Class Of March 2018 Support Thread - Part Three
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Hi, only 4 days since that nonsense night of drinking. So I think I’m still sufferering. Napping and achy. I just woke from a 2 hour nap. 
I’m praying I come out if this again, and then I can keep it going while feeling when I feel well. And taking some action for that.
Thought The Terror was on tonight, but that’s tomorrow. The Walking Dead is so over for me. My lord that show us just beat. Steady downhill since the first few seasons. But it’s making money.
Viper
I’m praying I come out if this again, and then I can keep it going while feeling when I feel well. And taking some action for that.
Thought The Terror was on tonight, but that’s tomorrow. The Walking Dead is so over for me. My lord that show us just beat. Steady downhill since the first few seasons. But it’s making money.
Viper
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 312
catinsocks, nice to wake up and realize it was a dream!
GBE, I love the sound of rain. for me it's rain on the roof of a tent that really does it for me.
Pete, glad you had a good visit with your niece.
birdie, hope you had a fantastic vacation, good luck getting back into the swing of things this week.
Plenny I think only you can figure out how many things you can or want to juggle in your life. Some people are born multi-taskers and others aren't.
LHW those muffins sound wonderful. Good for you for pushing yourself to get out and be more social - something I definitely need to do. I'm starting to dream of gardening too. Planted a bunch of stuff indoors to transplant into the garden in May (if Spring ever comes here!). I love watching the sprouts come up..
Viper, was just debating whether to start watching the Walking Dead. I think I'd like it, at least the first couple of seasons, but I've heard a lot of ppl say that it's really declining..so not sure anymore. I need something new to watch. Suggestions welcomed!
Slowing getting over this cold/flu thing, thankfully. Hope you all have a good week!
JT
GBE, I love the sound of rain. for me it's rain on the roof of a tent that really does it for me.
Pete, glad you had a good visit with your niece.
birdie, hope you had a fantastic vacation, good luck getting back into the swing of things this week.
Plenny I think only you can figure out how many things you can or want to juggle in your life. Some people are born multi-taskers and others aren't.
LHW those muffins sound wonderful. Good for you for pushing yourself to get out and be more social - something I definitely need to do. I'm starting to dream of gardening too. Planted a bunch of stuff indoors to transplant into the garden in May (if Spring ever comes here!). I love watching the sprouts come up..
Viper, was just debating whether to start watching the Walking Dead. I think I'd like it, at least the first couple of seasons, but I've heard a lot of ppl say that it's really declining..so not sure anymore. I need something new to watch. Suggestions welcomed!
Slowing getting over this cold/flu thing, thankfully. Hope you all have a good week!
JT
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Canberra Australia
Posts: 191
Originally Posted by Viperidae 
Hi, only 4 days since that nonsense night of drinking. So I think I’m still sufferering. Napping and achy. I just woke from a 2 hour nap.
I’m praying I come out if this again, and then I can keep it going while feeling when I feel well. And taking some action for that.
Thought The Terror was on tonight, but that’s tomorrow. The Walking Dead is so over for me. My lord that show us just beat. Steady downhill since the first few seasons. But it’s making money.
Viper
I’m praying I come out if this again, and then I can keep it going while feeling when I feel well. And taking some action for that.
Thought The Terror was on tonight, but that’s tomorrow. The Walking Dead is so over for me. My lord that show us just beat. Steady downhill since the first few seasons. But it’s making money.
Viper
I’m still sticking with Walking Dead. This series has been a blast
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
I got to the mall and got hard-case for my Mac at Apple and a new screen protector for the phone. I made it home through the city at 6:30! I am watching Walking Dead, ‘beat’ show or not. Had grilled chicken and Brussels sprouts again. I’ve got snacks too. SO much better than stopping off for that drink.
I’m getting a G-Shock Rangemaster at 10 days sober (maybe). If you know what it is, you know it’s awesome. If not. It’s a nice watch, but not outrageous. It’s badass utilitarian. Way cheaper online. My watch is dying. A few nights out and I would waste that money anyway. Then I’m going for a 30 day gift.
I’m supposed to be ‘thinking about goals,’ but I think, I will establish one before the next Life Coach meeting. I think I’m going to keep moving and setting goals, and hitting them to keep sober. I need to stay in motion. Boredom, self loathing, self pity, they lead to the sauce.
