Class of March 2016 part 69
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 7,334
Morning March people. I’m seeing Nathan this morning, then cutting my dad’s grass, then the entire rest of my day is with my grand beauties!! Really looking forward to my day.
Hope you all have a great day.
13th -lots of wisdom in Sam’s post.
Suze- beautiful nephew you have. I’m sorry you are missing them. I like the way PHX put it.
Go have the best day ever March people!
Hope you all have a great day.
13th -lots of wisdom in Sam’s post.
Suze- beautiful nephew you have. I’m sorry you are missing them. I like the way PHX put it.
Go have the best day ever March people!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,668
Sorry, 13th- I did post or so I thought way back b4 I should have been sleeping, it is not here.
How do I reconcile the past? I do not. I accept that part of my life is done now and I cannot undo the hurt or damage or waste. I accept (or at least I try to) that I will never get it back- or my ex or my sons, home, career- the lot.
BUT- today I am alive (which was not accepted by a few).
My crap metaphor is thus
Me in the moment, using mindful crap- is driving the me car (bloke). In the now. Every now and then I check my rear view mirror (the past) and keep my eyes mostly looking forward (the future).
A million times a day- I refocus on this....I do the HALTS bit, the breathig bit, the distraction bit. I paint, walk, write, log onto here or go to a meeting or anything to get myself from isolating. Emotions cover my logical thinking at times like a wave, but eventually they recede and the world still turns. I accept others in the moment. I no longer compete with myself or others....I allow the crap emotions to have their 15 minutes of fame, as supressing them never works and when emotions(which try to play catch up by demanding life be fixed..NOW) overwhelm me- I make sure I do not make decisions, redouble my efforts to drive carefully, not to get hit by a bus or whatever. I try not to act out on these. I also know I cannot do this alone.
Support to you.
How do I reconcile the past? I do not. I accept that part of my life is done now and I cannot undo the hurt or damage or waste. I accept (or at least I try to) that I will never get it back- or my ex or my sons, home, career- the lot.
BUT- today I am alive (which was not accepted by a few).
My crap metaphor is thus
Me in the moment, using mindful crap- is driving the me car (bloke). In the now. Every now and then I check my rear view mirror (the past) and keep my eyes mostly looking forward (the future).
A million times a day- I refocus on this....I do the HALTS bit, the breathig bit, the distraction bit. I paint, walk, write, log onto here or go to a meeting or anything to get myself from isolating. Emotions cover my logical thinking at times like a wave, but eventually they recede and the world still turns. I accept others in the moment. I no longer compete with myself or others....I allow the crap emotions to have their 15 minutes of fame, as supressing them never works and when emotions(which try to play catch up by demanding life be fixed..NOW) overwhelm me- I make sure I do not make decisions, redouble my efforts to drive carefully, not to get hit by a bus or whatever. I try not to act out on these. I also know I cannot do this alone.
Support to you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
having a smoothie after my 6:30 meeting.
I did make it through dinner, concocted a nice non-alc cocktail for my preggers daughter--made the son in law take the four leftovers home with him. FOUR!
If it was three months ago I would have drank all six before they got here--Venus, yeah, spaghetti can totally camouflage the blood.
I have a day planned with friends associated with quilting. It's nice because we have never discussed alcohol. I'm sure certainly someone will buy wine with lunch eventually, but I'll be okay with that.
I am very reserved about my alcoholism with my family because I grew up in a roiling alcoholic household. It permeated every pore (pour) in the place(s) and has become all of our destiny. I don't want that for my kids. So I'm merrily doing this one step at a time.
Last night my daughter said her friends were starting to ask why she isn't ordering beer at different social events. I suggested she tell them she is abstaining in solidarity with me--as a diversion while she gets through her first trimester. She was amused with the idea.
See? I'm just letting it become reality without fanfare. I'm very fortunate I can do this.
I did make it through dinner, concocted a nice non-alc cocktail for my preggers daughter--made the son in law take the four leftovers home with him. FOUR!
If it was three months ago I would have drank all six before they got here--Venus, yeah, spaghetti can totally camouflage the blood.
I have a day planned with friends associated with quilting. It's nice because we have never discussed alcohol. I'm sure certainly someone will buy wine with lunch eventually, but I'll be okay with that.
