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Class of March 2016 part 73

Old 09-06-2018, 05:07 PM
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Originally Posted by PhoenixJ View Post
I had every peanuts book I could find as a kid- good grief.

Keep posting MITA

I passed

Support to all.
Those words need to stand out
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Old 09-06-2018, 05:20 PM
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Super PHX!!!
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Old 09-06-2018, 11:10 PM
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Woohooo. PJ
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Old 09-07-2018, 03:28 AM
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Congratulations PJ!! Woo-hoo!!

Morning!

Much cooler here today. The humidity is gone and it’s pretty nice out. I’ve had too many cups of startin’ fluid already but I still feel exhausted. Meh. Looking forward to Sunday morning when I can sleep in.

Well I’m off. Happy Friday folks! I’m looking forward to a sober weekend!!
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Old 09-07-2018, 06:11 AM
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congrats PJ

D
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Old 09-07-2018, 09:16 AM
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Congrats PJ!!!
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Old 09-07-2018, 09:21 AM
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Hello friends,

Trying to stay close, but honestly not having the best week sobriety-wise....

Gotta get ready for work...in hopes that a storm comes near there....not bad enough to do any damage, but just enough to knock out their power so we can go home early.

Tomorrow I'm off to see ABR!
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Old 09-07-2018, 09:22 AM
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Woohoo, PHX!

Mita and anyone else struggling - hang in there - it gets better. Here is a piece I wrote for a group I'm in. We were given a writing prompt:

I chose "lie I told about my addiction and the consequences" This disease is pretty powerful. Just saying.

How Far Will You Go To Protect Your Addiction?

Lies

“Have you been drinking?”

“No.”

My standard reply. Always. It didn’t matter if I had been drinking or not. This was what I always answered. And not just, “no” but “no” with a little indignation thrown in. Like, “no, why would you ask that?” or “no, what kind of question is that?”

But, chances are, if someone asked, I was. Because I always was. Vodka. In my coffee, my iced tea, my diet coke. Disguised in a water bottle. Wherever I was. Coaching, playing ball, watching my kid play ball, family get-togethers, and even babysitting. It didn’t matter where I was. I always had a drink in hand.

I guess I thought I wasn’t hurting anyone. It was about me. My vodka, my life. I had gotten to the point that without it I became extremely anxious and couldn’t really leave my house. I had gotten to the point that it just became my big crutch.

Actions

One evening I was babysitting my granddaughter. I was supposed to pick up my sister at the airport so I had my son leave my granddaughter’s car seat. And I wasn’t going to drink. My sister hadn’t met my granddaughter yet and I was really excited about it. She was just a little over 3 months with red hair and gorgeous and I was so in love with her.

I wasn’t going to drink. So, instead, I took a Xanax around noon. I knew I would get really anxious and I felt this would be the best plan. I took another Xanax on my way to my son’s around 4 hours later. Somehow I felt this was better than drinking. Maybe it would have been. But, guess what? I fixed myself a drink.

My son had all this alcohol on the top of his fridge. Awesome looking stuff if you’re me and an alcoholic. He had peach or pineapple vodka and I couldn’t resist. I made myself a drink. I only had one. I thought that would be okay. The baby and I fell asleep and were awakened after about an hour from my daughter.

“You need to go pick up Amy,” she says. “okay, we’re up.” I replied.

“Have you been drinking?” she asks.

“No.” I say.

The Drive

I get the baby in the car seat. My two nieces ride with me to pick up my sister. I can barely keep my eyes open. It is about a 20 minute drive and I struggle to stay awake the entire time. We pick up my sister who oohs and aahs over the baby and I take my sister to pick up her vehicle about 30 minutes away.

“Are you okay?” she asks? “Just tired,” I reply.

By the time I drop off my sister I am more awake. Her youngest gets in her car and her oldest stays with me and my granddaughter. (later I found out she stayed with me because I seemed off) At this point, I don’t know how to get back to my son’s, so as I’m driving I pick up my phone to put in the address. I look down and swerve. A pretty big swerve I was told. I correct myself and start to look down again. My niece takes the phone then so I can tell her the address. I don’t remember his address. I give her a cross street and we figure it out. The rest of the drive is pretty uneventful. That is only due to luck. Or God’s grace, which is what I’m going with.

