Class of January Support Thread 2018 Part 5
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
Good Morning Class,
Things are still pretty tough at the moment and I have a feeling they’re going to get worse before they get better. The pitfalls of being a self employed couple. I’m walking around with a constant grip of anxiety in my chest and a dull headache from stress and worry and listlessness and despair and fear all rolled into one. However I am so grateful that our relationship is so strong and that we are communicating with one another, as the last thing I want is for the stress to be compounded by arguments and driving a wedge between us.
On a positive note, the more stressed o get, the LESS I want to drink. This has never, ever happened to me before. Normally the worse I feel, the louder the AV gets and you can guess the rest from there. But now, I find that my sobriety is the one thing I’m clinging to as a beacon of light in all of this, and I want to protect it so fiercely because it’s almost like if that extinguishes, I’ll be surrendering myself entirely to a black chasm of despair. My sobriety is the only thing giving me the strength to push forward and try to get through this period.
@Milly: I totally relate regarding exercise feeling like work in the beginning. I love exercise and have always been active my whole life, yet during periods where I may have missed the gym, over eaten etc. (through drinking) for a period of a week or more, when I get back into it I dread it and it feels like work and a chore for the first few weeks until I push through it and have a nice routine established again, and that’s when I get the pleasant endorphins and the positive addiction comes back! Stick with it - I bet that feeling is just around the corner for you! As for me - I’ve been out of exercise for a week myself now, so I’m back at square one, time to get back to the grind.
@PalmerSage: Well done on hitting the treadmill! What types of books do you like? I love reading - may have a few suggestions!
@Dee: You’re so right about prioritizing sobriety and learning to say no to things. I definitely need to cut way back on social obligations in future.
@Numblady: Hope you got a good night’s sleep after a tough time with the kiddos!
@Ubntubnt: I totally agree - it’s sobering to become aware of how little alcohol infringes on other people’s thoughts and decision making, they simply don’t have to consider it. I feel like the last 10 years of my life have been dictated by and revolved around alcohol and my drinking habits. Quite sad.
Have a great sober day, Class. Hope our silent class mates are reading and doing well - we miss you, come back soon!
Things are still pretty tough at the moment and I have a feeling they’re going to get worse before they get better. The pitfalls of being a self employed couple. I’m walking around with a constant grip of anxiety in my chest and a dull headache from stress and worry and listlessness and despair and fear all rolled into one. However I am so grateful that our relationship is so strong and that we are communicating with one another, as the last thing I want is for the stress to be compounded by arguments and driving a wedge between us.
On a positive note, the more stressed o get, the LESS I want to drink. This has never, ever happened to me before. Normally the worse I feel, the louder the AV gets and you can guess the rest from there. But now, I find that my sobriety is the one thing I’m clinging to as a beacon of light in all of this, and I want to protect it so fiercely because it’s almost like if that extinguishes, I’ll be surrendering myself entirely to a black chasm of despair. My sobriety is the only thing giving me the strength to push forward and try to get through this period.
@Milly: I totally relate regarding exercise feeling like work in the beginning. I love exercise and have always been active my whole life, yet during periods where I may have missed the gym, over eaten etc. (through drinking) for a period of a week or more, when I get back into it I dread it and it feels like work and a chore for the first few weeks until I push through it and have a nice routine established again, and that’s when I get the pleasant endorphins and the positive addiction comes back! Stick with it - I bet that feeling is just around the corner for you! As for me - I’ve been out of exercise for a week myself now, so I’m back at square one, time to get back to the grind.
@PalmerSage: Well done on hitting the treadmill! What types of books do you like? I love reading - may have a few suggestions!
@Dee: You’re so right about prioritizing sobriety and learning to say no to things. I definitely need to cut way back on social obligations in future.
@Numblady: Hope you got a good night’s sleep after a tough time with the kiddos!
@Ubntubnt: I totally agree - it’s sobering to become aware of how little alcohol infringes on other people’s thoughts and decision making, they simply don’t have to consider it. I feel like the last 10 years of my life have been dictated by and revolved around alcohol and my drinking habits. Quite sad.
Have a great sober day, Class. Hope our silent class mates are reading and doing well - we miss you, come back soon!
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
@NewChapter, it does seems a tough period for you but there are some huge silver linings, especially not drinking and not wanting to drink. Everything else you can handle in time if you continue with your recovery so hang on in there! The weather will improve, the work load will lighten and the exercise endorphins will flow once more in due course.
@Palmer, talk about thoughts popping out of nowhere. I never really have weird or overly bad dreams but last night I dreamt I decided to back with my ex wife who I divorced 10 years ago and don't particularly like. I woke up worried and stressed about what I would tell my current wife before I realised it was a dream. haha.
@Milly, I know what you mean about alcohol being everywhere. I used to think that that was a result of my subconscious decisions to build a life around alcoholic events, situations and friends. I slowly spent the last couple of years unwinding that and now to be honest the less exposure I have to it the better. I feel I have finally had my fill of it and for maybe the first time in my life I am happy to sit and home and cook, clean or do some other until now regarded as pointless tasks. Part of me hopes that this is not just a phase and that it is the start of a more meaningful recovery, I suppose time will tell.
