ProfessorD

2/2/18 Congrats on 17 days! I always love when you post. I had lots of ups and downs emotionally for the first three weeks exactly then things have been leveling out somewhat.

I imagine drinking heavily and then sobering up wreaks havoc on hormones and the nervous system, so I wouldn't assume this is mania. You'd know if it was a manic episode if you do things that are dangerous or reckless and experience a horrible letdown or emotional withdrawal from the high. Laughing with hubby sounds like good old-fashioned fun

CrossYourHeart

Great job 0202. You’ve come a long way!

CrossYourHeart

21 days in the books. I’m finding myself with so much energy now. I’m getting to so many projects that used to get ignored. I hope this lasts!

wayforward

Ugh, a little stressed today. I have a big opportunity on Thursday and I've been spending all of my free time preparing for it. It's essentially a presentation of some work I've done to a very big client which could open up all sorts of doors.

I had asked a friend to ship a piece of mine which is essential to this presentation last Thursday and he said he would and that I would receive it Saturday. Come to find out, he didn't ship it until Saturday morning! And of course he used USPS and it's a federal holiday. So there's a chance I won't receive it in time. It just bothers me because I specifically asked him to make sure that I get it by Monday, I even offered to pay for overnight shipping. He told me not to worry.

I'm sure he just forgot, but what bothers me is how quickly I thought of just going to the liquor store the minute things felt out of my control. I've since gone to the gym and am now focusing on preparing for the worst case scenario of it not arriving on time. I'll definitely feel less confident, but I can still make it work. To day 24 and regular life stress!

ProfessorD

Wayforward, good luck on your presentation! You will nail it, whether or not the piece arrives.

I would also be frustrated if a friend did that to me. I hate it when people aren't considerate of that kind of thing...grr. And I get why it would make you want to drink. On one of the recovery podcasts I listen to they talked about this kind of alcoholic thinking as "drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Not that you wish actual violence on your friend or anything...but I have found the phrase helpful for talking myself down from drinking because I'm mad at someone else.

Macncheez

Hi all! Just dropping by to join this class. Today is my (second) day 1. I am taking some advice from the veterans here and joint February class. I feel like **** and I don’t even like who I am right now but I’m hoping that I can move forward... and ultimately upward. I hope everyone has a good day. Good luck on the presentation Way forwards. You’ll be great, the preparation makes all the difference 🤗.

CrossYourHeart

Welcome, Macncheez.

ProfessorD

Welcome, Macncheez! Do you like mac&cheese? So glad you are here! And you have a great attitude for day 1. Things will get better.

wayforward

Whoa, that's powerful, and might explain some of my alcoholic logic. What is the podcast called, if you don't mind sharing?

ProfessorD

Wayforward, I honestly can't remember or I would tell you. I listen to a bunch...always have them on in the background. Maybe the Bubble Hour? But I don't know which one, and there are tons of episodes. I also listen to Recovery Elevator and Shair sometimes, but I don't like those two as much because the hosts are sometimes over the top optimistic.

ProfessorD

My update: I'm getting ready for a short trip. I'm excited but more than a little anxious. I've scheduled activities for myself down to the minute to minimize ANY temptation to stroll into a bar and have a cold beer. It just isn't going to happen. The only thing I'm still concerned about is what to do in the airport. That used to be one of my favorite times to drink. The worst is that I have a red eye on the way back. Normally that would be carte blanche to drink myself to sleep, but I'm just going to have to suffer through it. Logically, I know that I don't need to drink. I'll have a single rough night, and then I can sleep when I get back for as long as I want. It isn't worth it to ruin my sobriety because I'm slightly uncomfortable on a plane. Just saying this out loud so I stick to my guns. Thanks for listening

ProfessorD

Also, lol how pathetic is it that I genuinely like to drink in airports? Alcoholics really have the worst taste

lessgravity

Prof - I hear you! I too love a drunk airport. I mean it's silly but even yesterday I was thinking, "wow would I love a couple drinks before I hit this bookstore, nothing like browsing books with a buzz."

Lord.

Be strong.

No one is coming to save us.

ProfessorD

lessgravity, omg yes! I once went to a bookstore that served champagne and I basically wanted to live there. But come to think of it, I used to think any activity would be more fun with a little buzz... I need to reframe my thinking. I wonder how many enjoyable books I missed because I was so focused on the drinking? I wonder how productive I can be in the airport if I just find a quiet spot and do some work?

CuteNGayYay

I can identify with wanting a buzz no matter where I went at one point. Then it turned into monthly benders of 3-4 days. It's weird that I went from daily to the bender type.. Anywho , day 17 here. 0202 were sober buds :P Will probably go to this gay AA meeting tonight just to get out and be around others like me with the same problem.
Welcome MAC.
Happy Monday all.

Macncheez

I also loved drinking at the airport! Although to be honest it didn’t really matter that much WHERE I drank....just that I drank.

I do love Mac and cheese! Although not as much as my daughter does 😂. It’s hard to not love noddles and buttery cheese ♥️♥️

Zenna

Around 7pm on Monday.

Feeling so rubbish. It's OK, I'm not going to drink.

As I mentioned, I left unfinished business when I decided to start self-medicating with alcohol. ProfD, thanks for what you said. I don't want to go into details about it, but I appreciate the general support here and that helps.

I was prepared to have to deal with it, and it's actually a relief to face it now and work through. I have a lot of tools and support from friends and stuff.
It just means I'm having a horrible time.

I had an event yesterday which is my No 1 trigger. It was an experience to do it without drinking. What I noticed most was that my anxiety was sky high afterwards, because I wasn't dulling it. I was jumping at every tiny noise and couldn't sleep all night. I do a lot to manage anxiety, but it went off the scale. I'm not sure about taking medication because that gives me other problems. But I'll probably take some if it's the same tonight.

Something which is helping me is reading posts around the forum. I feel for people who've got long-term health problems from drinking. I think that could so easily have been me, and don't understand how I got away with it. I have cravings every day, but my desire to be free and my fear of causing myself any more damage are stronger.

wayforward

I'm sorry you're feeling down, Zenna. Sounds like you knew it would be a tough thing to handle, but you're handling it and that's what is important.

Reading about the health issues of others is definitely an eye opener. Sometimes you forget that you were pouring literal poison down your throat, not just eating candy. The consequences are much graver. In fact, regaining health and respecting my body has been a huge aid in my recovery.

ProfD, the airport happened to be the location of my last relapse. I definitely count it as one of my triggers.

ProfessorD

hugs, Zenna

Misc72

Day 2. Thought it would be different this time. I know better. Missed you guys.