Consequences

At my son’s my behavior became more erratic. The Xanax and the alcohol combined just made me more drunk. My daughter drove me home and gave me a lecture the entire way. The next morning I woke up with a little headache. I walked into the kitchen to find 4 empty vodka bottles on the counter. It seems while I was sleeping they found my stash of empties. No one was around so I just threw them away. To this day, I don’t believe they have ever been mentioned.

Needless to say, I was no longer allowed to babysit. My relationship with my son and daughter-in-law was so strained I wasn’t sure it could be repaired. And if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have blamed them. I thought that, since I only had one drink it was okay to drive. The reality is, I shouldn’t have driven. I shouldn’t have been babysitting.

I was willing to drive with my granddaughter before I told anyone I was drinking. I didn’t want anyone to know. I thought I could hide it. The memory of this incident still makes me sick to my stomach. I can’t even tell you how many tears I shed because I did this.

This just shows how far I was willing to go to protect my alcoholism. I would risk mine, my sisters, my granddaughters and my nieces lives. This night could have had an entirely different ending. I am grateful I am here to tell my tale, as horrible as it is. I am forever grateful for second chances.



This one is so embarrassing to me I can't even make it public. And I've shared some pretty crappy stuff.
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Old 09-07-2018, 12:01 PM
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good B.
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Old 09-07-2018, 03:50 PM
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As painful and embarrassing as it must be thanks for sharing that B.

It's easy to dismiss things - it's just one drink - but it's often so so so much more than that.

To all you guys still struggling with this - please don't believe the lies anymore.

Lives really can change in an instant, and once changed they can't go back..

D
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Old 09-07-2018, 06:14 PM
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B- I will expand my last post. Your share deserves this. Haven't we grown? From denial- to acceptance- to sharing this stuff. Brutal honesty at first, but more so now- this is how it was..I am not that person now- that I am describing insofar as we were unwell, very sick- and sick people do dumb things.
Even so- to put this post up- on the record for the world and your family to see shown great strength and courage. You have turned your story- and your life around. You were- and continue to be a source of strength and inspiration to me. Thank you.

(even if you have seen Niagara and I have not).
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Old 09-08-2018, 04:05 AM
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Jeez people...it has been almost 10 years since anyone posted.
Went to my Sat meet. Shared some deep stuff- that rocked a few I think...
all good- emotions do not hurt (if used correctly)
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Old 09-08-2018, 04:07 AM
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10 years.

My dad spent a lot of time making fun of me for exaggerating....I have a tendency of saying: I have told you 17 times......etc......no idea why.

OK....catching up now.
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Old 09-08-2018, 04:13 AM
  # 74 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Bobbieka View Post
Woohoo, PHX!

Mita and anyone else struggling - hang in there - it gets better. Here is a piece I wrote for a group I'm in. We were given a writing prompt:

I chose "lie I told about my addiction and the consequences" This disease is pretty powerful. Just saying.

How Far Will You Go To Protect Your Addiction?

Lies

“Have you been drinking?”

“No.”

My standard reply. Always. It didn’t matter if I had been drinking or not. This was what I always answered. And not just, “no” but “no” with a little indignation thrown in. Like, “no, why would you ask that?” or “no, what kind of question is that?”

But, chances are, if someone asked, I was. Because I always was. Vodka. In my coffee, my iced tea, my diet coke. Disguised in a water bottle. Wherever I was. Coaching, playing ball, watching my kid play ball, family get-togethers, and even babysitting. It didn’t matter where I was. I always had a drink in hand.

I guess I thought I wasn’t hurting anyone. It was about me. My vodka, my life. I had gotten to the point that without it I became extremely anxious and couldn’t really leave my house. I had gotten to the point that it just became my big crutch.

Actions

One evening I was babysitting my granddaughter. I was supposed to pick up my sister at the airport so I had my son leave my granddaughter’s car seat. And I wasn’t going to drink. My sister hadn’t met my granddaughter yet and I was really excited about it. She was just a little over 3 months with red hair and gorgeous and I was so in love with her.

I wasn’t going to drink. So, instead, I took a Xanax around noon. I knew I would get really anxious and I felt this would be the best plan. I took another Xanax on my way to my son’s around 4 hours later. Somehow I felt this was better than drinking. Maybe it would have been. But, guess what? I fixed myself a drink.

