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Class of May 2016 Support Thread Part 12

Old 05-08-2018, 11:57 AM
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Haha!
That is sooo mean Arp!
Well 90% of my bank holiday weekend was wonderful. The sun shone and we did lots of outdoorsy things. My toothache has subsided at long last and it felt great to enjoy free time.
Unfortunately by 5pm yesterday an argument over housework resulted on you-know-who leaving me AGAIN!
I have to draw a line under this adolescent behaviour and let him go without a fight. It's just bloody stupid now. I can't understand how my so-called love life has been so turbulent. I simply can't be in this volatile relationship and be a proper mum to my girls. It's just wrong.
My feelings around it are more panic and worry about my future and inability to cope on my own rather than upset at the breakdown of the relationship. That must mean something?
I had to fight my addiction HARD last night. No warning and bam it was there promising me blissful oblivion. F**k off alcohol I won't do it.
The thing I'm most cross about is him doing this 1 week before Hannah starts her GCSEs. He is an immature man-child who has been single most of his life. I don't need another child I have 2 already. We met while I was still drinking. We drank together every night. He stopped shortly after I did with no problem whatsoever so I am grateful to him for his support during some pretty goddamn horrific times.
We are very different people and even more so now I am sober. Maybe it is indeed time to move on and take some time to just be me. I have no body clock to think about. I have no serious financial issues.
It's hard work being a single parent. I'm quite terrified if how I'll cope. Sobriety is the only way that I will cope.
So here I am home alone with a paperback and a herbal tea. Thinking of things I have to be grateful for because it does help shift the mind away from the worry and self-pity.
Thank you for letting me get that out Mayflies ❤❤❤
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Old 05-08-2018, 05:54 PM
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Hi Jo I'm sorry about the turbulence - hope you can see what the best path is for you and the girls, whatever that may be

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Old 05-09-2018, 12:07 AM
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Thank you Dee. I hope so too
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Old 05-11-2018, 09:33 AM
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Good afternoon all.
3 days to go until Hannah's exams start in earnest. She seems pretty good. Not particularly nervous. I, however, am nervous for her but I imagine that is normal mum-type behaviour! We are having an evening and day of maths revision starting in a bit. It is quite frankly a good distraction from my own negativity which I am doing my best to keep under control. But it is hard. It doesn't help that this exact thing triggered my last relapse and it is the very idea of that that frightens me the most. Yes I have 9 months of sobriety in my back pocket. But wow the pull of the poison can literally catch your breath.
So I'm going to keep on keeping on and up my vigilance against my addiction.
So much has improved in my life and remembering that and being grateful for it isn't going to hurt.
So I need to engage my little grey cells and get stuck into some maths. Eek!
Lots of love to you all xxx

(((Ben))) I hope you are okay xxx
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Old 05-11-2018, 04:21 PM
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Have a good weekend jo - and everyone

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Old 05-12-2018, 10:30 AM
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I'm here guys. Not ready to go sober again just yet cant face it right now. but I'm here so that's a step I guess. Have a good weekend guys.
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Old 05-12-2018, 11:06 AM
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Good to know you can still find your way back here, Ben; I'm glad you checked in. A few of us will always be around, though not as many as we once were! I hope you can keep things together until you decide to try quitting again.

Jo: to the sweetest, strongest hard-working Mayfly Mum I know: Happy Mother's Day, dear friend!
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Old 05-13-2018, 07:53 AM
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8Awww thanks Arp! This is great we have mother's day in the UK in March time so it's almost like I'm having 2!!!
Plodding on gang.
Poor Hannah has a stinker of a cold now so it's really bad timing. She gets terrible head colds so I'm hoping some rest and lots of fluids will send it away quickly.
Took Melly swimming this morning with a friend they had fun and she's at said friend's house for the afternoon.
I'm just trying to get caught up. I feel like a prisoner of clutter and my anxiety grows each day.
I'm hoping by doing a little every day I'll start to calm down. Everything overwhelms me right now. I'm sure the grass in the garden has shot up 6 inches this week aaarrrggghhh!
No contact from him. Just aswell. I need to get used to my new reality.
Sun is out though and it surely does make everything brighter.
Okay off I plod again. Slowly. At least it's forward right?
Hope the new eating regime is still going well Arp. I have total faith you will be a slim handsome (and healthy!) brute in no time!
Stay connected Ben and please don't put it off too long (((hug)))
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Old 05-13-2018, 02:11 PM
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Hey guys. Thinking of quitting again the day after my birthday. I know it's not ideal but at least I have a date. My mates in rehab for 6 months compliments of the UK national health service. Don't wanna be there with him and I know I can do it with your help.
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Old 05-13-2018, 02:17 PM
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Ben we will be with you every step of the way
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Old 05-13-2018, 03:16 PM
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How far away is your bday Ben?