I am very reserved about my alcoholism with my family because I grew up in a roiling alcoholic household. It permeated every pore (pour) in the place(s) and has become all of our destiny. I don't want that for my kids. So I'm merrily doing this one step at a time.
Last night my daughter said her friends were starting to ask why she isn't ordering beer at different social events. I suggested she tell them she is abstaining in solidarity with me--as a diversion while she gets through her first trimester. She was amused with the idea.
See? I'm just letting it become reality without fanfare. I'm very fortunate I can do this.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 32,375
Originally Posted by samantha14 
Thirteenth - We have all been there. So entrenched in the muck that you just begin to feel at home. We get used to waking up with the hangover, we know just when the nausea will pass, we spend the whole day counting down to our next opportunity to drink. It’s all a lie of course. There’s so much more out there that we are missing out on. So much colour and vibrancy. I’m still in the beginning and that means I’m still doing the hard work every day. But I do believe that if I just keep moving forward it will get easier. And I already see some life creeping in. Some optimism and joy and yep some days even some anger. But it gets better with every passing moment - the good, the bad and the ugly. So for me I guess the answer lies in being deliberate and in making the right decision even when every bone in my body is in opposition. I’m not perfect by any means, but just like you I refuse to give up. We’re worth it and worth fighting for. ❤️
Highlighting this part:
"...if I just keep moving forward it will get easier. ..."
Sober date: 20th May 2023
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,384
Originally Posted by PhoenixJ
On observation....
I often forget where I put things. In part the instant memory recall failure is a direct result of the burns trauma and the drugs pumped into me and of course, booze. Just instant mem. I can get out of my car...half way to my unit- have no idea where my phone is. Or shoes, or coffee..I always get stressed by this and have to do the mindful crap. Instead of just leaping in to a mad rush of frantic searching..I breathe, calm down and retrace my steps...from now- back.
Routine and using CBT helps, as does brain exercises- like chess and word puzzles (not up to sdukioioio).
I forget more- when I am stressed..and when my focus either wanders from the task at hand..or I get a thought stuck in my head. I now know, for example NOT to rethink and ruminate thoughts while driving, or walking in busy streets with heavy traffic..I redouble my efforts to refocus on driving safely, crossing the street and not becoming bus-mush. I am slowly getting better.
In the recovery program..at each stage I locked my keys in my room, then unit/s...whenever I thought about the divorce crap.
Since then- I have made it a routine NOT to go outside (even for a ciggie) without having my keys in my pocket. I do it without thinking now. In my new digs, I have not lost or locked out..my keys.
The brain is a remarkable piece of natural engineering, but takes time to heal and adapt....given all the memories, experiences and emotions we have.
I often forget where I put things. In part the instant memory recall failure is a direct result of the burns trauma and the drugs pumped into me and of course, booze. Just instant mem. I can get out of my car...half way to my unit- have no idea where my phone is. Or shoes, or coffee..I always get stressed by this and have to do the mindful crap. Instead of just leaping in to a mad rush of frantic searching..I breathe, calm down and retrace my steps...from now- back.
Routine and using CBT helps, as does brain exercises- like chess and word puzzles (not up to sdukioioio).
I forget more- when I am stressed..and when my focus either wanders from the task at hand..or I get a thought stuck in my head. I now know, for example NOT to rethink and ruminate thoughts while driving, or walking in busy streets with heavy traffic..I redouble my efforts to refocus on driving safely, crossing the street and not becoming bus-mush. I am slowly getting better.
In the recovery program..at each stage I locked my keys in my room, then unit/s...whenever I thought about the divorce crap.
Since then- I have made it a routine NOT to go outside (even for a ciggie) without having my keys in my pocket. I do it without thinking now. In my new digs, I have not lost or locked out..my keys.
The brain is a remarkable piece of natural engineering, but takes time to heal and adapt....given all the memories, experiences and emotions we have.
Sober date: 20th May 2023
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,384
Originally Posted by Bobbieka
Morning! Kind of gloomy in this part of the world.
One of my articles was picked up by a parenting magazine yesterday. I'm pretty excited. Who'd have thought? Definitely not me. It was about drug addiction and putting a face to the people. (I obviously put my son's face in the article). It was really personal for me. Feels weird having lots of people read my stuff. Trying to do my part changing the look of the addict.
