Class of January Support Thread 2018 Part 7
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 325
Hey everyone,
Just a quick visit. It is interesting to me how many of us have similar issues and one of the common themes is our ‘busyness’, I find myself reflecting on whether this is a theme for many alcoholics (or perhaps the ones who write in online forums), most of us seem so driven and now that alcohol is out of the equation which was for many of us an escape from other pressures (though it actually created many more) we are not replacing it enough with self care.
I’m trying and the no device thing is , but it is so easy to let that creep back in.
what I have just done is bought an adjustable bed frame with a new memory foam mattress. Wow, because I can now sleep with my knee elevated as well as my head up it’s like I am floating and the foam means no pressure points. I am waking up almost pain free and clearly sleeping deeply whereas before I’d wake up in pain several times a night. It is making a HUGE difference to my day. Like many of us I struggled with sleep when I quit after basically passing out with booze each night.
It seems for many of us recent holidays have not been without their own stressors, some external some internal. We are really good at supporting so many others in our life - why is self care so hard.
@Numb lady I hear you about the ice cream truck, mine is not a body made my salad!
Just a quick visit. It is interesting to me how many of us have similar issues and one of the common themes is our ‘busyness’, I find myself reflecting on whether this is a theme for many alcoholics (or perhaps the ones who write in online forums), most of us seem so driven and now that alcohol is out of the equation which was for many of us an escape from other pressures (though it actually created many more) we are not replacing it enough with self care.
I’m trying and the no device thing is , but it is so easy to let that creep back in.
what I have just done is bought an adjustable bed frame with a new memory foam mattress. Wow, because I can now sleep with my knee elevated as well as my head up it’s like I am floating and the foam means no pressure points. I am waking up almost pain free and clearly sleeping deeply whereas before I’d wake up in pain several times a night. It is making a HUGE difference to my day. Like many of us I struggled with sleep when I quit after basically passing out with booze each night.
It seems for many of us recent holidays have not been without their own stressors, some external some internal. We are really good at supporting so many others in our life - why is self care so hard.
@Numb lady I hear you about the ice cream truck, mine is not a body made my salad!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 296
Hi friends.
Palmer, so happy you got catch a glimpse of the sun. Hopefully you enjoyed some quiet and relaxing time this afternoon. I hope the rest of the trip is wonderful.
Numblady, sorry you are having so much trouble with the party planning. It's hard to understand because I don't like parties, especially for me. In the end, even if he doesn't like the location, if you have all his friends in attendance he will have fun. Hopefully you are finding time for some relaxation on your vacation.
Newchapter, that driving test does sound like a scam. The wait time is terrible. So sorry you have to deal with that.
Scotty, so nice to see you posting frequently. The new bed sounds nice. Waking up pain free and refreshed must be so nice.
More chores today. I spent the morning running errands with the family and the afternoon working on a car. Only one more day and it is back to work. Time in Chicago this week. Not my favorite city, but not the worst. Off to bed now.
Palmer, so happy you got catch a glimpse of the sun. Hopefully you enjoyed some quiet and relaxing time this afternoon. I hope the rest of the trip is wonderful.
Numblady, sorry you are having so much trouble with the party planning. It's hard to understand because I don't like parties, especially for me. In the end, even if he doesn't like the location, if you have all his friends in attendance he will have fun. Hopefully you are finding time for some relaxation on your vacation.
Newchapter, that driving test does sound like a scam. The wait time is terrible. So sorry you have to deal with that.
Scotty, so nice to see you posting frequently. The new bed sounds nice. Waking up pain free and refreshed must be so nice.
More chores today. I spent the morning running errands with the family and the afternoon working on a car. Only one more day and it is back to work. Time in Chicago this week. Not my favorite city, but not the worst. Off to bed now.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,913
Hey everyone!
Palmer, glad you got a break in the rain and a few hours to yourself! I’m so excited that I’m going to have that tomorrow. Granted, I”m using it to deal with personal paperwork but just being able to do that without kids under foot etc. will be really nice. Find any good new book(s)?
