Class of March 2016 part 72
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,684
Thanks, PJ. No matter how much I screw up you're all here to back me and I truly appreciate that. You will help me find my way.
Your self esteem should be higher IMO. What you've gone through, what you're doing, what you've accomplished. Need I say more?
Originally Posted by PhoenixJ 
Well folks, it turns out I am too critical- my drawing skills although not great- are nor really bad wither. No going to rest on my laurels but. Will get tuition sep. to get as good as I can..this is NOT going to beat me..it is a matter of self respect for me now (from me to me- as myself esteem is very low).
Support to y'all.
Support to y'all.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
what do you think it would take for you to make the leap 13th?
Looking back I didn;' leap until I absolutely had to - I was terrified I'd left my run too late.
I'd rather it had been a positive reason than a negative one, 13th.
D
Looking back I didn;' leap until I absolutely had to - I was terrified I'd left my run too late.
I'd rather it had been a positive reason than a negative one, 13th.
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,684
I wish I knew, Dee. I wish I knew. I'm such a screw up in sobriety. Clearly a lack thereof.
The fear of a rock bottom that some have had should motivate me to be proactive. The reality that I can change before such a fate befalls me is obvious. It has not and I am unable to explain why. Even to myself it's a mystery. Perhaps I'm just a moron who chooses not to learn until it all falls down.
The fear of a rock bottom that some have had should motivate me to be proactive. The reality that I can change before such a fate befalls me is obvious. It has not and I am unable to explain why. Even to myself it's a mystery. Perhaps I'm just a moron who chooses not to learn until it all falls down.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,491
Originally Posted by trachemys
Because it's one of the only games, maybe THE only game, you can play all by yourself and still be in competition.
It's you against the course. Against the earth itself. Against the turf, the elements, the whims of nature and fortune.
Consider, you make the perfect plan, you make the perfect move on the ball, and on the first bounce it hits a pebble and rockets off to the left or right of your planned path. That's called "rub of the green". It's part of the game.
When that happens, you pick up your bag and walk to wherever the ball ended up and try again.
It's a game that teaches practice, patience, and most of all, humility.
Well, not most of all. Most of all, it teaches honor. You call penalties on yourself.
It's you against the course. Against the earth itself. Against the turf, the elements, the whims of nature and fortune.
Consider, you make the perfect plan, you make the perfect move on the ball, and on the first bounce it hits a pebble and rockets off to the left or right of your planned path. That's called "rub of the green". It's part of the game.
When that happens, you pick up your bag and walk to wherever the ball ended up and try again.
It's a game that teaches practice, patience, and most of all, humility.
Well, not most of all. Most of all, it teaches honor. You call penalties on yourself.
I really appreciate you taking the time to answer this....and your post was so beautiful, and I see it now. I really do.
Thank you trach.
♥
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,491
Maybe you just stumbled on the answer to the block 13th....the reason you don't feel able to take the leap.....
Maybe the belief that you are not going to be a person you like or who succeeds in their life sober because you are looking back? Seeing a past that you are not proud of? Thinking what difference does it make, I doubt I will be happy with the way I am sober this time either?
Just thinking on paper so to speak....don't know if this is your truth.
But if it is.....if it could be....then perhaps we can find a way to help you see that you can be everything you want to be and truly like who you are sober.....you 13th can have this.....you really can.
So the leap might need to be a leap of faith.
It was for me.
I posted here one day, came back a day or so later and all of these STRANGERS had written to encourage me, give me hope, tell me they were doing well, that life is possible sober, that life is MAGIC sober....
I thought they were freaking nuts.
But all of them? How could this be so? An online cult? Not likely.
So I said OK, I'll give this a shot.
Like D....I was at a 'had to' point anyway, so the alternative was grisly.
The first 2 weeks were hard. Big-time hard.
But I have never looked back....even during my relapse my heart was still here, my soul was screaming out for me to come back.
You say motivation could be the key....but how is this going to happen?
I know you want a different life.....so maybe let all of us be your motivation....and take that leap of faith. ♥♥
Maybe the belief that you are not going to be a person you like or who succeeds in their life sober because you are looking back? Seeing a past that you are not proud of? Thinking what difference does it make, I doubt I will be happy with the way I am sober this time either?
Just thinking on paper so to speak....don't know if this is your truth.
But if it is.....if it could be....then perhaps we can find a way to help you see that you can be everything you want to be and truly like who you are sober.....you 13th can have this.....you really can.
So the leap might need to be a leap of faith.
It was for me.
I posted here one day, came back a day or so later and all of these STRANGERS had written to encourage me, give me hope, tell me they were doing well, that life is possible sober, that life is MAGIC sober....
I thought they were freaking nuts.
But all of them? How could this be so? An online cult? Not likely.
So I said OK, I'll give this a shot.
Like D....I was at a 'had to' point anyway, so the alternative was grisly.
The first 2 weeks were hard. Big-time hard.
