One more drive by. I will make time for a full catch up tomorrow, even though it will be a busy day. Hope everyone is well.

All well here. Just losing to the ravages of time :) i too will hope to be back more fully tomorrow. Good night all!

Hi all, very busy morning so I need to get moving! I finally finished "Lit" last night, and it was such a great book. Now I'm trying to decide if I should read a third book by Mary Karr (although my perception of the subject matter doesn't necessarily interest me), or pick from the list of recovery memoirs Numblady suggested. I don't read during the day anymore, only right before bed, which continues to be amazing...the process of getting into a made-up bed (rather than basically passing out in a crumple of covers) and falling asleep sober. :)

I'll be back later, hopefully there will be more to respond to! Have a great morning, guys. :)

Palmer, going to sleep sober, in a nicely made bed is one of the best things ever. One of the other best things is waking sober, without a hangover and guilt. It is a shame how many people don't actually appreciate those two things.

Anyways, I am off to conquer the world, or possibly something slightly less ambitious, but you get the idea.

Hi Class!

Apologies in advance, this post is going to be a little of the self absorbed variety, but part of that is to share some positivity as I feel it is as important (if not more so, when I think about it!) to acknowledge the good stuff and the progress, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant to ourselves and out loud (or in print in this case) so as to balance the struggles and the challenges of which, it can seem sometimes, there are many.

Anyway! So today I presented my hubby with accurate, pristine and up to date accounts for the business. This may seem simple, but I have been busting my @ss on this for months - stressed out of my mind, anxious, worried, fearful, frustrated, you name it, I’ve been there. I am not an accountant by profession and as some of you may know, I have stared working with my husband over the past year to try and straighten out the book keeping and finance side of things. Though the company is well run and long established, this side had become a bit of a mess and on top of that, it has been a year of change, tumultuousness and many challenges. I have been able to streamline the processes and bring the books right up to date, with only some minor tasks left to complete before they are 100% up to date and accurate. I am SO SO proud of myself - I am sorry if that sounds ridiculously self inflated or silly! Hopefully by Friday I will be back to say that things are right up to date and will remain so going forward with my new processes and finally having cleared all the backlog!

In other not so positive news, I am due to meet a friend of mine to go to an event on Saturday night and we were supposed to be going out dancing afterwards. This friend also went through a rough time / party phase - it was actually during this time when we met - and I won’t go into details but she, too pulled herself out of it and straightened up, and stopped drinking, cut ties from that scene etc. Or so I’d thought. It now transpires that she has been meeting up with another friend of ours (more my husband’s friend) who is VERY heavy into partying and is actually descending more each year (we have started to really worry about him, though I try to keep my distance now, even though I care about him, because I need to protect my own sobriety). She has never mentioned this and only now that he has mentioned it to my husband in saying that apparently we are all arranged to meet up and go on a ‘double date’ after the event on Saturday. This was the first I’d heard of it, so I asked her about it and she began obfusticating, saying they’re just friends, he’s going through a tough time etc. This may well be true, but I can’t help but feel the fierce nostalgia of the lies and secrets and half truths of when we were all partying. I just said that hubby and I are happy to meet up as we’ll all be out in the same place anyway, but I don’t want to be caught in the middle of things. There is a history to their friendship, but I won’t go into that here. Suffice it to say it was messy and ill advised the first time around. She leaves on for a few months in August to go traveling, so I don’t want to rock the boat ( and there’s no point, either). It just makes me so happy that I have truly made changes to remove myself from that lifestyle. I never, ever want to go back there. It has reminded me of all of the negativity and drama and I feel anxious even thinking about it. I’m happy that hubby will be there too, so if they decide to go off the rails, we can hopefully make a swift exit and go home.

Sorry for the word vomit guys - hope everyone is doing great!!

Also @Palmer @Chase - couldn’t agree more re: getting into a fresh bed, nice and sober and ready to rest.

Hope the day picked up for you @Numblady and wasn’t too hectic!

Hi @Dee, @Scotty and anyone else out there!!

