One Year and Under Club Part 61
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Aly, I know when you get snowed under, the desire is to reach for the bottle and hide. Thing is. The problems haven’t gone away, just your mental and emotional capacity to deal with them. Sober, you can offer love and support to those who are having issues. Sober you can mentally prepare yourself for your operation, think about the benefits once you have healed. Is it truly that you have no one to help you afterwards, or is it that you don’t want to burden anyone with it? If it is the former, look at your specific needs after the surgery, - personal care, housework, shopping etc- most shopping can be done online these days and, if you give the house a good once over before the surgery ( therapeutic distraction!) it shouldn’t need anything for a week or more. ( so, I’m not the most anal housewife, sue me) if you have pets or personal care issues, then yes you will need to arrange something. If you really don’t have anyone, and can’t afford to pay home help for the period you need it, can you find out any charity in the area that could help?
If it is the latter, then reach out and ask. Some people like to be asked for help. Focus on what can make you feel empowered rather than what makes you feel overwhelmed.
I find writing lists of what I need to do, then taking each item separately, looking at all ways of resolving the issue. Once you begin giving yourself answers, you immediately feel you are taking charge - and responsibility.
For too long, all of us here gave up too much of the responsibility of our lives and how we ought to live them, to alcohol.
In recovery, emotionally weak, with fragile egos and coping with unresolved past issues, we begin to learn the hard facts of life. Facts we gave up responsibility for. We have to man/woman up, put up out big boy/girl panties and look life in the eye and say “ok I can learn to deal”
And while you are learning to deal, you have everyone at SR to offer support and advice.
It is easy to allow ourselves to feel a victim to our emotions and the turmoil life throws at us. But the harsh fact are, everybody gets bad things happening to them everybody feels overwhelmed. We all here, have to find different ways of dealing with the cr4p life throws at us. Because being drunk didn’t work! yeah, might help a little at the time to take an emotional vacation, but it doesn’t change the situation, it only removes our ability to take responsibility for our part in it.
If we truly want to be the best person we can be, we need to be completely ‘there’ for ourself. And don’t you believe that you are worth it? Because I do.
If it is the latter, then reach out and ask. Some people like to be asked for help. Focus on what can make you feel empowered rather than what makes you feel overwhelmed.
I find writing lists of what I need to do, then taking each item separately, looking at all ways of resolving the issue. Once you begin giving yourself answers, you immediately feel you are taking charge - and responsibility.
For too long, all of us here gave up too much of the responsibility of our lives and how we ought to live them, to alcohol.
In recovery, emotionally weak, with fragile egos and coping with unresolved past issues, we begin to learn the hard facts of life. Facts we gave up responsibility for. We have to man/woman up, put up out big boy/girl panties and look life in the eye and say “ok I can learn to deal”
And while you are learning to deal, you have everyone at SR to offer support and advice.
It is easy to allow ourselves to feel a victim to our emotions and the turmoil life throws at us. But the harsh fact are, everybody gets bad things happening to them everybody feels overwhelmed. We all here, have to find different ways of dealing with the cr4p life throws at us. Because being drunk didn’t work! yeah, might help a little at the time to take an emotional vacation, but it doesn’t change the situation, it only removes our ability to take responsibility for our part in it.