But I have never looked back....even during my relapse my heart was still here, my soul was screaming out for me to come back.
You say motivation could be the key....but how is this going to happen?
I know you want a different life.....so maybe let all of us be your motivation....and take that leap of faith.
♥♥
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Thirteenth, when I played well I had to practice four times a week. The pros practice 40-60 hours a week.
Venus, thanks. Golf is a love. It's a meditation.
I've hit one perfect shot in my life. I can replay it in my head in stereoscope. It was a par three. I lined up for the ball to go over the trap left of the green and fade to the hole. I swing. The ball starts at the trap and then fades. It lands behind the mound and...my father says, "That went in". I couldn't see for the mound. I didn't see the only hole-in-one of my life. But, my father did.
Perfection.
Venus, thanks. Golf is a love. It's a meditation.
I've hit one perfect shot in my life. I can replay it in my head in stereoscope. It was a par three. I lined up for the ball to go over the trap left of the green and fade to the hole. I swing. The ball starts at the trap and then fades. It lands behind the mound and...my father says, "That went in". I couldn't see for the mound. I didn't see the only hole-in-one of my life. But, my father did.
Perfection.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Valley of the Sun, AZ
Posts: 3,458
It's been a busy and somewhat stressful start to the week. Mrs. MITA just came home from the liquor store. I'm gonna head out for a walk, even though it's 105 degrees. Maybe hit the movies if I need to.
I'll be good - and I'll be happy and hangover free tomorrow
Have a good night everyone!!
I'll be good - and I'll be happy and hangover free tomorrow
Have a good night everyone!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,684
I very much appreciate your in depth response Suze. Here's what I have:
I'd lean towards no generally speaking; that's primarily because I was becoming a drunk as I grew. I don't know what it's like to be sober. As Dee often mentions, I could find a me I forgot existed. That appeals to me. Why don't I do it remains a stubborn foolishness of mine.
I'm not thrilled with who I am, but I'm also not as ashamed as I probably should be. That's likely a reflection of kidding myself that it's still not as bad as I know that it is.
Could be but I don't think so based on the above. Then again, I could just be BSing myself.
I believe I can. I also believe that everyone here has given me all they can and I still haven't done squat with all that knowledge. It's up to me to put the action there.
Oh me of little faith. It's not that I don't believe what everyone posts about how much better it gets. I do believe that. It's once again translating that belief into action where I fall flat. Why? I'm lazy? I don't know.
And that's where my ambivalence shows quite painfully. So far, over more than a decade, I've not shown the motivation or willingness to change. It's been 28 months in this class and next to zero progress. I'll never say I'm a hopeless case, but it trends in that direction.
And now that I've likely thoroughly depressed everyone, my apologies. I hope all are well and doing much better at sobriety than myself.
Originally Posted by venuscat
Maybe you just stumbled on the answer to the block 13th....the reason you don't feel able to take the leap.....
Maybe the belief that you are not going to be a person you like or who succeeds in their life sober because you are looking back? Seeing a past that you are not proud of? Thinking what difference does it make, I doubt I will be happy with the way I am sober this time either?
Maybe the belief that you are not going to be a person you like or who succeeds in their life sober because you are looking back? Seeing a past that you are not proud of? Thinking what difference does it make, I doubt I will be happy with the way I am sober this time either?
I'm not thrilled with who I am, but I'm also not as ashamed as I probably should be. That's likely a reflection of kidding myself that it's still not as bad as I know that it is.
Originally Posted by venuscat
Just thinking on paper so to speak....don't know if this is your truth.
Originally Posted by venuscat
But if it is.....if it could be....then perhaps we can find a way to help you see that you can be everything you want to be and truly like who you are sober.....you 13th can have this.....you really can.
Originally Posted by venuscat
So the leap might need to be a leap of faith.
It was for me.
I posted here one day, came back a day or so later and all of these STRANGERS had written to encourage me, give me hope, tell me they were doing well, that life is possible sober, that life is MAGIC sober....
It was for me.
I posted here one day, came back a day or so later and all of these STRANGERS had written to encourage me, give me hope, tell me they were doing well, that life is possible sober, that life is MAGIC sober....
Originally Posted by venuscat
You say motivation could be the key....but how is this going to happen?
I know you want a different life.....so maybe let all of us be your motivation....and take that leap of faith. ♥♥
I know you want a different life.....so maybe let all of us be your motivation....and take that leap of faith.
♥♥And now that I've likely thoroughly depressed everyone, my apologies. I hope all are well and doing much better at sobriety than myself.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,491
Unfortunately, I understand better than you might think I do 13th.
So here's what's going to happen....you can keep drinking because you don't have a big enough reason to not drink. But it will come.
And you are not lazy....you are in denial. You are not running the show and haven't been for a long time. Alcohol is. Your decisions are based on fulfilling the needs of a brain that now needs alcohol. And denying that need can be extraordinarily painful. So why do it?
