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24Hour Recovery Connections Part 364

Old 03-22-2018, 11:04 AM
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Ooooooo, nice......never tried that one.....do you mind if I have a coffee instead?
A nice chocolate latte. It's my favourite coffee....yes, going to do it. I have tons to do.....and we need something with chocolate sprinkles for Neoo....
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Old 03-22-2018, 11:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Sunflowerlife View Post
No school today. My friend came over with her 2 boys but these visits are becoming more tiresome each week and when she leaves I feel like I am going to break. I actually did- I had a screaming nervous breakdown full of tears and rage and then I sent both boys to their rooms.

I can't do this anymore. I have cabin fever, I am a burnt out, resentful mom because I don't want this to be my job. I don't enjoy this one bit. I wasn't meant for this- I'm not capable. All I want is to be left alone and instead I am forced to take care of 2 little boys that need everything from me, every minute of the day. I feel like I am going to break apart into a million pieces...
Oh Sunflower you're very brave to admit to us how you're feeling. I've been EXACTLY where you are honey. Small children are tough little creatures! It's a thankless job and very isolating too unless you are the get-up-and-go professional socialising type.
Even though mine are now almost 16 and 11 they still take take take as I suspect they're supposed to. I don't think I ever considered what my parents did for me until I had children of my own.
This phase will pass sweetheart. I remember you were thinking about getting a job? If somehow you can arrange childcare I feel sure it would help you.
Lots of love to you SFL from a fellow mum xxxxx
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Old 03-22-2018, 11:10 AM
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Originally Posted by venuscat View Post
Ooooooo, nice......never tried that one.....do you mind if I have a coffee instead?
A nice chocolate latte. It's my favourite coffee....yes, going to do it. I have tons to do.....and we need something with chocolate sprinkles for Neoo....
Ooooh yes go ahead any enjoy that fancy-pants coffee sounds delicious!
I try and resist the old caffeine after about 2pm (my only remaining vice haha!).
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Old 03-22-2018, 11:12 AM
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Originally Posted by joandmelandhan View Post
Ooooh yes go ahead any enjoy that fancy-pants coffee sounds delicious!
I try and resist the old caffeine after about 2pm (my only remaining vice haha!).
Not really a Coffee drinker either it gives me panic attacks I would not say no to a decaf Starbucks mind you
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Old 03-22-2018, 11:16 AM
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fancy-pants coffee:



And ha! Look at my computer......

And I have decaf.....really.....
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Old 03-22-2018, 11:18 AM
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Originally Posted by joandmelandhan View Post
Anxious. Isolated. Disconnected. Unnerved. Fearful.
Unfortunately all of these and more apply.
I seem to have become separated from my recovery. I'm powering through with the day-to-day but experiencing little of the joys. I'm not quite sure how this has happened but it has. I'm afraid of my own reactions which are way out of proportion and cause upset.
I will of course keep trying. That poison will never drag me back.
24 more please with lots of love xxx
I could have written this myself.
I'm sorry Jo. What do you think is happening?
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Old 03-22-2018, 11:19 AM
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Dear Jo and Sunflower. I am sorry you are both out of sorts. It will pass. I hope the schools are back open tomorrow Sunflower, then you can take time for yourself.
Jo, enjoy your coffee. Stay close to us. This will pass. I agree with Suzy, you are connected to your recovery, that's why you posted. Stay strong.

Love and hugs to you both.
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Old 03-22-2018, 11:22 AM
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Originally Posted by joandmelandhan View Post
Oh Sunflower you're very brave to admit to us how you're feeling. I've been EXACTLY where you are honey. Small children are tough little creatures! It's a thankless job and very isolating too unless you are the get-up-and-go professional socialising type.
Even though mine are now almost 16 and 11 they still take take take as I suspect they're supposed to. I don't think I ever considered what my parents did for me until I had children of my own.
This phase will pass sweetheart. I remember you were thinking about getting a job? If somehow you can arrange childcare I feel sure it would help you.
Lots of love to you SFL from a fellow mum xxxxx
Thank you for understanding. I know their job is to need me- I wish it didn't hurt so much to be needed all the time. None of this is their fault, it's a flaw in ME.

I keep looking for work but don't see anything that will make it worth paying $$ for daycare. I am just not taking care of myself- the snow has made me isolate and the isolating furthers my depression and eating disorder. I then get to pile shame and guilt on top of the already growing mound of shame and guilt.
My parents have been out of town for 3 weeks and have 2 more to go so I have zero help at the moment. It's strange but this happens every time they go away. It's like the lack of physical support and just knowing they are a few miles away really hits me hard.

I'm in a dark, dark place and I feel like I am just burying myself deeper by the day.

Having said that, I reached out for help from my Reiki master and will be meeting with him tomorrow evening for some energy work. I cannot wait to feel better. I'm sorry you are struggling too...
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Old 03-22-2018, 11:22 AM
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Originally Posted by julietUK View Post
Hi everyone. Hi Leigh, Kris, Venus. And everyone. Its 5.05pm here in the UK. I reported feeling down today, yesterday was even worse. BUT I am here to say I feel loads better. Went to AA last night and a SMART meeting this afternoon. It really does help being with like minded people.
Thanks to everyone for posting support.

