Neoo

Goodnight

Rar

Late check in for me today. 24 hours please.

Congratulations to those achieving milestones today. YAY!

Prayers for those going through tough times. I hope things get better soon.

3:25 p.m.
EST

Delilah1

12:31 pm in California and checking in quick while at lunch. Sending lots of love to everyone today. Congrats to all celebrating a milestone.

Mike (MSN) glad you joined us!!!

Back to work for me.

❤️Delilah

Awake61

Checking in kinda late. 24 hours please.

Kaneda8888

Checking in for 24.

soberista

Arghh and weve lost ShenzyT again. Buggeration.

Hevyn

Another sober 24, please!!!

kevlarsjal2

Thanks you are always so understanding and spreading hope wherever you go / post.

My dad is the same like me. He also trusted people he cared about too much in the past, giving them more chances than what was good for him guess. But he doesn't regret it either, it's who we are. Believing in people and seeing the best in them. It can lead to disappointment but I want to believe that in most cases we are helping people to become their best which in my opinion is the very best thing one can do. Living beings helping each other live their best lives.

Today was great and I didn't feel too lonely so far. Not even during dinner which I was a bit afraid of. It didn't take long and I had furry and purring company which might have been related to tonight having been one of the care occasions where I break my mostly plant based diet. I'm much better at making feline friends than human ones Let's see if this new chapter will turn me into a crazy cat lady...

I do have a theory about my ex's behaviour: Him having noticed that it was his codependency and insecurities that causes many of our problems which he even admitted once and said in the same conversation that he feels extremely insecure and uncomfortable in the relationship since I 'broke' that codependency by no longer wanting to be controlled. But that he doesn't want to confront all of his issues and work on them because of shame and therefore chose to rather end the relationship because it's the only way he won't have to confront his stuff. And then it would make sense why he doesn't even want to speak to me anymore, why he didn't want to give any explanations and why he chose to send me my belongings in the post and told me to throw his stuff (some trainers, a favourite T-shirt of his, some really nice jumpers, art stuff,...) he still has at mine away. To me that doesn't look like a case of him suddenly no longer caring about me but like a case of him avoiding me at any cost. Which would only make sense in two cases. Me having hurt him in an unforgivable way, which didn't happen. Or him being too ashamed and avoiding facing things which is a usual pattern for him unfortunately.
So on that level I do somehow understand it. Just emotionally I still don't. And also I have a hard time understanding how someone can be so unwilling to confront his problems when there is so much help, support and love.

Willow00

Hi everyone, checking in from Oz at 7.30am. A really rough morning. Maybe I should change to checking in at night again, the mornings are just awful at the moment I’m so sad, I had weird unsettled dreams and I woke up with a sore throat and a cough and stuff stuck in my throat and anxiety about not being able to breathe, and thinking about Mum’s cough and her panic when she woke up during the night and couldn’t breathe in the wee hours, being alone and scared. I know I can’t dwell on these thoughts because she was in hospital and when I arrived that morning the doctors and nurses had got her onto a positive pressure oxygen machine and she could breathe again. That’s when we knew she wouldn’t be coming home. I didn’t leave her side after that, stayed with her constantly once we knew how bad things had become. I was gifted with a whole precious day with her awake and lucid and not afraid. And another night and day with her sleeping before she peacefully drifted away. I will be eternally grateful for the precious gift of that last day together with my beautiful Mumma, but I still worry and wonder about the what if’s. I really have to stop worrying about the what if’s and just remember the beautiful things. I just never knew I had so many tears in me. I’ll have to drink loads of water so I don’t get dehydrated from crying. I think I’m coming down with a cold or something, my throat is so sore. Anyway I need to dry my tears and get myself ready for work...
Thanks everyone for being here and helping me get through this.
Love to you all ❤️

Willow00

I’m so glad you’re feeling a bit better about everything Kev ❤️

kevlarsjal2

Also thanks for the recommendations about places to find new friends.
I don't think AA is the best place to look for them at the moment. I do have some contacts / friends there that I do see outside of meetings but I find with them there's always this unwritten law to bring up the steps or the program whenever I mention a problem. Which isn't always helpful I find. At least it has proven to really not be so helpful regarding the abuse from my ex. I'd love to be able to talk to my AA friends just as a friend at some times and just wanting their opinion as a human and not some advice on how to use the program better. The program is helpful but sometimes I just need compassion, or a "normal" suggestion like running a hot bath, seeing a comforting movie and not the "say a prayer, talk to HP, do a forth step and stay on your side of the road"-talk

I think finding friends through activities that interest me is a great idea! I have put art classes on my list and maybe a bonsai group if there is such a thing It just can't be too time consuming because it turned out I have a ton of interests and hobbies all of a sudden. That reminds me, I just started rug hooking which I find so exciting! Maybe I can find a rug hooking class/group/club, that would be a cool thing.
Another thing that would be great was to find people in a similar age group which could be hard in a rug hooking group or a walking group I love walks but right now I could only join a bunch of really old people, my leg needs some more time.

Kenton, I put meditation groups on my list, thanks! I already had thought of yoga but wasn't sure if it's an option with my leg still not being so flexible again. One thing that is a bit lame about my city is that many many people come here to live a bit of a bohemian / hippie lifestyle, doing yoga, eating healthy vegan food, doing mindfulness and being creative BUT then go on raves every weekend, getting high on I don't know how many different substances... It's a common thing to do here which never made sense to me. Caring so much about emotional stability, serenity and a healthy body and mind during the week to ruin everything on the weekends again. But not every yoga or meditation group will be like that, just gotta find the right ones.

Oh and I hope everything went well with your eye checkup! My Canadian aunt needs to get hers fixed with some scary sounding laser surgery. Crazy what modern medicine is able to do!