NewChapter, I absolutely LOVE that you shared this! I often think about what it means to have "our lives become unmanageable" (AA), and used to think it was that we couldn't function at all, ever, but now I'm seeing it as a continuum if that makes any sense, what we're capable of vs. how limited we had become through our addiction to alcohol. Taking pride in your work, doing your best and having something perfect and amazing to show for it, is just an incredible feeling. Fulfilling your potential, being of true service, giving 100% to something and having it turn out great. I'm so very happy that you're experiencing that!

As far as the outing with your friend is concerned, it sounds super irritating at the very least, drama that I would have very little (if any) patience for. Does your husband feel strongly about going, or do you think he might agree to skip it?

I've been stuck in the house all day with these contractors, they went MIA for 3 hours midday and are still not finished with their (seemingly simple) tasks. Luckily, I was able to telework although I really didn't want to, but the upside is that I was able to do some much-needed cleaning and organizing, which makes me feel so much more settled and clear-headed. :)

Aw thank you so much for your lovely response @Palmer!! I really appreciate your kind words and thank you for listening to my little ramble and making me feel less silly about the pride I’ve taken in completing this challenge. It’s so true - I could NEVER have accomplished this when drinking. Drinking just creates backlog and postponement at the very face of it. All I would be concerned about is getting things done to a minimal standard, saying I would ‘do it tomorrow’, then push things back once dealing with the inevitable hangover, and have to deal with the crushing sense of overwhelming and failure as things mounted. It feels so energizing to be free of that burden.

Ugh that is the worst..I’m really sorry about the contractors (we experienced similar when renovating our own place!). Hopefully they hop to it and get things moving a little quicker. Again, I must praise your saintlike patience and composure!!

As for Saturday night, my friend and I will be going to the event together as planned without the guys, and I am genuinely looking forward to it as it is a talk given by some psychologists that I admire. We will be meeting my husband and the other friend afterwards though, and hubby is actually looking forward to going out as we haven’t been ‘out’ in a while. I think it will be OK as hubby and I have spoken about the situation and have agreed that we are out of there at the first sign of drama. It’s nice to know hubby is on my team and he respects that my sobriety comes first. I communicated to him that though I care about our friends and his friend may be going through a tough time, I will be there to support only insofar as it doesn’t infringe upon my own well being. He totally respects that and agrees that we can leave as soon as I feel like it, which provides some comfort! Apparently they won’t be drinking, but we’ll see how that plays out. At least I can say I am not tempted in the least, not even one little bit. So if I do choose to cut the night short, it won’t be down to the AV, but rather an unwillingness/disinclination to be around others who have not yet chosen a different path. I hope that doesn’t sound selfish and judgmental!! I’m just trying to really put my own efforts first and listen to my own rhythms in these situations, so I can socialize comfortably knowing that I am in tune with any red flags and self aware enough to remove myself from any situation in which they may arise..if that makes any sense!!

Hi friends. It was a good day today, I will get to that in a minute.

Newchapter, it sounds like you have been extremely hard at work. You should feel good about it and be proud. It is so true about just doing enough to get by, when we were drinking. I still don't feel as productive as I think I should be, now that I am sober, but I find that I am definitely more detail oriented. There is significantly more attention to the fine details in everything I do. Hopefully your night out is fun and drama free. It sounds like you have a good plan to get out if things start going in a direction you don't like.

Palmer, I hope you contractors made it back and got some work done. The time you are able to spend with your son sounds wonderful. You don't have to be good at sports to have fun. A lot of times it is easier to have a good time if you are not that good. Recently you asked how my recovery support is. Overall I would say it is good. As you know, I am on here every day. It is easy at home because we don't keep any alcohol. The only time I get any questions is when I am traveling for work and there is another employee with me. Often we are too busy to do anything besides work, sleep, and travel.

Numblady, is the family back in town or are you still enjoying some alone time? Either way I hope things have settled down a bit at work and you are able to relax a bit. When is your beach trip?

Scotty, sorry to hear about your partner. It is good that he is home with you. Hope everything else is going well with you.

