Class of January Support Thread 2018 Part 7
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 296
Well, I lied. No good check-in today. Just ran out of time again. The allotted time was taken by plucking a dog off the road to keep it from getting squished. Luckily we found the owner. I will try again tomorrow. Hope everyone is having a good weekend.
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
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Hi all, checking in from the rainy beach. We just checked the weather forecast, which predicts rain every day we're here, but of course that doesn't mean all day every day. I was able to get out for a quick 2 mile walk, but it was really just through a residential areas...it will be better (and longer!) once I can figure out where the ocean is relative to our rental. Normally, we're very close to the water, but at least this house has a pool and hot tub which are both nice to have.
It is different to be here without drinking. I'm not sure whether it feels better or worse, waking up this morning was definitely better but last night I felt that familiar "need" to unwind, the old restless/irritable/discontent trifecta. The good news is, I have time to think about what I need to do when I get home, to bolster my sobriety and get me through yet another rough patch. I think it's a combination of factors...the time that has passed has clouded my memory, and my focus on eating (which makes me feel so much better most of the time) leaves a void that I shouldn't feel like I have to fill, but I do. Luckily, there is sleep, and exercise, and reading, all things I'm loving and embracing with a new sense of appreciation. We may get a golf cart too, to ride around the community and the golf course and hit the beach and shops. All super wholesome fun.
I have a tendency to isolate, so the challenge will be to connect...especially with my husband and kids. One of my kids is easygoing, happy, and up for anything, but the other one can be a challenge (and is at an especially moody age). Luckily, I seem to be one of the few people who he wants to spend time with, so I will have to make sure that I seek him out and get him away from his phone.
More later, have a great day all!
It is different to be here without drinking. I'm not sure whether it feels better or worse, waking up this morning was definitely better but last night I felt that familiar "need" to unwind, the old restless/irritable/discontent trifecta. The good news is, I have time to think about what I need to do when I get home, to bolster my sobriety and get me through yet another rough patch. I think it's a combination of factors...the time that has passed has clouded my memory, and my focus on eating (which makes me feel so much better most of the time) leaves a void that I shouldn't feel like I have to fill, but I do. Luckily, there is sleep, and exercise, and reading, all things I'm loving and embracing with a new sense of appreciation. We may get a golf cart too, to ride around the community and the golf course and hit the beach and shops. All super wholesome fun.
I have a tendency to isolate, so the challenge will be to connect...especially with my husband and kids. One of my kids is easygoing, happy, and up for anything, but the other one can be a challenge (and is at an especially moody age). Luckily, I seem to be one of the few people who he wants to spend time with, so I will have to make sure that I seek him out and get him away from his phone.
More later, have a great day all!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,914
Palmer, I hear you on the points where the old familiar, “this is the time to open the bottle” feeling creeps in. Sounds like you are just letting it pass right by. Love that word (and concept): wholesome. I feel that way mostly too. Before I felt like I was masquerading while doing some wholesome activities. But now I feel legit!
Speaking of legit, the ice cream truck lady recognized me and my kids as some of her regulars tonight. Mic drop. I think my work is pretty much done here.
Hope all are well. I’m getting to bed late so just wanted to say hello. Hugs to all!
Speaking of legit, the ice cream truck lady recognized me and my kids as some of her regulars tonight. Mic drop. I think my work is pretty much done here.
Hope all are well. I’m getting to bed late so just wanted to say hello. Hugs to all!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 325
Hi everyone,
Just a quick drop in.
@ Palmer I can so relate to that ambivalent feeling about not drinking when away. It was a hurdle I just got over with my recent trip away, but it still feel like a pressure point for me. I guess while 6 months is an achievement to be proud of it is still early in our sobriety and the familiar pangs remain, like an amputee whose missing foot still itches.
In other news I just had a text from my Dr, all but one of my liver numbers are back in the normal range and the one that isn’t has come down a lot. I wasn’t worried exactly, but I am reassured and it also makes my resolve stronger to commit to my health, there are only so many bullets that can be dodged.
Just a quick drop in.
@ Palmer I can so relate to that ambivalent feeling about not drinking when away. It was a hurdle I just got over with my recent trip away, but it still feel like a pressure point for me. I guess while 6 months is an achievement to be proud of it is still early in our sobriety and the familiar pangs remain, like an amputee whose missing foot still itches.