If we truly want to be the best person we can be, we need to be completely ‘there’ for ourself. And don’t you believe that you are worth it? Because I do.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Oh Aly 
it’s tough when there’s so much going on with people you care about. I have some very sick family members and it’s tough. Hopefully by the end of August you’ll be able to come up with a plan, is there someone you can stay with after your surgery perhaps? ❤️❤️❤️
it’s tough when there’s so much going on with people you care about. I have some very sick family members and it’s tough. Hopefully by the end of August you’ll be able to come up with a plan, is there someone you can stay with after your surgery perhaps? ❤️❤️❤️
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Willow, your path to sobriety sounds like mine! Empty promises that even as I made them, I knew I wouldn’t keep them. I feel that for me the issue was I was trying to bargain with AV. I’ll quit for a week, a month, six months... but always alcohol was there at the end of the time period. So then AV could begin to argue ‘you’re not an alkie, you’re not lying in the gutter... ‘you’ve gone all week, you deserve this drink’... sound familiar? Yep as long as I was bargaining with AV, I could be challenged. Only when I came here, listened and learned did I truly understand that to live a life free of alcohol I had to remove thought of it as playing any part in my future. Now that was some scary sh1t to deal with, see my above post for how I managed my life til then! But yeah, the feeling of utter freedom was amazing. Knowing it was off the agenda, off the table, off the shopping list meant I could focus all my energy on how I was going to live this new sober life.
Sure it takes a huge adjustment to drink soda while everyone else is drinking ‘sophisticated adult drinks’ problem was I was no ‘sophisticated adult’ when I drank. I was a hot mess who thought I was a sophisticated adult. Newly sober I got new insight into those around me at parties, actually remembered conversations, and found a new, different way of enjoying ( and yes at times enduring) parties.
What I would say to everyone here is something some of you already know and are working with... if you want to stop drinking you have to make your recovery your biggest most precious priority. Numero Uno. You have to believe that you deserve sobriety.
Alcohol turns us into selfish self absorbed so-and-so’s who check out of reality whenever it suits us. If we could be that selfish for all those years for something that had such a negative impact in our lives, can’t we afford to make ourselves a priority for one more year? For something truly positive? I promise, after the first 12 months, you don’t need to prioritise your recovery, because it has become an embedded part of your life. Sure there are AV moments and issues we need to deal with, but you no longer wake up focused on how to avoid alcohol, you wake up focused on what the day holds for you.
Keep it up Willow, sounds like you are doing well in your early months! And we are always here.
Sure it takes a huge adjustment to drink soda while everyone else is drinking ‘sophisticated adult drinks’ problem was I was no ‘sophisticated adult’ when I drank. I was a hot mess who thought I was a sophisticated adult. Newly sober I got new insight into those around me at parties, actually remembered conversations, and found a new, different way of enjoying ( and yes at times enduring) parties.
What I would say to everyone here is something some of you already know and are working with... if you want to stop drinking you have to make your recovery your biggest most precious priority. Numero Uno. You have to believe that you deserve sobriety.
Alcohol turns us into selfish self absorbed so-and-so’s who check out of reality whenever it suits us. If we could be that selfish for all those years for something that had such a negative impact in our lives, can’t we afford to make ourselves a priority for one more year? For something truly positive? I promise, after the first 12 months, you don’t need to prioritise your recovery, because it has become an embedded part of your life. Sure there are AV moments and issues we need to deal with, but you no longer wake up focused on how to avoid alcohol, you wake up focused on what the day holds for you.
Keep it up Willow, sounds like you are doing well in your early months! And we are always here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 33,486
Gosh, you all really care about me after my surgery. I have my mom, different thinks all kinds of about. I have the surgery that will keep me ok for a few days. Then I think they'll send me home. It's only hernias, three of them and some plastic surgery afterwards, which I've had before. I should be ok, the should in the after and after that! Love you all, thank you, Aly ♥♥♥
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Thanks Toots. This time it feels different. I knew that what I was doing wasn’t working. Trying to stop drinking with no support wasn’t working for more than a few days, maybe a week at most. So I knew I needed a better plan. Joining SR has made a huge difference. I joined 2 weeks before my 50th birthday because I hadn’t had a sober birthday in 30 years and I was sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time. I didn’t want the rest of my life to be played out the same way, a repeating cycle of drunk, hungover, drunk hungover etc etc.