One of my articles was picked up by a parenting magazine yesterday. I'm pretty excited. Who'd have thought? Definitely not me. It was about drug addiction and putting a face to the people. (I obviously put my son's face in the article). It was really personal for me. Feels weird having lots of people read my stuff. Trying to do my part changing the look of the addict.
Sober date: 20th May 2023
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,384
Finally caught up on all the posts I missed while overseas. You guys sure have been busy.
This is the longest I have been sober...200 Days and 18 hours which equates to 6 months 18 days and 18 hours..but who's counting? lol
Hope everyone has an awesome day/night.
Love you guys...I am so very grateful to have you in my life xxx
This is the longest I have been sober...200 Days and 18 hours which equates to 6 months 18 days and 18 hours..but who's counting? lol
Hope everyone has an awesome day/night.
Love you guys...I am so very grateful to have you in my life xxx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,668
In the recovery program..after my brain had enough healing so I could breathe and think at the same time. I had to set goals.
Obviously my goals started with recovery from alcohol, then burns- then everything else.
My counselor told me I was well on my way with these 2 and they were incidental as to the 'why' of why I turned out to be such a dramatic drunk- in my childhood..
Thus the info gathering from relies.
Today I started a timeline- to add all the info I have, factual and perceptions- to work out what went where and why. In some ways I have the solutions...but I have not really understood exactly what the questions were. A useful, if not distressing activity- a lot of repressed mem's appeared...with a serving of the accompanying when-they-happened emotions..my dysfunctional, unnatural default.
So then comes - pen down, mindful crap ..breath, go for a walk...go back to it. Over and over.
I am growing slowly. I estimate by the time I am 4,976years and 3 days old....I can define myself as having found closure and can be defined as 'normal'. Well ok, and 7 days.
Support to y'all.
Obviously my goals started with recovery from alcohol, then burns- then everything else.
My counselor told me I was well on my way with these 2 and they were incidental as to the 'why' of why I turned out to be such a dramatic drunk- in my childhood..
Thus the info gathering from relies.
Today I started a timeline- to add all the info I have, factual and perceptions- to work out what went where and why. In some ways I have the solutions...but I have not really understood exactly what the questions were. A useful, if not distressing activity- a lot of repressed mem's appeared...with a serving of the accompanying when-they-happened emotions..my dysfunctional, unnatural default.
So then comes - pen down, mindful crap ..breath, go for a walk...go back to it. Over and over.
I am growing slowly. I estimate by the time I am 4,976years and 3 days old....I can define myself as having found closure and can be defined as 'normal'. Well ok, and 7 days.
Support to y'all.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
Originally Posted by Mish
So very true PJ. I have just recently read "The Brain That Changes Itself". You can rewire your brain. Since I've been sober I've been quite interested in Neuroscience...the neuroplasticity of the brain fascinates me.....and gives me hope that any damage I have done to mine can be healed by creating new pathways.
♥♥
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
Originally Posted by PhoenixJ
Mish..no I am sorry- I cannot let this slide.
Your count did not include seconds.
Your count did not include seconds.
So so happy for you darling Mish.
And how are your arms?
♥♥♥
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
I think you might just find peace PJ love....I know that when I look back at all I discovered about my parents, it still hurts....I see it all so differently now and I cannot go back and fix things. But I understand. I truly understand.....well, all of it now. And that is a very good thing for me....I walk and cry it out.....I miss my mum and dad terribly but I hear their voices calming me and giving me guidance. I even think I hear their approval. I think they would be happy for me and proud of me....sorry....going off tap.
♥♥♥
♥♥♥
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
This month.....I kind of ran away mentally/emotionally.....April 14 was my aunt's birthday and also the day she died in 2015. My dad died 3 weeks later. My mum's birthday is May 5.....my dad's memorial (Jewish thing) is next Saturday as well....on my mum's birthday. Also my middle nephew's birthday.
I have been in a spin since April 14 and I didn't know why....I do now.
I cried it out last night....
Time for coffee with you BBG. ♥♥
I have been in a spin since April 14 and I didn't know why....I do now.
I cried it out last night....
Time for coffee with you BBG.
♥♥
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