In other news I just had a text from my Dr, all but one of my liver numbers are back in the normal range and the one that isn’t has come down a lot. I wasn’t worried exactly, but I am reassured and it also makes my resolve stronger to commit to my health, there are only so many bullets that can be dodged.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
Hi Class,
Sorry for my absence this weekend, it shaped up to be pretty busy - including attending two birthday parties, a 40th and a 92nd (!!) haha
@Palmer: Thank you so much for asking how I am and I am sorry that I am only getting around to reading and responding now! I really do appreciate it! How is it going with the Runkeeper app? Have you got the Apple watch all set up yet? I love serial killer books! I've been obsessed since I was a kid. I also love crime fiction and thrillers. I enjoyed 'The Murder Rooms' about the Vidoq Society and I liked Mindhunter, too (which I read about 15 years before it became a Netflix show!) - might be some suggestions for you to try! :-) I'm sorry about the tension with your hubby re: kid duties and job 'hierarchy' - I imagine that must get pretty frustrating at times. I was reading an interesting research paper recently and apparently, despite now also working, in the vast majority of cases, there is still an expectation that women pick up the slack when it comes to kids/elderly parents. Hopefully you can relax into your holiday and unwind a bit by the pool (even if the weather isn't so great). Maybe you could budget for the odd little food treat while away just to ease the feelings of restriction and quieten the AV down a little if it gets too loud. You are on vacation, after all, and better to have a little ice cream or chocolate than to struggle through with growing thoughts of alcohol!
@Scotty: Thanks for the tip re: classical music before bed. I really admire your technology cut backs, I really need to get better at that. My husband and I try to mindful about our phone usage, but we've slipped back into old habits lately, just mindlessly checking and refreshing Instagram, email, etc. I can feel how draining it is and I need to make an effort to curb it! I completely understand your thoughts/inner monologue re: doctor and tests. I'm so proud of you for biting the bullet and going to have them done regardless of the nagging in your head. And what wonderful results to get after all!! Congratulations.
@Numblady: How did your hubby's 50th go? I bet it turned out amazing in the ned! I can understand your feelings re: friend's son not reaching out for guidance from you. Perhaps he is too embarrassed to talk to his mom's friend? Even though you have gone through the experience of becoming sober, I imagine he still holds you in an elevated regard given that you are a friend of his parents, and as he is in the early stages, that divide is probably amplified by how crappy he feels about himself right now. All you can do is let them know that you are there for them when you need them, you are already doing your part!
@Chase: Well done on saving the poor doggie that could have had a much worse fate! Looking forward to your catch up soon.
As I mentioned, I was a at a 40th birthday party on Saturday. This was one of the 'party' people we know from the drinking scene and whom my husband still drinks with occasionally. It started early in the day in a beer garden and his family etc. were there so no particularly heavy drinking (thankfully) until everyone moved on to the nightclub after the bar, at which point myself and my hubby made our exit and were happily home in bed by 11.30pm! I have to say, each time I've gone out recently where I have come into contact with any of the 'party people' I know from times past, I am struck by how polarised the pattern seems to be: there are those who, like me, have moved on and are drinking less, focusing on healthier pursuits etc., and those who have continued the party to a very sad and dark place. One of our friends (may have mentioned recently, I can't remember) who has always partied pretty hard, is now declining rapidly and we are quite worried about him. The problem is, he doesn't seem to be ready to change, though it is slowly killing him, and he is starting to push away his friends and surround himself with ever more questionable people. It is really horrible to think of where it is going to end up, and we are trying to reach out to him, but he just doesn't seem to want help. I am also conscious from a selfish perspective of not wanting to get too close to the situation as it means coming into contact with all of the people and situations from which I have worked hard over the past few years to create distance. It just reminds why I made the decision to turn myself around and, though I was never quite as deep as some, I could not be happier to have put that lifestyle behind me.
Sorry for my absence this weekend, it shaped up to be pretty busy - including attending two birthday parties, a 40th and a 92nd (!!) haha
@Palmer: Thank you so much for asking how I am and I am sorry that I am only getting around to reading and responding now! I really do appreciate it! How is it going with the Runkeeper app? Have you got the Apple watch all set up yet? I love serial killer books! I've been obsessed since I was a kid. I also love crime fiction and thrillers. I enjoyed 'The Murder Rooms' about the Vidoq Society and I liked Mindhunter, too (which I read about 15 years before it became a Netflix show!) - might be some suggestions for you to try! :-) I'm sorry about the tension with your hubby re: kid duties and job 'hierarchy' - I imagine that must get pretty frustrating at times. I was reading an interesting research paper recently and apparently, despite now also working, in the vast majority of cases, there is still an expectation that women pick up the slack when it comes to kids/elderly parents. Hopefully you can relax into your holiday and unwind a bit by the pool (even if the weather isn't so great). Maybe you could budget for the odd little food treat while away just to ease the feelings of restriction and quieten the AV down a little if it gets too loud. You are on vacation, after all, and better to have a little ice cream or chocolate than to struggle through with growing thoughts of alcohol!
