The Power Of Sobriety Thread (POST!) #6
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
SG, it's been an open conversation with me and my kids in all different kinds of ways. For long time. Just kind of on a level that's appropriate and that they understand and feels comfortable for both of us.
Although the lows I hit were really bad so my kids saw the effects of my drinking much closer than I think yours have.
The only good thing on my side, is that they know drinking is not a good idea, not too much for anybody, but N and C were both young enough that they don't remember all the worst of the worst. Even a lot of what was my absolute worst was framed in fun for them. I guess thank god for small blessings.
I think it's part of being honest with them if they ask questions, and give them so open ended questions to find out what's up in their lives and circle of friends, how they feel about stuff like (friends. relationships. sports. drugs. alcohol. etc) Just be natural and let the conversation flow. I've never been shy to talk to my kids about anything. But it's those door openers that come up in conversation that can really spark a good conversation rather than a sit down talk-lecture-interrogation. My approach is I can be a hard ass, but when it comes to the important stuff like sex, drugs, alcohol and other safety, that's an ok time to warm them up to talking to it by being their buds before being their parent. I am so jokey leading into it that it lowers their guard and makes the uncomfortable stuff a lot easier to segue into it. Works for me so far, my dad never talked to me about ANYTHING. He was just straight up a hard ass.
So I was broke and knocked up the first 5 years out of high school.
Ooh, then I drank.
(Not that it's his fault, but to this day, everything bad that I've done or that's happened my dad refers to it as I've "gone off the rails". He's such a loving father.
)
Although the lows I hit were really bad so my kids saw the effects of my drinking much closer than I think yours have.
The only good thing on my side, is that they know drinking is not a good idea, not too much for anybody, but N and C were both young enough that they don't remember all the worst of the worst. Even a lot of what was my absolute worst was framed in fun for them. I guess thank god for small blessings.
I think it's part of being honest with them if they ask questions, and give them so open ended questions to find out what's up in their lives and circle of friends, how they feel about stuff like (friends. relationships. sports. drugs. alcohol. etc) Just be natural and let the conversation flow. I've never been shy to talk to my kids about anything. But it's those door openers that come up in conversation that can really spark a good conversation rather than a sit down talk-lecture-interrogation. My approach is I can be a hard ass, but when it comes to the important stuff like sex, drugs, alcohol and other safety, that's an ok time to warm them up to talking to it by being their buds before being their parent. I am so jokey leading into it that it lowers their guard and makes the uncomfortable stuff a lot easier to segue into it. Works for me so far, my dad never talked to me about ANYTHING. He was just straight up a hard ass.
So I was broke and knocked up the first 5 years out of high school.
Ooh, then I drank.
(Not that it's his fault, but to this day, everything bad that I've done or that's happened my dad refers to it as I've "gone off the rails". He's such a loving father.
)
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,841
Just about time for my Sunday morning nature walk. Then it's off to yet another sports card show. In the drinking daze, I would've slept in until about 9am, had breakfast and probably started drinking by 11am. I think I like this new life better. 
Have a great Sunday, all!
Have a great Sunday, all!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,180
Gilmer, my son is 16 and my daughter is 12. My son had been looked at for Asperbers because he exhibited many traits of the condition when younger. Even today, he really has no social interest and skill, and no close friends besides his sister and his cousin. He is intensely interested in computers and gaming, and gets exhausted and cranky in any social situation. He is content to stay in his room and live on the internet in his down time.
My daughter is the social butterfly whom gets the social thing to a tee and is very intelligent. She is the one that I am really concerned about, because I feel that she can really make a mark for herself in life if she can steer clear of drinking and drugs.
Del, thanks for your advice. I have felt awkward in just calling the kids to the table and announcing, " Hey, your Dad is an alcoholic. Just wanted to let you know." I know they notice that I don't drink anymore. I am hoping that it will come up in conversation. We have talked about drugs many times and what our standards are, but not about alcohol.
Thanks again for your insights Gilmer and Del.
My daughter is the social butterfly whom gets the social thing to a tee and is very intelligent. She is the one that I am really concerned about, because I feel that she can really make a mark for herself in life if she can steer clear of drinking and drugs.
Del, thanks for your advice. I have felt awkward in just calling the kids to the table and announcing, " Hey, your Dad is an alcoholic. Just wanted to let you know." I know they notice that I don't drink anymore. I am hoping that it will come up in conversation. We have talked about drugs many times and what our standards are, but not about alcohol.
Thanks again for your insights Gilmer and Del.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Hi everyone,
I’m on day 7 of 11 days straight of youth hockey tryouts, parties, and banquets. It’s been marathon days doing that on top of everything else. The stress of a relentless schedule and eagerly awaiting tryout results used to be a reason to drink. Not anymore! Today I slept in and that extra couple hours of rest provided so much relief.