Viper
I’m getting a G-Shock Rangemaster at 10 days sober (maybe). If you know what it is, you know it’s awesome. If not. It’s a nice watch, but not outrageous. It’s badass utilitarian. Way cheaper online. My watch is dying. A few nights out and I would waste that money anyway. Then I’m going for a 30 day gift.
I’m supposed to be ‘thinking about goals,’ but I think, I will establish one before the next Life Coach meeting. I think I’m going to keep moving and setting goals, and hitting them to keep sober. I need to stay in motion. Boredom, self loathing, self pity, they lead to the sauce.
Viper
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 77
JT - I loved the first few seasons of Walking Dead, even if it’s gone downhill I would still recommend it! I’m not sure what you like to watch but some shows I have enjoyed are Narcos, Wentworth, and Mindhunters. I’m currently watching Shameless, which I like but could be triggering for some as there’s lots of drinking going on.
Plenny - What are you reading? I’m just starting to read again. I love to read but didn’t for a long time - while drinking I didn’t have the attention span for it but I’ve finished 2 books in the last week.
Plenny - What are you reading? I’m just starting to read again. I love to read but didn’t for a long time - while drinking I didn’t have the attention span for it but I’ve finished 2 books in the last week.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 316
Well, off to start my new job! I didn’t get a chance to check in as I was working all weekend but I’m trying to catch up.
We gave up on Walking Dead a few seasons ago. The first few were really good though. We also watched Mindhunter, which we liked. Also just started Barry on HBO. I love Bill Hader!
Day 40 here. Really strong cravings on Saturday night but I made it through. Listened to a podcast with an interview of a woman who had 2 glasses of wine a night for years but was now sober. I thought Really? I don’t know if I’d be here if I could keep it to that. But I guess everyone has their threshold and I shouldn’t assume what other people go through.
Hope everyone has a wonderful week!
We gave up on Walking Dead a few seasons ago. The first few were really good though. We also watched Mindhunter, which we liked. Also just started Barry on HBO. I love Bill Hader!
Day 40 here. Really strong cravings on Saturday night but I made it through. Listened to a podcast with an interview of a woman who had 2 glasses of wine a night for years but was now sober. I thought Really? I don’t know if I’d be here if I could keep it to that. But I guess everyone has their threshold and I shouldn’t assume what other people go through.
Hope everyone has a wonderful week!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: East Coast US
Posts: 1,824
Good Morning everyone. Glad to read all the updates!!
So yesterday I had a lapse in judgment and drank a martini. Nothing bad or more came of it, but I felt guilty as hell afterward and was up most of the night obsessing about it. I have been up and out of bed since 5:00am this morning, having my coffee, and thinking it through. I'm not even going to go into the why's and all that, it's over, can't go back and take it back and I am just happy it didn't go any further. That is good.
I have a bit of an OCD personality and I am obsessing over this being a new "Day 1" even though I had made up my mind that I was not going to count days because I am a non-drinker. Ha! How about that.
So speaking of the OCD, I have noticed that I am getting a bit more of my "everything has to be perfect and in order" kind of thinking back. I reorganized my spice drawer alphabetically, arranged all of clothes in the closet by color, length, etc. I even moved shelves around in the refrigerator so I could organize all of the stuff inside by size, too. Crazy sh*t.
So I think back to my days of therapy and what that all means. My therapist would say that when I did/do stuff like that, the underlying message is that I feel something in my life is out of control, but I CAN control how organized my closets, refrigerator, spice drawer, etc is so that makes up for whatever in my life is making me feel out of control. The funny thing is that I don't feel like anything in my life is out of control, at least not on the surface.
Anyhow, I just wanted to "come clean" about having the martini yesterday.
Time to relinquish these OCD thoughts and get on with the day. The martini was a lapse in judgment, not a relapse!
All have a great day! I am enjoying being home for work this week. Next week is a long business trip again, lots of driving and a different hotel each night. Only a few more trips like that and things will then slow down a bit. I purposely schedule things that way so I can take it easy during the summer months. Can't wait.
Good luck on the new job SayAnything!