I had a doctor appointment, which was about an hour drive. But, it meant I was going to be at the sea coast, so I took the family. The appointment was quick and we spent the rest of the day at the beach. The weather was perfect. We even found a nice playground at one of the beaches. My daughter had a great time.

Tomorrow is another busy day, and it starts early. Then I have to work over the weekend which will mean three more days of travel. Bedtime now. I will check-in tomorrow.

ARGH! So much to respond to/say but it’s after 10 and I just finished working. Sorry for whine because people have a lot going including hospitalizations, big events, taking over worlds, house remodeling and lots else. But I”m going to whine about the fact that I have swimmer’s ear which I thought was just having water in your ears but turns out is a quite painful condition when your ear canal swells and it keeps you from sleeping! Which is what has happened to me for several nights. Then I don’t want to work out. Then I don’t sleep as well. Repeat. Anyway sorry to be negative nelly when really I want to talk about all the beautiful posts you all have been writing. Hopefully tomorrow. Have a great night!

Hi all! Busy day over here, too. The contractors are still at the house, but luckily I don't have to be there. To add insult to injury, they are not working on my actual home, it's the rental (construction on our home has not begun yet) so I'm a bit annoyed at having to deal with problems in a house that is not even mine. ;) I also slept very poorly last night, possibly because of strong coffee late in the day, combined with possibly dredging up sad memories through the book I just started ("Parched").

Chase, even though you had to go to an un-fun doctor's appointment, it's nice that you were near the beach and were able to bring your family along!

NewChapter, I don't know why I imagined that you were going to be in some kind of drinking/partying atmosphere with your friend, sorry! If you're looking forward to the event, and can get out of there if things get rough, that sounds perfect. I love that you're prioritizing your sobriety, and that your husband is supporting you.

Numblady, swimmer's ear sounds absolutely awful! Is there any treatment they can recommend? :(

Just a quick drive by for me today!

@Chase: I hope doctor’s appointment went well and so lovely to hear you were able to turn the trip into a special family day.

@Numblady: Swimmer’s ear sounds just awful! I really hope it eases soon.

@Palmer: I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be to be dealing with all of this at an already mightily stretched capacity. As always, your ability to weather adverse conditions with grace continues to astound. I hope things move along quickly and that you get some down time and calm soon!

Take care all :-)

Just passing through, today. I have to be up in about 7 hours to head for the airport. Hopefully more time tomorrow.

New Chapter, what a sense of accomplishment you must have for steering the ship through a tumultuous see to at least almost completely or completely catch up the books. I am proud for you, of you, etc.! I hope this Saturday’s event turns out to be nice instead of stressful.

Palmer, love what you said about the scale of unmanageability. Well that might not have been your exact words but something along those lines. Very true. Also hope Parched isn’t too depressing/disturbing! They are all kind of blended in my mind so I can’t remember what happened in which book with rare exception.

Chase, hope travel goes smoothly.

Thinking of Scotty, BTLover, Dee, Sunflower and also some of those we never see anymore.

I am okay but my ear still hurts like a bugger. I did get prescription ear drops. But so far they haven’t done much. I’ve started randomly taking some old oral antibiotics in hopes just having the boost will kick it over the edge. But I also have another call into doc office.

Kids come back on Saturday. I’ve used the time to do a good bit of organizing and for a while I did some good working out but mostly these past few days i’ve Just done work-work. I think my hope is that if I am as relentless as I can be in getting caught up, I will be able to leave and shut everything off better for two weeks. Our big vacation starts a week from Sunday and as of right now I’m not feeling too apprehensive about the booze stuff. I’m just so excited to not work. I’m guessing that is likely to change at various points but for now I’m feeling pretty good about it so I’ll take it. Not complacent. Excited to not be day drunk (or more like day-foggy) at the beach. To goof off with the kids. To work out and not have booze on my breath. Etc.

Well I worked till 10 again and I’m trying to get up for yoga before I have to start calls and then a work trip to a kind of icky meeting in a town three hours away. Boo.

Good night friends!

I find sticking a cotton wool bud in there helps to ease the pain a little - not sure what you call them in the US.

The soft fluffy ball kind, not a Qtip :)

I just leave it in there - replace the ball each day.