@Scotty: Thanks for the tip re: classical music before bed. I really admire your technology cut backs, I really need to get better at that. My husband and I try to mindful about our phone usage, but we've slipped back into old habits lately, just mindlessly checking and refreshing Instagram, email, etc. I can feel how draining it is and I need to make an effort to curb it! I completely understand your thoughts/inner monologue re: doctor and tests. I'm so proud of you for biting the bullet and going to have them done regardless of the nagging in your head. And what wonderful results to get after all!! Congratulations.
@Numblady: How did your hubby's 50th go? I bet it turned out amazing in the ned! I can understand your feelings re: friend's son not reaching out for guidance from you. Perhaps he is too embarrassed to talk to his mom's friend? Even though you have gone through the experience of becoming sober, I imagine he still holds you in an elevated regard given that you are a friend of his parents, and as he is in the early stages, that divide is probably amplified by how crappy he feels about himself right now. All you can do is let them know that you are there for them when you need them, you are already doing your part!
@Chase: Well done on saving the poor doggie that could have had a much worse fate! Looking forward to your catch up soon.
As I mentioned, I was a at a 40th birthday party on Saturday. This was one of the 'party' people we know from the drinking scene and whom my husband still drinks with occasionally. It started early in the day in a beer garden and his family etc. were there so no particularly heavy drinking (thankfully) until everyone moved on to the nightclub after the bar, at which point myself and my hubby made our exit and were happily home in bed by 11.30pm! I have to say, each time I've gone out recently where I have come into contact with any of the 'party people' I know from times past, I am struck by how polarised the pattern seems to be: there are those who, like me, have moved on and are drinking less, focusing on healthier pursuits etc., and those who have continued the party to a very sad and dark place. One of our friends (may have mentioned recently, I can't remember) who has always partied pretty hard, is now declining rapidly and we are quite worried about him. The problem is, he doesn't seem to be ready to change, though it is slowly killing him, and he is starting to push away his friends and surround himself with ever more questionable people. It is really horrible to think of where it is going to end up, and we are trying to reach out to him, but he just doesn't seem to want help. I am also conscious from a selfish perspective of not wanting to get too close to the situation as it means coming into contact with all of the people and situations from which I have worked hard over the past few years to create distance. It just reminds why I made the decision to turn myself around and, though I was never quite as deep as some, I could not be happier to have put that lifestyle behind me.
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
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Checking in from the still-rainy beach (although as I type this, a tiny bit of sun is trying to come through!) Yesterday turned out to be a pretty good day, I ended up walking 7 miles, with a little running thrown in, and also swimming, which I haven't done in literally years. I also took a nice nap, basically ate what I wanted, and found a good, light read lying around the house (by Chelsea Handler). The thoughts of drinking, which were very strong when we first arrived, have subsided a bit. There's no doubt that even with the pretty miserable weather, I am still happier than I would have been if I were still drinking. Numblady and Scotty, thanks so much for commisserating. Sometimes I feel like I should have this more or less figured out by 7.5 months, but the compulsion is so deeply ingrained that it is likely to take longer.
NewChapter, thank you SO much for the recs of serial killer books, lol! I think I need to go to a darker place when I'm done with this CH book, something truly crazy and riveting. And as far as your transformation vs. the continued struggle of your friends, that is so amazing and reinforces how distant you've become from that lifestyle.
Will check in later, have a great day guys!
NewChapter, thank you SO much for the recs of serial killer books, lol! I think I need to go to a darker place when I'm done with this CH book, something truly crazy and riveting. And as far as your transformation vs. the continued struggle of your friends, that is so amazing and reinforces how distant you've become from that lifestyle.
