ProfessorD

That's a good one, JC-NY. Needed to hear that this morning. It's easy to think that because I've strung together a few weeks, I have this under control. But we don't. So much better to just not have the first drink. for this reminder. You're doing great!

02022018

Very little sleep again. UGH! Going to visit my Dad today - he went into the hospital late last week and was sent to rehab. Except, they never told me where he was sent. UGH! What stress yesterday trying to get anything out of the hospital. They called me several times to update status and tell me they were finding a place. But somehow you can't tell me now WHERE?

ProfessorD

Wow, great job fighting your AV 02022018! I agree with Runtorecover; it helps to pamper oneself.

How are you doing Viper? Good to hear from you, and sorry you are suffering. Will be thinking of you today. xoxoxo

Great post, Red78. Feeling in control and having integrity really is the best feeling. Better than drinking, that's for sure.

Stay strong, tiredwoman and JT! JT, I wouldn't worry about what others on this site think; you've got to do it for yourself, right? I see lots of people relapsing and all I ever think is how glad I am that we have this community. It helps to know that if I ever relapse, no one will judge me when I come back and post my day 1.

Strawberry, wow boxercises and goats? I hope your pain goes away; I'm sure it isn't kidney but maybe go get it checked out for peace of mind?

Good news, deniedfish Glad you are OK.

ProfessorD

Congrats, taketwo Keep laughing at your AV

ProfessorD

Hi everyone. Day 46 here, and I'm struggling with a lot of guilt, regret, and remorse about myself and my drinking. I want to make it clear that I'm definitely NOT interested in drinking. Honestly, the longer I go the less and less I want to drink. But it feels like the more sober time I gain, the more I sort of...hate myself. I feel like such a selfish person. Even recovery seems selfish. Last night I was talking with my husband about this forum and how helpful it has been, and I could see that he was bored: of me, of this process, of my endless attempts to moderate and quit drinking. I don't blame him. I know he would never put my through something like this. What's wrong with me that I can't take care of myself? That even when I'm NOT drinking, I am preoccupied with myself, devoting so much time and energy towards something most people just do effortlessly and naturally? Others have posted gains in their health and fitness. I run almost every day and lift weights etc,., but I'm just not seeing results yet. I look in he mirror and feel as gross and disgusting as I did when I was hung over. I know the progress is incremental, but I'm struggling to find happiness in the daily effort. Sometimes I wonder if I've just ruined my life beyond repair. These are my thoughts today. Hoping for clarity and sunnier thoughts soon.

ChickChick

Hi all.
Day 2 again.
I seem to be on the pattern of being sober for 2 weeks and then drinking this year. Truly frustrating. But I have to say it is way better than my record year. So I am adding things that are working. I just need to work harder when those unbearable cravings do show up around 2 weeks.

Hope you all are doing well. I will have to catch up on posts in a bit.

Misc72

Pick up this book, "this naked mind". It may change your thoughts. Keep trying

wayforward

Glad to have you back ChickChick. I was in a similar two week loop. I don't know what it is about that length of time, maybe we ascribe a magic power to it, but for whatever reason it feels a bit harder right around that time. But you're aware of the pattern, so you'll know to be extra vigilant when that time comes around again.

Hope you're feeling better, ProfD. I think there's an inherent but necessary selfishness to early recovery. After all, it involves reflecting on all of your behavior and thoughts, breaking things down, building things up. I wouldn't worry too much about it at this stage, but the fact that you're so concerned only shows that you're too self aware and empathetic to let yourself become entirely self absorbed. As for fitness, it's definitely a patience game. Keep plugging away and results will follow.

Viperidae

Hi checking in. Life coach is not getting back to me. Weird. Anyway, I need a purpose to stay sober. That’s what’s lacking. Purpose in my life. Oh I can’t drink because I need to get up and do something I like or useful. I can’t afford a 5 day hangover. I’ve got ideas.

Viper

Misc72

Zenna recommended sober meet ups like hiking or crafts... Anything that you have to commit to that doesn't involve drinking is good. Spending time here also helps because if you take the time to read posts and help others then that in and of it
self is purpose.

Viperidae

Chikchik, I remember you. You’re a good member here! I’m in the same spot. We need to keep trying. Keep fighting. I’m stepping up my game. Reaching out to my therapists and talking to my family. In the meantime it’s going to take days to get myself moving. I have Sunday and Monday now and I’ll tell you, what I did Saturday really wrecked me. I’m back in bed at noon on day 3. A couple more days of feeling lousy and then continual improvement should happen.

I’m counting my blessings and trying to set some things set up. I’ll probably nap and go to ed early again. No choice.

