Class of October 2017 Support Thread pt. 3
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 206
Need opinions, thoughts...
Ok sorry I should have mentioned this earlier.
So I stated on my first thread that my ex g.f. and I are no longer together due to what I believe is because of my recent sobriety.
Anyway, I met a nice woman for coffee last week. To make a long story short, we got on the topic of alcohol. Now I didnt divulge everything like im in recovery and all that, but I did say that I had quit drinking.
Her reply was a downcast "ohhh really why? not even on weekends?" I just said no not even on weekends. Anyways weve been texting and stuff and I really like her personality and we seem pretty compatible. I can definitely say i'd like to see more of her in the future. But I know she drinks, maybe shes not like us but is an occasional drinker and that scares me.
Anyways, what would you do? What do ya think I should do? This is the most torn ive been about something in a long time. Any feedback from you guys and ladies is greatly appreciated and taken to heart as always...
Thanks again.
So I stated on my first thread that my ex g.f. and I are no longer together due to what I believe is because of my recent sobriety.
Anyway, I met a nice woman for coffee last week. To make a long story short, we got on the topic of alcohol. Now I didnt divulge everything like im in recovery and all that, but I did say that I had quit drinking.
Her reply was a downcast "ohhh really why? not even on weekends?" I just said no not even on weekends. Anyways weve been texting and stuff and I really like her personality and we seem pretty compatible. I can definitely say i'd like to see more of her in the future. But I know she drinks, maybe shes not like us but is an occasional drinker and that scares me.
Anyways, what would you do? What do ya think I should do? This is the most torn ive been about something in a long time. Any feedback from you guys and ladies is greatly appreciated and taken to heart as always...
Thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Caledon, ON
Posts: 130
BMU, I have been married for a long time, so my advice may be biased based on having not been single for ages... but if you are genuinely interested in this woman I would be completely honest with her. It sounds to me, unfortunately, like she may not be able to take on what you're going through atm. I hope Im wrong, but Id still be completely honest.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 206
Originally Posted by rmeatgt350 
BMU, I have been married for a long time, so my advice may be biased based on having not been single for ages... but if you are genuinely interested in this woman I would be completely honest with her. It sounds to me, unfortunately, like she may not be able to take on what you're going through atm. I hope Im wrong, but Id still be completely honest.
Oh and congrats on your marriage, im hoping one day I can say that.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 504
Van Horn , TX is not my final destination (very small town). I'm headed to Junction, TX today for 2 days, then to Austin, TX -- Final Destination. Last night was a miserable. I started thinking that someone was going to bust down the door and shoot me and the cats. Wouldn't be too hard, this hotel should be considered a motel.
Feeling utterly clumsy lately. I've been forgetful and stumble my words...and my typing skills are not so good (pressing wrong keys). Hoping these are just symptoms.
Have a good day folks, as we are are winding down to the weekend here....stay focused and think of how great you feel when you wake up without a hangover!
Just saw Brighten's post. Personally, I am not going to date for at least 3 months (but what's 3 months, I haven't dated in a LONG time). And not sure why I picked 3 months...but maybe it seems to be risky at the moment. If you are feeling otherwise, tell her the truth. See what happens. Don't drink.
If you are going through hell, keep going. -- Winston Churchill
Feeling utterly clumsy lately. I've been forgetful and stumble my words...and my typing skills are not so good (pressing wrong keys). Hoping these are just symptoms.
Have a good day folks, as we are are winding down to the weekend here....stay focused and think of how great you feel when you wake up without a hangover!
Just saw Brighten's post. Personally, I am not going to date for at least 3 months (but what's 3 months, I haven't dated in a LONG time). And not sure why I picked 3 months...but maybe it seems to be risky at the moment. If you are feeling otherwise, tell her the truth. See what happens. Don't drink.
If you are going through hell, keep going. -- Winston Churchill
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 206
ust saw Brighten's post. Personally, I am not going to date for at least 3 months (but what's 3 months, I haven't dated in a LONG time). And not sure why I picked 3 months...but maybe it seems to be risky at the moment. If you are feeling otherwise, tell her the truth. See what happens. Don't drink
Hey Lulu, no I definitely am not gonna drink. I will tell her the full truth and see what happens. Just torn about how far I should pursue this right now, like if im even ready for this or not with someone who does drink occasionally.
