Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 13
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
Thank you both Dee and Kenton.
I think I feel really let down and disappointed because I am making good progress and overall I'm much less dependent on others but my BF has been so supportive and important in my recovery. And even though our fights are much smaller now and more seldom, I think he's so tired of it all, that he reacts much stronger to them.
Everyone says I'm lovely and a good person and that I should get better and that I'll be absolutely wonderful in the future with all the progress I'll make but no one wants to go there with me. Everyone just keeps leaving me. I just think in difficult times it's important to most people to have their partners or family supporting them and now my only support is AA and this forum. To be left alone in difficult times is probably also more painful than being broken up with, when life is otherwise okay.
And I only feel happy when I have people around me who I have strong connections with. That's so important to me. Maybe that's the problem? If I don't have that, barely anything makes me happy.
I feel like I'm somewhat in a dead end.
People in AA say I should start to develop a deeper connection and more trust in my HP. But it doesn't seem to work for me yet.
And people outside AA say, like you both, that I need to start focusing on and loving myself. I just don't know how to. I gave up on myself a long time ago.
Sorry for being so selfish and only talking about me. I care about you a lot.
Kenton, you'll have your one year in a week?
I think I feel really let down and disappointed because I am making good progress and overall I'm much less dependent on others but my BF has been so supportive and important in my recovery. And even though our fights are much smaller now and more seldom, I think he's so tired of it all, that he reacts much stronger to them.
Everyone says I'm lovely and a good person and that I should get better and that I'll be absolutely wonderful in the future with all the progress I'll make but no one wants to go there with me. Everyone just keeps leaving me. I just think in difficult times it's important to most people to have their partners or family supporting them and now my only support is AA and this forum. To be left alone in difficult times is probably also more painful than being broken up with, when life is otherwise okay.
And I only feel happy when I have people around me who I have strong connections with. That's so important to me. Maybe that's the problem? If I don't have that, barely anything makes me happy.
I feel like I'm somewhat in a dead end.
People in AA say I should start to develop a deeper connection and more trust in my HP. But it doesn't seem to work for me yet.
And people outside AA say, like you both, that I need to start focusing on and loving myself. I just don't know how to. I gave up on myself a long time ago.
Sorry for being so selfish and only talking about me. I care about you a lot.
Kenton, you'll have your one year in a week?
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
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"I gave up on myself a long time ago."
That, to me, is what's in the middle of all of this. You are worth so much Kev and somehow you need to start believing it. What would you say to a friend who told you they wanted to disappear, to be washed away by the waves? I'm guessing you'd tell them that they need to start fighting their way back to happiness. That they need to do whatever they need to do to start believing in themselves again. That now is the time to stop giving up on themselves. Changing thought patterns isn't easy but it's entirely possible. They're only patterns, not set in stone. Start challenging any negative thoughts. Start emphasising the positives. Start telling yourself you are worth your time and your attention and start giving yourself that time and attention. You've had awful experiences in the past Kev but don't let those experiences define your future. You've proved that you're strong and smart and funny and kind. You've got loads to offer the world.
Start believing in yourself like others believe in you. Like I believe in you. You have more sense in your young head than most people get in 80 years... feel proud to be you xxxxx
That, to me, is what's in the middle of all of this. You are worth so much Kev and somehow you need to start believing it. What would you say to a friend who told you they wanted to disappear, to be washed away by the waves? I'm guessing you'd tell them that they need to start fighting their way back to happiness. That they need to do whatever they need to do to start believing in themselves again. That now is the time to stop giving up on themselves. Changing thought patterns isn't easy but it's entirely possible. They're only patterns, not set in stone. Start challenging any negative thoughts. Start emphasising the positives. Start telling yourself you are worth your time and your attention and start giving yourself that time and attention. You've had awful experiences in the past Kev but don't let those experiences define your future. You've proved that you're strong and smart and funny and kind. You've got loads to offer the world.
Start believing in yourself like others believe in you. Like I believe in you. You have more sense in your young head than most people get in 80 years... feel proud to be you xxxxx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
Congrats on 1 year Kev. That is amazing. 
I'm in the middle of admissions, waiting for a nurse I think to finalise it all. Expecting to be breath tested which is fine, zero reading here.
Feeling a wee bit fragile but once I find my groove I will be set.
So you will probably hear from me a bit over the next couple of weeks.
I hope you are feeling ok Kev, having self esteem and self worth issues are one of my problems as well.
xoxo
I'm in the middle of admissions, waiting for a nurse I think to finalise it all. Expecting to be breath tested which is fine, zero reading here.
Feeling a wee bit fragile but once I find my groove I will be set.
So you will probably hear from me a bit over the next couple of weeks.
I hope you are feeling ok Kev, having self esteem and self worth issues are one of my problems as well.
xoxo
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Going to treatment may really help you to regroup and get on board! I found that it was almost impossible for me to get sober unless I was physically isolated from liquer for a week to 4 weeks.
