24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 402
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,740
That’s cold, Kev. I am sorry this has been so frustrating. I feel you.
Yeah my sister just wants my support and to feel close again. She misses me and I was always there for her. That’s what makes it so insidious, on the outside I look like a huge jerk. An insensitive and cruel person. But I’ve tried with her so much, much to my own depletion, and she burned me bad. I told her it is not healthy for me to be in touch with family. Here she is, texting me. I told her I needed time, here she is, asking if I’ve had enough time. Leave me alone!!!! I’m going crazy
Yeah my sister just wants my support and to feel close again. She misses me and I was always there for her. That’s what makes it so insidious, on the outside I look like a huge jerk. An insensitive and cruel person. But I’ve tried with her so much, much to my own depletion, and she burned me bad. I told her it is not healthy for me to be in touch with family. Here she is, texting me. I told her I needed time, here she is, asking if I’ve had enough time. Leave me alone!!!! I’m going crazy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,491
Originally Posted by Plenny 
Morning Suze! This usually works for me too! It is a tool that I often use, but I am obsessing and racked with guilt. I usually sleep quite well. Not lately though. I am consumed by fear that she will again try to move to my city and get close to me. And she’ll bring my mother (think Mommy Dearest and Sharp Objects) back into my awareness. It has happened before. I need her to stay away. I really need this time for myself 
Sharp Objects is scaring me, so yeah.....not good. She doesn't have the right to do this though.....you can get a restraining order on someone who is in your family....well, maybe not....but you can get a nice big guy friend to help you....someone who can open the door and politely but firmly tell her that you are not available.
If she texts you again, perhaps you can tell her this is upsetting you and to please leave you be for the moment....out of respect.
♥♥
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Coquitlam B.C.
Posts: 3,760
Possibilities are endless
“we all have possibilities we don’t know about. We can do things we don’t even dream we can do”Dale Carnegie
Life is nothing, if not a journey of discovery.
Grow a little every day, eventually, the scenery will change. Your growth will let you see over old horizons and current.
Circumstances for a new perspective on what is possible. A world of possibilities will unfold in front of you once you can see from a higher perspective. Just because you can see it right now does not mean that it doesn’t exist.
Begin today to grow ...... and see thing from a new perspective.....the possibilities are endless!.
Erfra7 here after a sleepless night for his dose of 24hrs. Of freedom from self drugs and alcohol.
Love to you all ah!and with hugs....
“we all have possibilities we don’t know about. We can do things we don’t even dream we can do”Dale Carnegie
Life is nothing, if not a journey of discovery.
Grow a little every day, eventually, the scenery will change. Your growth will let you see over old horizons and current.
Circumstances for a new perspective on what is possible. A world of possibilities will unfold in front of you once you can see from a higher perspective. Just because you can see it right now does not mean that it doesn’t exist.
Begin today to grow ...... and see thing from a new perspective.....the possibilities are endless!.
Erfra7 here after a sleepless night for his dose of 24hrs. Of freedom from self drugs and alcohol.
Love to you all ah!and with hugs....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,740
Originally Posted by venuscat
Sharp Objects is scaring me, so yeah.....not good. She doesn't have the right to do this though.....you can get a restraining order on someone who is in your family....well, maybe not....but you can get a nice big guy friend to help you....someone who can open the door and politely but firmly tell her that you are not available.
If she texts you again, perhaps you can tell her this is upsetting you and to please leave you be for the moment....out of respect.
♥♥Her showing up here is a very real danger. Trying to just shake it, usually this is when I drink
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
40 hours til we fly to Orlando. ... I've finished at work and it's all systems go. I've just cleaned the fridge ... emptied it and scrubbed every part til it gleams.. not entirely sure why....suddenly it seems desperately important that when we get home in 3 weeks, the fridge is spotless. Now I'm sharpening colouring pencils so my little kids can do colouring on the plane and after that I'm going to google 'can I take teabags into the USA?' I know I can buy teabags when I'm there but I really like Tetley tea and I'm not sure I'll be able to buy that particular brand ....what can I say? I'm English and I don't drink alcohol ... tea is really important to me. But I don't want to get into trouble with Customs so I need to check the rules. Then I need to take some selfies with the dog (am going to miss him so much) and check what on earth the kids are putting in their hand luggage bags .... not sure 5 dinosaurs, 3 power rangers, all the Ninjago lego figures and a giant Peter Rabbit toy are all completely necessary. And then I need to check the expiry dates on all our passports for the 58th time today.... just in case the dates have changed since the last time I checked and then I need to..... oh, I don't know ..... there's a million things I could and probably should be doing but really I just need to get excited and enjoy every moment of this precious, family holiday time. And as long as we have each other, passports, money and teabags ... all will be fine. Love to everyone .... 24 more for me please xxxx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,137
Originally Posted by Plenny
That’s cold, Kev. I am sorry this has been so frustrating. I feel you.