LHW
So yesterday I had a lapse in judgment and drank a martini. Nothing bad or more came of it, but I felt guilty as hell afterward and was up most of the night obsessing about it. I have been up and out of bed since 5:00am this morning, having my coffee, and thinking it through. I'm not even going to go into the why's and all that, it's over, can't go back and take it back and I am just happy it didn't go any further. That is good.
I have a bit of an OCD personality and I am obsessing over this being a new "Day 1" even though I had made up my mind that I was not going to count days because I am a non-drinker. Ha! How about that.
So speaking of the OCD, I have noticed that I am getting a bit more of my "everything has to be perfect and in order" kind of thinking back. I reorganized my spice drawer alphabetically, arranged all of clothes in the closet by color, length, etc. I even moved shelves around in the refrigerator so I could organize all of the stuff inside by size, too. Crazy sh*t.
So I think back to my days of therapy and what that all means. My therapist would say that when I did/do stuff like that, the underlying message is that I feel something in my life is out of control, but I CAN control how organized my closets, refrigerator, spice drawer, etc is so that makes up for whatever in my life is making me feel out of control. The funny thing is that I don't feel like anything in my life is out of control, at least not on the surface.
Anyhow, I just wanted to "come clean" about having the martini yesterday.
Time to relinquish these OCD thoughts and get on with the day. The martini was a lapse in judgment, not a relapse!
All have a great day! I am enjoying being home for work this week. Next week is a long business trip again, lots of driving and a different hotel each night. Only a few more trips like that and things will then slow down a bit. I purposely schedule things that way so I can take it easy during the summer months. Can't wait.
Good luck on the new job SayAnything!
LHW
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: GA
Posts: 700
No big deal LHW. Glad you only had one. If I'm going to drink, I tend to toss it all out the window. And that new Day 1 really sucks, itd be nice if our brains didn't work that way. It's even more of a big deal if youre in AA, which I am. I guess for me it's good, because I cannot stop at the first drink and I need that pressure to keep me from picking up. But i wish if I did have a lapse in judgment, I wouldn't lose all my chips, but I guess that's the way the game is played.
Can't wait to pick up my 30 day chip next Sunday (had to wait for weed to catch up to alcohol) My coworker picked up his 8 months last night. And 4 more picked up several month chips. They make it look easy. But then again they're in sober living houses. So I'll try not to feel too bad.
Say anything, have a great first day!!!! Gonna have to go back to find what you're up to!
Can't wait to pick up my 30 day chip next Sunday (had to wait for weed to catch up to alcohol) My coworker picked up his 8 months last night. And 4 more picked up several month chips. They make it look easy. But then again they're in sober living houses. So I'll try not to feel too bad.
Say anything, have a great first day!!!! Gonna have to go back to find what you're up to!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 77
JT - I thought of one more if you like crime dramas - The Killing. SO good.
LHW - Even though you managed to keep it at one last night, stay super vigilant in these coming days. I know for me, if I were to drink anything, even a sip, it’s like I’ve unlocked a door and it just becomes easier to step through it again... interesting about the organization, I too have those tendencies and I can definitely see how it might relate to feeling of control. Enjoy your week off from travel this week!
Say Anything - so exciting! Hope you have a great first day at the new job.
GBE - that is really cool about the 30 day chip coming up, I quite like the idea of something tangible that represents sobriety. Congratulations in advance!
LHW - Even though you managed to keep it at one last night, stay super vigilant in these coming days. I know for me, if I were to drink anything, even a sip, it’s like I’ve unlocked a door and it just becomes easier to step through it again... interesting about the organization, I too have those tendencies and I can definitely see how it might relate to feeling of control. Enjoy your week off from travel this week!
Say Anything - so exciting! Hope you have a great first day at the new job.
GBE - that is really cool about the 30 day chip coming up, I quite like the idea of something tangible that represents sobriety. Congratulations in advance!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Mindhunters is really good. Narcos is superb. I did watch Walking Dead. It seems extremely unrealistic that someone doesn’t just kill Neegan. They’ve had him literally in the crosshairs of scope rifles 50 times while observing him. Just pull the trigger. Plus his own people don’t even like him. And what about that bat? Who cleans that thing? Does he have dental tools and a pressure washer? You know how hard it is to clean up barbed wire? Does he fashion a new one every day? 