Scotty, your post kind of reminded me of I thought I’ve long had since coming into sobriety, which is: who are these people talking about being bored and all the time on their hands?!! I know this is the side of myself that does too much comparing, too much self-pitying because there are good and bad sides to everything so in many ways we are lucky our lives are so full but OMG sometimes I just wish I had idle time. To work out. To clean closets. To go volunteer. To put up a hammock and lay in it. That kind of stuff. Oh well!! Maybe in retirement ;0. Glad you are practicing self care with the new bad and the restful sleep. I can’t imagine how hard it’s been not getting good sleep for so long. I’m amazed you’ve been so positive that whole time!
Chase, speaking of busy, good luck with the additional travel, etc. etc.
Things are still good here on vacay. I went on a quick walk with my friend yesterday. I think basically she’s just so completely wrapped up in what is going on with her son she literally just isn’t thinking of us much at all. Not because she doesn’t like us but because she’s just a very introverted person in the sense of turning inwards and myopically focusing on something at least for a while. I guess she and her husband are treating the first 30 days as inpatient and not leaving their son unaccompanied for any amount of time, and he is on board with that. I was at least able to talk up SR! And she seemed receptive to that but is the kind of person who likes to have pretty much everything all figured out herself so wasn’t particularly curious about what I had to say. Or maybe she was and I’m just annoyed because I read too much into things. In any event, I still can’t say I understand her approach, in the sense that she hasn’t expressed any apparent sadness at not spending more time together, but it’s clearly just about how she is handling all this and not about her care and concern for us. We had a great time at their place last night and I guess if that’s all I get to see her so be it. I think it’s all a good lesson in just trying to focus on my path and if anyone is interested I”m here to talk about it but I don’t need to tell anyone anything unless they ask.
Trying to motivate to go do some yoga! It’s nice doing it hear near the ocean where I can catch a faint sound of crashing waves. Talk to y’all soon!
Palmer, glad you got a break in the rain and a few hours to yourself! I’m so excited that I’m going to have that tomorrow. Granted, I”m using it to deal with personal paperwork but just being able to do that without kids under foot etc. will be really nice. Find any good new book(s)?
Scotty, your post kind of reminded me of I thought I’ve long had since coming into sobriety, which is: who are these people talking about being bored and all the time on their hands?!! I know this is the side of myself that does too much comparing, too much self-pitying because there are good and bad sides to everything so in many ways we are lucky our lives are so full but OMG sometimes I just wish I had idle time. To work out. To clean closets. To go volunteer. To put up a hammock and lay in it. That kind of stuff. Oh well!! Maybe in retirement ;0. Glad you are practicing self care with the new bad and the restful sleep. I can’t imagine how hard it’s been not getting good sleep for so long. I’m amazed you’ve been so positive that whole time!
Chase, speaking of busy, good luck with the additional travel, etc. etc.
Things are still good here on vacay. I went on a quick walk with my friend yesterday. I think basically she’s just so completely wrapped up in what is going on with her son she literally just isn’t thinking of us much at all. Not because she doesn’t like us but because she’s just a very introverted person in the sense of turning inwards and myopically focusing on something at least for a while. I guess she and her husband are treating the first 30 days as inpatient and not leaving their son unaccompanied for any amount of time, and he is on board with that. I was at least able to talk up SR! And she seemed receptive to that but is the kind of person who likes to have pretty much everything all figured out herself so wasn’t particularly curious about what I had to say. Or maybe she was and I’m just annoyed because I read too much into things. In any event, I still can’t say I understand her approach, in the sense that she hasn’t expressed any apparent sadness at not spending more time together, but it’s clearly just about how she is handling all this and not about her care and concern for us. We had a great time at their place last night and I guess if that’s all I get to see her so be it. I think it’s all a good lesson in just trying to focus on my path and if anyone is interested I”m here to talk about it but I don’t need to tell anyone anything unless they ask.
Trying to motivate to go do some yoga! It’s nice doing it hear near the ocean where I can catch a faint sound of crashing waves. Talk to y’all soon!
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Join Date: Dec 2017
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Hi all, another sunny beach day, yay! Despite the fact that I have "body by pancakes and pizza," I've stayed pretty consistent with exercise, so that's good. I made the mistake of bringing my scale with me (probably not a good idea, but I'm trying to remain accountable), which has resulted in several WTF moments. You mean to tell me that if I eat at the top of my allowable calorie range, or more, then I'm going to gain weight? What kind of world are we living in?
NewChapter, that driving test sounds completely ridiculous! It's incredible that shady businesses are still able to operate in this internet age, where you would think that constant public shaming through negative feedback would drive them away. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that craziness.