1newcreation Funny that we both had this topic up for discussion with our therapists. I can be quite specific myself with topics I like to talk about. I dislike smalltalk and I don't like gossip or talking too openly about sex, it's just not my cup of tea. Also I'm not into many of the things my demographics are usually interested in. I'm 28 but care more about bird watching and handiwork or actual rocket science, history of languages, recycling, old trains or other weird stuff than about movies, series, DJs, or any other kind of celebrity. I do have good chats with my neighbours sometimes who are all pensioners though Do you have any ideas where to start looking for new contacts? Maybe also something activity related?


(I can never read through this thread without wanting cake afterwards, I wonder why that is Thanks for posting all those delicious looking photos Leigh, so many creations I've never even seen before and I bake A LOT!)

venuscat

Willow honey.....grief can suck you down. I really think, if you can, it might be time to change your thoughts a little....do you have birthday cards from your mum? I had a zillion.....it is so lovely to go through them and feel the love and joy all over again. What about music....some music she loved....my mum was all Frankie and Barbra....I blasted their songs and let the tears flow.

I know how hard it is not to concentrate on the hardest parts: I was with my dad when he died. It was not good. My sister and I took a long time to heal from that. So I tried hard to think of him holding my hand on the way to the football.....I remembered the funny things like the boat he made and called Little Toot after my mum (tootie, 5 ft 1), and how I stood there at 7 and said to him that I didn't know Little had two L s....he had made a mistake....my dad the perfect engineer/designer....it was the funniest memory of him. He just stood there stunned. like someone else had put the tape on and painted the word wrong.

Try to change your focus if you can....even just a little....doesn't mean don't cry. Not at all. ♥♥♥

kevlarsjal2

Oh Willow, I'm sending you a huuuuge hug! Mornings are the worst for me too, they have always been. I feel suicidal at worst and crappy / depressed at best when I wake up and this usually lasts for a few hours if I don't get out and leave the house. It's always been a bit like that but since the break up and all it's been much worse. Of course that's not comparable to your situation... (More hugs!!!)

I had it a few times lately that I cried so much that I felt hungover the next day, swollen face, red and burning eyes, headache, dizzy, all because of dehydration I guess.

Focusing on the good times is the way to go I think And imagine how proud she is of you, how happy she must've been seeing you reach your 100 days milestone (even if she didn't know for sure, it sounds like she had an idea) and how loved she felt, having you around her, being sober and supportive, making her last days as good and special as they could be you've not only done everything right but really the best! I hope you know that <3

venuscat

kev ~ how about starting a walking group for young people recovering from an injury.....this is always a problem.....even doing hydrotherapy (in Melbourne Australia) means you have to mostly do classes with the older crowd.....and that is often so hard for young people, and not what they want.

Not sure how....if it was me I would put a notice in the local FB-like group....Neighborhood or something....they must be there as well. Not dangerous as you make sure there are more than two of you and you are in public space outside.

Willow00

Hi Venus ❤️
Mostly I am trying to focus on the good memories ❤️ And there are so many good memories ❤️ I think it’s mainly the mornings that are getting to me, I don’t sleep very well and wake up foggy headed from weird disturbing dreams and sometimes re-remember that Mum’s gone, or wake up from dreaming about her. And it takes a little time to shake off the fog of sleep and get my head clear again. I woke up struggling to breathe this morning which added to my distress. But I’m ok now, I just had a coffee and am feeling brighter again. Early mornings are rough but most of the day I’m actually doing ok I think big hugs to you my friend ❤️❤️❤️

Willow00

Kev ❤️❤️ Thank you too ❤️
Yes I’m trying to remember the good things, I just get stuck in my head and overwhelmed at times.
Yes the mornings are definitely the hardest! I’m so glad you’re starting to get some clarity and starting to form a plan. I think we just need to focus on the positive things and keep moving forward. Planning things to look forward to is a really great thing I think. I’m going to start looking into options for an overseas holiday. It’s been nearly 20 years since I’ve been to the UK so it’s about time I got over there and to some other new places too xx

kevlarsjal2

I like that idea, I could put up a group on meetup and see what happens! Maybe even put a flyer with the link up somewhere outside my doctor's office.

Edit: Sometimes life just gives us signs, doesn't it? A friend of mine who lives a few hours away will be coming to my city and wants to meet up. This is nice, I haven't seen him for a year or so

kevlarsjal2

I know sometimes it helps me when I decide that I want to feel happy (or at least okay) and then try to that. That I tell myself how I want to feel and search for any tiny trace of that feeling inside of me or I recall moments when I felt happy. It does work to some extend. There's a cool scientific name for this which I forgot but basically it's that once we feel a certain emotion, we do only recall events in which we felt the same way which intensifies and prolongs that emotion.
The problem is, that I almost never remember to do that when I feel down. Maybe I need to set up a little reminder somewhere where I see it every morning like a not on my mirror "I want to feel happy today".
And like you say, moving forward is key. Not getting stuck. Moving just a little, even if it's still uncomfortable and painful. It's weird how this not only describes my mental / emotional state but my physical.

Depending on when you want to go, I can really recommend Barcelona in winter. I went in last November and it was still sunny and 20 C! But not nearly as packed as it is summer. And it's such a beautiful and interesting city. And if you feel like paying Berlin a visit, I will be happy to show you around, you'll have your personal tour guide
For fascinating nature I recommend the alps, nothern norway (in "summer" and I have this weakness for Italy. Iceland looks amazing but I haven't been yet. I might go in spring on my way to Canada...

Wherever you decide to go, I think a holiday is a great idea

zeppodog

Was running a bit late this morning and forgot to check in, but here I am, in for 24 hours SOBER. and glad I am.

mns1

I’ll take another 24