Will check in later, have a great day guys!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
@Palmer: Delighted to hear that the drinking thoughts have ebbed somewhat. Well done on all of your activities and outdoors pursuits, sounds like you’re off to a wonderful start of making the most of the well deserved break, rain or no! Hopefully that tiny peak of sunshine is a sign of better weather to come! In any case, it’s always nice to have time to unwind and just take a break from all the craziness you’ve been juggling the past few months! Enjoy every minute :-)
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 296
Hi all. So much to catch up on and so little time. Currently stuck in New York traffic, riding not driving, headed from work site to the airport. Long flight to Seattle. One more day of work followed by the trip home tomorrow night. Still trying to get that proper catch up. It will happen one of these days.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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NC, fortunately or unfortunately my husband’s party hasn’t happened. I mean the only reason I want it to be over is to just not feel the stress of planning it and potentially disappointing him. I seem guaranteed to disappoint in the birthday celebration category. And I’m having a terrible time finding a venue that doesn’t cost thousands of dollars. I found one through a friend that seems AWESOME but he doesn’t want it there and I don’t want to force him since it’s his party. But at this point we’re looking at our house or this other place so it may end up being there. A wise friend once said we give other people the birthday celebrations we want. Or at least that is our natural tendency. I like a fancy family dinner. He wants a gigantic kegger and over the top shenanigans. If I do it right he’ll have his way and also maybe we’ll do some speeches. He likes people to do speeches about him. Then he himself likes to give them. So I’m hoping to do a PA system. Wherever in blazes we end up.
Palmer, isn’t Chelsea Handler’s book full of hard living stories? I really don’t know anything about her book at all. Just what I know of her from stand up and shows. I hope you get a break in the elements for a good long while. Also way to go on the walk. I have been shocked at how little I’ve exercised here. And I’ve already mentioned the ice cream truck lady specifically recognizes me as a regular so I think you can see that my body by ice cream and burgers plan is probably not going to help much either.
But I”m sober!!
And kind of still bummed about my friend. It’s to the point where I don’t feel like she actually gives a rat’s a&& that she’s not seeing me. It’s hard to explain because she really is dealing with a lot but it just doesn’t seem like it’s also important to meet up with us. We’re going over there Wednesday evening and that will be probably the only time I see her between this past Saturday morning and then. And they are around with their grandson during the day but not saying they want to do anything or meet up at all. Part of what made these vacations so special was time with her and her family and just talking and catching up. And I don’t have it, and at least right now feel like I’m the only party in the friendship who seems to miss it. Sorry for the pity party. I can’t really say this all to her so I have to burden you guys with it. On the funnier side I had this dream/nightmare where I saw her briefly and she couldn’t really hang out with us at all but wanted me to watch her grandson the last night we were here so she could go out with her friends. And she got mad when I said no and didn’t understand why that was unappealing to me. Hopefully things will feel better tomorrow.
Everything else about the vacation (well not all the kid fighting and screaming but that is just kind of part of life with kids as far as I can tell) is going really well so I need to try and focus on that.
May be back later.
Safe travels Chase.
Palmer, isn’t Chelsea Handler’s book full of hard living stories? I really don’t know anything about her book at all. Just what I know of her from stand up and shows. I hope you get a break in the elements for a good long while. Also way to go on the walk. I have been shocked at how little I’ve exercised here. And I’ve already mentioned the ice cream truck lady specifically recognizes me as a regular so I think you can see that my body by ice cream and burgers plan is probably not going to help much either.
But I”m sober!!
And kind of still bummed about my friend. It’s to the point where I don’t feel like she actually gives a rat’s a&& that she’s not seeing me. It’s hard to explain because she really is dealing with a lot but it just doesn’t seem like it’s also important to meet up with us. We’re going over there Wednesday evening and that will be probably the only time I see her between this past Saturday morning and then. And they are around with their grandson during the day but not saying they want to do anything or meet up at all. Part of what made these vacations so special was time with her and her family and just talking and catching up. And I don’t have it, and at least right now feel like I’m the only party in the friendship who seems to miss it. Sorry for the pity party. I can’t really say this all to her so I have to burden you guys with it. On the funnier side I had this dream/nightmare where I saw her briefly and she couldn’t really hang out with us at all but wanted me to watch her grandson the last night we were here so she could go out with her friends. And she got mad when I said no and didn’t understand why that was unappealing to me. Hopefully things will feel better tomorrow.
Everything else about the vacation (well not all the kid fighting and screaming but that is just kind of part of life with kids as far as I can tell) is going really well so I need to try and focus on that. May be back later.
Safe travels Chase.
