always wanted a son and looked forward to treating my daughter's significant other like a son but not in this case. Okay, rant over, sorry.

SnoozyQ

Omg Lulu.
Does a person like him really exist? What a vile human being.
What is Jane getting out of this relationship? is she scared of him, or of leaving him. I am gobsmacked at what I just read. What an ungrateful pig of a man.
I certainly wouldn’t be spending another cent on him...Zilch .
He apparently doesn’t have any respect for you either

What sort of man would say he dosnt have to help cos he dosnt live there , when I know you would have asked him nicely. It gets my hackles up. I bet your dogs don’t like him, that’s always a good indication.

I don’t think I would be able to keep my mouth shut. he would drive me crazy.
Just curious , why did you by him a ticket to go on your trip. I just would have paid for 2 . You and your daughter.

Don’t do anything nice for him again, he doesn’t deserve either of you.
He is really an awful person, just going on those few things, yet you say there’s heaps more.

Ugh I’m with you . I hope Jane kicks him to the kerb and soon. She deserves way better. I really feel for you , what a terrible situation as a mother, to be in to watch how he treats your girl.

I would pick him up on it and say, don’t speak to her like that. But it’s easier said than done cos I’m not in that situation.

Lots of love to you Lulu & I’m with you, he’s a real douchebag xoxo

LuLu13

Thanks, Snooz, it is horribly hard to keep my mouth shut but he won't argue with me he just takes it out on Jane (not her real name by the way, I am super paranoid someone will read all this and figure out who I am, LOL). I don't want him to be any nastier with her and if I push things I am afraid I will completely isolate her so I just try and behave. As for the trip it was just 4 days in a cabin, no airfare involved. I paid for the cabin and Jane paid for all the food. He also got upset that I did not want his son to come along. Mind you he has never once taken his son on vacation and he has been to Hawaii twice, camping every year and a few other short trips. The boy has issues (wonder why) I am not related to him. He hates the outdoors, it was very isolated with nothing for a child to do. Also, my one dog may have eaten him. This was my first time away in five years and the last thing I wanted was a child there who, undoubtedly, me and Jane would have ended up taking care of. Jane does most the work with his son when she is at his house and the boy is there. And, yes, the dogs do not like him. Good judges of character they are. The final piece of my rant is that I am forced to lie. If Jane and I do anything, like go out to breakfast after she has worked night shift (I get up at 6 A.M. on the weekend to steal a little time) and I mention it he gets angry. He glares at Jane and says "you went out to breakfast?" Who cares? I am also 100% convinced that he purposefully ruins any time Jane and I are allowed together. The one that really got me was when Jane and I did the 25 mile charity walk over two days. First, this is a charity that is extremely important to her. He didn't want to do it, allegedly because you had to raise $1000. He has a huge extended Irish family, he could have gotten $10 from everyone and reached the goal. There were also volunteer opportunities. He opted not to participate at all. I think if something is that important to someone you supposedly love you support it but I was secretly happy I got the weekend, and experience, to myself and Jane. He was "sick" that weekend. The first day, after about 6 miles we all stopped for lunch. I could see Jane's phone blowing up. She kept trying to ignore it. She finally sighs and shows me a picture on her phone, it is an image of his insurance I.D. card. I have worked in insurance for 30 years and he didn't know what doctor to go to, he wanted me to help. I firmly told Jane "Sorry, I spent a half hour a year ago when he took this job explaining the various plans they offered via email. I ended with saying it would be easier to discuss by phone or in person and to give me a call. He never called, never even acknowledged the email. Now a year later, when we are in the middle of something important he needs advice? I don't think so. I told her he is a grown a** man with a 9 year old child, he should be able to get himself to a doctor. He ended up going to an urgent care but then when we had started walking again her phone started going again, she finally answered sounding very annoyed and embarrassed as others were walking with us. He called because he needed to get a prescription filled and didn't know what to do, really? Again, he is 35, 6 years older than my daughter and he has a child. How does he dress himself? I think the whole thing was a way to try and ruin our time together. Oh, and the walk was the weekend after his birthday. There was a big music fest in Chicago he wanted to go to. Jane bought him, and his bestfriend, a weekend pass (because his friends are all deadbeats and couldn't afford it). The tickets cost her $400. He did not go at all on Saturday, and only for 2 hours on Sunday. The concerts were Friday night, all day and evening Saturday, and all day and evening Sunday. HIs friend went by himself all the time that the boyfriend didn't. He was very appreciative, said thank you over and over and sent videos and pictures throughout the weekend. The boyfriend never even said thank you. What frustrates me the most is Jane agrees with everything I say but continues to see him. I have to let her figure it out or she is going to end up miserable, I realize there is nothing I can do but be here the best I can. I worry, since we only have each other, that when I die he is all she will have and he sure as heck won't take care of her. Her job requires a special man who can really step up since she only gets every 6th weekend off and works holidays etc.. I did send her email last night as she is off and at his house for a few days. I attached an article from the Mayo Clinic about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I told her in the email that what bothers me the most is that he does not make her a priority and does not seem to value the time he has with her where I cherish every moment and miss so many of the just silly things we did - I listed several. I just miss hanging out with her, stress free.