@Palmer, talk about thoughts popping out of nowhere. I never really have weird or overly bad dreams but last night I dreamt I decided to back with my ex wife who I divorced 10 years ago and don't particularly like. I woke up worried and stressed about what I would tell my current wife before I realised it was a dream. haha.
@Milly, I know what you mean about alcohol being everywhere. I used to think that that was a result of my subconscious decisions to build a life around alcoholic events, situations and friends. I slowly spent the last couple of years unwinding that and now to be honest the less exposure I have to it the better. I feel I have finally had my fill of it and for maybe the first time in my life I am happy to sit and home and cook, clean or do some other until now regarded as pointless tasks. Part of me hopes that this is not just a phase and that it is the start of a more meaningful recovery, I suppose time will tell.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
@Ubntubnt: Thank you, I appreciate your kindness and reassuring words! That’s very funny re: dream about ex wife - it’s always such a relief to wake up from dreams like that and realize they’re not real! I definitely believe in dreams as a window to our psyche and I find it interesting to explore the meaning behind the dream. It’s always subtle and metaphorical representations, not the face value event of the dream (i.e. dreaming of getting back with your ex wife does not mean that you want to get back with your ex wife, but rather the subtext of the dream is representative of something else on your mind, or of what’s going on in your life at the moment) and I find it intriguing to see how these thoughts manifest in strange ways in our dreams!
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
@NC, thats right, I agree. I am sure it was exactly that. My mind telling me to be happy with what I have which is what I have been feeling since I stopped drinking. Amazing to feel the mind starting to process all these things with the fog of alcohol lifted, I get a feeling its just the tip of the iceberg.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 366
Originally Posted by Dee74 
congrats on 51 days NewChapter
and 47 days Komplex, 74 days shell
Congrats on 53 days Milly - one thing I'm better at now is saying no - if you don;t want to go to something or you feel obliged/[ressured to perform a task like tending bar but you don't want to, it's ok to say no.
Yes people might be ticked off but my recovery is vital to me. I don;t have to give chapter and verse as an excuse either.
It's not above my AV to use my nobility or sense of obligation to put me in a dangerous 'wet' spot.
Good luck on the 10k and the new house Athomeuk
D
and 47 days Komplex, 74 days shell
Congrats on 53 days Milly - one thing I'm better at now is saying no - if you don;t want to go to something or you feel obliged/[ressured to perform a task like tending bar but you don't want to, it's ok to say no.
Yes people might be ticked off but my recovery is vital to me. I don;t have to give chapter and verse as an excuse either.
It's not above my AV to use my nobility or sense of obligation to put me in a dangerous 'wet' spot.
Good luck on the 10k and the new house Athomeuk
D
It's really not my personality to be manipulated by guilt/obligation. I'm planning on helping out. The idea of sipping wine from cheap plastic cups doesn't feel tempting at all, but IF I start feeling weird, I'm prepared to simply walk away. I'll have my guard up for sure.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
Originally Posted by milly4me
Thanks Dee for this excellent reminder.
It's really not my personality to be manipulated by guilt/obligation. I'm planning on helping out. The idea of sipping wine from cheap plastic cups doesn't feel tempting at all, but IF I start feeling weird, I'm prepared to simply walk away. I'll have my guard up for sure.
It's really not my personality to be manipulated by guilt/obligation. I'm planning on helping out. The idea of sipping wine from cheap plastic cups doesn't feel tempting at all, but IF I start feeling weird, I'm prepared to simply walk away. I'll have my guard up for sure.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 366
Day 54. Feel good today. Done with a spin class. It hurt.
NewChapter - interesting post yesterday about the cycle of negativity leading to derailment leading to stress & anxiety. I have figured out my cycle yet, but I know I have one. My marriage is a mess. I know it causes a lot of cycling of emotions. I need to really work on this area. Anyway . . . interesting stuff.
Ubntubnt - that "Oh that's how its suppose to be, ah, o.k." stuff hasn't hit me yet. I always seem to be chasing some kind of . . . not sure of the word . . . "high" isn't quite right. I'm not someone who deals with routine well. Never have. So that sort of "settling into a comfortable routine" hasn't hit me either (and I doubt ever will). I'm a "jack of all trades, master of none" sort of person. Not sure how to mend some of this stuff. It feels like it needs mending though.
Palmer - I also take Vitamin D. I tend to be outside a lot on nice days, so I feel like these dark winter days bring me down a lot.
Strangely, I'm not actually a very "social" person at base. I seem to have a strange combo of being an introvert with ZERO social anxiety. Everyone assumes I'm an extrovert. Even my close friends and family really don't understand that I'm not. My hubby understands.
I really do enjoy meeting and talking to people . . . but I find it exhausting. I can only handle the social stuff I have on my calendar now because I'm not working during the day. I have all day home alone to recharge.