My kids are 13 and 11. The 13 year old is on the autism spectrum. He’s got some but not all symptoms of autism. (It used to be called it pddnos before the DSM rolled aspergers and pddnos into a singular diagnosis of autism spectrum.) He struggles with social interaction and spends a lot of time alone. One of his areas of special interest is hockey. He’s an average to below average player, though. He likes sports, which have provided a structured social atmosphere for him.
My 11 year old is sensitive, cautious and shy. He likes sports, which provide a structured social outlet for him. He’s recently started playing Xbox with his teammates and school friends. I think he will learn to become more social as he gets older.
The 13 year old doesn’t ask about drinking, but the 11 year old will pry from time to time about my drinking. I keep it simple with him and just say “I don’t drink!” Like Gilmer I don’t want to embarrass him with TMI.
Tryout results will start coming in tonight, the rest will be later this week. Then things will slow down for us. I haven’t been eating on plan with weight watchers the last week. I get that “stress” and “being busy” are lousy excuses, but I’m taking it easy on myself. This stress is intense for weeks 2 and 3 of a lifestyle change. I won’t berate myself, Ill just keep trying to jump back on board.
I’m on day 7 of 11 days straight of youth hockey tryouts, parties, and banquets. It’s been marathon days doing that on top of everything else. The stress of a relentless schedule and eagerly awaiting tryout results used to be a reason to drink. Not anymore! Today I slept in and that extra couple hours of rest provided so much relief.
My kids are 13 and 11. The 13 year old is on the autism spectrum. He’s got some but not all symptoms of autism. (It used to be called it pddnos before the DSM rolled aspergers and pddnos into a singular diagnosis of autism spectrum.) He struggles with social interaction and spends a lot of time alone. One of his areas of special interest is hockey. He’s an average to below average player, though. He likes sports, which have provided a structured social atmosphere for him.
My 11 year old is sensitive, cautious and shy. He likes sports, which provide a structured social outlet for him. He’s recently started playing Xbox with his teammates and school friends. I think he will learn to become more social as he gets older.
The 13 year old doesn’t ask about drinking, but the 11 year old will pry from time to time about my drinking. I keep it simple with him and just say “I don’t drink!” Like Gilmer I don’t want to embarrass him with TMI.
Tryout results will start coming in tonight, the rest will be later this week. Then things will slow down for us. I haven’t been eating on plan with weight watchers the last week. I get that “stress” and “being busy” are lousy excuses, but I’m taking it easy on myself. This stress is intense for weeks 2 and 3 of a lifestyle change. I won’t berate myself, Ill just keep trying to jump back on board.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
My son is 27. When he was growing up I was a furtive drinker. My jugs of whiskey or gin were on a high shelf and didn't come down until after he fell asleep, or if they did, I was sneaky about it. When I quit in 2012, I told him, briefly. I remember that he came in once and saw me with the Big Book, and asked. I said, "Remember I told you I quit drinking? Well, it turns out, it's not that easy." End of conversation. Then he caught me at the stinking and hungover when I relapsed. That was bad.
I had that "talk" with him to make amends. A lot of the way I did him harm was through sins of omission or neglect. And what I think was a wrong, in his eyes, may have been the least of the problem. The convo went as well as can be expected. It opened up a stronger line of communication.
He rarely drinks except kambucha, and I don't think he does drugs. When he was a kid I ran a school for kids w/drugs & other problems. Those kids were an effective example, I think, to raise his awareness about drugs. But I couldn't talk to him then about alcohol, without rank hypocrisy. He leans sometimes towards depression already, and anxiety, depression, alcoholism are the constant refrain in my bloodline. The best I can do, when he's low, is tell him that if he ever wants to talk about options beyond what he's doing -- running, mostly -- I know a little something about that.
I had that "talk" with him to make amends. A lot of the way I did him harm was through sins of omission or neglect. And what I think was a wrong, in his eyes, may have been the least of the problem. The convo went as well as can be expected. It opened up a stronger line of communication.
He rarely drinks except kambucha, and I don't think he does drugs. When he was a kid I ran a school for kids w/drugs & other problems. Those kids were an effective example, I think, to raise his awareness about drugs. But I couldn't talk to him then about alcohol, without rank hypocrisy. He leans sometimes towards depression already, and anxiety, depression, alcoholism are the constant refrain in my bloodline. The best I can do, when he's low, is tell him that if he ever wants to talk about options beyond what he's doing -- running, mostly -- I know a little something about that.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
I think the quiet, low-key, but friendly and open approach is a foolproof way to go.
While it may not be appropriate to go into too much detail, I never hesitate to own up to and apologize for my negligence, selfishness, or wrongdoing regarding them.
So far they have appreciated and respected that, and they have taken note that I have been diligent to reform myself.
While it may not be appropriate to go into too much detail, I never hesitate to own up to and apologize for my negligence, selfishness, or wrongdoing regarding them.
