Class of October 2017 Support Thread pt. 3
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Caledon, ON
Posts: 130
Running into a bit of a weird problem I didn't forsee, but perhaps should have... My wife seems irritated by sober me. I have a lot more energy and am being much more social, she seems almost jealous of it. Or maybe afraid of it? It really has nothing to do with her but she's very on edge. It's definitely not helping but I can't blame her for having to adjust. Anyway, that's my thought for the day.
For the folks slogging through this keep posting. It's easy to get complacent.
For the folks slogging through this keep posting. It's easy to get complacent.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,320
My wife said I'm on my own here. So, I have to put on the blinders and get tough with myself and just leave her out of it. Fortunately, there's SR, but it's not the same as having support at home. I will win.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 247
Meat-
It's good you're talking about it. It doesn't completely seem unreasonable for her to be, for lack of a better word, acting out.
If it were me, i would want to work things out as they arise. I'm a firm believer in nipping things in the butt as they come in relationships; as to not let things build up and explode. That's just my experience....
If you don't mind my advice:
Talk to her about it, come up with some solutions that work for both of you, and follow through with them. Keep communication going. If you can?....
I also completely understand and know for me and I'm sure for everyone, that I have to be super selfish right now. I can't imagine having a partner right now.
Keep talking about it.
I'm sure someone with time and experience will chime in.
And bob- I'm worried about you.
It's good you're talking about it. It doesn't completely seem unreasonable for her to be, for lack of a better word, acting out.
If it were me, i would want to work things out as they arise. I'm a firm believer in nipping things in the butt as they come in relationships; as to not let things build up and explode. That's just my experience....
If you don't mind my advice:
Talk to her about it, come up with some solutions that work for both of you, and follow through with them. Keep communication going. If you can?....
I also completely understand and know for me and I'm sure for everyone, that I have to be super selfish right now. I can't imagine having a partner right now.
Keep talking about it.
I'm sure someone with time and experience will chime in.
And bob- I'm worried about you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,320
Wax, don't worry about me. At least I know where I stand now and can adjust accordingly. She is getting ready to leave town for 5 days and think some things around this house might need to change. 
Get rid of the same old, same old.
Get rid of the same old, same old.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by Getbetter72 
Let me clarify what I said before just to be sure I'm making myself clear. You drank but didn't let it get out of control. That's very good BUT you haven't learned anything. Please don't get me wrong and please don't take this as an attack, I'm only trying to help. What you FOUND is that you HAD just 1 or 2 and got away with it. What you need to LEARN is that it's a lie. It will never, ever, EVER last. There will be a time when you realize, due to a full blown drunken episode, that 1 or 2, over the long haul, is not a sustainable pattern as you said has never worked well for you in the past. You will eventually relapse completely. Again, please don't take offense. I'm only trying to make things a little more clear.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
They can’t kill me, I’m still here. Doing ok. I’ve got a tentative rythum down. I stop at the Whole Foods bakery between 2-4 and satiate the monster with cookies, and pick up fresh food for dinner. Then I make sure I’m in by 4 and it’s a hot shower and HBO. It’s been tough. I realized the physical addiction came back really bad and said screw it. I’ve been good but not perfect.
If you don’t watch Curb You’re Enthusiasm, Season 9 ((current season) has got to be one of the funniest things I’ve ever watched. It’s good to laugh uncontrollably!!
The good news is the career opportunity has me fired up about getting my S**t together. Leaving for FL also has me fired up to clean up my S**t. Maybe some excursions from there and somewhere else after. Excursions and an after trip can’t happen unless I’m clean. The job can’t either. So I keep repeating those things at 3pm and get home.
Overall I feel decent.
Sorry I have not kept up with you all. Also Nov 1, drank, so whatever.
Viper.
If you don’t watch Curb You’re Enthusiasm, Season 9 ((current season) has got to be one of the funniest things I’ve ever watched. It’s good to laugh uncontrollably!!
The good news is the career opportunity has me fired up about getting my S**t together. Leaving for FL also has me fired up to clean up my S**t. Maybe some excursions from there and somewhere else after. Excursions and an after trip can’t happen unless I’m clean. The job can’t either. So I keep repeating those things at 3pm and get home.