I will also confess here that I often lie to people - saying I'm at an appointment or something - to prevent people from dropping in for coffee.
Have a great day one and all!!!
NewChapter - interesting post yesterday about the cycle of negativity leading to derailment leading to stress & anxiety. I have figured out my cycle yet, but I know I have one. My marriage is a mess. I know it causes a lot of cycling of emotions. I need to really work on this area. Anyway . . . interesting stuff.
Ubntubnt - that "Oh that's how its suppose to be, ah, o.k." stuff hasn't hit me yet. I always seem to be chasing some kind of . . . not sure of the word . . . "high" isn't quite right. I'm not someone who deals with routine well. Never have. So that sort of "settling into a comfortable routine" hasn't hit me either (and I doubt ever will). I'm a "jack of all trades, master of none" sort of person. Not sure how to mend some of this stuff. It feels like it needs mending though.
Palmer - I also take Vitamin D. I tend to be outside a lot on nice days, so I feel like these dark winter days bring me down a lot.
Strangely, I'm not actually a very "social" person at base. I seem to have a strange combo of being an introvert with ZERO social anxiety. Everyone assumes I'm an extrovert. Even my close friends and family really don't understand that I'm not. My hubby understands.
I really do enjoy meeting and talking to people . . . but I find it exhausting. I can only handle the social stuff I have on my calendar now because I'm not working during the day. I have all day home alone to recharge.
I will also confess here that I often lie to people - saying I'm at an appointment or something - to prevent people from dropping in for coffee.
Have a great day one and all!!!
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Join Date: Dec 2017
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Haha Milly, I can relate, I will go to great lengths to prevent people from stopping by my house unannounced! I'm a very friendly person, always getting into little chats with strangers, etc. but if I'm at a party where I don't know anyone or am uncomfortable...I want to drink.
I'm still irritable today, which has been happening for a few days now. I'm just so exhausted and sick of everything. Maybe I need to find an AA meeting.
I'm still irritable today, which has been happening for a few days now. I'm just so exhausted and sick of everything. Maybe I need to find an AA meeting.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Originally Posted by PalmerSage
I'm still irritable today, which has been happening for a few days now. I'm just so exhausted and sick of everything.
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Sorry you're a little irritable palmersage - I think, just as in life, not everyday is a fantastic one In recovery, it happens .
Maybe do something nice for yourself, or someone else?
D
. Maybe do something nice for yourself, or someone else?
D
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Southern US
Posts: 626
I’m with Palmer and Newchapter today in that I’m irritable. I’m also scared, lonely, tired, and full of cravings. I posted in the newcomers forum tonight and got some great replies from you guys and others. It helps. SR is my lifeline tonight thanks class for giving me a place to go! I want to drink, but I don’t do that anymore. It is not worth it. It was not even fun in the end. It is poison and I am in control. Stay strong friends, I’m trying!!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Komplex: sounds like you are in a tough spot emotionally. That sounds like a lot to feel at once. I'm glad you came to SR and that you got some good advice.
Palmer: it's really no wonder you're exhausted. Hope you can do something nice for yourself or someone else as Dee suggested. Am hoping that the light of day will bring some relief.
New Chapter: holy cow that is a lot of stress. I am glad for you your relationship with your husband is so strong. Being self-employed and being in business together even in part is no small order. I hope for you it doesn't get worse before better.
Milly, glad for you you are not motivated by guilt. I think that's how I've done like half the things in my life! Also I would totally be tempted by wine in plastic cups. I got to the point where I even liked solo cups for wine drinking. Silly, I know. But certainly not the only ridiculous thing I did...or do...or will do. You definitely sound surrounded by booze. Glad you are so self aware about it all.
untubnt, hope pup is doing great!
Ugh. Speaking of pets. It's hard to concentrate. I'm sitting here watching my poor cat in his cone try to groom himself. Which basically just means he's turning his head and licking the cone. I know. First world problems. But I'm really worried about how he'll do when the kids and I go out of town. We leave this Saturday. I'm really excited. We are getting picked up at the airport by my parents and going to see my grandparents (still alive!!) and cousins, aunt, etc. in Kansas. Then on Monday driving to my folks' house to hang out with my immediate family. I am really excited to be going sober. In other years I would be so fixated on how I was going to either just not drink or be able to get enough booze to be happily buzzed without being noticed. Then the past several visits with my immediate family everyone else will drink some. But it's only me that keeps going back to the bottle. Keeps wanting to do it every day. It felt isolating and just made me mad that I had to feel like a weirdo for wanting to get housed when I was not at work and had some help with my kids. But this time I can focus on just getting sleep and catching up with people. I remember just thinking how my Kansas relatives were so BORING. they just sat around and talked and had soda. OMG! boring
. Now I'm looking forward to that. I'm also pumped because my sister and her husband are opening...wait for it...a brewery...on...wait for it...St. Patrick's Day! What could possibly go wrong? Seriously though I'm again looking at it with excitement for being sober so I can be useful and present instead of figuring out how to get drunk on white wine at a beer place. And last but not least I am excited because last Kansas trip was a low point. We celebrated my grandparents' birthdays/anniversary and I drank too much. People didn't necessarily know. I made a toast that people said was moving. But then I had to get up super early the next day and fly with the kids. I lost my id somehow during the trip. I felt like death. And our flight ended up being canceled and we couldn't get another one until that evening. My parents, thank the good heavens, came back and spent most of the long exhausting day with us -- and we made the best of it. But the whole time I had a silent shame I didn't even want to speak to myself about how it was all so much more painful because I'd drunk so much the day before. Happy not to be repeating that this trip!