I’m sorry, enjoy the show. There’s nothing wrong with it. I’m just having some fun.
Ok day 5. I’m going to keep it together. I’m still a little beat. Another longggg hot shower today. Maybe I should schedule my showers for 5:30pm. If I adhered to that I’d be ready to be in for the night beforehand and it would making going off the handle more difficult. I start drinking between 4-6, if I’m going to.
On with the day. I’m not going to drink before my life Coach meeting Thursday and I’m going to keep setting goals of 4-5 days. I’ve got another 5 days before I consider my G-Shock Rangeman.
Viper
I’m sorry, enjoy the show. There’s nothing wrong with it. I’m just having some fun. Ok day 5. I’m going to keep it together. I’m still a little beat. Another longggg hot shower today. Maybe I should schedule my showers for 5:30pm. If I adhered to that I’d be ready to be in for the night beforehand and it would making going off the handle more difficult. I start drinking between 4-6, if I’m going to.
On with the day. I’m not going to drink before my life Coach meeting Thursday and I’m going to keep setting goals of 4-5 days. I’ve got another 5 days before I consider my G-Shock Rangeman.
Viper
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 316
GBE, congrats on the upcoming 30 day chop. Ive been thinking about going to A.A. but haven’t tried yet. Got to get up the courage!
Back to tv (I watch way too much!), have you ever watched The Americans? So good! Think it’s on AMC but earlier seasons may be streaming somewhere.
Thanks for all the job support. It’s going well, but just lots of reading manuals so far.
Back to tv (I watch way too much!), have you ever watched The Americans? So good! Think it’s on AMC but earlier seasons may be streaming somewhere.
Thanks for all the job support. It’s going well, but just lots of reading manuals so far.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 77
Viper - I'm not that far yet in Walking Dead, my husband and I are slowly making our way through it on Netflix, I think we're on Season 6. We haven't watched an episode in awhilethough. We binged the first couple seasons now we're lucky if we watch an episode a month.
SayAnything - I haven't watched the Americans but it's on my list. I was never much of a TV watcher, mainly only sports and sometimes Jeopardy is all I ever turned it on for, but we finally got Netflix a few months ago (when I needed something to occupy my attention but couldn't make it through a book to save my life) and my friend, who has seen everything, gave me a list of shows she liked. I think there's like 30 shows for me to watch? It may take me awhile, lol.
SayAnything - I haven't watched the Americans but it's on my list. I was never much of a TV watcher, mainly only sports and sometimes Jeopardy is all I ever turned it on for, but we finally got Netflix a few months ago (when I needed something to occupy my attention but couldn't make it through a book to save my life) and my friend, who has seen everything, gave me a list of shows she liked. I think there's like 30 shows for me to watch? It may take me awhile, lol.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: East Coast US
Posts: 1,824
Thanks GBE, Birdie. I am taking my judgement lapse a bit harsh on myself. I've been at this rodeo a long time and I do think this is the time it will all stick once and for all. But to your point, Birdie, I will be extra vigilant in the coming days.
Interesting stuff about the TV shows we all watch. I tried to watch the Walking Dead, but couldn't get past the middle of the first season. I'll have to give it another try. My brother and his family are into the Big Bang Theory, so over the course of the past year or so, I managed to watch all 11 seasons of that to get caught up. I do like it.
The other shows I like are The Blacklist, Shameless, Grey's Anatomy, House of Cards, Homeland and Ozark. Ozark is kind of like a Breaking Bad, but it was only on One Season last year and apparently a new season is currently in filming. This will be the last season for House of Cards. Gosh, I watch a lot of TV. Didn't realize just how much until I wrote it all out. LOL!
I guess the gang at work decided they could not go technology free as I haven't heard another word about it since last week. The rest of the team are all considerably younger than me and they grew up with all of this social media stuff, so I can see where it might be harder for them to think of giving it up for a day, much less 2 weeks. I am trying to not spend so much time online in the evening, and try to read a good book like I used to do before the internet.