I'm ok ... just lots of Drs. and stress .... but not drinking
I'm ok ... just lots of Drs. and stress .... but not drinking
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,742
Hey y'all, feeling somewhat deflated. Just emailed my ex husband's parents... it's been a few years. I needed to say something in closure. If my english seems weird in this email it is because they're French and I found a way to express myself this way that they'd get. Hope this isn't too weird. But I would seriously appreciate any feedback.
____ et ____,
Hello. For three years, I've wanted to write to you. And, it always felt too soon, or like perhaps you would not want to hear from me.
I know that my relationship with _______ was not always good, or healthy, certainly not perfect.
However, I hope that you know that my intentions were always honest and that when I told you that I loved you, I meant it. I still miss all of you as my family. I know that we cannot act as family as we did in the past. We have all moved on. But, I never had the chance to say goodbye.
It may sound ridiculous, but to me it all happened so fast. And I needed a long time to recover.
I needed you both to know that I am grateful for everything you did for me, and for how much you loved me. It is not every day that I get to feel like I have a family. I'll never forget you.
I will continue making pies.
Love, Leah
(My ex mother-in-law finally taught me her most amazing pie recipe and I will never forget it)
____ et ____,
Hello. For three years, I've wanted to write to you. And, it always felt too soon, or like perhaps you would not want to hear from me.
I know that my relationship with _______ was not always good, or healthy, certainly not perfect.
However, I hope that you know that my intentions were always honest and that when I told you that I loved you, I meant it. I still miss all of you as my family. I know that we cannot act as family as we did in the past. We have all moved on. But, I never had the chance to say goodbye.
It may sound ridiculous, but to me it all happened so fast. And I needed a long time to recover.
I needed you both to know that I am grateful for everything you did for me, and for how much you loved me. It is not every day that I get to feel like I have a family. I'll never forget you.
I will continue making pies.
Love, Leah
(My ex mother-in-law finally taught me her most amazing pie recipe and I will never forget it)
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Plenny, that choked me up a bit. It comes across as very honest and written straight from your heart. You're not trying to rewrite history or blame anyone or change anything. You're just accepting how things are but making a genuine and sincere attempt at closure. I think you've got the tone just right. If I got that email I would feel better for reading it. And sending it may really help you to get the closure you need and move on. I think it's perfect. Well done xxxx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,742
Thanks so much for reading that, I really do feel better. And the next morning first thing, I received a response from my father-in-law reciprocating the unconditional love and that they also miss me. They wished me well. I haven't had the time to be alone with that feeling yet but I think I will tonight. It was really nice and possibly the only closure I'll ever get but I think I can make that work.
In other news, tonight is the Second Line for the late, the great, the fat, Fats Domino. I feel really obligated to be there as he was a very very beloved member of our community and as a citizen of the world. But Second Lines can be very drunky events and I may not feel strong today. I don't know yet. Sometimes I attend events and enjoy being a sober bystander, watching things unfold through a different lens. Other times, I have felt overwhelmed and awkward and slipped up. So I have to decide how I feel.
By the way, I am sorry if I don't put a lot of time into responding lately, I have been reading and keeping up, but I feel somewhat depleted as I mentioned a little while ago. I need to recharge and I can come back and contribute
In other news, tonight is the Second Line for the late, the great, the fat, Fats Domino. I feel really obligated to be there as he was a very very beloved member of our community and as a citizen of the world. But Second Lines can be very drunky events and I may not feel strong today. I don't know yet. Sometimes I attend events and enjoy being a sober bystander, watching things unfold through a different lens. Other times, I have felt overwhelmed and awkward and slipped up. So I have to decide how I feel.
By the way, I am sorry if I don't put a lot of time into responding lately, I have been reading and keeping up, but I feel somewhat depleted as I mentioned a little while ago. I need to recharge and I can come back and contribute
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Hi, just wanted to pop in on my one year anniversary to say hello. It's actually been a really emotional day. I'm veering from feeling euphoric one minute to fighting back tears the next. I'm missing my dad so much today. I didn't think this milestone would hit me so hard. It's made me very reflective. Not just about the last year. About everything. My 12 year old daughter is showing the first signs of tween behaviour ..... back chatting, arguing, slamming doors etc. I googled the best way to deal with young adolescents and I read about the 4 stages of adolescence. As I read it I realised I had tears running down my face. I don't think I went through any of the stages. Drinking from the age of 13 messed everything up. Good news is I can sort it out now and try to make up for all the stuff I should have learnt then. And I can try to be the best mum I can be for my kids. Didn't expect today to be so emotional.... think I'm realising that recovery is a really big deal. It delves into every nook and cranny of my mind... even the stuff I haven't thought about for years. No stone unturned I guess. It's all so good tho. This stuff needs to be faced and dealt with. I guess now I'm strong enough to do it.