Yeah my sister just wants my support and to feel close again. She misses me and I was always there for her. That’s what makes it so insidious, on the outside I look like a huge jerk. An insensitive and cruel person. But I’ve tried with her so much, much to my own depletion, and she burned me bad. I told her it is not healthy for me to be in touch with family. Here she is, texting me. I told her I needed time, here she is, asking if I’ve had enough time. Leave me alone!!!! I’m going crazy
Yeah my sister just wants my support and to feel close again. She misses me and I was always there for her. That’s what makes it so insidious, on the outside I look like a huge jerk. An insensitive and cruel person. But I’ve tried with her so much, much to my own depletion, and she burned me bad. I told her it is not healthy for me to be in touch with family. Here she is, texting me. I told her I needed time, here she is, asking if I’ve had enough time. Leave me alone!!!! I’m going crazy
I don't think it makes you an insensitive or cruel person. You are not her therapist, if she needs help that badly, you are not the right person to help her anyway. And if she has let you down so much in the past, then you have even less of a reason to feel bad. Maybe it helps her if you tell her that you care very much about her and that you feel bad for not being able to support her but that you really can't handle any family issues at the moment and that she will hear from you when you are ready. That you can't support her in the state this puts you in right now.
The big difference between you not supporting her and my ex (who actually is cruel and insensitive) not supporting me is that I have never let him down or done anything like that. I was always very honest with him and always willing to improve myself and change whatever he pointed out as problematic. And I treated him well, cooked for him every night we spent together, rubbed his back and shoulders all the time, made him tea, etc... I was always there for him, tried to support him through his depressive phases. I never pulled him down or used him in any way. The only thing he disliked about me and why he ended it, was that I would complain sometimes if he acted insensitive and selfish.
I know on the outside it looks like you are both doing the same, not supporting someone you care about. But it seems to be a very different case with your sister and I think it is necessary and right to cut the rope when people keep pulling you down or using you. I had to distance myself from a very dear friend who also struggled with addiction because she would not take any advice, not help herself where she could but kept making the "wrong" decisions like using the money she borrowed from me not to buy food and an underground ticket to take herself to a meeting but to buy weed... it just didn't work. She didn't even do anything bad to me but I had to distance myself from her continuing drama after a while.
I don't feel guilty about this because I stayed true to my values.
And it sounds like you know what your values are too. It would add much more distress to your life and harm to your mental health if you tried to support your sister, it seems, than it would help her.
Be kind to yourself, I believe you are doing the right thing
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,137
Originally Posted by kenton
40 hours til we fly to Orlando. ... I've finished at work and it's all systems go. I've just cleaned the fridge ... emptied it and scrubbed every part til it gleams.. not entirely sure why....suddenly it seems desperately important that when we get home in 3 weeks, the fridge is spotless. Now I'm sharpening colouring pencils so my little kids can do colouring on the plane and after that I'm going to google 'can I take teabags into the USA?' I know I can buy teabags when I'm there but I really like Tetley tea and I'm not sure I'll be able to buy that particular brand ....what can I say? I'm English and I don't drink alcohol ... tea is really important to me. But I don't want to get into trouble with Customs so I need to check the rules. Then I need to take some selfies with the dog (am going to miss him so much) and check what on earth the kids are putting in their hand luggage bags .... not sure 5 dinosaurs, 3 power rangers, all the Ninjago lego figures and a giant Peter Rabbit toy are all completely necessary. And then I need to check the expiry dates on all our passports for the 58th time today.... just in case the dates have changed since the last time I checked and then I need to..... oh, I don't know ..... there's a million things I could and probably should be doing but really I just need to get excited and enjoy every moment of this precious, family holiday time. And as long as we have each other, passports, money and teabags ... all will be fine. Love to everyone .... 24 more for me please xxxx
Have a lovely holiday Kenton, I'm sure you'll have an amazing time with your kids and Mr. Kenton! Also I hope your kidneys are better again and won't disturb the holiday fun and relaxation! Much love <3
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,740
Thank you so much Kev. It does feel better to hear that I’m probably not a jerk. The only thing is that I’ve definitely told her that what she’s doing is not ok with me, but she doesn’t see this boundary. So I’ve just blocked her. Now, as my family goes, the next thing that usually happens is that they show up. So I’m shaking
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
Good evening all. Bit late again today.