Lulu sounds like your on quite the adventure, wishing you the best in your journey!!
Hey Lulu, no I definitely am not gonna drink. I will tell her the full truth and see what happens. Just torn about how far I should pursue this right now, like if im even ready for this or not with someone who does drink occasionally.
Lulu sounds like your on quite the adventure, wishing you the best in your journey!!
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Anywhere USA
Posts: 2,099
Good morning Brighten, I agree with the up front, but that being said, you didn't mention how much she drinks, is she a normy with one glass and done or a partier? Another thing to think about is many normies who can drink a glass and leave it are nervous around us, maybe they think we are going to get on our high horses and be all judgmental, carry the big book and go all Carry Nation on everyone, maybe that is where she was coming from when she ask about the weekends. I might approach it from that perspective, give her the benefit of the doubt.
I know you are early in recovery, like the rest of us, but ask yourself if you could handle an evening out and ordering her a glass of wine and yourself, not an adult beverage. As hard as it is, we need to put ourselves first, regarding alcohol, what is really hard now will just be made so much worse if we are not true to ourselves.
Okay off the soap box, sorry if I was blabbering
Badge
I know you are early in recovery, like the rest of us, but ask yourself if you could handle an evening out and ordering her a glass of wine and yourself, not an adult beverage. As hard as it is, we need to put ourselves first, regarding alcohol, what is really hard now will just be made so much worse if we are not true to ourselves.
Okay off the soap box, sorry if I was blabbering
Badge
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: England
Posts: 615
Hey Brighten 
I did get to an AA meeting, 2 actually so far, one a long long time ago and I had my second one last Wednesday.
I'm still very much in 2 minds, everyone is in the same boat so feels very open, honest, relaxed... It's just I can't personally see myself doing this 12 step business... but who knows!
I do feel it's worthwhile going though, to be able to open up and "share" is a big weight off. To let it all out like we do on here...
Also to listen to each person there, all with very different stories / situations but all in the same boat and all so understanding.
I just always tell myself I don't need it, I'm fine without it blah blah blaaaah but I've also relapsed every time and gone back to my old ways but this time it has to work and I feel very different this time round so I'm dragging myself there knowing deep down I'll feel better about myself for going so push and get to one I say!
At the end of the day I look at it like damage limitation, anything that can / may help to not pick up that first drink is worth pushing to do. Nothing to loose by going.
Wow you just helped me talk myself back around answering your post!
Cheers Brighten!
haha
Also, do be careful on the dating decision. Personally I'm with LuLu and feel it would be too risky at this early stage but each of us are different so I reckon you have to follow your gut instinct.
Wishing you all the best with it, keep me posted
K x
I did get to an AA meeting, 2 actually so far, one a long long time ago and I had my second one last Wednesday.
I'm still very much in 2 minds, everyone is in the same boat so feels very open, honest, relaxed... It's just I can't personally see myself doing this 12 step business... but who knows!
I do feel it's worthwhile going though, to be able to open up and "share" is a big weight off. To let it all out like we do on here...
Also to listen to each person there, all with very different stories / situations but all in the same boat and all so understanding.
I just always tell myself I don't need it, I'm fine without it blah blah blaaaah but I've also relapsed every time and gone back to my old ways but this time it has to work and I feel very different this time round so I'm dragging myself there knowing deep down I'll feel better about myself for going so push and get to one I say!
At the end of the day I look at it like damage limitation, anything that can / may help to not pick up that first drink is worth pushing to do. Nothing to loose by going.
Wow you just helped me talk myself back around answering your post!
Cheers Brighten!
haha Also, do be careful on the dating decision. Personally I'm with LuLu and feel it would be too risky at this early stage but each of us are different so I reckon you have to follow your gut instinct.