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Join Date: Dec 2017
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Hi all, well...this rain is putting a literal and figurative damper on things, kind of a bummer because activities are generally focused on the beach and the pool, so if we can't do that we need to come up with second-tier choices. I would be fine with reading, taking long walks, naps etc., but my husband is somewhat manic and calls those things "doing nothing." So needless to say we are scrambling to do a bunch of stuff that I'm not entirely excited about, because otherwise I will feel super guilty about holding everyone hostage so I can relax, and/or having them do a lot of things without me.
I did finish the Chelsea Handler book, and NL, you're right! She and her friends are very much "living hard" and there is a lot of talk about drinking tons of alcohol and popping pills while on safari in Africa. It didn't make me feel like drinking, but it also didn't make me want to watch her show, because she comes across as insufferable, enabled and totally spoiled. There are a lot of other books to choose from, plus whatever I can download, so I just need to pick one.
The situation with your friend seems really tough. I can't remember, is she a drinker? It would be difficult to look forward to a visit with a friend (especially someone older, as they always have a way of helping you figure out your life, at least in my experience!) who seems to be avoiding you. I really hope she comes to her senses and does NOT ask you to babysit, ha!
Chase, NC, Scotty, Sunflower and Dee, hope everyone is doing well! Hopefully more later.
I did finish the Chelsea Handler book, and NL, you're right! She and her friends are very much "living hard" and there is a lot of talk about drinking tons of alcohol and popping pills while on safari in Africa. It didn't make me feel like drinking, but it also didn't make me want to watch her show, because she comes across as insufferable, enabled and totally spoiled. There are a lot of other books to choose from, plus whatever I can download, so I just need to pick one.
The situation with your friend seems really tough. I can't remember, is she a drinker? It would be difficult to look forward to a visit with a friend (especially someone older, as they always have a way of helping you figure out your life, at least in my experience!) who seems to be avoiding you.
I really hope she comes to her senses and does NOT ask you to babysit, ha!Chase, NC, Scotty, Sunflower and Dee, hope everyone is doing well! Hopefully more later.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Palmer, so sorry about the weather! Can y’all do any divide and conquer? I.e. you don’t hold everyone hostage but those who want to venture out do, and those who want to be homebodies stay at home?
Things with my friend haven’t exactly improved but I did reach out again and tell her it probably is obvious but if there’s any chance for us to catch up I would really love it, even if it’s her just sneaking away for a few. I tried to be as gentle as I could in saying I recognize she has tons going on but maybe we could fit in the plans somehow. And if not I’ll just see her when we go over to her house tomorrow night. And I invited her over here the following night so I’m reaching out.
In other news I had to call an employee and tell her she didn’t get a desired job. It didn’t go well and I’m really doubting my choice. I was already very on the fence, which makes me extra prone to self doubt about whether i went the right way.
We had a rain day here ourselves. Managed to go to a cool park and tour some old WWII ships first. Then beat the rush and the rain to lunch. Followed by returning to the car in a downpour, a little shopping, a.hefty dose of whining and fighting, and now some sweet rest time. Got to just focus on all the great things about this trip and not my friend. Or difficult decisions at the job.
Oh, again on a lighter note, I can now say that I have tested out amusement park rides and they still make you want to barf all over. I thought it was just being hungover every time I’ve gone. It wasn’t as bad yesterday but it was still a reminder I’m too damn old for anything too whirly.
Probably be back later. HOpe all are well.
Oh and hi Dee! Forgot to say that last night. Hope you are well and happy very belated birthday to you as well.
Things with my friend haven’t exactly improved but I did reach out again and tell her it probably is obvious but if there’s any chance for us to catch up I would really love it, even if it’s her just sneaking away for a few. I tried to be as gentle as I could in saying I recognize she has tons going on but maybe we could fit in the plans somehow. And if not I’ll just see her when we go over to her house tomorrow night. And I invited her over here the following night so I’m reaching out.
In other news I had to call an employee and tell her she didn’t get a desired job. It didn’t go well and I’m really doubting my choice. I was already very on the fence, which makes me extra prone to self doubt about whether i went the right way.
We had a rain day here ourselves. Managed to go to a cool park and tour some old WWII ships first. Then beat the rush and the rain to lunch. Followed by returning to the car in a downpour, a little shopping, a.hefty dose of whining and fighting, and now some sweet rest time. Got to just focus on all the great things about this trip and not my friend. Or difficult decisions at the job.