Looks like you guys call them cotton balls :)

D

Morning all! Dee, for some reason I found your question/answer about cotton balls to be so endearing (and sounds like a good option for poor Numblady!) NL, I can't even imagine how great just not working will feel for you. Spending time with the kids, getting some good exercise, eating great food, and as you said, not day drinking. I used to think it was so fun to drink during the day, but eventually it became exhausting, miserable, sickening, and just kind of sad. Are you going on this trip with a bunch of friends, and do they know you're sober?

The book "Parched" is still dragging me down a bit. I'm not sure exactly why, maybe it's all the childhood stuff, which is not abusive or tragic, but the author is laying the groundwork for her later alcoholism and I can relate to some of it...character traits, things she preferred to do (eat lots of sugar, read incessantly, isolate) and it all feels familiar and sad. It's also kind of a plodding comedown from Mary Karr's feistiness. So, I'm not going to burn my $15 just yet by aborting, but I think I need something a little more upbeat (and not recovery related) to read next.

Hi All!

I’ve had a really great end to a really great week! Closed off lots of open items on my work to-do list, and on top of that I took an extended lunch and went for a ride out on my favourite horse from the stables which was just fantastic.

@Chase: Safe travels!

@Numblady: I hope ear drops/antibiotics help to ease the pain in your ear - hopefully @Dees suggestion may help, too! I always feel so lazy reading your posts - you seem to be a machine when it comes to work and productivity and sheer determination for applying yourself. You’re an inspiration! Enjoy yoga in the morning and I hope the work trip/meeting isn’t too bad. Just think of holidays, you’re sooooo close. I love that we’re at a place where we can largely look forward to holidays and our mindset has moved to appreciate how vacations will be enhanced by our sobriety, and away from the fear of holiday mode and worrying about drinking etc. As you say, it’s important to stay mindful and not get complacent, but it sounds like you are going into this holiday with a really great idea of how you’re going to enjoy that time sober! :-)

@Palmer: I’m sorry that your book is dragging you down. Although sometimes it’s worth powering through the uncomfortable stuff, I am a firm believer in also trying to identify when something may just not be worth it. Try to be kind to yourself and if the book isn’t making you feel good, then maybe best to just chalk it up to a misfit!

Dee, I like how Aussies are so tough even their cotton balls sound bad a**. Wool buds, I mean for real? They sound hard core! maybe being more on the soft side is my problem. I need some wool buds to toughen me up. Because I went back to the doc today (Urgent care because I was traveling until doc offices were closed) and the lady was like, um, yeah, it doesn’t look bad at all to me. DANGIT!

Meanwhile I’m like losing my ever loving mind. Oh well hopefully tomorrow will be better and I can ride my bike without too much pain before we go get the kids from the airport. I’m going to be really happy to see them. Hug their little bodies. Tuck ‘em in bed. All that jazz. I’m sure the shine may fade quickly but will enjoy it while it lasts.

Palmer, I kind of feel bad for recommending Parched! Especially because I didn’t really remember it. I definitely think Sober Diaries are much cheerier overall and more recovery oriented. But after yoga glo and Parched you may want to source recommendations elsewhere :). But I also want to say how much I share the love of falling asleep sober.

Which I guess is what I’m about to do. Assuming the great Ear Debacle of 2018 doesn’t keep me awake!

Have a great night everybody!

you guys :lmao

D

Morning All!!

Drive by for me as a busy day ahead. We’re driving up to my brother in law’s house (2 hours from us) for our nephew’s birthday party, and then all the way back this evening where I’m headed straight to an event with a friend. After that, we’ll be meeting up with hubby and our other friend as I mentioned the other day. Hopefully there will be no drama and all will be enjoyable. If not though, I’ll be swiftly pulling my exit card and avoiding the situation!

@Numblady: Aw I bet your kids can’t wait to see you too!! I hope your ear improves quicksmart and that you can enjoy your bike ride - there really is nothing worse than feeling in pain!

Hope everyone has a great sober weekend!

Quick drive by. I should have time for a proper check-in in tomorrow.