Hannah had her docs appointment today. She chose to go in alone so I don't know exactly how it went (a killer for me but it was her choice) but she came out with some telephone numbers for counselling. She had been crying but seemed calm enough when she came out. This slow letting go of my baby is hard with a capital H for sure but I know it is necessary. I can't deny I'm worried about her but she told me not to worry so I'm keeping my own fears from her. She has enough to deal with without my stuff too.
It makes me thankful for my sobriety yet again. Supporting her like a mum should at long last. But guilt too that the secretive side of my addiction perhaps prevented her opening up sooner. Maybe it did maybe it didn't. I can't afford to look back now it's got to be onward with a new openness and honesty for all.
Oh I don't know....... I'm just worried about her. Natural I guess.
Sorry I'm rambling a little. I'll just ask for my 24 and send out some love ❤❤❤
Hannah had her docs appointment today. She chose to go in alone so I don't know exactly how it went (a killer for me but it was her choice) but she came out with some telephone numbers for counselling. She had been crying but seemed calm enough when she came out. This slow letting go of my baby is hard with a capital H for sure but I know it is necessary. I can't deny I'm worried about her but she told me not to worry so I'm keeping my own fears from her. She has enough to deal with without my stuff too.
It makes me thankful for my sobriety yet again. Supporting her like a mum should at long last. But guilt too that the secretive side of my addiction perhaps prevented her opening up sooner. Maybe it did maybe it didn't. I can't afford to look back now it's got to be onward with a new openness and honesty for all.
Oh I don't know....... I'm just worried about her. Natural I guess.
Sorry I'm rambling a little. I'll just ask for my 24 and send out some love ❤❤❤
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Originally Posted by kenton
40 hours til we fly to Orlando. ... I've finished at work and it's all systems go. I've just cleaned the fridge ... emptied it and scrubbed every part til it gleams.. not entirely sure why....suddenly it seems desperately important that when we get home in 3 weeks, the fridge is spotless. Now I'm sharpening colouring pencils so my little kids can do colouring on the plane and after that I'm going to google 'can I take teabags into the USA?' I know I can buy teabags when I'm there but I really like Tetley tea and I'm not sure I'll be able to buy that particular brand ....what can I say? I'm English and I don't drink alcohol ... tea is really important to me. But I don't want to get into trouble with Customs so I need to check the rules. Then I need to take some selfies with the dog (am going to miss him so much) and check what on earth the kids are putting in their hand luggage bags .... not sure 5 dinosaurs, 3 power rangers, all the Ninjago lego figures and a giant Peter Rabbit toy are all completely necessary. And then I need to check the expiry dates on all our passports for the 58th time today.... just in case the dates have changed since the last time I checked and then I need to..... oh, I don't know ..... there's a million things I could and probably should be doing but really I just need to get excited and enjoy every moment of this precious, family holiday time. And as long as we have each other, passports, money and teabags ... all will be fine. Love to everyone .... 24 more for me please xxxx
Yay!! Have a wonderful time Kenton and family!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
2:33 pm
Feeling pretty good on a nice Monday afternoon despite the heat and humidity!
I met with my OA sponsor this morning for the first time- I really, really like her and connect with her. I am ready for my new journey of accountability! Kind of nervous about sending her my food journal at the end of each day but hey, this is what I signed up for!
I am grateful to be alive and sober, and happy to be on the road to recovery from compulsive overeating as well.
Have a great day everyone!
Feeling pretty good on a nice Monday afternoon despite the heat and humidity!
I met with my OA sponsor this morning for the first time- I really, really like her and connect with her. I am ready for my new journey of accountability! Kind of nervous about sending her my food journal at the end of each day but hey, this is what I signed up for!
I am grateful to be alive and sober, and happy to be on the road to recovery from compulsive overeating as well.
Have a great day everyone!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,137
Originally Posted by Plenny
Not trying to be difficult, this is just the stage of the situation we are in. It’s a nightmare.
Sending you strength, support and many hugs!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,491
Originally Posted by Plenny
Yeah.... one of the big issues for me is that I haven’t been able to get a restraining order. Against my abuser (mother) or anyone else who chases after me. And I have told my sister that this bothers me in the past and she doesn’t seem to want to accept it. So I’ve blocked her number.
Her showing up here is a very real danger. Trying to just shake it, usually this is when I drink
Her showing up here is a very real danger. Trying to just shake it, usually this is when I drink
♥♥
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