Wishing you all the best with it, keep me posted
K x
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 206
Originally Posted by badgerden
Good morning Brighten, I agree with the up front, but that being said, you didn't mention how much she drinks, is she a normy with one glass and done or a partier? Another thing to think about is many normies who can drink a glass and leave it are nervous around us, maybe they think we are going to get on our high horses and be all judgmental, carry the big book and go all Carry Nation on everyone, maybe that is where she was coming from when she ask about the weekends. I might approach it from that perspective, give her the benefit of the doubt.
I know you are early in recovery, like the rest of us, but ask yourself if you could handle an evening out and ordering her a glass of wine and yourself, not an adult beverage. As hard as it is, we need to put ourselves first, regarding alcohol, what is really hard now will just be made so much worse if we are not true to ourselves.
Okay off the soap box, sorry if I was blabbering
Badge
I know you are early in recovery, like the rest of us, but ask yourself if you could handle an evening out and ordering her a glass of wine and yourself, not an adult beverage. As hard as it is, we need to put ourselves first, regarding alcohol, what is really hard now will just be made so much worse if we are not true to ourselves.
Okay off the soap box, sorry if I was blabbering
Badge
Youre not blabbering at all. This is the exact kind of thought and advice im looking for as im not used to thinking about things like this with a completely sober brain.
From what I gather, she is a weekend (few glasses of wine drinker)not an everyday drinker. However, I dont know her all that well yet and I dont know what goes on behind closed doors.
We are talking about meeting again this weekend for coffee. So im gonna try and get more of her views on alcohol and also tell her im in recovery. I guess ill just go from there and see how it goes.
Like I said earlier, im really torn. I know im not gonna drink but I have no experience being the sober one while someone im with is drinking and am not sure if I can deal with that. At least not yet.
Thanks Badge
Brighten
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 206
Originally Posted by Kit2017
Hey Brighten
I did get to an AA meeting, 2 actually so far, one a long long time ago and I had my second one last Wednesday.
I'm still very much in 2 minds, everyone is in the same boat so feels very open, honest, relaxed... It's just I can't personally see myself doing this 12 step business... but who knows!
I do feel it's worthwhile going though, to be able to open up and "share" is a big weight off. To let it all out like we do on here...
Also to listen to each person there, all with very different stories / situations but all in the same boat and all so understanding.
I just always tell myself I don't need it, I'm fine without it blah blah blaaaah but I've also relapsed every time and gone back to my old ways but this time it has to work and I feel very different this time round so I'm dragging myself there knowing deep down I'll feel better about myself for going so push and get to one I say!
At the end of the day I look at it like damage limitation, anything that can / may help to not pick up that first drink is worth pushing to do. Nothing to loose by going.
Wow you just helped me talk myself back around answering your post!
Cheers Brighten! haha
Also, do be careful on the dating decision. Personally I'm with LuLu and feel it would be too risky at this early stage but each of us are different so I reckon you have to follow your gut instinct.
Wishing you all the best with it, keep me posted
K x
I did get to an AA meeting, 2 actually so far, one a long long time ago and I had my second one last Wednesday.
I'm still very much in 2 minds, everyone is in the same boat so feels very open, honest, relaxed... It's just I can't personally see myself doing this 12 step business... but who knows!
I do feel it's worthwhile going though, to be able to open up and "share" is a big weight off. To let it all out like we do on here...
Also to listen to each person there, all with very different stories / situations but all in the same boat and all so understanding.
I just always tell myself I don't need it, I'm fine without it blah blah blaaaah but I've also relapsed every time and gone back to my old ways but this time it has to work and I feel very different this time round so I'm dragging myself there knowing deep down I'll feel better about myself for going so push and get to one I say!
At the end of the day I look at it like damage limitation, anything that can / may help to not pick up that first drink is worth pushing to do. Nothing to loose by going.
Wow you just helped me talk myself back around answering your post!
Cheers Brighten!
haha Also, do be careful on the dating decision. Personally I'm with LuLu and feel it would be too risky at this early stage but each of us are different so I reckon you have to follow your gut instinct.
Wishing you all the best with it, keep me posted
K x
I am gonna try the meetings, if for nothing else than to meet like minded people. Ive heard a lot about the big book and the religion aspect of it. That scares me as I am not a believer and am not willing to look at things from that aspect. I guess we'll see how it goes.
Thank you for sharing your experience and input! You guys and ladies are the best !!