Overall I feel decent.
Sorry I have not kept up with you all. Also Nov 1, drank, so whatever.
Viper.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 107
rmeat: Interesting problem but one that perhaps isn't too terribly unusual. The sober you is different than the drunk you. I am going to generalize and hopefully I'm not too far off base. The drunk you is distant, unmotivated, disconnected. The sober you is full of life, eager to get things done, more talkative, more social. I think you should do exactly as suggested by wax, nip it in the butt immediately. But how?
I'm going to but on my executive hat here and give management type suggestions but the same basic principles apply to a marriage.
Take notes for yourself so a discussion can be organized and so that you can keep yourself on track and minimize emotional impacts that could possibly turn a logical conversation into an illogical argument. Notes should include things you observe, her reactions to your actions/words in certain situations, how she is making you feel, etc. We know that won't get anyone anywhere. So look over your notes then sit down with her. Talk about your notes, let her see that you want and need her support. Establish a plan moving forward so you can understand each others' situation and reactions to such. Talk often. Like all the time. Win!
I'm going to but on my executive hat here and give management type suggestions but the same basic principles apply to a marriage.
Take notes for yourself so a discussion can be organized and so that you can keep yourself on track and minimize emotional impacts that could possibly turn a logical conversation into an illogical argument. Notes should include things you observe, her reactions to your actions/words in certain situations, how she is making you feel, etc. We know that won't get anyone anywhere. So look over your notes then sit down with her. Talk about your notes, let her see that you want and need her support. Establish a plan moving forward so you can understand each others' situation and reactions to such. Talk often. Like all the time. Win!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Anywhere USA
Posts: 2,099
Welcome back Viper!, I missed you! Home at 3 sounds just fine.
Stay close Bob, you will get it figured out
Wax you apartment situation made me think of the tiny houses show on discovery(I think) your sounding better and that’s awesome!
Soul shine sounds like you can at least breathe through the holidays. One box at a time!
Today I finished going through all bedroom closets and drawers. And no “surprises” anywhere! Phew! There always seems to be that one forgotten bottle that shows up at the worst time possible
I even made my town run with not to many AV squawks, which surprised me as it was really strong earlier.
Off to hopefully a good nights sleep, back to work tomorrow
Take care all. Love ya!
Badge
Stay close Bob, you will get it figured out
Wax you apartment situation made me think of the tiny houses show on discovery(I think) your sounding better and that’s awesome!
Soul shine sounds like you can at least breathe through the holidays. One box at a time!
Today I finished going through all bedroom closets and drawers. And no “surprises” anywhere! Phew! There always seems to be that one forgotten bottle that shows up at the worst time possible
I even made my town run with not to many AV squawks, which surprised me as it was really strong earlier.
Off to hopefully a good nights sleep, back to work tomorrow
Take care all. Love ya!
Badge
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 36
Hitting 17 days. Sometimes time flies and sometimes I feel like I'm going no where. I feel both greatful and really sad. Where am I going in life is a constantly on autoloop. But 17 days is a great feeling.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 253
Morning everyone.
Made it through last night. I'm feeling really on edge and I've been snapping at my family. I think it's just because my house is a mess which I can't stand and we're paying out a lot of money atm with getting this room sorted and I'm uneasy about that so close to Christmas (plus 2 of my kids have birthdays around Christmas too!). I'm also bloody annoyed with a shelf I'm trying to put up - tried 3 times yesterday and all I've got is a load of holes in the wall. One went up fine but the other won't seem to attach properly to the wall - I hate not being able to sort things out lol. I'll give it another go when I get home later.
Found out last night my OH has said we would go to a Christmas party night with the committee of some volunteering he des and their partners. I don't know them well so it's going to be a nightmare. 22nd December too!!
rmeat - it is going to take some adjusting for both of you. The advice already given has been great.
Bob - things will work out one way or another. In the meantime enjoy the space you will have those few days.
