badgerden

Not actually wanting to drink, but thinking about drinks and the fact that I've given up on them. I'd happily remain stone cold sober for the rest of my life, but just wish I wouldn't have to actively think about it.

Yes, this is where I am at, wish it would become as natural as breathing, maybe someday?

Husband just left for his trip, will be back on sunday, need a sober plan,,,,, jumping into a vat of popcorn and eating my wayout does not seem feasable to me

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Dee74

It took me a little while to be ok with not drinking, and then longer than that to stop thinking about it - maybe a year, one and off and progressively less and less seriously? But when you consider I drank for 20 years, thats not a bad deal.

D

SimplyFree

I thought I would stop in and wish everyone here a happy 2018. You are fortunate to have an awesome group!

badgerden

Thank you SimplyFree! that was really kind of you to say! and true too!!

My shift is almost done and my weekend is upon me, my AV is really working over time today. Husband is out of town, and I haven't come up with a solid sober plan besides posting here a lot. I will be honest I am nervous, this is the first true test in quite awhile, praying I am ready to meet it head on.

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Doubledee

Juliebb… Hello and welcome. You’ll find a lot of encouragement here. Congrats on being sober so long and I hope your emotions level out soon.

Badge… I’d maybe plan the next few days out to a tee. Even your down time and leisure activities. That way you won’t have idle time to wonder about what to do and then perhaps drink.

Rubaduck… Nice job on recognising your AVs. I have to do this all the time. Its been near 3 months for me and I often forget how bad I was. I have to remind myself to not be cocky. Dee’s advice is good too. I think what I’m looking for in drink is its ability to give me an escape from my own thoughts for awhile. And the social aspect too. I’m still trying to find natural ways of finding this that won’t ruin my life in the process.

Simplyfree… Thank you for stopping by.

I turned down a friends stag party recently. The idea of going sober to a different country where everybody is just getting as drunk and rowdy as possible is now something I have absolutely no interest in. At first my friend was like ‘What do you mean you don’t drink? Whats wrong with you?’ (encouraging, I know). He understood eventually but he’s not that close a friend anyway, perhaps for these reasons. I'm just glad I was able to stand my ground and say that I don’t want to do it.

badgerden

thank you double dee, I am trying to get myself occupied so far no so good. I am doing better this morning, my co worker came in to relieve me ask what I was doing for the weekend and that we should get together for lunch. Talk about adding to a perfect AV scenario! She is a big drinker, her and her husband always seem to be at one bar or another, anyway she knows I am no longer drinking and has no problem with it, she gave me kind of a funny look the first time we went out, mostly because she could not believe anyone would not want to drink but no pressure at all. It is the environment I would be in, husband not home to keep me mentally accountable, free pass weekend so to speak. So I had a real moment of panic, my AV was doing a brilliant job, I could see myself breaking down and going to lunch with her drinking, the whole bit really scared me.

Okay enough, going to make myself a good breakfast, square the shoulders and get my act together.

Love you guys

Badge

LuluBread

Not good...

LuluBread

Guy below situation ripped my brains out....I am moving out tomorrow, but about to go to ER breathing in his Hookah smelly toxic chemicals. My cats are crying loud it hurts their little lungs. I've sank low and just said f-it

LuluBread

I've been high on Hookah for over a month now....I'm out of it due to dick neighbor smoking the crap and it billowing into my apartment. Praying my cats do not die.

Dee74

I'm glad you're moving out Lulu

D

SimplyFree

I’m glad you have a plan to move. I couldn’t live next to that either. Glad you are here Lulu!

Viperidae

Juliebb, hi!

I’ve been up to no good. I’m feeling a lot better with my health issues probably because the weather has been warmer. We had weather in the 60’s which is a change from -5. Now it gets up to 32 or so and down to 18 at night. It’s deal-able. What is not deal-able is walking out and it’s 5 degrees all day. It sucks the energy out of me. More than you’d think. I can’t get out of bed.