You may have to at some stage. Because you become unwell or because you accidentally do something bad whilst drunk. Do you drive when you drink? I used to. All of the time. I could have killed someone at any point. Or any accident at all I would have been in deep trouble....
My brother was run over by a car when he was almost 10 and I lived with that my whole life....you think I would know better. You think I would never ever take that kind of risk. But I wasn't operating the bus....not for years....and I would not have known that if I hadn't gotten sober.
Sorry....I need to stop going on.
So here's what's going to happen....you can keep drinking because you don't have a big enough reason to not drink. But it will come.
And you are not lazy....you are in denial. You are not running the show and haven't been for a long time. Alcohol is. Your decisions are based on fulfilling the needs of a brain that now needs alcohol. And denying that need can be extraordinarily painful. So why do it?
You may have to at some stage. Because you become unwell or because you accidentally do something bad whilst drunk. Do you drive when you drink? I used to. All of the time. I could have killed someone at any point. Or any accident at all I would have been in deep trouble....
My brother was run over by a car when he was almost 10 and I lived with that my whole life....you think I would know better. You think I would never ever take that kind of risk. But I wasn't operating the bus....not for years....and I would not have known that if I hadn't gotten sober.
Sorry....I need to stop going on.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Valley of the Sun, AZ
Posts: 3,458
Hi 13th. I think V is pretty spot on here. I’m guessing you’d agree - you’re a smart guy!
I don’t think it’s necessary to have a disastrous rock bottom to turn things around. I don’t think you need to end up in jail or catch yourself on fire (sorry PJ). You do need to realize that what you are doing isn’t smart and that your life can be better - way better. After getting a glimpse of what my sober life looks like compared to my alcoholic life, I want the sober life so much more. I’m not perfect in my efforts, but I’ll never give up.
I hope you have a great day. I hope everyone has a great day!!
I don’t think it’s necessary to have a disastrous rock bottom to turn things around. I don’t think you need to end up in jail or catch yourself on fire (sorry PJ). You do need to realize that what you are doing isn’t smart and that your life can be better - way better. After getting a glimpse of what my sober life looks like compared to my alcoholic life, I want the sober life so much more. I’m not perfect in my efforts, but I’ll never give up.
I hope you have a great day. I hope everyone has a great day!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 7,334
A lot of good words here.
I've had 3 articles I've written published. Now I need to figure out how to get paid to write. Any ideas? That's my next goal.
Nathan has 127 days clean today. Working and paying restitution and visiting dentist. All that grown up stuff. Seems to keep him grounded.
Take care all.
I've had 3 articles I've written published. Now I need to figure out how to get paid to write. Any ideas? That's my next goal.
Nathan has 127 days clean today. Working and paying restitution and visiting dentist. All that grown up stuff. Seems to keep him grounded.
Take care all.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,190
Bobbie are they articles about alcoholism?
There are freelance article websites where you can sell articles on a contract basis. The website takes a small cut and new writers without much experience don't make much. But it gets your foot in the door.
There are freelance article websites where you can sell articles on a contract basis. The website takes a small cut and new writers without much experience don't make much. But it gets your foot in the door.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
I need to get back in here and on the right path. Sorry for going missing for a few months there. Drinking is boring and monotonous and exhausting and I know my life is better off without it. I'm heading to an AA meeting right now but just wanted to make this quick check-in first and will try and catch up with everyone tonight or tomorrow. Glad to see this group is still going strong.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,684
I’m an under no illusion or delusion that folks here don’t understand, and understand quite well, better than myself I'd reckon. It’s what keeps me here. The support and the understanding. Knowing that everyone has been through the same. The belief that hopefully today or tomorrow the wise words get through my thick skull and empty head.
It’s so frustrating to me to know the answers and consequences yet not face up to them. That could circle back to detox of some kind to get starting momentum.
I don’t want to wait until it catches up to me anymore than it already has. I’m on light BP meds, I’m in horrible shape, my recall isn’t as sharp as it used to be, I probably look like hell, I finally had the “I don’t recognize myself anymore” moment. That should be enough to get my sorry ass in gear.
Sorry to hear about your brother Suze. My brother took his life and alcohol was a major factor. Not the only one, but I should know better than to tempt fate. No need to apologize for going on (you weren’t). I get so much out of everyone’s posts here. If only I put it into action.
Welcome back Casey. I hope your return goes well.
It’s so frustrating to me to know the answers and consequences yet not face up to them. That could circle back to detox of some kind to get starting momentum.
I don’t want to wait until it catches up to me anymore than it already has. I’m on light BP meds, I’m in horrible shape, my recall isn’t as sharp as it used to be, I probably look like hell, I finally had the “I don’t recognize myself anymore” moment. That should be enough to get my sorry ass in gear.
Sorry to hear about your brother Suze. My brother took his life and alcohol was a major factor. Not the only one, but I should know better than to tempt fate. No need to apologize for going on (you weren’t). I get so much out of everyone’s posts here. If only I put it into action.
Welcome back Casey. I hope your return goes well.
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