Wax - you have your own place - that is amazing no matter how small it is. In time you'll be able to move again to somewhere more suitable but you can make it into a great calming space for yourself.
Badger - I used to dread clearing stuff out. My binges are not as bad now as they have been in the past so I tend to keep track of the bottles but there's been times when I've drank stuff and have no idea that I have or where I put the empties. It's embarrassing!!
Viper - getting your pj's on early is a great idea. I hate to say it (and I don't know if you are male or female so apologies if you are male) but it's like getting home and taking your bra off, once it's off that's it.
Made it through last night. I'm feeling really on edge and I've been snapping at my family. I think it's just because my house is a mess which I can't stand and we're paying out a lot of money atm with getting this room sorted and I'm uneasy about that so close to Christmas (plus 2 of my kids have birthdays around Christmas too!). I'm also bloody annoyed with a shelf I'm trying to put up - tried 3 times yesterday and all I've got is a load of holes in the wall. One went up fine but the other won't seem to attach properly to the wall - I hate not being able to sort things out lol. I'll give it another go when I get home later.
Found out last night my OH has said we would go to a Christmas party night with the committee of some volunteering he des and their partners. I don't know them well so it's going to be a nightmare. 22nd December too!!
rmeat - it is going to take some adjusting for both of you. The advice already given has been great.
Bob - things will work out one way or another. In the meantime enjoy the space you will have those few days.
Wax - you have your own place - that is amazing no matter how small it is. In time you'll be able to move again to somewhere more suitable but you can make it into a great calming space for yourself.
Badger - I used to dread clearing stuff out. My binges are not as bad now as they have been in the past so I tend to keep track of the bottles but there's been times when I've drank stuff and have no idea that I have or where I put the empties. It's embarrassing!!
Viper - getting your pj's on early is a great idea. I hate to say it (and I don't know if you are male or female so apologies if you are male) but it's like getting home and taking your bra off, once it's off that's it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 116
bob- I understand your disappointment but I also know you've been working so hard to be different and it takes time for a spouse to adjust. You have so much to be proud of and what guts it took to tell her in the first place. Just keep on keeping on.
rmeat- It is wonderful that you feel so energetic and social!! Woohoo! You wife probably is a little jealous, I know that (unreasonably) I get jealous and a little possessive when my husband is being charming to others. Stupid but true!
Viper- I laugh so hard at CYE it brings tears to my eyes. Great show. He wrote for the Jerry Seinfeld show too. Good times and who doesn't need a laugh. Sadly, my germophobia makes it easy to identify with Larry.
khaleesi and loud430 great job keeping on!
charliesworld, in the past diy home repairs were my license to booze it up. putting up shelves is aggravating but I bet you will get it just right! I have to watch YouTube videos over and over for any project I take on. lol
Good morning Soul Shine, waxfruit badgerden, getbetter and anyone else in class I may have missed.
I hope everyone has a day that no matter what they KNOW they are strong enough to handle sober because I know each one of you can do it.
I have 26 days down and it is feeling good! I am doing the marathon and not a sprint.
rmeat- It is wonderful that you feel so energetic and social!! Woohoo! You wife probably is a little jealous, I know that (unreasonably) I get jealous and a little possessive when my husband is being charming to others. Stupid but true!
Viper- I laugh so hard at CYE it brings tears to my eyes. Great show. He wrote for the Jerry Seinfeld show too. Good times and who doesn't need a laugh. Sadly, my germophobia makes it easy to identify with Larry.
khaleesi and loud430 great job keeping on!
charliesworld, in the past diy home repairs were my license to booze it up. putting up shelves is aggravating but I bet you will get it just right! I have to watch YouTube videos over and over for any project I take on. lol
Good morning Soul Shine, waxfruit badgerden, getbetter and anyone else in class I may have missed.
I hope everyone has a day that no matter what they KNOW they are strong enough to handle sober because I know each one of you can do it.
I have 26 days down and it is feeling good! I am doing the marathon and not a sprint.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 107
I'm continually amazed at the amount of love and support this forum provides. Even if I don't need the help myself I feel a strong compulsion to give help. Very cool.