Okay, I promise I am done boring all of you with my woes. In the scheme of life it is not that bad. Thanks for "listening."

SnoozyQ

Geez Lulu, that’s atrocious.
He was trying to make Jane feel guilty and make it all about him,
He didn’t want her to enjoy herself without him being around.
He is just one hell of a big baby.
Did he expect her to leave the charity walk to go back and pick him up a script ,

By saying he needed emergency care he would having been playing you off to see who she loves most.

Wow he is at the height of the narcissistic spectrum.
I’m incredulous. I’m so glad ‘ Jane ‘ stuck with her Mum and did something that meant so much to her.

He really wanted to sabotage that.

The more I hear about him, the more gobsmacked I am .

Your posts are certainly far from boring,
I love the way you are protective of your daughter and how much you love her.

But these stories about him amazing, plus it’s good to get it off your chest .

The more you tell us about him, the more I understand your frustration.
He sounds like my DIL but in reverse.

So far he isn’t abusive and let’s hope that doesn’t change. But do keep telling us more, I’m riveted.

Plus it doesn’t make me think I’m the only one with a horrible in law

Hi to all you lovely Julyers, Dee, Suze,Crois,Mags,Croutie, Bob ,Pj, Gilmer, Leigh leshar , ladybug and Pete xxxxx

venuscat

Lulu......this is abuse.....how do your daughter's colleagues not kick this guy's butt?

LuLu13

Thanks, Snooz, glad I could make you and your family feel more normal!

Suze, I am not sure how truthful my daughter is with her male co-workers. Although I do know that all her friends tell her he is a jerk. She just has to extract herself when she feels she can. I don't have a psychology degree but I think she is terrified of being alone. It is just the two of us, she has experienced a lot of deaths and her father walked out when I was pregnant. She has never met him. I think she feels something is better than nothing, IDK. I laugh because she is always oblivious when a guy is hitting on her. I'll mention something like "that guy in the grocery store was hitting on you" and she'll respond "what guy?" I will tell her the super attractive, ripped guy behind is line whose cart was filled with healthy food! It is sort of funny. Again, thanks for listening. Couldn't sleep at all last night but duty calls, off to get ready for work. Have a great day all!

Dee74

You too Lulu

D

SnoozyQ

Back in hospital with Mum. Cellulitis on both legs. Oh mannn she has kept it to herself for a week. It has been spreading and spreading. As soon as she asked me to look at i rang the ambulance and here we are. Waiting.waiting .waiting to be seen now..poor things are nodding off as its 2 am. When we get called in and find out whats gping on.ill stay at Dads so he can get a few hours sleep xxxx

Gilmer

I'm so sorry, Snooz.

Dee74

Prayers for you and your mum and dad Snooz

D

SnoozyQ

Thanks Dee & Gilmer.

All good. Just dropped them both home after a marathon sleepless night.

They don’t know if it’s cellulitis Mum has or not as its not usually in two legs at the same time, but it is possible. It’s not infectious, all her bloods have come back good.

She’s been given a steroid cream to use twice a day for 2 weeks.
Her legs still look terrible, I was thinking she should still be in there.

But at least she can come home and get some sleep.

Feeling relieved .

Gilmer , darling one, how are you feeling.

Love all of you Julyers xoxo

Mags1

Snoozy, sending love to you and your family

Lulu, as hard has it is for you and everyone who cares for your daughter, this is something she needs to do for herself. He certainly is controlling and, hopefully there will be a time (maybe whilst at home with mum?) she realises what he is. The more anyone tells her his faults, in my experience, she will defend and protect him, whilst it may even annoy her to the hilt!

Love to all the Julyers xx

Dee74

I hope the steroid cream helps Snooz.

D

PhoenixJ

Pryaers Snnoz and Lulu

The guy who ran the boarding house I had to live in (no where else)- a drug den...he was a narcissist. I hate narcissist- horrible, dangerous, unsafe people.

LuLu13

Snooz, hope Mom is healing and you all have gotten some rest.

Mags, what makes it so maddening is my daughter never defends him. I know she doesn't love him, sigh.

PJ, that sounds awful. They are a horrible bunch.

The not sleeping due to the back/leg pain. I feel asleep 3 times at work yesterday. Once I was on a conference call. oops! Good thing I wasn't needed to chime in at any point. Also, a good thing I sit way back in a corned so no one saw me, I was out for a good half hour. I even dropped the phone on the floor! I guess my goal today is to stay awake!!

Hope everyone has a great day.

SnoozyQ

Back in bloody hosp. Doc thinks necrotising fascilitis or something. Probably due to swelling cat bite. Hopefully home in the morning im destined to never sleep again lol. Hugs xxxc . .

venuscat

I am sending love and prayers dear Wendy.

PhoenixJ

Snooz- I do hope you realized it was a typo in my last post. Apols and continued support.