So I joined up here and stopped drinking. I had a birthday party where everyone was drinking, a lot, and I received several bottles of wine as presents. They knew the old me well, but I didn’t touch a drop and I still haven’t and don’t intend to. I have nonalcoholic wine for “emergencies” and plenty of nice juice and soda on hand. I drank nonalcoholic wine at my birthday and a couple of other occasions since when there was an awful lot of alcohol being consumed by others and I just needed something to stop me from being tempted. But it’s getting easier to just have a cup of tea instead now, or a soda if I’m out at a pub. I’m trying to avoid overly tempting social occasions but there have been a few family events that I couldn’t avoid to I just made sure I had a plan, including a plan of something alternative to drink. There have been a few hairy moments when the AV has been screaming at me, but coming on SR and/or going to bed early has helped me get through it... I am sooo grateful for everyone here on SR ❤️
So I joined up here and stopped drinking. I had a birthday party where everyone was drinking, a lot, and I received several bottles of wine as presents. They knew the old me well, but I didn’t touch a drop and I still haven’t and don’t intend to. I have nonalcoholic wine for “emergencies” and plenty of nice juice and soda on hand. I drank nonalcoholic wine at my birthday and a couple of other occasions since when there was an awful lot of alcohol being consumed by others and I just needed something to stop me from being tempted. But it’s getting easier to just have a cup of tea instead now, or a soda if I’m out at a pub. I’m trying to avoid overly tempting social occasions but there have been a few family events that I couldn’t avoid to I just made sure I had a plan, including a plan of something alternative to drink. There have been a few hairy moments when the AV has been screaming at me, but coming on SR and/or going to bed early has helped me get through it... I am sooo grateful for everyone here on SR ❤️
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 33,486
Willow, I am in debt to SR as well. In no way shape or form am I going to seek my surgeons advice over I know what I need to do, his form or not! He's a great guy and we've talked about my situation and understands I need his help too. I'll be ok, really. Mostly laying around making sure I don't work anyone into trouble, I don't need. Right? Right. Love you all. ♥♥♥
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Aly there are so many loving, caring people here on SR, you included ❤️
As long as you feel you’re going to be ok, and like Toots said, there’s lots of options to make sure you have the support you need, even if it includes things like stocking up on food beforehand and making some meals ahead of time and putting them in the freezer so you have some good nutritious meals at the ready for when you get home. Hopefully your Mum might be of some support too
As long as you feel you’re going to be ok, and like Toots said, there’s lots of options to make sure you have the support you need, even if it includes things like stocking up on food beforehand and making some meals ahead of time and putting them in the freezer so you have some good nutritious meals at the ready for when you get home. Hopefully your Mum might be of some support too
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 33,486
Thanks, Willow. That's exactly what we're going to do. Plus I have 3 nephews and 1 neice to help me out if I need it. You all are the best. Honestly, I'll be fine, even if I have to tell my surgeon I need to stay a little longer, and I will if I feel I need to! Love you all, Aly ♥♥♥
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 426
Day 42 completed (6 weeks)
thanks tootsl1
had a strange moment today - wanted to drink but it was really intense (like needing to breath after holding your breath for a long time) - it only lasted a few seconds and then my entire body relaxed - weird
got a bit gout in my left big toe (sugar destroys me in so many ways since I quit) - I think I had too much granola (snacking on it dry thinking it's healthy - but turns out it is rancid with sugar and strange chemicals)
anyway - lovely day here - had a nice bike ride in country
well done if you lasted another day :-)
thanks tootsl1
had a strange moment today - wanted to drink but it was really intense (like needing to breath after holding your breath for a long time) - it only lasted a few seconds and then my entire body relaxed - weird
got a bit gout in my left big toe (sugar destroys me in so many ways since I quit) - I think I had too much granola (snacking on it dry thinking it's healthy - but turns out it is rancid with sugar and strange chemicals)
anyway - lovely day here - had a nice bike ride in country
well done if you lasted another day :-)
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,338
Originally Posted by tootsl1 
Aly, I know when you get snowed under, the desire is to reach for the bottle and hide. Thing is. The problems haven’t gone away, just your mental and emotional capacity to deal with them. Sober, you can offer love and support to those who are having issues. Sober you can mentally prepare yourself for your operation, think about the benefits once you have healed. Is it truly that you have no one to help you afterwards, or is it that you don’t want to burden anyone with it? If it is the former, look at your specific needs after the surgery, - personal care, housework, shopping etc- most shopping can be done online these days and, if you give the house a good once over before the surgery ( therapeutic distraction!) it shouldn’t need anything for a week or more. ( so, I’m not the most anal housewife, sue me) if you have pets or personal care issues, then yes you will need to arrange something. If you really don’t have anyone, and can’t afford to pay home help for the period you need it, can you find out any charity in the area that could help?
