Bekindalways

Well, I'm in bed after a pretty good day: best parts were getting my mom out of the clink (she has Alzhiemers so is locked in). She always perks up on car rides. All I did was take her to the store and back. We sang songs to her on the way. Also good was renting Apollo 13 for my 12 year old nephew to watch with my Dad. My Dad kind of remembers when it happened and my nephew wants to be an aeronautical engineer so loved the movie.

On the staying away from the sauce: I took a bag of red wine (probably tackier than a box of wine is just the bag without the box!!!) to my brothers so it wouldn't be in the house. Also had tonic water with lime and decaf coffee with dinner.

I really haven't had any cravings or very mild ones which is making me kind of nervous.

Okay y'all in Australia, the UK or generally on the other side of the planet may you walk in sobriety and healing through your day.

Peace to all.

JustTony

Day 19

Welcome Patterson. I hope that the kidney infection gets better soon. The silver lining as you rightly suggest is the kick start to your everlasting sobriety.

Alice - wonderful and insightful post. I really enjoyed reading that. Thank you for the peep into your thoughts.

Maria, Matrac, Sweetpea, BeKind, MNS, Skrappy, ODAATCAT - good to see you all post whilst I was slumbering too. The more names I see see that have contributed whilst I have been away the stronger and more connected I feel to the group.

Well I’m approaching my third weekend now. I’m going to have to be on my guard as the AV was about last night questioning if I was really going to be able not to drink on the four day trip I’ll be on in a few days with Mrs JT? “Might as well just be a weekend drinker.... you know you’re going to anyway.... Hissssssssssss” (I think of it as a snake by the way..)

Anyway - lucky enough - I was reading the newspaper last night and it said the UK has more people with “problem drinking” than any other country in Europe. “Problem drinkers” are defined as people that drink at least 1.2 bottles of wine (or equivalent) a day. Scientists have said the estimate is that this behaviour can reduce life expectancy by 20-30 years!!! Well I’m not sure about that last prognosis (I should be nearly dead - maybe I am?) but I used to drink 3 bottles of wine every day.....

Long story short - the AV slithered away pronto! I’m not ready to die yet. Damn - I’m too pretty to turn my toes up!

I have to say; and against my better judgement; I am getting a bit low about my exercise and weight loss programme. I’m working so hard at it but I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel to lose this extra stone and get back the fitness I used to have. I fear the damage might be irreparable? I know I have to have patience and that I have lost about 8 pounds already, but it really makes me glum to see the tape measure and scales stand still for the last 5 days. I’m at my happiest when I feel super fit and in the shape I want to be, but it feels such a long and potentially impossible road to traverse moving forwards sometimes. I crave the signs that I am creeping forwards every day - and without that affirmation I get so frustrated. Grrrrrrrr.

Anyway - enough naval gazing and vanity. My organs, blood and brain are happy to be sober. The rest is secondary.

I will not drink today (I needed to state this today)

Strength to all across the World.

JT

Dee74

welcome Paterson

D

numberthree

Hi All

I'm starting day 3 this morning. Day 2 evening was a bit up and down. I had the usual temptations from wife, start Friday, start after the weekend, just one more night etc. but managed to get over that fairly easily + she wasn't as annoyed that I was killing the mood.

The thing I am struggling with is the concept of not drinking on a weekend. It is completely irrational and stupid because:

- I didn't stick to just weekends
- all I did was just watch mind numbing TV whilst drinking wine, it is not like I was doing anything to miss
- the downsides are too many to list

Anyway I went to the gym and rode it out (not literally, cardio was successfully avoided!). I've woken up and feeling that nice clear headiness hs made me a lot more positive.

Tonight we are taking the car for a new spin to the coast. I'll deal with next weekend when it comes. There is no point trying to think of a plan for the rest of my life.

JT - 8 pounds in 3 weeks is pretty amazing. I'm not sure you would want to lose much more than that, as it wouldn't be just fat that would be coming off. I think that you are plateauing is pretty par for the course. Is there another way you could measure progress? Maybe measure strength + the weight you are lifting either per lift or overall or reps or reducing rest times etc.

