ProfessorD

Dear febs,

Congrats on all the milestones here. Sounds like everyone is doing great. Viper, get home quick and eat your strawberries! Dusty, can you give that bottle ASAP to someone else who can truly enjoy it? Horatio, those cravings sounds specific and delicious to me too. But you know it won't be any fun. Can you do something else to make yourself feel better? Glad you posted here. SU, Zenna, and wayforward, you guys are doing great!

I have one more day of busy work tomorrow then a bit of a let up...I squeezed in a run this morning, even though I didn't really enjoy it. When I went to get a glass of water afterward, I accidentally broke a glass. When I tried to pick up the pieces with my sweaty hand, they accidentally stuck to me and cut me. The whole thing felt like some kind of sign...I have no desire to drink but I'm paranoid I'm going to slip up and make a mistake (just like I did with this glass) and suddenly be back to day 1. I feel afraid, but I don't quite know why. There aren't any cravings lately and I'm not as emotional as I was in previous weeks. I'm busy, but I'm handling it and trying to schedule self care. Everything's fine...but I feel like something is about to shatter.

Zenna

Hi ProfD,

I understand signs to be warnings or guidance, not omens. They alert us to a possible situation. We aren't fated to that situation, in fact the whole point of the sign is to help us either avoid it or move toward it. To give us awareness and power.

I'm also concerned generally about slipping up. I'll probably post about it at some point, but for now I'll just say I'm realising how much I'm going to have to plan and be careful.

For what it's worth, when I read the first part of what you wrote, I actually took it to be a representation of alcohol. The glass breaking, shards sticking to you and cutting you - I took all that to be representing drinking, both the harmful reality of it and also the shattering of that illusion.

My interpretation isn't literal because you didn't have alcohol in the glass. (Which you wouldn't now, of course.) But in my experience signs tend to be symbolic, not literal.

However, what it would mean to me could be - and might well be -
completely different from what it means for you. You need to interpret it as it seems to you. If it's a warning that you're vulnerable and need to stay alert - which is surely something we all need to be constantly aware of - I don't meant to suggest not paying attention to that.

I'm only giving my interpretation because I think it's possible that, like symbols in dreams, it could be representing more than one thing.

I don't know if you ever do any kind of visualisation? If I'd broken the glass, I think I would visualise (either imagine images, or draw it, or write it, or say it aloud like a story) the same situation again with a different outcome. Perhaps taking extra care, drinking pure water safely out of the glass, washing it and putting it away.

Take care and hope you get some good rest soon.

ProfessorD

Zenna, that's a really thoughtful response to my post! I will have to consider everything you said here. I don't do visualizations, but I like that idea very much. It felt like I was just rushing around, not paying attention.

The alcohol interpretation is also a good one, and one I hadn't thought about. Clearly alcohol is on my subconscious mind since I had that dream about drinking cheap whiskey out of another glass the day before. I wonder if there is a shift happening for me. I don't think about drinking all that much in my daily life these days, so maybe it's there on the fringe of my experience.

THANK YOU! for reading and responding with all these wonderful ideas; you've really helped me process here.

ProfessorD

I tried visualizing, but I'm more of a words person. Here is my revised experience with the glass, in case this is useful to anyone else: I finish my run, and I walk into the kitchen. I take a deep breath and think about how far I've come. More than a month without drinking. More than a month without poisoning my body. I take a glass out of the cupboard, I pour water in the pitcher into it. I hear the sound of the water pouring and see the soft morning light filling the room, filling the glass, refracting in the water. I drink the water slowly with gratitude. I drink it all. This is a drink I take in not because it numbs me or hurts me, but because it sustains me. It fuels me for a day that I know will be full of both joys and challenges. I will face the challenges and embrace the joys. When I am finished drinking, I place the glass firmly yet softly back on the granite countertop. I pause to take another breath, confident that I can tackle my day. I drink in this quiet moment at the start of my day so I don't have to drink in anything else. I have all that I need; I am enough as I am.

Jewel72

Wow, some beautiful pictures with words here. Thank you for sharing.

I think we’re probably all afraid of slipping up in one way or another, because we realize the price we have paid with alcohol. I know for me, I don’t ever want to pay that again. And I mean in body, soul, and mind. Not to mention the $ amount!
I think it’s ok to be fearful of slipping. That admits our weakness and keeps us on guard perhaps?

The new me is happy again, funny w/ my fam without the wine, and so much healthier. I live in that daily and remind myself how lousy I felt before Jan. 30. I feel a new and fresh attraction/love for my husband because the wine is no longer my best friend, but he has taken his rightful place again.

I’m off to dinner. I’ll check in later. Love to all this ❤️ Day!

Viperidae

I'm super visual. It's crazy. Artistic, and multiple forms of Perceptive Synesthesia. I always had it, but I think depression and other things in my life, made the Synesthesia develop as a coping mechanism for things I found difficult. I can hyper-scan text. A lot of people at my college had heard of it and knew someone that could do it. They wished to death they could do it, but they could read line by line. Much better for poetry and real prose. etc. The scanning is really great for text books, history and non-fiction.

I made it today and that is great!

Congrats to everyone who is building time or even trying!!

Viper

wayforward

I wish Zenna was around when I was having crazy withdrawal dreams. Those could have used some interpretation, haha.

I remember one where I was walking along a farm with some man, and there was a baby crawling on the pasture with a third eye on its forehead. For some reason, in the dream, I knew that the baby possessed some kind of psychic power and I sort of "coached" his abilities out of him, getting him to correctly guess my name among other tests.

Pretty strange, especially considering I'm not generally into psychics or that kind of thing. There were plenty of odd and straight out nightmarish dreams too. Coupled with sleep paralysis, yikes. I'm glad to be out of that phase.