My son had all this alcohol on the top of his fridge. Awesome looking stuff if you’re me and an alcoholic. He had peach or pineapple vodka and I couldn’t resist. I made myself a drink. I only had one. I thought that would be okay. The baby and I fell asleep and were awakened after about an hour from my daughter.

“You need to go pick up Amy,” she says. “okay, we’re up.” I replied.

“Have you been drinking?” she asks.

“No.” I say.

The Drive

I get the baby in the car seat. My two nieces ride with me to pick up my sister. I can barely keep my eyes open. It is about a 20 minute drive and I struggle to stay awake the entire time. We pick up my sister who oohs and aahs over the baby and I take my sister to pick up her vehicle about 30 minutes away.

“Are you okay?” she asks? “Just tired,” I reply.

By the time I drop off my sister I am more awake. Her youngest gets in her car and her oldest stays with me and my granddaughter. (later I found out she stayed with me because I seemed off) At this point, I don’t know how to get back to my son’s, so as I’m driving I pick up my phone to put in the address. I look down and swerve. A pretty big swerve I was told. I correct myself and start to look down again. My niece takes the phone then so I can tell her the address. I don’t remember his address. I give her a cross street and we figure it out. The rest of the drive is pretty uneventful. That is only due to luck. Or God’s grace, which is what I’m going with.

Consequences

At my son’s my behavior became more erratic. The Xanax and the alcohol combined just made me more drunk. My daughter drove me home and gave me a lecture the entire way. The next morning I woke up with a little headache. I walked into the kitchen to find 4 empty vodka bottles on the counter. It seems while I was sleeping they found my stash of empties. No one was around so I just threw them away. To this day, I don’t believe they have ever been mentioned.

Needless to say, I was no longer allowed to babysit. My relationship with my son and daughter-in-law was so strained I wasn’t sure it could be repaired. And if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have blamed them. I thought that, since I only had one drink it was okay to drive. The reality is, I shouldn’t have driven. I shouldn’t have been babysitting.

I was willing to drive with my granddaughter before I told anyone I was drinking. I didn’t want anyone to know. I thought I could hide it. The memory of this incident still makes me sick to my stomach. I can’t even tell you how many tears I shed because I did this.

This just shows how far I was willing to go to protect my alcoholism. I would risk mine, my sisters, my granddaughters and my nieces lives. This night could have had an entirely different ending. I am grateful I am here to tell my tale, as horrible as it is. I am forever grateful for second chances.



This one is so embarrassing to me I can't even make it public. And I've shared some pretty crappy stuff.
Thank you.....for sharing this.

Bobbie love....I don't know that you were truly protecting your alcoholism at that point....gosh that would be too hard for me if I felt that way.....you weren't in your right mind. You were just ill love.

And you have worked so hard to get well. It is a beautiful thing to witness. ♥♥
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Old 09-08-2018, 05:26 AM
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Thanks Bobbie for sharing your story

Saturday morning laundry and startin' fluid

Later on my friend and I are going about 2 hrs south to see my hero and The ABR Band....GS is on a break for a few weeks so the Apocalypse is putting on a couple local shows.....getting a little nervous....
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Old 09-08-2018, 05:28 AM
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My best concerts have been sober ones Purps -= you can do this

D
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Old 09-08-2018, 05:32 AM
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Nervous because it's Saturday love? Or because this is going to be hard to do sober.....

I know you LOVE this music....I am a huge music/band person too.
I took a small break though....I needed to be a few months sober before I could deal with that scene straight....and I loved it by the way. So awesome to watch a band you love and get into the music and then go have hot chocolate.



Also....thank you for reaching out honey...you too Bobbie....I was so exhausted after a very intense few weeks that I kind of stopped answering texts two days ago....sorry about that.
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Old 09-08-2018, 05:33 AM
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See how I waffle on for an hour and D writes one sentence?
I am hysterical......
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Old 09-08-2018, 10:50 AM
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Bobbie, thank you for sharing your story. It was a privilege to read it and I’ll keep it in my memory always, for when I need to face my own similar stories.

The memories are so draining to relive. I want to look away and dream of happier stories...but even when I’m not looking at them....I feel them looking at me.

It’s good you see them and face it head on. Strength!

Well, yesteryears were a mess, but today there is coffee. Organic Costa Rican. Good morning everyone.



Richard Diebenkorn
“Coffee” (1959)
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Old 09-09-2018, 01:09 AM
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Lovely art
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