JustTony

I don't really train for strength/weight anymore as the shoulders have suffered a bit too much rotator cuff damage over the years. I know 8 pounds sounds like a lot but I always think the first 4 pounds is just easy fat to lose in the immediate aftermath of not consuming 2,500 - 3,000 calories of booze per day.

I know I need to be more patient. I just want everything to be perfect NOW!

SuzesSobriety

Good morning! Day 24

It is early here and I am going to be leaving soon, so quick checkin.
I read everyone’s posts and wrote in the dark, but now I can’t read any of it well and don’t want to have missed someone/something important (Note to self: JT lights candles rather that just sit in dark). So sorry!

So thank you all for your kind words. I read them and thought, they think I can do it….so I think I can do it!

Welcome Patterson. For you and those others not feeling great physically or emotionally, I hope you feel better.

Welcome back BobDrop and Sweeti. Glad you came back.

JT, your post sticks in my head. 1.2 bottles of wine?! We are all drinkers here, but that seems like a crazy high number to qualify for being a problem drinker. As a drinker, I would read that as awesome, I will still to 1 bottle. I thought it was more than one unit for women and maybe two for men. Anyhow, I have to keep moving.

My Post:
This morning in the dark, I had two thoughts pop into my head.
First was this amazing a-ha moment. I thought not just “I can’t/shouldn’t/won’t” drink this weekend, but I don’t want to drink. It occurred to me I really want to be sober! I really wanted to not drink up until now. When I quit for a month earlier this summer, I really wanted to show I could do it and see how it felt. Last week I felt like, I don’t want to mess up on this trip because I would be right back where I was and starting over. Today I feel, “I don’t want to drink because I really love being sober.” The subtlety here my come off as “okay….yeah, sounds the same as not wanting to drink” but it feels different.

The old expression, fake it ‘til you make it. Well, I am starting to feel the faking it is becoming real. That said, I will not drop my guard, I will not get complacent and I can never drink again and will not change my mind. Not a drop or I will be right back in it.

The second:
As I pondered this sense of peace I really think you all are the difference. Sure, more experience with sober time, more experience with relapses, more experiences with reasons not to drink all help. But I also feel like this group has helped with my mental readiness. Reading all of your posts, interacting, posting etc. I feel like this has made the sober voice in my head stronger and stronger. Instead of living in my inner voice competing with my AV, I have been living and thinking sober here and have all of your voices and stories in my head. It is feeding and growing and nourishing my inner sober voice.
It is like in the end of Horton Hears a Who when they can’t hear the teeny Whos. They are yelling and yelling “We Are Here!” Finally they hear the little Whos. My poor little sober self has been screaming out and this group has helped amplify that voice to the point where I am hearing it loud and clear.

Point 2 feeds point 1 and for that, I thank you.

Can’t wait to enjoy and embrace this weekend for all that it is and let my inner sober voice out to be free and explore and expderience this weekend, this day, this moment. Let my inner sober voice ROAR! Chariots of Fire and Van Morrison loaded on the phone (not kidding). I picture my mini van with the torch lit and burning bright. I will check in if I need someone to fan the flames. I've got this.

Thank you, thank you.

bobdrop

Hi all. Welcome Patterson. Hi 3. Wishing you success in tackling the whole weekend thing. Good luck to you Suzes.

I am so happy to have yesterday behind me. Too much sweating and guilt. Feeling much better on day 2. Looking forward to the weekend. Also looking forward to the upcoming college football season. This is something I never thought I could enjoy without drinking, but I found my self last year actually being able to see the end of the game Since I joined SR a year ago, I have faced a lot of firsts without drinking. Doing a lot better because of it. This last one really caught me by surprise. Anyway, hoping the next year will have fewer new challenges as it appears I am so stubborn that I have to suffer to learn.

Happy Friday to all!

mns1

Morning everyone. Love the overall positivity of this group every morning. Keep it going guys.

JT I wouldn’t sweat it too much the fact that you've already lost 8 lbs is great and 5 days is not much time to see any significant result. Just stay consistent and you will start seeing changes. If not, it just means you need to tweak something in your diet/training. You’ll get there.

Davidbrown402

Hi Everyone,

Its day 10 for me, I have made double figures and am about to embark on another sober weekend. I couldn't be happier about this.