I’m just checking in. Be back tomorrow. I’ll stay safe.

Viper

SoulShine8

Checking in
Still hanging in... I went to the first class finally (the 2nd group was cancelled due to snow). It went ok - the people are decent and the teacher is cool. He let us go early (thanked God - we were afraid of snow).

I think this a good thing to keep in mind. It's easy to get some time in and then feel it's all over. Complacency is a dangerous thing.

Badge hang in there!!!! Figure out some things to look forward to.... a good book, favorite beverage (tea, coffee, hot chocolate), FOOD - favorite or comfort food - I admit I am still indulging but it's better than drinking, rent a movie/watch fave tv show, pamper yourself - hot bath with all the trimmings, new pair of pj, get your hair cut, etc. I don't know.... just do things that you think will comfort you or calm you. Play with your doggies. My cats are my rock. I love being home with them. Find some games -- Pogo dot com is a place I play at (I have a paid subscription but there are plenty of free games). I also have to admit I play HayDay on my ipad. I have for the past four years.... it's mindless and something I like to do to relax. Look how far you have travelled past the alcohol days. You did it, you are doing it and you can do this right here, right now. I know it!!

SoulShine8

I think a lot of us wonder about the MIA people. For me it's a blessing to be among you wonderful caring people -- all of you clear back from everyone who has ever posted, got sober, fell down, came back, tried again, is trying again. That's one of the best things about our little family - you are always welcome no matter what.

I know that a lot of us are busy with life, that have got past that first crisis moment and are working a plan. I think some of us have went back down the rabbit hole or have went down, come back up and are too embarrassed/don't feel worthy to come back in. What if you are any of those? or are just living life and don't have as much time as before to come in and write?

I propose that we as a group say it's okay to just pop in and say one sentence to let the others know we are still around no matter what our sobriety status is.

Something like:

Checking in!
I'm still here!
Sober today
Struggling but still fighting
Fell down, busy getting back up
or anything, be creative - even a Ba-bam!

Also it would be nice if people could click Thanks on the posts that resonate with them or just to show support for that person. And when we have more time - to share and help each other. There's a lot of heart in you guys and I want us all to be here next year together. I want for you guys to be okay, to persevere, to succeed. I want me to do that too. I need you guys, not just in my dark days but to celebrate with too [yes, when I get that interlock off, I want everyone to be here to hear about it!!!]

What do you guys think?

ready45

Hey guys and gals, Soul’s post above gave me the nudge to check in. Thanks Soul �� I have been lax on visiting the site the past few days -but I’m here and doing ok. I’ve thrown myself into doing some small projects around the house – painting bathroom and kitchen cabinets, refinishing a piece of furniture, etc. And have been a little obsessed with it. Was snowed in for a day and a half – and it was great. Except for getting scary low on hot chocolate. I’m nowhere near finished on all these projects– but starting to see some results. Today, I bought a really old steamer trunk for next to nothing – so restoring that is next on this never-ending list! So excited to get started.

I agree with the comments about complacency and cockiness. Doing my best to keep reminding myself of where I was just 3 short months ago. I never want to go back to that existence. Today I had a very stark reminder of how I’ve been triggered to an automatic reaction of wanting to drink so many times as it relates to my job. My boss gave me and my co-worker a complete a**chewing for almost an hour and half today. I was so angry when it was over that for the afternoon drinking popped up in my head several times. It passed and of course I played the tape forward. No way I’m drinking “at” someone – his problems are not mine and all I can do is control my reaction (or in this case, non-reaction) to him. Progress I suppose.

Lulu – I am so sorry you are having such a nightmare with the apartment. So glad you and the kitties are getting out of there!

Welcome Juliebb! This is an amazing group of people here! I can completely understand with the emotional swings – I know I numbed mine for many years and it’s very uncomfortable to deal with them. I do find it’s getting more familiar as time goes by.