Sorry my catch up was so self absorbed. Have just been wanting to share this upcoming trip because I guess there's a tiny part of me that worries about it. I'm stubborn a f so I don't think I'll do anything stupid especially since my family knows I'm not drinking but again putting it out there for added accountability.
Hope everyone starts to see the clouds lifting figuratively and literally soon. Have a great night and then day!
Palmer: it's really no wonder you're exhausted. Hope you can do something nice for yourself or someone else as Dee suggested. Am hoping that the light of day will bring some relief.
New Chapter: holy cow that is a lot of stress. I am glad for you your relationship with your husband is so strong. Being self-employed and being in business together even in part is no small order. I hope for you it doesn't get worse before better.
Milly, glad for you you are not motivated by guilt. I think that's how I've done like half the things in my life! Also I would totally be tempted by wine in plastic cups. I got to the point where I even liked solo cups for wine drinking. Silly, I know. But certainly not the only ridiculous thing I did...or do...or will do. You definitely sound surrounded by booze. Glad you are so self aware about it all.
untubnt, hope pup is doing great!
Ugh. Speaking of pets. It's hard to concentrate. I'm sitting here watching my poor cat in his cone try to groom himself. Which basically just means he's turning his head and licking the cone. I know. First world problems. But I'm really worried about how he'll do when the kids and I go out of town. We leave this Saturday. I'm really excited. We are getting picked up at the airport by my parents and going to see my grandparents (still alive!!) and cousins, aunt, etc. in Kansas. Then on Monday driving to my folks' house to hang out with my immediate family. I am really excited to be going sober. In other years I would be so fixated on how I was going to either just not drink or be able to get enough booze to be happily buzzed without being noticed. Then the past several visits with my immediate family everyone else will drink some. But it's only me that keeps going back to the bottle. Keeps wanting to do it every day. It felt isolating and just made me mad that I had to feel like a weirdo for wanting to get housed when I was not at work and had some help with my kids. But this time I can focus on just getting sleep and catching up with people. I remember just thinking how my Kansas relatives were so BORING. they just sat around and talked and had soda. OMG! boring
. Now I'm looking forward to that. I'm also pumped because my sister and her husband are opening...wait for it...a brewery...on...wait for it...St. Patrick's Day! What could possibly go wrong? Seriously though I'm again looking at it with excitement for being sober so I can be useful and present instead of figuring out how to get drunk on white wine at a beer place. And last but not least I am excited because last Kansas trip was a low point. We celebrated my grandparents' birthdays/anniversary and I drank too much. People didn't necessarily know. I made a toast that people said was moving. But then I had to get up super early the next day and fly with the kids. I lost my id somehow during the trip. I felt like death. And our flight ended up being canceled and we couldn't get another one until that evening. My parents, thank the good heavens, came back and spent most of the long exhausting day with us -- and we made the best of it. But the whole time I had a silent shame I didn't even want to speak to myself about how it was all so much more painful because I'd drunk so much the day before. Happy not to be repeating that this trip!Sorry my catch up was so self absorbed. Have just been wanting to share this upcoming trip because I guess there's a tiny part of me that worries about it. I'm stubborn a f so I don't think I'll do anything stupid especially since my family knows I'm not drinking but again putting it out there for added accountability.
Hope everyone starts to see the clouds lifting figuratively and literally soon. Have a great night and then day!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 325
hi everyone,
I’ve been catching up with everyone’s news and thinking of you all. I have a very busy week, both at work and then socially, so just popping in for a drive by post.
The social stuff has been good, no temptations and my friends are getting used to me not drinking so no longer suggest sharing a bottle of wine etc.
I have a day off tomorrow so will catch my breath then!
I’ve been catching up with everyone’s news and thinking of you all. I have a very busy week, both at work and then socially, so just popping in for a drive by post.
The social stuff has been good, no temptations and my friends are getting used to me not drinking so no longer suggest sharing a bottle of wine etc.
I have a day off tomorrow so will catch my breath then!