Tony - as msn1 says, just stick with what you are doing and see what happens. No need to be too hard o yourself, it may be that you just need to tweak something. Remember, its 80% about nutrition and 20% about exercise.

Suze - Its great to hear you talk about looking forward to being sober rather than trying not to drink. I think this is the key here. We need to focus on what sobriety brings to our lives.

Number three - Hang in there, you can do this even with the temptations around you. You are doing this for you, not anyone else.

I too am looking forward to continued sobriety. I have had no desire to drink. I have had a couple of occasions when I have thought about it but it has been quickly dismissed as absurd.

We must put ourselves and our health above all else. I often do this exercise with my coaching clients. you might want to give it a go.

Write down the 10 most important people in your lives. there may not even be 10 but try and get as close as possible. When you have done this take a moment to look at it. Where are you on this list? Chances are that you are not. If this is the case write your name very prominently at the top. You must always come first. You can only be fully available to the other people most important to you if you take care of yourself.

Have a great sober day!

secretchord

I'm starting my day 2 today. Yesterday wasn't the best because I was hungover. Hoping today is better. No cravings yet, but I know they're coming.

Skrappy

I'm having a tough time. The depression and lack of sleep is getting to me. My AV keeps whispering, "You'd be happier and could sleep if you had just a few. A few won't hurt and nobody has to know."

Riiiight. A few WOULD hurt because I don't stop at, "a few." And I would know. I'm not doing this for anyone but myself. I'm making my life better. Sometimes I think if my AV was an actual person I'd like to sock him one right in the nose. Lol.

I made my appointment yesterday for my physical. I'm nervous but I'm looking forward to knowing what I can do to start healing physically. If I drink now, I'm just adding to the damage. I do not want that. I tired of living in denial and ruining my body.

Thanks for being here all of you. This group is a blessing. I may be grumpy and depressed but I'm not dropping this torch. 💙

ODAATCAT

“I know I need to be more patient. I just want everything to be perfect NOW!”

JT, that’s a common trait amongst alcoholics; a need for immediate results. I want what I want and I want it now! Boy does that sound familiar to me. You are doing great on your exercise routine; don’t get discouraged, you’ll see a sudden drop in weight of 2-3 pounds soon. Back when I used to frequent the gym regularly, I experienced the same, and the pattern held true for years.

“JT, your post sticks in my head. 1.2 bottles of wine?! We are all drinkers here, but that seems like a crazy high number to qualify for being a problem drinker. As a drinker, I would read that as awesome, I will still to 1 bottle.” Suzes, I had the same thought when I read this, wow, 1.2 bottles a day? Here, that is considered an alcoholic, not a problem drinker. My experience with a bottle of wine per evening, more on the weekend, was enough to cause me plenty of misery, so I’m not event tempted to go down that path again.

Have a wonderful vacation, and think of this class when and if temptation creeps in; we’re all rooting for you!

Bobdrop, even with the relapses, the days gained from not drinking help build the sobriety muscles, and with determination, will enable you to resist the next temptation. Upwards and onward!

DavidB, I love the top ten list; and you are right, I wouldn’t have put my name anywhere on the list. It’s time to start focusing on me instead of trying to please everyone else. Congratulations on reaching double digits!

Secretchord, stay strong, the first 3 days are the hardest for me due to the lingering haze. This too shall pass.

Numberthree, this is your day to shine, 3 for 3! You’ve got this.

I made it through a tough day yesterday with yet another late night at work, ugh! Day 13 and Friday – I need to stay diligent today! Happily, I am seeing results of my dietary change, down 7 pounds in 12 days, but in a near constant state of HUNGRY during the day. Juicing is dense in calories and natural sugar, so I’m not literally starving, but it sure has made my evening salad heaven on earth. More than the weight loss, I’m down a pant size and my clothes are fitting looser. That is the motivating factor that keeps me on track. I was lucky to have a fast metabolism through my 40s and maintained weight of 135-140 at 5’10”, but the pounds accumulated quickly once I started daily drinking, losing my interest in exercise to raising the glass instead. I ballooned to 168! My goal is 145 pounds, so I have a way to go. I’ll get there, this didn’t happen overnight, so I have to be patient. But, like JT, I want it NOW!!!