Scotty, I'm so happy you got a mattress that allows you to sleep pain-free! On top of sober sleep, that is amazing.
Numblady, is today your 7 month anniversary?! I know, I'm such a weird stalker, but I track with you and NC because you're the ones who post the most often. Reaching that milestone on a sober beach trip must feel amazing. And as far as your friend is concerned, I'm glad that you got to spend some time with her, even if it wasn't as much as you wanted or hoped.
Chase, your travel schedule makes me dizzy! I can totally relate to your feelings about parties, a party for me is the last thing I would want.
I'm with you guys on the "busy" thing. The one area where I always call myself out is when I think about being "busy" in relation to recovery, because I was never too busy to drink (or find time to buy alcohol, be hungover, lose hours of productivity, etc.) so the idea that I would ever be too busy to post here...since I don't do AA or have any other form of recovery support...is something I always have to stay completely mindful about.
NewChapter, that driving test sounds completely ridiculous! It's incredible that shady businesses are still able to operate in this internet age, where you would think that constant public shaming through negative feedback would drive them away. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that craziness.
Scotty, I'm so happy you got a mattress that allows you to sleep pain-free! On top of sober sleep, that is amazing.
Numblady, is today your 7 month anniversary?! I know, I'm such a weird stalker, but I track with you and NC because you're the ones who post the most often. Reaching that milestone on a sober beach trip must feel amazing. And as far as your friend is concerned, I'm glad that you got to spend some time with her, even if it wasn't as much as you wanted or hoped.
Chase, your travel schedule makes me dizzy! I can totally relate to your feelings about parties, a party for me is the last thing I would want.
I'm with you guys on the "busy" thing. The one area where I always call myself out is when I think about being "busy" in relation to recovery, because I was never too busy to drink (or find time to buy alcohol, be hungover, lose hours of productivity, etc.) so the idea that I would ever be too busy to post here...since I don't do AA or have any other form of recovery support...is something I always have to stay completely mindful about.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 296
Hi all. Quick drive by.
I agree with everybody, I don't know how I can be so busy. As Palmer said, I always found time to drink and deal with hangovers. I wonder if, in a way, I am trying to make up for that lost time.
Off to bed now. Work starts again tomorrow.
I agree with everybody, I don't know how I can be so busy. As Palmer said, I always found time to drink and deal with hangovers. I wonder if, in a way, I am trying to make up for that lost time.
Off to bed now. Work starts again tomorrow.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,913
Palmer, never ever bring a scale on vacation! Just kidding. You should totally do what works for you but dang that is dedication. Hope you are being kind to yourself. Sounds like exercise is a wonderful form of self care you are maintaining well. And thank you for remembering my 7 month anniversary! It made ME remember. I mean, I’m sure it would have clicked at some point but this is the first month I wasn’t thinking about it. Which is also kind of cool though I think it’s mainly a reflection of me not having to know what exact date it is and which meetings I have to go to than it is about me not thinking about recovery as much. You are so thoughtful to remember.
Hi Chase!
I’m not sure where I fit on the busyness discussion. I had kind of just put alcohol into my normal every day, which sometimes seems to make it hard to quit. LIke I just boozed through all my everyday activities so while i’m Sure I was slower and more sucky at them I don’t feel like I’ve gained much time in giving up booze if that makes any sense. I”m not saying it’s a good idea for me to go out and pound wine. I feel so much better about myself as a parent, as a person, as an employee, as a random stranger who may need to drive safely in the middle of the night and not put other people at risk, that kind of thing. It’s just that when you are still somnambulating through all the same activities with a glass of wine in your hand (this is referring to me—I gardened with a buzz, rode bikes around the neighborhood with a buzz, prepared school bags with a buzz, etc.) the activities don’t go away. For me just the buzz did.
Am I making any sense? It’ was a long day at the water park so who knows.
Sleep tight buddies!
Hi Chase!
I’m not sure where I fit on the busyness discussion. I had kind of just put alcohol into my normal every day, which sometimes seems to make it hard to quit. LIke I just boozed through all my everyday activities so while i’m Sure I was slower and more sucky at them I don’t feel like I’ve gained much time in giving up booze if that makes any sense. I”m not saying it’s a good idea for me to go out and pound wine. I feel so much better about myself as a parent, as a person, as an employee, as a random stranger who may need to drive safely in the middle of the night and not put other people at risk, that kind of thing. It’s just that when you are still somnambulating through all the same activities with a glass of wine in your hand (this is referring to me—I gardened with a buzz, rode bikes around the neighborhood with a buzz, prepared school bags with a buzz, etc.) the activities don’t go away. For me just the buzz did.