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
@ Numblady, a speech you can't remember giving drunk that people said was "moving". haha. Arrrrrrgh! That is anxiety city right there. This year you will be a paragon of virtue and hopefully less moving speeches. End of day 11 here and all ticking away well. Hi to everyone!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Good Morning Class,
@Numblady: I’m sorry to hear how worried you are about your cat! I’m sure he will manage just fine while you are away, though - cats are intelligent and resilient little creatures! Your trip sounds absolutely lovely. Quality time with family is one of the most prominent benefits that sobriety offers, no more ‘fear’ of what you might have done or said the night before, worrying if people noticed how many tones you hit the bottles or if you were slurring slightly (or grossly). No more unnecessary pain from hangovers to compound any mishaps or unfortunate situations. Just a clear head and an opportunity to enjoy your family and catch up and make memories that will not be hazy or tainted. If you do feel triggered at all, please remember that your SR family is here to support, even if you can only manage a ‘drive by’ check in or post here and there whilst you are away. I hope you have a wonderful time!
@Komplex: I am truly sorry that you are feeling down and going through a tough time of it. I can emphatically relate and I am sending you as much light and strength as I can emanate!
This morning I forced myself to get up on time, shower and put some make up on. I know these seem like ridiculously minute tasks, but the way this week has been, just getting out of bed at all is taking all the strength I can muster. I made a morning appointment and I am on the way to the office now to prepare for an important client meeting this afternoon. Anxiety and stress is still rife and my husband and I are heading to the countryside tomorrow (Friday) for the weekend to a really fancy hotel that we booked months ago. All week I’ve been dreading it as I hoped to have lost the extra pounds I’ve been carrying this last year by this trip, and I haven’t. On top of that, there is SO much work to do and not enough hours in the day to do it, and there are deadlines and obligations that need to be met and I am just so overwhelmed that I this trip is the last thing I want right now, I’d rather hole up all weekend in the office and try to break ground on the mounting enormity of backlog.
Then last night, I had a dream (funny after our discussion about dreams just yesterday @Ubntubnt!). I dreamt that I drank and got really drunk and made a show of myself and damaged relationships with my family, husband and friend and everyone was livid with me and I felt SO guilty and ashamed and I came back to SR and posted looking for forgiveness and support here. I honestly believe this was my subconscious sending me a message.
@Numblady: I’m sorry to hear how worried you are about your cat! I’m sure he will manage just fine while you are away, though - cats are intelligent and resilient little creatures! Your trip sounds absolutely lovely. Quality time with family is one of the most prominent benefits that sobriety offers, no more ‘fear’ of what you might have done or said the night before, worrying if people noticed how many tones you hit the bottles or if you were slurring slightly (or grossly). No more unnecessary pain from hangovers to compound any mishaps or unfortunate situations. Just a clear head and an opportunity to enjoy your family and catch up and make memories that will not be hazy or tainted. If you do feel triggered at all, please remember that your SR family is here to support, even if you can only manage a ‘drive by’ check in or post here and there whilst you are away. I hope you have a wonderful time!
@Komplex: I am truly sorry that you are feeling down and going through a tough time of it. I can emphatically relate and I am sending you as much light and strength as I can emanate!
This morning I forced myself to get up on time, shower and put some make up on. I know these seem like ridiculously minute tasks, but the way this week has been, just getting out of bed at all is taking all the strength I can muster. I made a morning appointment and I am on the way to the office now to prepare for an important client meeting this afternoon. Anxiety and stress is still rife and my husband and I are heading to the countryside tomorrow (Friday) for the weekend to a really fancy hotel that we booked months ago. All week I’ve been dreading it as I hoped to have lost the extra pounds I’ve been carrying this last year by this trip, and I haven’t. On top of that, there is SO much work to do and not enough hours in the day to do it, and there are deadlines and obligations that need to be met and I am just so overwhelmed that I this trip is the last thing I want right now, I’d rather hole up all weekend in the office and try to break ground on the mounting enormity of backlog.
Then last night, I had a dream (funny after our discussion about dreams just yesterday @Ubntubnt!). I dreamt that I drank and got really drunk and made a show of myself and damaged relationships with my family, husband and friend and everyone was livid with me and I felt SO guilty and ashamed and I came back to SR and posted looking for forgiveness and support here. I honestly believe this was my subconscious sending me a message.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
Good Morning Class,
@Numblady: I’m sorry to hear how worried you are about your cat! I’m sure he will manage just fine while you are away, though - cats are intelligent and resilient little creatures! Your trip sounds absolutely lovely. Quality time with family is one of the most prominent benefits that sobriety offers, no more ‘fear’ of what you might have done or said the night before, worrying if people noticed how many tones you hit the bottles or if you were slurring slightly (or grossly). No more unnecessary pain from hangovers to compound any mishaps or unfortunate situations. Just a clear head and an opportunity to enjoy your family and catch up and make memories that will not be hazy or tainted. If you do feel triggered at all, please remember that your SR family is here to support, even if you can only manage a ‘drive by’ check in or post here and there whilst you are away. I hope you have a wonderful time!
@Komplex: I am truly sorry that you are feeling down and going through a tough time of it. I can emphatically relate and I am sending you as much light and strength as I can emanate!