ProfessorD

Yay, Quitnow! I feel the same love for my husband. Before there were SO MANY arguments that I recognize now were all about my drinking. So glad you are having fun with your family again!

taketwo

It's great to see all the updates; sounds like most Febs are having a pretty good day. I woke up feeling great on Day 4 *and* was able to focus well for work. I started feeling wiped out around 3 or so. But I was also up until 1 am or so on a work project, so this probably would have been the case anyway.

I have been consistently getting hit with tired-n-achy early in the day. I have a good amount of flexibility for work location and time so I've been taking a late day siesta then resuming work in the evenings.

I had a headache free day - yay! I also realized yesterday that the intermittent headaches may have additional cause: I've unintentionally been drinking a good bit less caffeine. So I paid more attention to drinking a normal amount today. Regardless of roots, that was much improved.

Viperidae

I’m at a massive turning point. A fork in the road. My father grows more and more insane. In the last few weeks I’ve discovered things that are the keys to chronic illness I’ve bern dealing with for years. Really the past year, but the past few weeks have been big.

I’m staying with my parents. I came here a little more than a year ago. My father has been trying to help me go south for the winter because I’m so improved in the heat. Not only that but to go somewhere warm and start a life.

The recent changes have been nothing short of miraculous. However there is no “I’m sooo glad you finally feel better” or “You’re getting some relief!! Now it’s time to go for your dreams!!” Now it’s all about the fact that I can handle yard work. And pissed at me because I went and hung out with my nephew and had healthy activities until 7pm and I wasn’t here to rake the damn lawn!! It’s friggin February. Plus I don’t care about your f-ing lawn. This is 25 years chronic illness. Some was a virus that lasted 6 months, some was Lyme disease that got treated late, and a lot of factors, but it’s all so much better. I’ve stabilized, I think for good, and I’ll continue to get better.

A hot climate would serve to hit the ball out of the park right now. But there is no talk of that. I can take the lawn now.

This man and his stupidity and drunkenness have been ruining my life for too long. His opinions and the fact that I felt no choice but to accept his money really screwed me. I’ve been so sick that I’ve got Benefits. The early days were terrible. And Benefits are a s—-ty way to live. That and listening to the opinions of a nut job, that doesn’t believe in my dreams, but steps all over them. Frankly I don’t give a Damn anymore about his idiocy.

Nothing like being made to feel one foot tall your whole life.

I’ve got a lot more health now. I need to act. I’m saying something about it to him tomorrow that’s for sure.

I dunno.

Viper

StartAnew68

Thank you all for your updates - very inspiring.

Home from work (I work nights) and managed to keep my job by the skin of my teeth after missing a shift. Now's the time to knuckle down and finally prove my worth.

footballmad

Great to see so many people doing so well and supporting each other. I didnt expect this when I joined SR but this feb group really is great.
Quick update form me - Day 17 now and still going good, occassional bad craving but fought them off and sleeping better than I have in years. Played squash for my team last night, first time in a long time due to the drink and being unfit due to the drink ....and I won yeh!!! but the big victory was always after a team game we go to the pub for a few pints and a bite to eat. Everyone else tucked into a few pints and I had 2 lime and lemonades.....and I didnt feel I was missing out or was wishing I was having a beer too. I was totally fine with it.... and no one care I wasnt drinking. Big step forward for me that. No one judged me and I was totally comfortable doing what I was doing. Thank you SR and Feb people....you have dragged me this far!!

lovehoops

Morning everyone,

Glad to hear everyone is doing well.
Congrats on your win footballmad...that's awesome!

I have to stay after work for a meeting and won't be home till late. I don't like it but has to be done.
I'm a bit nervous about next week. I will be off for a mid winter break which leaves me home alone which is when I tend to drink. I have been trying to make plans and so far I have a few days that will keep me busy...I must be vigilant!!

Have a great day xo

Finalround

Morning all. Great to hear you can still enjoy life with your buds and not drink footballmad. I was out with my friends one night drinking tonic with lime. They just assumed it was alcohol. but, my bar tab was only $14. And I had a burger, ha! I am just as fun and sociable sober.
Lovehoops, maybe stock up on everything you will need on your days off, then leave yourself with no money or credit cards. That way you can't go to the liquor store even if you wanted to. It's worked for me. You have to overcome a lot of excuses to get it. Just a thought.

ProfessorD

Wayforward, I only had sleep paralysis once! (not when I was drinking, but when I was a kid). It was so unbelievably scary. Glad you are past that now!

taketwo, you are doing awesome! I had headaches a lot in the first week...maybe the only symptom I had. I found drinking green tea all day round was good--a slow, constant intake of low caffeine.

Viper, that situation sounds rough bordering on intolerable. I know a lot of people in AA/recovery are skeptical of the "geographic" (thinking that moving will solve all your problems). But I'm a firm believer in getting away from one's dysfunctional family. I've done it and I know it saved my life.

Startanew68, I'm glad you got your job, and you will absolutely prove your worth there! You can do it. I was listening to some podcast and one CEO was talking about how recovered alcoholics are her favorite and more dependable employees. I can see why! Good for you.

Footballmad, congrats on your win! I am also floored by how wonderful this group is.

Lovehoops, you can make it through the break sober. Do you have a plan? Hope you will post here!

Finalround and Footballmad, it's so inspiring to hear that you are maintaining a social life. I love that!!! Of course no one really judges us for not drinking. Actually, I've been having the embarrassing realization lately that I used to judge people all the time for not drinking. So I amend my first statement: only alcoholics judge people for not drinking

Dee74

Hi guys
for anyone who doesn't know, we usually close threads at around 500 posts and start a fresh pt 2

Join us here for part 2:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ad-pt-2-a.html