tootsl1

Badge it was the hardest thing in the world to tell my husband, he can be pretty judgemental on what he perceives as weakness. But in my case, I needed to own my drink problem and tell him, as he works away from home most of the week. Had I kept it to myself, I could have continued lying and cheating and drinking myself to death.
It turned out he has been my biggest supporter and continues to tell me how proud he is. He doesn't pretend to understand addiction and the grasp it has on me, but at least I was able to explain PAWS when it hit me and he was able to understand and tolerate my unusual mood swings. I'm not telling you that should share, only that I was glad that I did.
At least if you do, you are coming clean with almost a year of sobriety behind you to attest to your determination to live a better life.
Not everyone has the 12 month AV shouting at them, but if you do Badge, please stick close. I had a couple of real good friends here trip over that 12 month marker and have to begin again at day one. Thankfully both continue their sobriety now, but I know they would both have rather not had that slip.

tootsl1

Hey Undies, I hope you are all hanging in there?

Willow00

Hi Toots and the rest of the Undies

I had a somewhat challenging few days away at a resort with my man and a bunch of boozy friends. I knew it was going to be challenging but it was prebooked and prepaid ages ago, before I stopped drinking.... It was fun at times but I was really worn out by the end. A few times the AV tried to get one up on me but I flicked it away, and as my friends got more and more drunk I knew I didn’t want to be that way myself so it was actually not as hard as I had anticipated. But I’m still worn out!
I’m home now and I can’t be bothered doing much this afternoon, although I did go to the beach for a couple of hours this morning. I’m just really tired, maybe an afternoon nap is in order
Hope everyone is doing ok

tootsl1

Willow that is a great win for recovery, as not only did you kick AVs ass, but you saw real proof of the worse excesses and used it to bolster your recovery. After all your recent turmoil, it's not surprising that a weekend like that would be exhausting. Be proud of yourself Willow, you met another challenge and faced it down.

Willow00

It’s funny, I don’t really feel like drinking at all, except for occasional moments that pass quickly. I get really mad at the AV and it just runs away.
But I’m still really struggling today, more with sadness, I’m really missing my Mum today, it’s just heartbreaking thinking of her not being here ever again and I can’t seem to find any enthusiasm for anything. I tried for some cheerfulness this morning and went to the beach but I’m exhausted and flat and unmotivated. Maybe it’s just the after effects of the last few days being on high alert, combined with being home now and missing Mum now I’m back to normality that’s no longer normal without her being close by to call in for a hug, a chat and a cup of tea. I miss her so much ❤️ I’m seeing the psychologist again this week so I’ll talk to her about it.

Caramel

It's still early days, Willow68, and a great loss.

Even if it's not "early days" these feelings may surface and ebb again over years ahead.

Be kind to yourself xx

CaptainHaddock

Afternoon everyone!

Willow, I think having made it through that vacation is a big deal, congratulations. I remember going away on a long weekend about two years ago, convinced I wasn’t going to drink and taking non-alcoholic beverages only for me. The others took one look at the first drink I produced from the fridge (a n/a beer) and said, “surely you can’t be having that!” I was promptly handed a real bear, which I drank as I was completely unprepared for such a situation. Nowadays it’s easier and others let up if I just say, “No thanks, I’m not drinking.”

Badgerden, I am glad you enjoyed your fishing trip. If you had not already returned, I would have said “tight lines”. I don’t know if that saying is used outside of my country.

Toots, I am a bit envious to hear that you live on an estuary. I love fishing in an estuary, because although most anglers target a certain species, you never know what you might catch in that type of environment.

I see the river Tay is the longest river in Scotland, becomes tidal at Perth and meets the sea at the Firth of Tay. According to Wikipedia the British record (rod caught) salmon, at 29kg (64 pounds), was caught in the Tay in 1922, by a woman!

tootsl1

This was a view out my window this morning Captain! The building in the water is known as a 'pile lighthouse' and is one of the few remaining left. It was built in 1865!

Willow00

Wow Toots, just wow!! That’s beautiful, thanks for sharing ❤️

I wish I knew how to post photos, I haven’t figured it out because it asks for a url and my photos are just on my phone, I have no idea about a url. I’m not very computer savvy at all...

Thanks Caramel and Captain Haddock. I’m determined not to drink to honour my Mum. She didn’t drink, and she always worried about my drinking. I had in my mind that if I made it to 100 days sober I’d be ok. I didn’t tell anyone, not even Mum. She died the night of my day 100. It was almost as if she somehow knew, and she was there holding my hand right up till then. Literally. holding my hand. The last thing she said to me was “I love you”. Well I’m on day 148 today and I know Mum’s still holding my hand and loving me from above. So I will not drink. For Mum but also for me, because I know that my life is immeasurably better sober.

There are so many places I want to go, including back home to Scotland where my Mum and all my ancestors are from. Planning to go sometime next year hopefully

tootsl1

Where about in Scotland did your ancestors originate Willow? Have you been here before yourself? What an exciting trip to plan!

http://photoposting.is-great.net/?i=1
Makes posting photos as easy as pie! I just chose a pic from my library , copy the link and paste it, job done!

Willow00

Thanks Toots, I’ll try it out
I have family from Edinburgh, Aberdeen and Glasgow and I’m looking into the family tree to see how it they fit together and their origins

Willow00

So here goes, attempting to post a pic of the beach near where I live

tootsl1

Wow, that looks wonderful!

tootsl1

HAPPY FIRST SOBERVERSARY BADGERDEN!!

I hope you continue to be a part of the Undies your support has been immeasurable. I also look forward to seeing you in the Overs!

Dee74

Congrats from me too badgerden

D

Willow00

Yay Badger!!! You’re awesome! ❤️

badgerden

Thank you so much everyone! I am not going anywhere Toots! I love this thread, it is such a important and vital area of our healing. I really feel that the most dangerous times in early recovery is when the physical affects have decreased, your feeling better, have energy. the AV is not as much "in your face" as it was . Thats when I fell, every time. "the just one" wont hurt, " I can moderate". I still wish those last two wishes were true, but I know they are not.

So my goal has been met and I am holding on to your advice Toots about how the AV loves success stories and will make another "one will not hurt, your strong" argument. So I know that I am goal oriented so am in search of something else to hold onto, something attainable not elusive. thoughts?

badge

tootsl1

I feel that when we are in active addiction, we lose those years to the chase. We also lose the desire to follow the dreams we may have had when we were younger. I suggest Badge that you revisit those dreams and see if any still resonate. I loved acting and writing as a youngster. Now, acting is not an easy dream to chase, as I spend so much of my time in two different countries so would not be able to commit to Am-dram rehearsals. I do however still love to tell a tale and decided early on in recovery, to see if I had it in me to write a book. I found that I did, I also tend how to edit and get my book online. I have since written more. None of this could I have done sober. I also attended several night classes for my own edification rather than to attain qualifications.
So Badge, maybe look inside yourself, or into your younger dreams for your next goals! I know you will achieve anything you set your mind to!

CaptainHaddock

Wow Badge, congratulations! Glad you decided to stay as well, thank you.

Free2bme888

OoooOOOOOOoooo

I like!!