Charlie: I can identify with not remembering where you put the empties. One of my favorite things used to be to wake up and find an unfinished beer on my computer table. Down the hatch. Disgusting. Then beer bottles all over the tables in the home theater. Again, loved it when I found one half full (or sometimes open but full, must have passed out before I actually drank it). Gross.
Loud: I really like the autoloop analogy. So, so true. Wash, rinse, repeat. Drink, get drunk, pass out, repeat.
Bob: You told Wax not to worry about you. While I appreciate the sentiment, understand (and you probably already do) that is precisely why we are all here. To have other people show concern, be dedicated to one another to help each other get through the rough patches and ensure permanent sobriety. So all that being said, we are going to worry when we think we have need for such! Deal with it (lol, I say that in jest).
I love what Mel said and it is what I try to impart on all of us. Don't THINK you are strong enough to ignore the urges, KNOW you are. Being a Star Wars fanatic it makes me think of a Yoda quote. "Do or do not, there is no try." In our case, KNOW that it will not be try. It will not be do not. It will ALWAYS be DO!
I may have said this before but I'm going to say it again (and probably 1,000 times more) to encourage all of us to keep a journal. I'm seeing a lot of patterns emerge with some of us like agitation, urges, etc. If you keep a journal you will find that patterns start to become quite clear but if they weren't in writing we tend to not see them or the patterns are covered up by AV/the enemy. Personally I keep a journal every day. I keep a pad of paper with me at all times or I send myself emails via my phone. Every morning I read the previous day's entries and highlight those that stand out. Then weekly I look through all of the pieces I have highlighted and write a weekly "summary." Helps a lot. Any way you cut it, it is another reason to stay sober because I know at least personally I won't type an entry if I'm drinking. I don't do much of anything actually if I'm drinking. I don't always necessarily even use complete sentences. Staccato thoughts and feelings sometimes. Anyway, I keep mine on the computer but I can type about 70 words a minute so it is easier for me to type than write (hence the often long posts) but whatever works!
Charlie: I can identify with not remembering where you put the empties. One of my favorite things used to be to wake up and find an unfinished beer on my computer table. Down the hatch. Disgusting. Then beer bottles all over the tables in the home theater. Again, loved it when I found one half full (or sometimes open but full, must have passed out before I actually drank it). Gross.
Loud: I really like the autoloop analogy. So, so true. Wash, rinse, repeat. Drink, get drunk, pass out, repeat.
Bob: You told Wax not to worry about you. While I appreciate the sentiment, understand (and you probably already do) that is precisely why we are all here. To have other people show concern, be dedicated to one another to help each other get through the rough patches and ensure permanent sobriety. So all that being said, we are going to worry when we think we have need for such! Deal with it (lol, I say that in jest).
I love what Mel said and it is what I try to impart on all of us. Don't THINK you are strong enough to ignore the urges, KNOW you are. Being a Star Wars fanatic it makes me think of a Yoda quote. "Do or do not, there is no try." In our case, KNOW that it will not be try. It will not be do not. It will ALWAYS be DO!
I may have said this before but I'm going to say it again (and probably 1,000 times more) to encourage all of us to keep a journal. I'm seeing a lot of patterns emerge with some of us like agitation, urges, etc. If you keep a journal you will find that patterns start to become quite clear but if they weren't in writing we tend to not see them or the patterns are covered up by AV/the enemy. Personally I keep a journal every day. I keep a pad of paper with me at all times or I send myself emails via my phone. Every morning I read the previous day's entries and highlight those that stand out. Then weekly I look through all of the pieces I have highlighted and write a weekly "summary." Helps a lot. Any way you cut it, it is another reason to stay sober because I know at least personally I won't type an entry if I'm drinking. I don't do much of anything actually if I'm drinking. I don't always necessarily even use complete sentences. Staccato thoughts and feelings sometimes. Anyway, I keep mine on the computer but I can type about 70 words a minute so it is easier for me to type than write (hence the often long posts) but whatever works!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 108
Checking in & catching up.....
Hi to my fellow Octoberians.
Just checking in and doing a quick catch-up with you all..