So far they have appreciated and respected that, and they have taken note that I have been diligent to reform myself.
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,180
That's a crazy stretch of hockey madness Glee. I am glad that you are doing a great job dealing with the stress of it all.
My winter of discontent continues. I lost hot water again a week ago and the repairman managed to not only not fix the water issues, but now my heater is not working following the annual servicing. I also came down with my first bad cold of the winter. I have this nasty cough that comes out of nowhere. All of these would have been an excuse to tie one on in previous years. I am happy that I haven't had a strong urge in a good while.
Hoping everyone else had a passable Monday.
My winter of discontent continues. I lost hot water again a week ago and the repairman managed to not only not fix the water issues, but now my heater is not working following the annual servicing. I also came down with my first bad cold of the winter. I have this nasty cough that comes out of nowhere. All of these would have been an excuse to tie one on in previous years. I am happy that I haven't had a strong urge in a good while.
Hoping everyone else had a passable Monday.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
Hi folks. I'm getting myself in a heap of professional trouble over here. Sometimes I think I shouldn't have quit. If I was still drinking at work, I'd be keeping my head down, instead of sticking it on the chopping block. Plus of course there'd be that solace.
Things are infinitely better as they are. These thoughts are only thoughts, not feelings or urges. They don't touch my sobriety.
Things are infinitely better as they are. These thoughts are only thoughts, not feelings or urges. They don't touch my sobriety.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Lots of news today, but it took a lot out of me.
I saw the retina specialist today. He thinks my vision deterioration in the left eye is not from bleeding but from swelling.
He gave me a shot of the same stuff I had a course of before, and is recommending I go back up to Wills Eye Institute, where I spent a lot of time between 2010 and 2012. There they’ll determine if it’s worth it to give me more shots.
I was always under the impression that the experimental shots (off-label use of an anti-colon cancer drug) were an attempt to prevent radiation damage from spreading. I had a series of six.
My main ophthalmologist said that they just didn’t work, but just to be sure he sent me to the retina guy.
He thinks that it would actually be useful in reducing swelling, and actually improving vision in the eye.
I enjoy the trips, but I felt really bedraggled at the end of today. I really don’t want to waste my time and endure pain if there’s no point. Hopefully Wills will tell me that.
I have fatfingered every other word in this post and had to painstakingly go back and autocorrect.
I saw the retina specialist today. He thinks my vision deterioration in the left eye is not from bleeding but from swelling.
He gave me a shot of the same stuff I had a course of before, and is recommending I go back up to Wills Eye Institute, where I spent a lot of time between 2010 and 2012. There they’ll determine if it’s worth it to give me more shots.
I was always under the impression that the experimental shots (off-label use of an anti-colon cancer drug) were an attempt to prevent radiation damage from spreading. I had a series of six.
My main ophthalmologist said that they just didn’t work, but just to be sure he sent me to the retina guy.
He thinks that it would actually be useful in reducing swelling, and actually improving vision in the eye.
I enjoy the trips, but I felt really bedraggled at the end of today. I really don’t want to waste my time and endure pain if there’s no point. Hopefully Wills will tell me that.
I have fatfingered every other word in this post and had to painstakingly go back and autocorrect.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
Yes it did (Gilmer).
I think you're very wise to weigh the possible relief of the symptoms you have against the pain of treatment. It sounds like you've decided to do at least a first (re)visit to the eye institute. I hope they'll give you balanced advice. As you said of me (but on that point I disagree), you have good judgement.
I think you're very wise to weigh the possible relief of the symptoms you have against the pain of treatment. It sounds like you've decided to do at least a first (re)visit to the eye institute. I hope they'll give you balanced advice. As you said of me (but on that point I disagree), you have good judgement.
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,180
Courage, sobriety has given me the impetus to speak my mind when appropriate and not just keep shuffling my feet forward head bowed until the day is over. I think I initially caught some coworkers off guard when I began voicing opinions and wasn't just a yes man. I am certain that you know those invisible lines between what is welcomed interjection on your part to being a pain in the butt for vanity reasons. You will get through this.
Gilmer, I am happy that you are considering visiting Will's Eye once again. They are absolutely the best.
Glee, any tryout results?
Del, how is the job going?
Well, finally got heat back. Still no hot water. Fortunately, the in laws are next door so we have shower access. Feeling worse but will trooper on one more day. I had taken tomorrow off ahead of time. My wife had given me tickets to see one of my favorite comics. I will be bummed if I can't go.
Have a good day all!
Gilmer, I am happy that you are considering visiting Will's Eye once again. They are absolutely the best.
Glee, any tryout results?
Del, how is the job going?
Well, finally got heat back. Still no hot water. Fortunately, the in laws are next door so we have shower access. Feeling worse but will trooper on one more day. I had taken tomorrow off ahead of time. My wife had given me tickets to see one of my favorite comics. I will be bummed if I can't go.
Have a good day all!
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