This morning I forced myself to get up on time, shower and put some make up on. I know these seem like ridiculously minute tasks, but the way this week has been, just getting out of bed at all is taking all the strength I can muster. I made a morning appointment and I am on the way to the office now to prepare for an important client meeting this afternoon. Anxiety and stress is still rife and my husband and I are heading to the countryside tomorrow (Friday) for the weekend to a really fancy hotel that we booked months ago. All week I’ve been dreading it as I hoped to have lost the extra pounds I’ve been carrying this last year by this trip, and I haven’t. On top of that, there is SO much work to do and not enough hours in the day to do it, and there are deadlines and obligations that need to be met and I am just so overwhelmed that I this trip is the last thing I want right now, I’d rather hole up all weekend in the office and try to break ground on the mounting enormity of backlog.
Then last night, I had a dream (funny after our discussion about dreams just yesterday @Ubntubnt!). I dreamt that I drank and got really drunk and made a show of myself and damaged relationships with my family, husband and friends and everyone was livid with me and I felt SO guilty and ashamed and I came back to SR and posted looking for forgiveness and support here. I honestly believe this was my subconscious sending me a message. I think it was my sober toolkit and commitment to sobriety kicking in to make sure I do not allow my current situation to drive me to a moment of weakness where the AV can capitalize and dominate. It was a warning flag to work my sobriety through this time and a reminder of just how powerful and important the support of SR and all of you are to my sobriety. When I woke up, so relieved that it was just a dream, it made me want to send you all a huge cyber hug to thank you for your caring and support. You’ll never know how grateful I am to all of you here.
This dream also made me realize that o have to take control of the situation with work and the business or it will destroy me if I keep continuing as I am. I’ve decided to take the next 3 days of holidays to totally switch off from work: journal, post here, think about how I can tackle the issues efficiently, effectively and sustainably. I may have inherited the issues in my husband’s business (his accountants left things in a really bad way and it’s my task to untangle the giant mess that is our financial situation) but my God, I am going to FIX it. I will spend quality time with my husband and care for our relationship this weekend. When we get back, I will be recharged and ready to hit the ground running and get to work strategically and tirelessly. I will not be beaten by stress this time. I will not allow it to drive me to drink, to make things worse, to hide my head in the sand. I’m going to step up and work through this, and come through it stronger, and with my sobriety intact.
Have a great day, Class. We are all facing our own challenges, fighting our own demons and struggling in our own unique ways, but together, we can get through those challenges sober.
@Numblady: I’m sorry to hear how worried you are about your cat! I’m sure he will manage just fine while you are away, though - cats are intelligent and resilient little creatures! Your trip sounds absolutely lovely. Quality time with family is one of the most prominent benefits that sobriety offers, no more ‘fear’ of what you might have done or said the night before, worrying if people noticed how many tones you hit the bottles or if you were slurring slightly (or grossly). No more unnecessary pain from hangovers to compound any mishaps or unfortunate situations. Just a clear head and an opportunity to enjoy your family and catch up and make memories that will not be hazy or tainted. If you do feel triggered at all, please remember that your SR family is here to support, even if you can only manage a ‘drive by’ check in or post here and there whilst you are away. I hope you have a wonderful time!
@Komplex: I am truly sorry that you are feeling down and going through a tough time of it. I can emphatically relate and I am sending you as much light and strength as I can emanate!
This morning I forced myself to get up on time, shower and put some make up on. I know these seem like ridiculously minute tasks, but the way this week has been, just getting out of bed at all is taking all the strength I can muster. I made a morning appointment and I am on the way to the office now to prepare for an important client meeting this afternoon. Anxiety and stress is still rife and my husband and I are heading to the countryside tomorrow (Friday) for the weekend to a really fancy hotel that we booked months ago. All week I’ve been dreading it as I hoped to have lost the extra pounds I’ve been carrying this last year by this trip, and I haven’t. On top of that, there is SO much work to do and not enough hours in the day to do it, and there are deadlines and obligations that need to be met and I am just so overwhelmed that I this trip is the last thing I want right now, I’d rather hole up all weekend in the office and try to break ground on the mounting enormity of backlog.
Then last night, I had a dream (funny after our discussion about dreams just yesterday @Ubntubnt!). I dreamt that I drank and got really drunk and made a show of myself and damaged relationships with my family, husband and friends and everyone was livid with me and I felt SO guilty and ashamed and I came back to SR and posted looking for forgiveness and support here. I honestly believe this was my subconscious sending me a message. I think it was my sober toolkit and commitment to sobriety kicking in to make sure I do not allow my current situation to drive me to a moment of weakness where the AV can capitalize and dominate. It was a warning flag to work my sobriety through this time and a reminder of just how powerful and important the support of SR and all of you are to my sobriety. When I woke up, so relieved that it was just a dream, it made me want to send you all a huge cyber hug to thank you for your caring and support. You’ll never know how grateful I am to all of you here.