Oh, again on a lighter note, I can now say that I have tested out amusement park rides and they still make you want to barf all over. I thought it was just being hungover every time I’ve gone. It wasn’t as bad yesterday but it was still a reminder I’m too damn old for anything too whirly.
Probably be back later. HOpe all are well.
Oh and hi Dee! Forgot to say that last night. Hope you are well and happy very belated birthday to you as well.
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Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Barrie Ontario
Posts: 36
Hey guys,
Just popped in to say hello and that I haven’t forgotten about you.
I do check in a couple times a week, have been very busy lately put an offer in on a house and now getting mine set up to put on the market this week. Crazy busy with all the stuff required to get this in motion, one thing for sure if I was still drinking this would have never happened.
Pretty proud of myself for that and the fact it will be 7 months sober tomorrow as well !!!
Hope you are all well,will check in soon keep you updated on the house situation.
Just popped in to say hello and that I haven’t forgotten about you.
I do check in a couple times a week, have been very busy lately put an offer in on a house and now getting mine set up to put on the market this week. Crazy busy with all the stuff required to get this in motion, one thing for sure if I was still drinking this would have never happened.
Pretty proud of myself for that and the fact it will be 7 months sober tomorrow as well !!!
Hope you are all well,will check in soon keep you updated on the house situation.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
Hi Class!
So yesterday was a pretty crappy day for me. I had my second attempt at driving test and FAILED AGAIN. The most upsetting and frustrating part is that I did an immaculate test, and I know no one will believe me cause everyone just thinks ;oh you think that but you're biased, it must not have been that good if the tester failed you a second time' but I swear to God it was! I was failed on 'observation' which is a total cop out. My driving instructor was astonished when I showed him the sheet afterwards, he had taken me for a pretest practise right before the actual test and he said there is no way in hell I should have failed or gotten the marks I did. There is a big scandal here at the moment of people failing 5/6 times and more, it seems that it's a racket for the agency to make more money out of the tests. The worst part is that there's a 6 month waiting list and I can't buy my own car until I get my full license as no one will insure me without it. So I have to stay put driving my husband's car as a named driver instead. Grrrrr!!!
@Numblady: I'm sorry about all of the stress your dealing with party planning for your husband! My hubby is like yours - enjoys a big party with giant speakers etc., whereas I would definitely be more like you in the low key brigade! It sounds as though you're really consciously trying to throw the party to his taste though, so it is bound to be a hit. It probably just doesn't feel like it as you wouldn't like the same kind of party for yourself, and also the drama about the venue must cause tension, too! You'll get there in the end and I bet it will be a great night for all. I must say I LOLs at your 'body by ice cream and burgers' quip, I feel like I could TM that particular programme at this stage! Haha I can completely understand your feelings of upset regarding your friend's seeming lack of sensitivity around your friendship. I think it's more likely though that she is just consumed with concern and worry for her son's situation at the moment, and she is not even aware of how she is treating you (or anyone else) right now - I imagine she is just in a daze and probably insulating herself in the family bubble right now. How did she respond to you reaching out? Hopefully you will get a chance to talk it out a bit at dinner this evening. I know how hurtful it can be to have a friend dismiss your friendship and not really seem to show any emotion over it, and it really sucks. In my experience it usually comes down to other issues in their lives and how they choose to handle them, and the best thing to do is talk it out and be open with each other, and it sounds like you're handling it in the best way possible to try and facilitate that!
@Palmer: I'm so sorry that the weather has been acting up, it's so unfortunate. The frustration is probably compounded by your husbands inability/unwillingness to just relax into it and try to make the most out of a slower pace in the absence of sun fuelled activity - as you know, I am all about the naps and reading!! Hopefully you can strike a balance whereby you get to enjoy some downtime at a relaxed pace and hubby gets to work out some of his energy in more high octane non-sun dependent activities!
@BTLover: I was so happy to see your post and to hear all is well (if busy!). Best of luck with the house offer and sale, do keep us posted! And a huge CONGRATULATIONS on 7 months!! Woohoo!!
@Dee: Yes, definitely busy but all is well in terms of sobriety - thanks for checking in! How is all with you??