Badge, I hope you’re Ok with this solo weekend. You are an awesome active voice here and I hate the thought of you struggling. Hey – you can always take all your cabinet doors off and primer them – then you have no choice but to be occupied for the foreseeable future I kid, but there is some great advice here. You got this! I love Soul’s list of things to do – I want to do them all! I turned down a dinner invite this weekend myself. A friend invited me out for Mexican and I’m not quite there to put myself in vicinity of a margarita with those tacos.

Hey Soul – I can’t wait to high five you when the interlock is off!

Wishing you all a safe and sober weekend. And as always I really appreciate this group and this website!:

badgerden

Soul, Thank you so much, words cannot express, love you.

I am doing so much better today, played with the dogs, cleaned house. Cooking a Chinese rice dish in my new Kitchen toy, Instant Pot pressure cooker.

I have noticed that my car is a trigger,,, I had no desire or thought to buy wine until I got in my car. It is like my AV has called shotgun and sits waiting for me, whammo!! thinking about wine, the wine aisle has lost its power though, walk right by, mentally flipping it off. Weird huh?

right now sitting watching Live PD, waiting on dinner with my favorite lemon water beverage, the down side is my dogs bark at the TV when the police K9's are being shown,,
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SoulShine8

Ha!!! badge, I'm watching LivePD too. 9pm will have my faves Denver and Flex ♥ can't wait. Glad to hear everyone is doing good tonite ready you put a smile on my face.... I wish I could get some of your energy. Sounds like you are shaping up your surroundings, fer sure!

Rubaduck

I passed a difficult drinking test. Some really wonderful people from a group I used to belong to, getting together for the first time in a few months. These days, we only see each other a few times a year. This was my first time not drinking, and I have to admit that the line I read on this site a lot ("everything is more fun sober"), simply isn't true.

I had a great time, and I'm 100% dedicated to my family, so I'm proud of what I achieved by not having a single drink with them. But it really struck me that perhaps the people who type that line above were simply more destructive with their drinking, or hung around people who become annoying after a few drinks. Perhaps it's true in their case, or perhaps it's what they need to believe.

I hope saying that doesn't upset anyone, I genuinely just found it surprising. I've probably been very lucky to have met some of the people in my life. As crazy or terrible as it sounds, I don't regret my drinking years, and have pleasant memories by a large majority. If I was going to have my life all over again, I think I'd quit drinking about three years ago.

It's good to have my first sober get-together finished though. I told them I wouldn't even have one beer because zero is the easiest number to maintain (they teased me a little bit, but jokingly and didn't mind at all, as I knew they wouldn't). I think they liked that I would rather spend the price of one drink on my kids instead of myself.

I don't have any more foreseeable drinking tests for a few months. December and January had quite a few. I'm determined to stay dry and healthy anyway. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

I think I made this post because I'd felt really guilty recently reading a lot of posts about how everything is better sober, and people wished they'd never had a single drink. I was questioning whether I had wasted my life or something. But now I actually feel peaceful. I don't think I have to feel like a bad person.

Apologies for the long post. I'm looking forward to thinking of my drinking days as not necessarily a dark chapter, but definitely a closed chapter. The new chapter of sobriety will be different, but better due to increased productivity and more money-saving. I'm going to try not to dwell on my past, but focus on my positive future. Hopefully that will stop my brain from going in circles as it had been recently.

Today's current score: AV = 0, Rubaduck = 3 months (Yay! First goal met. Next is 100 days, then 6 months).

SoulShine8

rubaduck thanks for the post. And good on you that you don't feel dark about the past. I wish I could say that. My past drinking had lots of dark times. I don't think everything is going to be more fun sober... unfortunately. That's life though. I think if I wouldn't have drank as long as I did, sober life would be easier. I am and will have to learn a lot of things that normies learned in their growing up years. They say that you stop growing when you are drinking and I understand that a lot. I didn't do/go through a lot the things other people did when they were in their high school and just getting on their own times. I was too busy drinking.

LuluBread

The struggle is real.