This dream also made me realize that o have to take control of the situation with work and the business or it will destroy me if I keep continuing as I am. I’ve decided to take the next 3 days of holidays to totally switch off from work: journal, post here, think about how I can tackle the issues efficiently, effectively and sustainably. I may have inherited the issues in my husband’s business (his accountants left things in a really bad way and it’s my task to untangle the giant mess that is our financial situation) but my God, I am going to FIX it. I will spend quality time with my husband and care for our relationship this weekend. When we get back, I will be recharged and ready to hit the ground running and get to work strategically and tirelessly. I will not be beaten by stress this time. I will not allow it to drive me to drink, to make things worse, to hide my head in the sand. I’m going to step up and work through this, and come through it stronger, and with my sobriety intact.
Have a great day, Class. We are all facing our own challenges, fighting our own demons and struggling in our own unique ways, but together, we can get through those challenges sober.
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Numblady, thank you so much for sharing your feelings about the trip to Kansas. I always had similar thoughts about my in-laws, that they were "boring" because they only drank normally. Now, it's a relief because I can be a part of the conversations rather than drinking secretly more than anyone else, and then working really hard to make sure I appeared sober. Man, that was pretty exhausting now that I think about it.
Komplex, I'm so glad you made it through the rough spot yesterday. Good for you for reaching out before things got out of control. How are you feeling today?
NewChapter, I know exactly what you mean about forcing yourself to shower and put makeup on. Someone on this thread went to rehab, and mentioned that they stressed the importance of doing just that, every single day. It sounds like the weekend getaway could be a good thing, a time when you are both forced to relax; do they have a spa where you could get a massage? I'm so happy you're posting often again, I love your insights and honesty.
scottynz, that's awesome that your friends know about your sobriety and are on board with it. I hope you have something relaxing planned for your day off tomorrow!
I've been thinking of Chase01, I hope he's doing ok.
Day 81. I feel like I've been reading a lot of posts about people struggling lately, especially those of us who are approaching 60 and 90 day milestones. I know that there are bad days, experiences, circumstances, etc. that exist even in recovery, but I feel like I'm in a rough patch that causes me to see things through a negative lens. I don't have a real desire to drink, but I feel like I'm in an odd purgatory where my old coping mechanisms are off the table and I don't really have any solid new ones in place. I don't know if there are any real answers other than having patience, but for the sake of accountability and self-awareness I feel the need to call myself out.
I really wonder about the role of my diet in these down times. Earlier in my sobriety, I was much better about reducing "white carbs," and now it's a free-for-all again, which leads to even more sugar cravings. I'm working from home this morning, so I'll use the little extra time to make a breakfast which will set me up for more sustained energy (and mood) throughout the day.
I'm so happy we have each other, even if it's just to complain and commiserate sometimes! I hope we all have a better day today.
Now, it's a relief because I can be a part of the conversations rather than drinking secretly more than anyone else, and then working really hard to make sure I appeared sober. Man, that was pretty exhausting now that I think about it. Komplex, I'm so glad you made it through the rough spot yesterday. Good for you for reaching out before things got out of control. How are you feeling today?
NewChapter, I know exactly what you mean about forcing yourself to shower and put makeup on. Someone on this thread went to rehab, and mentioned that they stressed the importance of doing just that, every single day. It sounds like the weekend getaway could be a good thing, a time when you are both forced to relax; do they have a spa where you could get a massage? I'm so happy you're posting often again, I love your insights and honesty.
scottynz, that's awesome that your friends know about your sobriety and are on board with it. I hope you have something relaxing planned for your day off tomorrow!
I've been thinking of Chase01, I hope he's doing ok.
Day 81. I feel like I've been reading a lot of posts about people struggling lately, especially those of us who are approaching 60 and 90 day milestones. I know that there are bad days, experiences, circumstances, etc. that exist even in recovery, but I feel like I'm in a rough patch that causes me to see things through a negative lens. I don't have a real desire to drink, but I feel like I'm in an odd purgatory where my old coping mechanisms are off the table and I don't really have any solid new ones in place. I don't know if there are any real answers other than having patience, but for the sake of accountability and self-awareness I feel the need to call myself out.
I really wonder about the role of my diet in these down times. Earlier in my sobriety, I was much better about reducing "white carbs," and now it's a free-for-all again, which leads to even more sugar cravings. I'm working from home this morning, so I'll use the little extra time to make a breakfast which will set me up for more sustained energy (and mood) throughout the day.
I'm so happy we have each other, even if it's just to complain and commiserate sometimes! I hope we all have a better day today.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,908
Untubnt, ha. I do remember the speech and giving it. I was always more of a slow-burn drunk. Trying to plod through hours and hours with a continual buzz. It's just it was one of those things that I was surprised it was well received. I had already drunk too much and got up and made it and I'm surprised people found it moving because although genuinely motivated (it was about how I want to be like my grandparents, which is true. They are inspirational people in their marriage, their faith, their love of family, and just how kind they are), it was inauthentic in the sense that I had a thick veneer of alcohol on while giving it.
New Chapter, those are really kind and important words to remember (if triggered come on to SR). It sounds like you are really getting a handle on things. Still, you've also set a pretty long to-do list for your relaxation trip! Hopefully those things do relax you and will just happen organically. You seem to set such high bars for yourself. That sounds like a criticism but it's not. It just may be tough to get the one-up on stress in 3 days.