If it is the latter, then reach out and ask. Some people like to be asked for help. Focus on what can make you feel empowered rather than what makes you feel overwhelmed.
I find writing lists of what I need to do, then taking each item separately, looking at all ways of resolving the issue. Once you begin giving yourself answers, you immediately feel you are taking charge - and responsibility.
For too long, all of us here gave up too much of the responsibility of our lives and how we ought to live them, to alcohol.
In recovery, emotionally weak, with fragile egos and coping with unresolved past issues, we begin to learn the hard facts of life. Facts we gave up responsibility for. We have to man/woman up, put up out big boy/girl panties and look life in the eye and say “ok I can learn to deal”
And while you are learning to deal, you have everyone at SR to offer support and advice.
It is easy to allow ourselves to feel a victim to our emotions and the turmoil life throws at us. But the harsh fact are, everybody gets bad things happening to them everybody feels overwhelmed. We all here, have to find different ways of dealing with the cr4p life throws at us. Because being drunk didn’t work! yeah, might help a little at the time to take an emotional vacation, but it doesn’t change the situation, it only removes our ability to take responsibility for our part in it.
If we truly want to be the best person we can be, we need to be completely ‘there’ for ourself. And don’t you believe that you are worth it? Because I do.
If it is the latter, then reach out and ask. Some people like to be asked for help. Focus on what can make you feel empowered rather than what makes you feel overwhelmed.
I find writing lists of what I need to do, then taking each item separately, looking at all ways of resolving the issue. Once you begin giving yourself answers, you immediately feel you are taking charge - and responsibility.
For too long, all of us here gave up too much of the responsibility of our lives and how we ought to live them, to alcohol.
In recovery, emotionally weak, with fragile egos and coping with unresolved past issues, we begin to learn the hard facts of life. Facts we gave up responsibility for. We have to man/woman up, put up out big boy/girl panties and look life in the eye and say “ok I can learn to deal”
And while you are learning to deal, you have everyone at SR to offer support and advice.
It is easy to allow ourselves to feel a victim to our emotions and the turmoil life throws at us. But the harsh fact are, everybody gets bad things happening to them everybody feels overwhelmed. We all here, have to find different ways of dealing with the cr4p life throws at us. Because being drunk didn’t work! yeah, might help a little at the time to take an emotional vacation, but it doesn’t change the situation, it only removes our ability to take responsibility for our part in it.
If we truly want to be the best person we can be, we need to be completely ‘there’ for ourself. And don’t you believe that you are worth it? Because I do.
Wow!!!! Toots!!!! So very well said. I’m taking screen shots to reflect and reread
Day 50 without and for the rest of my life.....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 426
Day 43 completed
hi Willow68 :-)
wanted to paint some garden furniture today - went to my little outside storage box and the paint has been stolen
I need to be careful with these little stresses and triggers - they kinda twist into the idea that drinking is cure-all for life's misfortunes
I just got mad for a bit - then checked on-line where I can buy some more
anyway - well done if you lasted another day :-)
hi Willow68 :-)
wanted to paint some garden furniture today - went to my little outside storage box and the paint has been stolen
I need to be careful with these little stresses and triggers - they kinda twist into the idea that drinking is cure-all for life's misfortunes
I just got mad for a bit - then checked on-line where I can buy some more
anyway - well done if you lasted another day :-)
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Hi everyone 
I had forgotten what it felt like to really feel alive. It’s almost like I’ve slowly been waking up from a deep sleep over the last couple of months since I stopped drinking (67 days today and I’m still counting lol). I’ve been a little bit more awake each day, then sleepy again, then a bit more awake, then sleepy etc... Today I actually feel not only awake, but alive! I have real energy that I don’t have to fake to myself to drag myself up out of bed and out the door to do things, pretending to myself that it will be fun/good for me....