I am celebrating 11 weeks sober today! Didn't feel much like celebrating this morning but better now. Think it may be fish and chips tonight. mmmmmm

Thank you to everyone on this thread, and this site, I wouldn't be here without you all. I really mean that.

Celebrating and smiling with ya. Fish and chips sounds GOOD! Wish i could join you! Oh happy Day!
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Old 03-22-2018, 11:24 AM
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Off to grief support and dinner afterwards.

Maybe a meeting, too.
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Old 03-22-2018, 11:24 AM
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Take care Dear Ones!

BBL..............
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Old 03-22-2018, 11:25 AM
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Originally Posted by julietUK View Post
Dear Jo and Sunflower. I am sorry you are both out of sorts. It will pass. I hope the schools are back open tomorrow Sunflower, then you can take time for yourself.
Jo, enjoy your coffee. Stay close to us. This will pass. I agree with Suzy, you are connected to your recovery, that's why you posted. Stay strong.

Love and hugs to you both.
Thank you so much Juliet- my 6 year old will have school but Fridays are home days for my 3 year old. I have to muster up the energy to entertain him and then hold on until I get a break on Tuesday of next week.
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Old 03-22-2018, 11:30 AM
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Originally Posted by venuscat View Post
Love......I am here....we are here....and this is damn hard. You did break today and it hurts....and it's understandable. Little kids are HARD WORK.....and four at once? While you are still stuck inside? No way would I be able to do that and I love kids....nephews...nanny work....but just no....so much coming at you all before you get to put your face in the sun for a bit.

The boys will be OK. Cuddles and snacks.
Right now we need YOU to be OK....a cup of herbal tea....some calming music.....and all of the love we can send. ♥♥
Thank you Suze. I think my husband will be home soon and then if I can find a movie at a decent time I will be leaving the house for some much needed peace...

The thing with my friend has become a tradition now- each time there is a snow day and schools are closed, we take turns going to each other's homes. It was fun the first 2 times but since then (It's probably been 6 times now total) I am finding it just exhausting. My youngest does not enjoy having people over, I have to make sure everyone is fed and lately all my friend does it talk about herself. It's just a bomb of energy that I can't seem to manage in my fragile state. I was trying to tell her how depressed I've been and she automatically turns it into how crappy she feels every month during her period. She just doesn't get it. Or maybe I am too needy? I don't even know.
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Old 03-22-2018, 11:54 AM
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Nope Sunflower my love, you are not too needy.....I am going to sound mean now, but I 86 friends like that....not sure if that means here what it means in Australia....but I have no room or time for people like that. Self-centred. You need friends in your life who care about how YOU are....
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Old 03-22-2018, 11:58 AM
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Sunflower, You are having a bad day and your friend should have supported you. Maybe she just didn't pick up on it. I can see how that just added to your bad feelings. A friend just talking about herself is not a friend. I used to have one like that, she was lovely but always turned things back to her. Like you I could tolerate it MOST of the time. Today is not one of those days for you. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You can't help the blooming snow, or the demanding kids. I hope you get to that movie tonight. Big hugs. xxx
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Old 03-22-2018, 11:58 AM
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Juliet is nicer than me.
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Old 03-22-2018, 12:04 PM
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Originally Posted by venuscat View Post
Nope Sunflower my love, you are not too needy.....I am going to sound mean now, but I 86 friends like that....not sure if that means here what it means in Australia....but I have no room or time for people like that. Self-centred. You need friends in your life who care about how YOU are....
I know what you mean, I do. I am slowly learning this about her over time. But really, she's 1 of 2 friends I have in this town. I love her dearly, she's just a little self centered- she doesn't get it. She doesn't realize she is doing it.
The day I told her I was coming to terms with the fact that my marriage was over she sympathized for about 30 seconds and then turned it into a conversation about her and her husband (who she gets along really well with.) I was so hurt but I brushed it off. My best friend who truly listens and offers advice lives in Florida
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Old 03-22-2018, 12:06 PM
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Originally Posted by venuscat View Post
Juliet is nicer than me.
You are both amazing...
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Old 03-22-2018, 12:09 PM
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Originally Posted by julietUK View Post
Sunflower, You are having a bad day and your friend should have supported you. Maybe she just didn't pick up on it. I can see how that just added to your bad feelings. A friend just talking about herself is not a friend. I used to have one like that, she was lovely but always turned things back to her. Like you I could tolerate it MOST of the time. Today is not one of those days for you. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You can't help the blooming snow, or the demanding kids. I hope you get to that movie tonight. Big hugs. xxx
Thank you so much, this means so much- I think it has taken me some time to actually see this side of her. Like literally, I am just noticing how self centered she is. The conversation ALWAYS goes back to her and her life and today all she talked about was her life and her kids and her feelings etc. I don't want this to be who she is but I'm starting to see a pattern. Just last week I told her I thought my marriage was over and I thought she would spend some time helping me process it but instead she turned it around within a minute to talk about herself and her husband (who she is in a loving marriage with.) Ugh.
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Old 03-22-2018, 12:18 PM
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Well, perhaps you can tell her how you feel.....she may not even realise she is doing it (turning the conversation back to her), you never know. It could end up that she will be a really awesome support for you love.
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