Brighten
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Anywhere USA
Posts: 2,099
Me again,,,, AA isn't for me either, I do like the sponsor part of it, have someone to call and talk, but I have been looking at SR and everyone as sort of my "sponsor" and I appreciate everyone patience in that regard.
Still slept like crap last night, got home at 1 am awake at 6, off to work at 12 for either a 10 hr or a 12 hr shift, depends on who shows up at 10. And I just looked at the clock, so had best get in the shower and try to get some motivation going.
take care all and stay safe LuLu, I am living vicariously through your travels. Sounds stressful but fun all the same, I love road trips,,,,
Badge
Still slept like crap last night, got home at 1 am awake at 6, off to work at 12 for either a 10 hr or a 12 hr shift, depends on who shows up at 10. And I just looked at the clock, so had best get in the shower and try to get some motivation going.
take care all and stay safe LuLu, I am living vicariously through your travels. Sounds stressful but fun all the same, I love road trips,,,,
Badge
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Caledon, ON
Posts: 130
Originally Posted by BrightenMeUp
Thanks Kit and very well said!!
I am gonna try the meetings, if for nothing else than to meet like minded people. Ive heard a lot about the big book and the religion aspect of it. That scares me as I am not a believer and am not willing to look at things from that aspect. I guess we'll see how it goes.
Thank you for sharing your experience and input! You guys and ladies are the best !!
Brighten
I am gonna try the meetings, if for nothing else than to meet like minded people. Ive heard a lot about the big book and the religion aspect of it. That scares me as I am not a believer and am not willing to look at things from that aspect. I guess we'll see how it goes.
Thank you for sharing your experience and input! You guys and ladies are the best !!
Brighten
Edit to add; I always figured it would be very "cult-y", and maybe some of them are, but the one I found is just like 25-40 people every day talking about how they stay sober, their struggles, etc. I don't know that I will ever have a sponsor or do the steps, but I do find the meetings very... cathartic I guess is the word.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 253
Originally Posted by waxfruit
I haven't had time to read everyone's posts.
I wanted to share some good news!
I found an apartment and will be moving next week!
Just.Wow.
I am in tears!
Love you all!
I'll check in later
I wanted to share some good news!
I found an apartment and will be moving next week!
Just.Wow.
I am in tears!
Love you all!
I'll check in later
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 253
Brighten -if I was you I'd have the conversation with her but keep it light hearted. Just say something along the lines that you have a bit of an addictive personality and avoid alcohol. Maybe one day you can get into the nitty gritty with her but for now she doesn't need to know all that.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 206
Thanks everyone for the thoughts, opinions, and input!! Y'all dont know how much its appreciated!!
So im making pierogies now for dinner. Frying them in butter and onion. Probably not the best thing to eat after my workout but they are smelling sooo good right now !! Anyone hungry ???
So im making pierogies now for dinner. Frying them in butter and onion. Probably not the best thing to eat after my workout but they are smelling sooo good right now !! Anyone hungry ???
O-n K-a-r A-r-r-e-s-t
Join Date: May 2016
Location: US
Posts: 600
BMU keep your sobriety front and center - you have worked hard for it. I agree with charliesworld. What she said sounded more of like alcohol is important to her but I could be taking it wrong. Feel the subject out with her and see if its worth pursuing and maybe later giving out more info. If alcohol isn't so important to her, it could end up being a beautiful relationship Best of wishes to you!!
Best of wishes to you!!
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 206
Originally Posted by SoulShine8
BMU keep your sobriety front and center - you have worked hard for it. I agree with charliesworld. What she said sounded more of like alcohol is important to her but I could be taking it wrong. Feel the subject out with her and see if its worth pursuing and maybe later giving out more info. If alcohol isn't so important to her, it could end up being a beautiful relationship Best of wishes to you!!
Best of wishes to you!!Thats exactly what im gonna do, im hoping the alcohol thing isnt that big a deal. Gonna be honest and just see how it goes from there. I figure the worst that can happen is it goes nowhere and thats fine with me as well. My sobriety is and will come first.
Thanks so much
P.S. Congrats on the new place Wax! Thats awesome!!
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