I’ve been on a real roller coaster ride of emotions and I realise that I’m in one of the ups at the moment and that there’s bound to be more downs, but I also know that the downs will pass, just as the ups will. I’m awake and alive and I’m learning to ride out the ups and downs without reaching for a bottle which is what I always used to do....if I was happy? Celebrate with a drink. Sad? Have a drink to drown the pain.... But those feelings were always dulled by alcohol. My feelings now are so much more real. They’re scary, but also amazing !
I’m in for this crazy roller coaster ride of life and ready to face the ups and downs without alcohol on board!
Here’s to a great day to be sober! ❤️❤️❤️
I had forgotten what it felt like to really feel alive. It’s almost like I’ve slowly been waking up from a deep sleep over the last couple of months since I stopped drinking (67 days today and I’m still counting lol). I’ve been a little bit more awake each day, then sleepy again, then a bit more awake, then sleepy etc... Today I actually feel not only awake, but alive! I have real energy that I don’t have to fake to myself to drag myself up out of bed and out the door to do things, pretending to myself that it will be fun/good for me....
I’ve been on a real roller coaster ride of emotions and I realise that I’m in one of the ups at the moment and that there’s bound to be more downs, but I also know that the downs will pass, just as the ups will. I’m awake and alive and I’m learning to ride out the ups and downs without reaching for a bottle which is what I always used to do....if I was happy? Celebrate with a drink. Sad? Have a drink to drown the pain.... But those feelings were always dulled by alcohol. My feelings now are so much more real. They’re scary, but also amazing !
I’m in for this crazy roller coaster ride of life and ready to face the ups and downs without alcohol on board!
Here’s to a great day to be sober! ❤️❤️❤️
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Welcome Finalcall and well done on getting 5 under your belt.
Willow, what a great post! Yes, my classmates and I used that rollercoaster smilie an awful lot in the first months, it is both amazing and terrifying to actually ‘feel’ all those emotions and learn to deal with them (‘feel and deal’, could be the new motto!!) and it’s great to understand that the lows do go, even if at the he time you feel mired in them.
Redcardit, I am sad and angry that some baseless so and so stole your paint, but yesterday was a real win for you! Well done on not letting AV get a word in.
We have to learn not to to take things personally. Like with Redcardit, the paint theft was just a random that could of happened to anyone.
I found that especially in the first year here, the ego of an addict is a fragile thing. We have become so used to wrapping it in our drug of choice, that is has never been exposed enough to live to harden a decent shell. I felt every attack personally. I took offence at words that intended no offence. I was defensive to the extreme, and in the real world was emotionally fragile.
Even now, five years on, I still have moments when I have to remind myself that if someone says or does something nasty, that is on them, not me. I still hurt overmuch at personal attacks, but am learning to let go the hurt.
The thing is, until we learn to let go the emotional cloud and see the action or word for what it is, our first response was always to hide behind drink (or drugs) now we need to learn to seperate what has been said or done to us, from the emotion it raises within us.
I learned to take a step back, think about what happened. Was it truly about me or was it about them? If it was about me, was it justified? Is there an element of my personality I need to think about and maybe change? Or is this totally about their problem with me.
Especially in the first year, we begin to find out who are our true friends, who are our drinking support buddy group (and they will not want you sober, believe me!) and who have a positive or negative effect on us.