Palmer, I too have been thinking of Chase (and Trohyn and others). Just sending positive thoughts out there. I so relate to the lack of coping mechanisms thought. I find myself many times not exactly wanting to feel drunk but just wanting to feel different. Just wanting to find the off switch like we've talked about. I have experienced tiny glimmers of real relaxation without alcohol but it's definitely a learning curve.
Scotty enjoy the day off and I will catch up with you soon.
Crap! I'm late to wake up kids. Have a stupendous day, people!
New Chapter, those are really kind and important words to remember (if triggered come on to SR). It sounds like you are really getting a handle on things. Still, you've also set a pretty long to-do list for your relaxation trip! Hopefully those things do relax you and will just happen organically. You seem to set such high bars for yourself. That sounds like a criticism but it's not. It just may be tough to get the one-up on stress in 3 days
. Palmer, I too have been thinking of Chase (and Trohyn and others). Just sending positive thoughts out there. I so relate to the lack of coping mechanisms thought. I find myself many times not exactly wanting to feel drunk but just wanting to feel different. Just wanting to find the off switch like we've talked about. I have experienced tiny glimmers of real relaxation without alcohol but it's definitely a learning curve.
Scotty enjoy the day off and I will catch up with you soon.
Crap! I'm late to wake up kids. Have a stupendous day, people!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 366
Day 55 for me. GI issues continue to rule my everyday. Ug.
Unexpectedly I went out dancing last night. How's that for really weird? A couple of friends discovered this silly bowling alley / bar that has a d.j. on Wednesday nights that plays mainly 70's and 80's music with a big screen showing the videos. It was really stupid fun. Just twirling out on the dance floor to "Dancing Queen" and the Bee Gees while our hubbies played pool. There were probably six of us dancing, and we made a pack to each bring a friend next week. Just silly, stupid fun for old ladies (don't think there was anyone under 40 years old at place). Such a HOOT. No alcohol necessary to have fun there.
Numblady - I can SO relate to your family thing. That sounds just like what I recently did. It's good to see everyone, but it was a bit of a trigger 'cause I use to over-indulge in the setting. Plus as you shared, there is always the trip to some special bar. I did this last time sober though and it was really, really good. Turns out the people I thought were boring if I wasn't drunk were, in fact, pretty boring. But that's all right. It was so nice coming home sober. Good luck. I think you are going to have a fabulous time.
Komplex - how are you doing today? Man that was a tough one yesterday, huh? What are you feeling today? Keep up the sober good work. It's so worth it, ya know?
NewChapter - You have a great outlook on a really stressful time. You'll get through this one way or another. Obviously we all finally figured out drinking certainly won't help anything. Keep us all posted.
Happy sober days people.
I'll be serving cheap red wine in plastic cups tonight at the fundraiser (unless I decide not to). It'll be fine. I'm committed to NOT drinking tonight and coming home early and sober.
Unexpectedly I went out dancing last night. How's that for really weird? A couple of friends discovered this silly bowling alley / bar that has a d.j. on Wednesday nights that plays mainly 70's and 80's music with a big screen showing the videos. It was really stupid fun. Just twirling out on the dance floor to "Dancing Queen" and the Bee Gees while our hubbies played pool. There were probably six of us dancing, and we made a pack to each bring a friend next week. Just silly, stupid fun for old ladies (don't think there was anyone under 40 years old at place). Such a HOOT. No alcohol necessary to have fun there.
Numblady - I can SO relate to your family thing. That sounds just like what I recently did. It's good to see everyone, but it was a bit of a trigger 'cause I use to over-indulge in the setting. Plus as you shared, there is always the trip to some special bar. I did this last time sober though and it was really, really good. Turns out the people I thought were boring if I wasn't drunk were, in fact, pretty boring. But that's all right. It was so nice coming home sober. Good luck. I think you are going to have a fabulous time.
Komplex - how are you doing today? Man that was a tough one yesterday, huh? What are you feeling today? Keep up the sober good work. It's so worth it, ya know?
NewChapter - You have a great outlook on a really stressful time. You'll get through this one way or another. Obviously we all finally figured out drinking certainly won't help anything. Keep us all posted.
Happy sober days people.
I'll be serving cheap red wine in plastic cups tonight at the fundraiser (unless I decide not to). It'll be fine. I'm committed to NOT drinking tonight and coming home early and sober.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 366
I forgot to say
Palmer - interesting thoughts about feeling like you don't need your old coping mechanisms anymore, but you don't yet really have new ones established. I'm with you there. Right now my GI issues are really helping me curb any desire to drink. So I have that. But that's not really an intention healthy coping mechanism, I'm sorry you are feeling such negativity. I wonder what that's about.
Palmer - interesting thoughts about feeling like you don't need your old coping mechanisms anymore, but you don't yet really have new ones established. I'm with you there. Right now my GI issues are really helping me curb any desire to drink. So I have that. But that's not really an intention healthy coping mechanism, I'm sorry you are feeling such negativity. I wonder what that's about.
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