Am I making any sense? It’ was a long day at the water park so who knows.
Sleep tight buddies!
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Hi all! Busy day today trying to pack in last-minute activities, paddle boarding in the morning followed by ice cream for lunch, and kayaking in the afternoon. I was completely wiped out and just woke up from a short nap. Tomorrow, we're heading home early so I need to make sure all of the laundry is done for one of my kids to go to sleepaway camp for a week. I've gotten packing down to a science. 
Funny how our drinking patterns are different, but we all end up in basically the same place. Although I did lots of things while drunk, I also "checked out" at a certain point, usually after dinner, when nothing was getting done period. I was a secret drinker, so I had to make sure that I wasn't acting drunk, which as you can imagine was quite the balancing act. Ugggghhhh.
Numblady, HUGE congrats on 7 months, whether you realized it or not! And you are so right about the scale, it's not like I improved my eating habits based on knowing the damage I was doing anyway! Today, my diet has consisted mostly of ice cream, and I don't even feel bad about it. Nothing like embracing vacation mode on the very last day!
Funny how our drinking patterns are different, but we all end up in basically the same place. Although I did lots of things while drunk, I also "checked out" at a certain point, usually after dinner, when nothing was getting done period. I was a secret drinker, so I had to make sure that I wasn't acting drunk, which as you can imagine was quite the balancing act. Ugggghhhh.
Numblady, HUGE congrats on 7 months, whether you realized it or not! And you are so right about the scale, it's not like I improved my eating habits based on knowing the damage I was doing anyway! Today, my diet has consisted mostly of ice cream, and I don't even feel bad about it. Nothing like embracing vacation mode on the very last day!
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Hi all, me again, checking in briefly before we sit in the car all day. Despite a rocky start, this vacation definitely ended up being relaxing and good for me. I'm looking forward to shipping one of my kids off for a week of fun, and getting organized to resume my regular routine. Hope everyone is doing well!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 296
Hi all.
I think I missed checking in yesterday. I went to work and then was supposed to be making my way to Chicago. The weather was bad and flights were delayed and cancelled. We wound up going to a different city in hopes of getting to Chicago that way. It didn't work. The only place I made it to was back home, but not until after 0400 this morning. Needless to say I am pretty wiped out.
I think I missed checking in yesterday. I went to work and then was supposed to be making my way to Chicago. The weather was bad and flights were delayed and cancelled. We wound up going to a different city in hopes of getting to Chicago that way. It didn't work. The only place I made it to was back home, but not until after 0400 this morning. Needless to say I am pretty wiped out.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Hi guys! Sorry I’ve been MIA and mostly lurking. Keyboard dying and have been very on the go. Head back home tomorrow. Pretty tired. Can’t get my freaking kids to go to bed. It’s almost ten. So I’m crabby at the moment but overall so lucky to have had this break. More later.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Checking in again and hoping keyboard holds out. I love it but it uses actual batteries of some weird size which seems kind of old fashioned these days! Annnnyhoo, trying to motivate for a workout, listening to the waves on the front porch, drinking coffee, dreading the packing up and exodus. I was able to see my friend some more. I also just finally confronted her about the way I was feeling. I don’t think I posted this already—can’t see in my quick scroll. I told her I knew it was dumb but that even though I understood why she couldn’t see me as much it didn’t seem like she minded really. And she said she wished she could see us more, of course. I’m just going to focus on trying to get back down here later in the fall when things have settled down. They came over Friday and my husband boozed it up while they were around. I said in advance that that would be the case and they said they were all already prepared to be triggered because they had been planning to go out to eat, but still. I found it hard to relax, wondering if it was terrible for any of them, the newly sober alcoholic especially. Then we went over there last night and hubby brought over his cooler and drank again, again with their permission. I guess it was okay but I”m sure some would have advised their son to not be around any booze right now, period. Guess it’s not my job to know what’s best for any of them, but I’m glad we got through it. It was nerve wracking to me so I can only imagine what it was like for others. Or maybe it was all in my head like lots of things.