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Old 05-14-2018, 02:49 AM
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Good morning Mayflies!
I think the tide is turning in my crazy mixed up head. Yesterday was a great day for many reasons:
Took Melly and her friend for a swim. They went on all the massive slides and had a lot of fun.
Stepped up for Hannah. She was pretty unwell yesterday. I did what I could both in terms of revision and general tlc.
Got all of the washing sorted and out away, planted some plants and mowed the back lawn.
Told my sister about the break-up. At least I'm not carrying it all alone now.
I'd say that was all pretty good!
Just getting my work out of the way this morning so that I can potter in the front garden and take the rubbish to the tip. A food shop might help too!
I know that balance is key but I really do need to kick start some independence and pride back into my home. It helps to quell the fear.....
Sorry to bore you all with my domestic ramblings but it helps to record my mini-achievements.
I am on pins right now as Hannah will be in the middle of her first exam. We've got 5 weeks of this!!!!
I know without a shadow of a doubt that the most important thing for me to do is to stay sober. I can't deny that the pull has been strong this last week but then when I was calling our NHS helpline last night to check what painkillers Hannah could have and not harm her kidneys it all just seemed so obvious. No matter what stuff I've got going on I am no use to my girls drunk. I am no use to me drunk either!
The sun is shining again so I think I'll take my coffee outside for a little break.
Lots of love to you all
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Old 05-14-2018, 04:41 AM
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Jo -- your post has me making up my own list of simple household tasks that I've been avoiding. They're not even that hard; I just need superhuman strength to fight the gravitational pull of my computer chair.

How do the girls feel about "Him" being gone? Romantic relationships are complicated enough; toss in a couple of teenage kids and my mind boggles at the many dynamics involved! Yup, just me and the dog...boring but manageable...if she could just stop pooping...

After church yesterday, I walked past a table full of donuts, looked them right in the eye, and they didn't say a thing; I shrugged and moved along. My sugar addiction is in total remission. My only craving is potatoes and noodles. A mashed potato and spaghetti sandwich sounds really good! But I'm going to have some bacon and eggs and cheese for breakfast, so that makes me pretty happy, too...

Thinking of you, Elke and Ben and Caramel and Simplicity -- drop us a line when you can
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Old 05-15-2018, 10:04 AM
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Hi guys!
Arp you sound really great with the whole sugar thing. I think sugar does crazy things to our systems so hopefully you're feeling more balanced too now you've knocked it on the head.
Yes I totally get the gravitational pull thing. After the dentist disaster and then the whole break up thing I was pretty much sofa/bed bound for 2 weeks unless I absolutely had to do something. I had to change that. The messiness around me was literally driving me crazy. At first it was hard. Like I was moving through treacle but I kept going and feel much better for it. Go on! Shuffle that paperwork or sweep that driveway or whatever it is. Baby steps for us poorly addicted brain types....
The girls aren't really reacting at all to the break up. Part of it is it's happened before and after a week or so he's back. I'm not pushing them with a sit-down talk because Hannah's exams come first second and third right now. I won't let anything prevent her from doing her absolute best.
I'm off to the gym tonight for the first time in over 2 weeks. The girls are at their dad's and if I don't go I'll just feel rubbish. Aquafit class tonight it'll be me and the old dears. Of course I'll be the one huffing and puffing!
Have a great day all ❤❤❤
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Old 05-16-2018, 12:48 PM
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Good evening gang.
Just popping by for a natter (Okay a pathetic moan).
Day 9 of no contact and I'm going slightly crazy wondering what's going on. Not the behaviour of 2 40 somethings and it's just getting me down. This can't go on forever unless he wants his belongings on a bonfire (tempting at times!). Okay I admit it I'm a bit lonely, upset and afraid. Friends say "take his stuff back to him and then it's done" but then I'll have to face it's really over. For all his faults he supported me through this crazy journey. My so-called strategy for now is to nothing. Give it time. See what happens.
If only I had decision-maling skills. I have none. Oh well - fresh day tomorrow.
That aside the girls and I are getting along fine. Hannah revising away and Melly reading before bed. They are what matters most. I think I'm doing a pretty good job at keeping all of the plates spinning. A little reflect at bedtime is only to be expected Yes?
I have been quite moved by the struggles of others on this site today. Sometime it's easy to get bogged down in the day to day and forget quite how far we've come.
Putting down the drink was possibly the hardest yet most wonderful thing I've ever done. Of course recent events have tested me but I simply cannot allow that poison back in my life. It whispers it's lies now and again but no. That's be the beginning of the end for me.
Ben I hope you come back soon for your day 1. Of course pop by any time I know how isolating it can be when you feel like you can't get out of the pit
Night night all ❤❤❤
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Old 05-16-2018, 03:35 PM
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I'm sorry - I know it must be painful - but I reckon your friends must be pushing you to end it for a reason Jo?

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Old 05-16-2018, 11:25 PM
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Dee I know. And I do thank you for the gentle prod. Maybe ripping the band aid off would be the best way. ......
*sigh*
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Old 05-16-2018, 11:42 PM
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jo

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Old 05-17-2018, 10:52 AM
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Hey everybody, it's been a while, how are you all? I was here just in the beginning. I would like to join the group again if thats ok as I was thinking that I had my longest period of sobriety while on this forum. I think I dropped out somewhere around the 60-70 day mark.

I'm on day 11 of not drinking and am feeling pretty good...but I've done that 2 other times in the last 2 years and I obviously fell off eventually. I'm ready to stop that trend. I think I have to add on more resource (whether a group or counselor) which I did not do last time, and will do so in the next week as I decide.

Have a great day all.

-John
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Old 05-17-2018, 11:58 AM
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Hi John and welcome back!
Its always a great relief to see a familiar name return.
11 days is a great start and hopefully a lot of the physical withdrawal nasties have worn off. How are you feeling?
I was a yo-yo relapser for a good 18 months after joining here John. I just couldn't see how I was ever going to break free of it. It eventually took terrifying withdrawal for me to accept that this thing was never going to get any better, I had no control, my future was bleak. I was done and ready to do everything in my power to stay sober.
I do read and post on SR every day with out fail either here, on the 24 hour thread or just adding my support to the threads of others. It has literally been my lifeline. I hope that you are able to establish the level of support you need on your journey too.
I look forward to seeing more of you around xxx
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