Charlie, I know I'm a little late with this one but I'm glad you resisted the urge yesterday. Im not well enough informed regarding urges to offer you any practical advice except to say that theres tons of it right here with these great classmates of ours. If youre ever at a low point and you just need something to get thru the next 5 minutes please feel free to open up a dialogue with me in the chat section if you see I'm on line. That offer goes out to everyone else too!
Bob, you sound determined and strong, Nice one!
rmeat, sounds like you and Bob might have some common ground there...?
Soulshine, So far you are navigating your way around the obstacles in your path. I know there are a few more but youre doing good and we are rooting for you.
A shout-out to Loud (I'm on day 18 so that sort of makes us twins!)
LuLu, check in with us real soon yeah??
To everyone else not mentioned here your presence and participation is valued dearly...group-hug everyone.....
Have a strong day
Victor
Just checking in and doing a quick catch-up with you all..
Charlie, I know I'm a little late with this one but I'm glad you resisted the urge yesterday. Im not well enough informed regarding urges to offer you any practical advice except to say that theres tons of it right here with these great classmates of ours. If youre ever at a low point and you just need something to get thru the next 5 minutes please feel free to open up a dialogue with me in the chat section if you see I'm on line. That offer goes out to everyone else too!
Bob, you sound determined and strong, Nice one!
rmeat, sounds like you and Bob might have some common ground there...?
Soulshine, So far you are navigating your way around the obstacles in your path. I know there are a few more but youre doing good and we are rooting for you.
A shout-out to Loud (I'm on day 18 so that sort of makes us twins!)
LuLu, check in with us real soon yeah??
To everyone else not mentioned here your presence and participation is valued dearly...group-hug everyone.....
Have a strong day
Victor
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Midwest
Posts: 58
Had to fire an employee yesterday who's poor personal decisions continued to spill over into her professional life. Tough to watch someone self destruct who was given life lines of potential help - can't help someone more then they want help...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 206
Good Morning All!
Day 36 today.
I hope everyone is doing good and has a great day!
Its a chilly but bright day here in Pa. Im sitting here watching the birds out the window flying around looking for food. I often wonder, do they get urges for that piece of pizza crust that was dropped by someone walking by. Hmm, I think im thinking way too much.
Wishing all the best!!!
Brighten
Day 36 today.
I hope everyone is doing good and has a great day!
Its a chilly but bright day here in Pa. Im sitting here watching the birds out the window flying around looking for food. I often wonder, do they get urges for that piece of pizza crust that was dropped by someone walking by. Hmm, I think im thinking way too much.
Wishing all the best!!!
Brighten
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Charlie, I’m a male viper, but see it with the bra thing. Pretty much once I’m ‘in’, I’m ‘in.’ I’m not exactly in pjs, but I shower at 5 or 6. I put on ‘home clothes.’ I have some nice stuff I wear during the day. I never wear dress clothes, but I’m really into high tech stuff that looks good. So once the shoes and socks are off and I’m showered, I put on clean socks and cheaper stuff, and the shoes don’t go back on.
MEL - Curb You’re Enthusiasm is brutal! ‘Selective heeding???!!!’ ‘Premature Honey!’ ‘the accidental on purpose text.’ Etc etc. LD with the tap water, ‘really? No filter... interesting.’ Hehehe!! Ahhhhhhh... haha.
I might have a week today, I’m not sure. Head feels like a brick again. I went to sleep early last night and woke up all cricked up, and thought it would be 10am. Picked up the phone and it was 7am. So I’ve already got the internal clock adjusting.
Viper
MEL - Curb You’re Enthusiasm is brutal! ‘Selective heeding???!!!’ ‘Premature Honey!’ ‘the accidental on purpose text.’ Etc etc. LD with the tap water, ‘really? No filter... interesting.’ Hehehe!! Ahhhhhhh... haha.
I might have a week today, I’m not sure. Head feels like a brick again. I went to sleep early last night and woke up all cricked up, and thought it would be 10am. Picked up the phone and it was 7am. So I’ve already got the internal clock adjusting.
Viper
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