24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 400

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08-01-2018, 05:01 AM

# 481 (permalink)

SoberLeigh

Member

Join Date: Feb 2014

Location: East Coast USA

Posts: 120,872

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tinker B

Committing to 24 sober hours
Day 3
Love to all
Tink
❤️

So wonderful to see you, sweet Tink! Missed you.

Love and hugs; please stay close.

08-01-2018, 05:08 AM

# 482 (permalink)

venuscat

Member

Join Date: Nov 2012

Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥

Posts: 88,496

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunflowerlife

7:18 am

Not getting along with my husband. Despite years of therapy I am still unable to tell him when I either need more help around the house or even when I am offering a suggestion to make his life easier, he turns it around and tells me I am "diminishing him." While I am frustrated with some things he does or doesn't do, my email about it was very neutral. One of his few chores is to change the master sheets once a week. His day off was Monday and he didn't do it. I realized it was because I hadn't washed the extra set of sheets yet. So I wrote him and asked that if this happens again (which it rarely does) that it would he helpful if he could just wash the sheets himself. I was at work and he doesn't have another day off until Sunday and he doesn't do house chores on the days when he's working. Anyway, he told me I was being diminishing by asking him to just wash the sheets himself. I just don't agree- I didn't call him names, I didn't say anything other than to ask if he could just wash them himself.

See how ridiculous this all is? And these are things that have been happening for 7 years now. We have an amazing marriage counselor who he connects with and I told him a while back that I would be willing to give up seeing him together if that meant he could see him individually. It's the first therapist he has liked and that he feels comfortable with. But he won't do it.

I'm just frustrated because at this point there are no positive feelings left for him or our marriage. I am fine just living together and co-parenting but there is no spark, no intimacy (which I am fine with) but there is also a lot of power struggles which just make me want to run away most days. I am at a loss here.

Kids are up, gotta go. Thanks for letting me vent...
Happy to be sober through all of this- we were even more of a disaster when we were both drinking...

I keep thinking about how lovely your birthday party was, and how well you two worked to get the house ready. That was a good couple of days, really good.

I think that once we are in the hurt phase, it is just so hard to see anything positive....and as you both heal a bit today, maybe some of those good feelings will resurface.

Sending you so so so so so so so many hugs. And love.

♥♥♥

08-01-2018, 05:10 AM

# 483 (permalink)

SoberLeigh

Member

Join Date: Feb 2014

Location: East Coast USA

Posts: 120,872

Quote:

Originally Posted by venuscat

♥ This is a list of everyone who posted their commitment to stay sober in the last
24 hours: 8 pm EDT ~ 7.59 pm EDT.

It is awesome to have every single one of you here with us! ♥

1newcreation
abcowboy
Alysheba
ananda
Atlast9999
aussieblue
Awake61
Babs1234
badgerden
bandicoot2
BarbieKen
Ben123
BrandNewDay11
Bubovski
Canadian Koala
CeeFarro
ChloeRose63
Coldfusion
county111111
CrossYourHeart
Daisybelle
Dee74
Delilah1
Endoftheday
erfra7
Finalcall
Free2bme888
FormerBeerLover
Gabe1980
gatorman
Gilmer
Goat
goodbyeevan
goose333
Hats
Hevyn
heyfly
Jack16
joandmelandhan
jsm273
julietUK
Kaneda8888
kenton
kevlarsjal2
Kris47
Lascaux
least
lilymaz
Lostmyoffswitch
lyddie
Mags1
Minion09
Marcutah1
Neoo
Nic233
nmd
PaigeMasters
PeaceB4
PhoenixJ
Pinky1
Plenny
Quincy
quitter62
Rainman1
Rar
RedBerryJuniper
Saskia
ShenzyT
Snufkin
soberista
SoberLeigh
stargazer016
Sunflower79
Sunflowerlife
Sweetpeacan
tgirl
TheToddman
theVman31
time2LLL60
Tinker B
tomls
vanaprastha
vassvik
venuscat
Vinificent
WaterOx
WeaverBird
Whendovescry
Willow68
wiscsober
YCDT2
Yixi
yukonm
Zanna
zeppodog
zoeydog
Onward together! ♥

August 1, 2018

bandicoot2 ~ 2 years & 7 months! ♥
Delilah1 ~ 2 years & 7 months! ♥
Mark1014 ~ 3 years & 10 months! ♥
Coldfusion ~ 5 years & 9 months! ♥

Bump!

08-01-2018, 05:12 AM

# 484 (permalink)

SoberLeigh

Member

Join Date: Feb 2014

Location: East Coast USA

Posts: 120,872

Time to celebrate our brilliant Milestoners!

14 years, 9 months

Congratulations!

Enjoy, all.

08-01-2018, 05:14 AM

# 485 (permalink)

Sunflowerlife

Member

Join Date: Jan 2016

Posts: 4,217

Quote:

Originally Posted by tomls

So sorry Sunflower to hear things not running smoothly. Some days I have those too! Things seem so gigantic some days and other days those same things just don't seem to matter as much. Everything is going to be fine one way or the other. Best wishes. 24 more clean and sober hours please. Congratulations to all reaching a milestone today!

Thanks Tomls- it's huge today because the tension affects the kids and my toddler has been throwing en epic meltdown for the last 20 minutes which isn't normal for him. My husband is very passive aggressive and will stomp around while ignoring me when we are in a power struggle. It's his only way of communicating his feelings which is why I keep encouraging therapy.

Honestly, part of me just wants to take over all the household chores so that I don't have to deal with this stuff. But then I end up resenting him and that's what I am trying to avoid. UGH> it's just so frustrating!

Just tired of this. It's too many years of power struggles and I'm over it. Thanks for the support...

08-01-2018, 05:15 AM

# 486 (permalink)

Awake61

Member

Join Date: Apr 2017

Location: Portland maine

Posts: 1,330

I'm in.Hard family stuff yesterday, but I didn't cave. Today, no matter what, I will stay on the path. Thank you all for being here!

08-01-2018, 05:16 AM

# 487 (permalink)

venuscat

Member

Join Date: Nov 2012

Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥

Posts: 88,496

Well done Awake!!!

SO much love to you.

♥♥

08-01-2018, 05:17 AM

# 488 (permalink)

Sunflowerlife

Member

Join Date: Jan 2016

Posts: 4,217

Quote:

Originally Posted by venuscat

♥♥♥

Thanks Suze- Honestly, I did most of the work for my party - I even made my own cake and bought my own flowers. My party was amazing because my friends were here, not because of him. We barely even talked during my party. But yes, he did vacuum the downstairs for me and clean the bathroom which was very helpful.
I can't see a lot of positive because I don't have those feelings for him anymore. And I haven't been open about it in therapy which is my responsibility. I have been trying for years to get the feelings back- to want to spend time with him alone (I don't) to want to be intimate (I really don't.) But I can't force these things, right? I have been to therapy, I have meditated, I have prayed. He continues to do the same thing over and over even though our therapist has given him tools. So what's left over here? I feel like a hamster caught in a hamster wheel...