I bought a case of San Pellegrino Water and have stocked my refrigerator (pesky bottles are too big, causing another refrigerator shelf re-alignment!) and also bought some lemons and limes to add. I also bought a bottle of organic cranberry juice to add as well. Giving it all a try as with the (hopefully) warm weather coming, it's nice to have a refreshing cold drink after work. In the past that would be a glass of Chardonnay. My decaf teas still do the job for me on the road, or I want something warm before bed.
I'll be in work meetings all day tomorrow, so will check in tomorrow night.
LHW
Interesting stuff about the TV shows we all watch. I tried to watch the Walking Dead, but couldn't get past the middle of the first season. I'll have to give it another try. My brother and his family are into the Big Bang Theory, so over the course of the past year or so, I managed to watch all 11 seasons of that to get caught up. I do like it.
The other shows I like are The Blacklist, Shameless, Grey's Anatomy, House of Cards, Homeland and Ozark. Ozark is kind of like a Breaking Bad, but it was only on One Season last year and apparently a new season is currently in filming. This will be the last season for House of Cards. Gosh, I watch a lot of TV. Didn't realize just how much until I wrote it all out. LOL!
I guess the gang at work decided they could not go technology free as I haven't heard another word about it since last week. The rest of the team are all considerably younger than me and they grew up with all of this social media stuff, so I can see where it might be harder for them to think of giving it up for a day, much less 2 weeks. I am trying to not spend so much time online in the evening, and try to read a good book like I used to do before the internet.
I bought a case of San Pellegrino Water and have stocked my refrigerator (pesky bottles are too big, causing another refrigerator shelf re-alignment!) and also bought some lemons and limes to add. I also bought a bottle of organic cranberry juice to add as well. Giving it all a try as with the (hopefully) warm weather coming, it's nice to have a refreshing cold drink after work. In the past that would be a glass of Chardonnay. My decaf teas still do the job for me on the road, or I want something warm before bed.
I'll be in work meetings all day tomorrow, so will check in tomorrow night.
LHW
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: U.S. - West
Posts: 104
LHW, I’m traveling and thought of you tonight. I was at a Networking dinner and I was the only one not drinking. I had San Pellegrino!. I have been drinking a lot of that stuff. Also Perrier. The latter comes in lemon, lime, and orange too. For some reason it helps to have that after work. Two more days of this then home.
Hope everyone is doing great! I guess I passed over a whole month now. Amazing feeling.
Hope everyone is doing great! I guess I passed over a whole month now. Amazing feeling.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,737
This is awful. Feeling so worthless today. Feeling so low and needing something good. I’m at bf’s house and he has just been cold all evening into night. Had overwhelming nicotine cravings and smoked 6 cigarettes. I’m awake and sad and it’s not safe enough out there for me to leave. So I’m here just feeling awful about myself and Allison alone though not alone. Horrible.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,737
Well. That was meant to say all alone. I have no idea why my phone goes automatically to Allison it just did it again. Everything seems to be going wrong today. I’m dumb, a burden, and unattractive. And I’m constantly making it worse just by being who I am.
I’ve always felt this way inside, and drinking was my way of suppressing the dark low self esteem so that I could survive. Of course then that started backfiring.
My bf will never see me as an attractive person again and he’ll leave me like the first two did. Because I’m not deserving of the energy I require to feel satisfied. And I hate myself for needing this much.
A horrible stupid day where everything went wrong. And I handled everything wrong. I just can’t do anything right.
And I’m sorry because I know this is bad to be expressing in here too. But how am I going to get it out and not drink.
I’m just a big spiral of negativity ruining everything for myself (I didn’t say for others because no one would ever take me that seriously I could never ruin someone’s day they just laugh me off)
I’ve always felt this way inside, and drinking was my way of suppressing the dark low self esteem so that I could survive. Of course then that started backfiring.
My bf will never see me as an attractive person again and he’ll leave me like the first two did. Because I’m not deserving of the energy I require to feel satisfied. And I hate myself for needing this much.
A horrible stupid day where everything went wrong. And I handled everything wrong. I just can’t do anything right.
And I’m sorry because I know this is bad to be expressing in here too. But how am I going to get it out and not drink.
I’m just a big spiral of negativity ruining everything for myself (I didn’t say for others because no one would ever take me that seriously I could never ruin someone’s day they just laugh me off)
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