I’m in complete denial about how awful work is going to be when I return. Which I’m ok with because no amount of freaking out on my part is going to change anything.
Hope all are well out there!
I’m in complete denial about how awful work is going to be when I return. Which I’m ok with because no amount of freaking out on my part is going to change anything.
Hope all are well out there!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 296
Good morning everyone.
Trying to tie up some loose ends at work so I can get home. I won't head that way until this evening, but am looking forward to it. My parents arrived this morning. Once I get home I will be off until next weekend.
The whole issue with making time to drink, when we were doing so, is interesting. Numblady, like you, there were plenty of everyday chores I would do while drinking. The chores actually gave me an excuse to slip out to the garage and pound some drinks, unnoticed. But, like you, Palmer, I would often just check out in the evenings, and concentrate on my drinking. In many ways drinking was actually motivation because I would have a huge list of things to do and would rush through and get it all done so I could drink. I am sure I did a terrible job on all of the chores because I was rushing through everything. Eventually I will find balance and hopefully not feel like I have so much lost time for which I have to make up.
Trying to tie up some loose ends at work so I can get home. I won't head that way until this evening, but am looking forward to it. My parents arrived this morning. Once I get home I will be off until next weekend.
The whole issue with making time to drink, when we were doing so, is interesting. Numblady, like you, there were plenty of everyday chores I would do while drinking. The chores actually gave me an excuse to slip out to the garage and pound some drinks, unnoticed. But, like you, Palmer, I would often just check out in the evenings, and concentrate on my drinking. In many ways drinking was actually motivation because I would have a huge list of things to do and would rush through and get it all done so I could drink. I am sure I did a terrible job on all of the chores because I was rushing through everything. Eventually I will find balance and hopefully not feel like I have so much lost time for which I have to make up.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 754
Good morning everyone
Just got home from a vacay in Dan Diego. Had a blast except for my husband being wasted half the time. I had to stay away from him. Ugh. I have to keep reminding myself that he’s a sick person and I try to have compassion. I used to be the same way.
Anyways I hope you all are doing ok and enjoying the summer 😊
Just got home from a vacay in Dan Diego. Had a blast except for my husband being wasted half the time. I had to stay away from him. Ugh. I have to keep reminding myself that he’s a sick person and I try to have compassion. I used to be the same way.
Anyways I hope you all are doing ok and enjoying the summer 😊
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Join Date: Dec 2017
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Hi guys, I typed up a whole long post and lost it. The main ideas were 1) NL and Sunflower, you guys have my undying admiration for staying sober with drinking spouses, and 2) I think about my Tasmanian-devil level of activity while drinking, followed by wasted time in the evenings, constantly. Someone on the main board posted a comment that we should put at least as much effort into staying sober as we did continuing to drink, and I completely agree but I'm not sure that I actually do it. 
Today has been a pretty relaxing day, one of my kids is off to camp and I've been doing laundry and trying to get organized. In the past, I would have always answered as many work emails as possible, but I just don't have it in me. It will have to wait until tomorrow.
Today has been a pretty relaxing day, one of my kids is off to camp and I've been doing laundry and trying to get organized. In the past, I would have always answered as many work emails as possible, but I just don't have it in me. It will have to wait until tomorrow.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 325
Hey everyone,
The drinking spouse situation must be a challenge although I will say both my late husband and my partner now don’t drink, but that did not make a bit of difference to me. It probably just made me a sneakier drunk, refilling glasses when they went to the bathroom, a second bottle stashed away etc. I look back on that behaviour and it seems quite mad and yet I also know it’s where I would end up again so easily if I drank again.
I still find people are quite confronted by my not drinking and some treat it like a phase I will grow out of. That includes my partner, his mother was an alcoholic and I think he saw her constantly fall off the wagon so while he does not expect it of me he knows the risks too.
The drinking spouse situation must be a challenge although I will say both my late husband and my partner now don’t drink, but that did not make a bit of difference to me. It probably just made me a sneakier drunk, refilling glasses when they went to the bathroom, a second bottle stashed away etc. I look back on that behaviour and it seems quite mad and yet I also know it’s where I would end up again so easily if I drank again.
I still find people are quite confronted by my not drinking and some treat it like a phase I will grow out of. That includes my partner, his mother was an alcoholic and I think he saw her constantly fall off the wagon so while he does not expect it of me he knows the risks too.
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