Time to hit the shower and get ready for work. Stay strong and let your light shine brightly all.

Pelagic263

Hi all. I've been following this class and would like to join. This past week was bad, to put it mildly. I was sober for about half of 2017, let my guard down New Years. All downhill since.

I wanted yesterday to be Day 1, but the withdrawal was not pretty. Couldn't even mow the lawn, throwing up bile. Sorry for the details but I have to come clean here. I used to be able to taper. That's over. Drank a bottle of vodka. Not sure what today will be like, but it's a new Day 1 come what may.

Sorry for the lack of eloquence. a little foggy and desperate right now. Plus I can't type on these little screens. Fat fingers,lol.

Wishing all a safe and sober day. Near as I can tell, you all are gonna kick butt. Great attitudes and resolve in the August 2018 class. I need the same. Thanks.

Aliceiw

Hiya, Pelagic. Welcome.

I'm sorry you're feeling unwell physically, but it sounds like you're in a good starting place mentally. Bile isn't pretty, true, but probably a good motivator.

Hope your day today is much better.

Skrappy

Welcome Pelagic. No need to apologize. I've been where you are. I'm glad you decided to join us. It will get better. Just ride it out.

Bekindalways

Heya Pelagic, this is the place for the foggy and desperate so welcome. Congrats on knowing you can actually do it as you have done it before!

As for me:

I looked up the date of my last drink aka barfing/blackingout disaster. I was camping out without a calendar nor phone/internet along with the first few days being foggy. I am on day 8. Ugh I thought I was further along. Time does indeed take time. Count me in with those that want what they want and want it now. I want to be several years sober.

It is funny that before I would kinda hide how much I drank; now I'm kinda hiding that I don't drink. I'm not ready to discuss it with anyone beyond you all.

Picking up the torch (or glass of something not alcoholic) here in the Western US and headed into the day.

Off to look for a meeting, do some meditation and drink some coconut water.

Peace to you all.

bobdrop

Secretchord-Welcome, I'm on day 2 as well. Going much better than yesterday. Hope it is for you too!

Welcome Pelagic-I started 2018 with 100 days sober. That "had a bottle of vodka" makes me want to cringe now. Hoping you get through the early days quickly.

Thanks for the encouragement ODAATCAT!

Pelagic263

Thanks for the welcomes. I'm looking forward to get to know folks.

It won't be fun but I still have a lawn to mow today and about 30 pounds of tomatoes to can. it's been ridiculously wet here in PA this summer. I can't keep up with lawn and the tomatoes are coming in like mad!

JustTony

Welcome Pelagic and SecretChord.

I have to say I am very worried about the responses from Suzes and ODAATCAT to the report I quoted that said 1.2 bottles of wine per day constituted a 'problem drinker'. Both Suze and ODAAT considered this HIGH? And that's what really worries me....

I know my consumption of 3 bottles of wine a night (7 days a week for months on end) was ridiculous and a sure death sentence, but to hear from other people that deem themselves alcoholics, that they think that LESS than HALF of what I drank daily, to be very high has really shook me.

I know this isn't a competition for "who was the heaviest drinker in the August 2018 class" and I can assure you it is not a prize I would want to get close to winning - but I feel like the damage I have done to myself now is even worse than what I thought?

There's no real point in pursuing this conversation further I don't suppose but - like I say - those two responses have genuinely worried me.

Doubledee

Hey everyone. On day 15 now. I always hit a plateau around this stage. Past the initial low moods, then to an almost sober high and then that wears off to a bit of a baseline.

There’s so much activity in this thread, much more than my previous group. It’s awesome but hard to keep up atm as I’m very busy.

Welcome Skrappy, SportPilot, Patterson, Oraclelam, Pelagic, Truthseeker, numberthree and Skybert. Sweetichick and bobdrop, it’s great you came back, I’m very glad.

I have a christening next week and a wedding next weekend. Just hoping I stay strong during it. Social anxiety for me is hard at these things so I’ll just have to do my best. Once everybody is drunk I find it easy as they’re much more relaxed and the awkwardness (or perceived awkwardness) on my part disappears a bit.

I hope everyone has an enjoyable and sober weekend.