So yesterday was a pretty crappy day for me. I had my second attempt at driving test and FAILED AGAIN. The most upsetting and frustrating part is that I did an immaculate test, and I know no one will believe me cause everyone just thinks ;oh you think that but you're biased, it must not have been that good if the tester failed you a second time' but I swear to God it was! I was failed on 'observation' which is a total cop out. My driving instructor was astonished when I showed him the sheet afterwards, he had taken me for a pretest practise right before the actual test and he said there is no way in hell I should have failed or gotten the marks I did. There is a big scandal here at the moment of people failing 5/6 times and more, it seems that it's a racket for the agency to make more money out of the tests. The worst part is that there's a 6 month waiting list and I can't buy my own car until I get my full license as no one will insure me without it. So I have to stay put driving my husband's car as a named driver instead. Grrrrr!!!
@Numblady: I'm sorry about all of the stress your dealing with party planning for your husband! My hubby is like yours - enjoys a big party with giant speakers etc., whereas I would definitely be more like you in the low key brigade! It sounds as though you're really consciously trying to throw the party to his taste though, so it is bound to be a hit. It probably just doesn't feel like it as you wouldn't like the same kind of party for yourself, and also the drama about the venue must cause tension, too! You'll get there in the end and I bet it will be a great night for all. I must say I LOLs at your 'body by ice cream and burgers' quip, I feel like I could TM that particular programme at this stage! Haha I can completely understand your feelings of upset regarding your friend's seeming lack of sensitivity around your friendship. I think it's more likely though that she is just consumed with concern and worry for her son's situation at the moment, and she is not even aware of how she is treating you (or anyone else) right now - I imagine she is just in a daze and probably insulating herself in the family bubble right now. How did she respond to you reaching out? Hopefully you will get a chance to talk it out a bit at dinner this evening. I know how hurtful it can be to have a friend dismiss your friendship and not really seem to show any emotion over it, and it really sucks. In my experience it usually comes down to other issues in their lives and how they choose to handle them, and the best thing to do is talk it out and be open with each other, and it sounds like you're handling it in the best way possible to try and facilitate that!
@Palmer: I'm so sorry that the weather has been acting up, it's so unfortunate. The frustration is probably compounded by your husbands inability/unwillingness to just relax into it and try to make the most out of a slower pace in the absence of sun fuelled activity - as you know, I am all about the naps and reading!! Hopefully you can strike a balance whereby you get to enjoy some downtime at a relaxed pace and hubby gets to work out some of his energy in more high octane non-sun dependent activities!
@BTLover: I was so happy to see your post and to hear all is well (if busy!). Best of luck with the house offer and sale, do keep us posted! And a huge CONGRATULATIONS on 7 months!! Woohoo!!
@Dee: Yes, definitely busy but all is well in terms of sobriety - thanks for checking in! How is all with you??
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,914
NC, solid advice about my friend. I think she’s just hunkered down as Scotty put it. Another mutual friend of ours said she tends to just go inside herself when stressed and not really even think or have the capacity to realize how it is impacting others. She didn’t really respond on the overall issue (I really want to catch up with you before we leave) but she did suggest an option to hang out for a bit this morning so I think she’s just so wrapped up in her stuff she doesn’t feel like she’s missing out on anything with me. As for hubby’s party OMG what a disaster already. He hates the venue I found. I tried to make things easier for him by getting emails for his friends from a mutual friend and wound up inviting the lady he cheated on me with because I didn’t review it. Then he told me no one uses Evite and it needs a FB page. You can see how this is going. He apologized and said he’s not trying to criticize (even though effectively he was). It’s like if I can make a move it’s the wrong move. But he did end the conversation by saying it just means a lot to him that I’m trying and it seemed sincere so I’m going to try and not whip myself up too much about it.
I am realizing that even without drinking I still don’t wake up very early and I’m really tired by the time the kids go down. Maybe I’m just a tired person! We’re not doing all that much at least this week. Maybe I am a beach bum by nature. IDK.
good to see you BTLover!
HI Chase and Dee!
I am realizing that even without drinking I still don’t wake up very early and I’m really tired by the time the kids go down. Maybe I’m just a tired person! We’re not doing all that much at least this week. Maybe I am a beach bum by nature. IDK.
good to see you BTLover!
HI Chase and Dee!
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Hi all, checking in a little later today because it has been mostly SUNNY! Finally! We actually made our way down to the beach and had a nice time before it was raining again, then back to the house for lunch and prepping for a fishing trip (thankfully, not involving me or my older son). 
I'll have a few hours to do what I want, even if that is nothing, or even better, napping. Will check in later.
I'll have a few hours to do what I want, even if that is nothing, or even better, napping. Will check in later.
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