Thanks everyone,

Viper

RunToRecover

ProfD,
I have been struggling HUGE with guilt the last few days. Guilt and embarrassment over who I became when I was loaded. Guilt over making everything about myself then.
I feel guilt now because I'm struggling with getting to know myself in this process and analyzing my thoughts and patterns, and at the same time trying to find something outside myself - to remind myself that it's really not all about me.
At the same time, we need to give ourselves time to become reacquainted with ourselves and how we relate to the rest of the world. We need to do the work so we can be fully present for those who need us, and present for ourselves.

ChickChick and Wayforward; I totally get the two week thing. In fact, I was sober from late september of last year until January this year, and then had three relapses, each about two weeks apart. It was so frustrating because each time I would relapse, I would tell myself "OK, last time for that" and then two weeks later would roll around and somehow my judgement flew out the window. Of course, I wasn't doing anything differently each of those times. This time, I finally kicked myself in the ass a bit and joined up here, and recently have started looking into meetings etc. I realized that if I didn't do anything differently... well, you know how that goes.

02022, I hope your dad is feeling better. Sometimes things can get a bit mixed up in the hospital, it can be unclear who is updating family etc. How are you feeling today?

Viper, purpose sounds like a good idea. I have found that not having purpose/direction has lead to increased depression for me in the past. So I try to always be working toward goals in different areas of my life. It's helped keep depression at bay, anyway. What do you have in mind?

Sunshine72 - I added that book to my reading list as well. I'm looking foward to it.

RP4595

Up to day 6 here. No urges at all, just relief and embarrassment as to how i slipped down that slippery slope. Never again. Don't feel like i gave anything up so it's not hard to not do something you dont want in the first place

JimmyJam

Day 3. Hello Feb. class. Just saw my join date. Deja vu.

lovehoops

Hi everyone,
Have not checked in for a few days. I was at a wake last night and work today and yesterday.
JT...I have had so many similar thoughts on the numerous classes I have joined here. I always think that other people are thinking, "what a loser. This lady can't string more than a few days together" and then I drop out of a class and drink again....then I got egocentric and upset if no one asks bout me or comments enough. All in my crazy alcoholic head!!! We are self centered people but truly supportive of each other. Whenever I come back to SR I am always welcomed.
I hope this is my last time

Chickchick and viper....I go on the sme pattern . I'm good for a couple of weeks then pick up a drink. I am trying not to focus too much on counting days this time and just not drink. We'll see how it goes.

I'm sober today...have a great night everyone xo

JustTony

Great day today.

Meeting cancelled on me that was going to see me complete a 300 mile round trip in atrocious weather. So that freed up the whole day to work from home but have some 'me time' too.

Got loads of work done. Went to the gym and completed 30 sets of heavy upper body weight training. Went home and did some more work. Went back to the gym and did a fairly decent 6km run on the treadmill. Back home for a 2 hour sleep (that really was WONDERFUL). Up tonight for some monkfish fillets - chat with Mrs JT - Bit more work - now off to bed!

I said I wouldn't drink today!

JT

Viperidae

RunTR, yeah I did a lot of stupid stuff. I wasn’t a mean drunk, I was definately a self important little %#%^. I’m thinking of getting my out of my comfort zone here, that’s boring and depressing and fuels drinking, and doing a travel volunteer gig. That way I need to get in shape to go and stay that way to do it. It’s possible for me. Not pie in the sky. I can always do it here, but I can see myself getting out of the job and heading to happy hour. I need to be removed from my norm and challenged as well.

Viper

Misc72

Day 10... something awesome about double digits. I feel awesome today. I'm sleeping well, I'm happy, I'm getting stuff done. I don't like feeling this good. That means I'll start to forget why I quit. I wish I had that hangover button so when I get too comfortable I could get zapped back to reality. No cravings at all, but I know that they will come in waves. So I've been thinking about the inevitable invites to various activities with moms group, musician friends, family etc.... where drinking is a given. So... my main excuses will be,
"Alcohol isn't doing me any favors."
"Alcohol is the #1 most addictive drug in the world" lol maybe to harsh
"No thanks, I feel great don't want to ruin my good mood."
I'll mostly dodge risky situations for the next 3 months though. I just don't want to come out of the closet like I've done in the past. Then everyone is like, 'yeah right, there she goes again'.

Dee74

Seems to be a lot of us here doing it hard this week

This link helps inspire me when it gets a little hard to keep moving forward.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-recovery.html (101 Helpful Hints For Recovery)

D

goodbyeevan

Love it so much! Inspiring. Thank you for posting again, bookmarked this time.