We learn that we need to let go some friendships, moderate others and find new interests to replace the time and effort we used to put into finding our next drink.
So next time something happens that would have had you reaching for the bottle, do what Redcardit did and realise it wasn’t personal, sh1t happens, and it isn’t all about you, and find a way to fix the problem instead of finding the nearest bottle.
Trust in Karma Redcardit, whoever stole your paint will get their justice at some point.
Willow, what a great post! Yes, my classmates and I used that rollercoaster smilie an awful lot in the first months, it is both amazing and terrifying to actually ‘feel’ all those emotions and learn to deal with them (‘feel and deal’, could be the new motto!!) and it’s great to understand that the lows do go, even if at the he time you feel mired in them.
Redcardit, I am sad and angry that some baseless so and so stole your paint, but yesterday was a real win for you! Well done on not letting AV get a word in.
We have to learn not to to take things personally. Like with Redcardit, the paint theft was just a random that could of happened to anyone.
I found that especially in the first year here, the ego of an addict is a fragile thing. We have become so used to wrapping it in our drug of choice, that is has never been exposed enough to live to harden a decent shell. I felt every attack personally. I took offence at words that intended no offence. I was defensive to the extreme, and in the real world was emotionally fragile.
Even now, five years on, I still have moments when I have to remind myself that if someone says or does something nasty, that is on them, not me. I still hurt overmuch at personal attacks, but am learning to let go the hurt.
The thing is, until we learn to let go the emotional cloud and see the action or word for what it is, our first response was always to hide behind drink (or drugs) now we need to learn to seperate what has been said or done to us, from the emotion it raises within us.
I learned to take a step back, think about what happened. Was it truly about me or was it about them? If it was about me, was it justified? Is there an element of my personality I need to think about and maybe change? Or is this totally about their problem with me.
Especially in the first year, we begin to find out who are our true friends, who are our drinking support buddy group (and they will not want you sober, believe me!) and who have a positive or negative effect on us.
We learn that we need to let go some friendships, moderate others and find new interests to replace the time and effort we used to put into finding our next drink.
So next time something happens that would have had you reaching for the bottle, do what Redcardit did and realise it wasn’t personal, sh1t happens, and it isn’t all about you, and find a way to fix the problem instead of finding the nearest bottle.
Trust in Karma Redcardit, whoever stole your paint will get their justice at some point.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 426
7th week
I'm have the same experiences as Willow68 - sort of bipolar disorder light (but removed from it - abstracted from it - observing my own emotional swings but from a solid standpoint of determined absence)
the abstinence is a great unmoving anchor that allows you to be buffeted about a bit - but you know you are safe as long as you hold onto the anchor (I think)
Thanks tootsl1 - I appreciate your thoughts on learning to deal with misfortune and a fragile ego during recovery
I wonder if alcoholism correlates to part of the Asperger syndrome spectrum - alcoholics seem to recall having a fragile ego (deeply hurt by off-hand comments or silly jokes) before they took to booze - you might be on to something tootsl1 - it would be a fascinating PhD study
anyway - well done if you lasted another day :-)
longer-stronger - shorter-(anybody got any rhyming skills for a word that goes here)
I'm have the same experiences as Willow68 - sort of bipolar disorder light (but removed from it - abstracted from it - observing my own emotional swings but from a solid standpoint of determined absence)
the abstinence is a great unmoving anchor that allows you to be buffeted about a bit - but you know you are safe as long as you hold onto the anchor (I think)
Thanks tootsl1 - I appreciate your thoughts on learning to deal with misfortune and a fragile ego during recovery
I wonder if alcoholism correlates to part of the Asperger syndrome spectrum - alcoholics seem to recall having a fragile ego (deeply hurt by off-hand comments or silly jokes) before they took to booze - you might be on to something tootsl1 - it would be a fascinating PhD study
anyway - well done if you lasted another day :-)
longer-stronger - shorter-(anybody got any rhyming skills for a word that goes here)
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