Poppy, how are you getting on? Thinking about you every day. Plenny, so glad you got such a positive response to your email. Nands, hope doctors appointments are going ok and your physical health is improving. Kev, how are things with you now? Steely, are you still reading this thread? If so, please come back. Hello Dee, hope all is good in your world.
This time last year I was finishing day 1. I've come a long way since then and I have you guys to thank. Thank you xxxxx
Poppy, how are you getting on? Thinking about you every day. Plenny, so glad you got such a positive response to your email. Nands, hope doctors appointments are going ok and your physical health is improving. Kev, how are things with you now? Steely, are you still reading this thread? If so, please come back. Hello Dee, hope all is good in your world.
This time last year I was finishing day 1. I've come a long way since then and I have you guys to thank. Thank you xxxxx
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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I reckon it's not at all uncommon or unreasonable to feel emotional at a milestone Kenton.
I'm sure your Dad would be very proud of you and the things you've accomplished this last year
Hi Badgerden
I hope everyone else is doing well
good to hear from you too Plenny - if it's going to be difficult for you I think it would be ok to miss it?
D
I'm sure your Dad would be very proud of you and the things you've accomplished this last year
Hi Badgerden
I hope everyone else is doing well
good to hear from you too Plenny - if it's going to be difficult for you I think it would be ok to miss it?
D
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,742
I feel you, kenton. Milestones or revolution of a year.... always emotional unpredictably for me. This year I am actually just very glad I am not in the same house I was in when all of this started last year. I haven't made it a full year of course, but this has been my best year fighting the drink to date, so I am actually very proud of that. Being here in my new apartment that I can afford because of my attempts to cut alcohol out of my life is really cool.
I did not go to the Fats Domino Second Line. I could not have handled all of the energy. I am very happy to say I stayed in.
As I am tonight, cooking lentils and squash and marinara and whatever might feed me through the week.
Also, R is on the wagon again which is always great. He just keeps bouncing back. I am proud of him. I made him a pork and lemongrass stew this morning to take home since he'll be very hungry. Makes me feel good.
I did not go to the Fats Domino Second Line. I could not have handled all of the energy. I am very happy to say I stayed in.
As I am tonight, cooking lentils and squash and marinara and whatever might feed me through the week.
Also, R is on the wagon again which is always great. He just keeps bouncing back. I am proud of him. I made him a pork and lemongrass stew this morning to take home since he'll be very hungry. Makes me feel good.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Hi Plenny! How are you today? All good with me. The emotions of Thursday seem to have calmed down and I'm looking forward to just getting on with this life sober and drama-free. The universe is a funny thing. One of the many things I was emotional about on Thursday was the fact that I now recognise sobriety is a way of life for me. I am never going back to drinking and I'm so happy about that. However, the finality of anything always involves a little retrospection and on Thursday I felt a little sad thinking back to the friends I had when I was drinking, friends who I don't see anymore. But I realise that if they were proper friends, I would still see them. They would want to see me regardless of how drunk or sober I am. So I felt a little sad and said a quiet little goodbye to these friends in my head on Thursday. Closure.
Then yesterday, out of the blue I got a message from one of them asking if I want to go to the cinema on Wednesday. I do want to go to the cinema on Wednesday so I said yes. Then yesterday as I was rushing to get something for dinner, I bumped into another old friend and her husband. They seemed really pleased to see me which surprised me a bit. Anyway, last night she messaged and said she's been feeling a bit down and wondered if we could meet up for a coffee. Again, I said yes.
I'm looking forward to seeing these friends to go to the cinema and to drink coffee. It's a little strange because I don't think I ever went to the cinema or drank coffee with them before. These were two of my wine-drinking buddies. However, they know I'm sober and I know I'm sober and so if they want to do sober stuff with me, I'm not going to say no. It will be good to see them. I'm not sure how we'll get on sober. Maybe we won't have anything to talk about. I doubt it because I can talk for England but it's just funny that I was feeling sad about not seeing these old friends and then the very next day, two of them come back into my life. Spooky.
Hope everyone is doing ok. It's a very rainy Saturday morning here in the UK... the kind of day I just want to curl up on the sofa and watch movies. Sounds like a plan. Love to everyone xxxx
Then yesterday, out of the blue I got a message from one of them asking if I want to go to the cinema on Wednesday. I do want to go to the cinema on Wednesday so I said yes. Then yesterday as I was rushing to get something for dinner, I bumped into another old friend and her husband. They seemed really pleased to see me which surprised me a bit. Anyway, last night she messaged and said she's been feeling a bit down and wondered if we could meet up for a coffee. Again, I said yes.
I'm looking forward to seeing these friends to go to the cinema and to drink coffee. It's a little strange because I don't think I ever went to the cinema or drank coffee with them before. These were two of my wine-drinking buddies. However, they know I'm sober and I know I'm sober and so if they want to do sober stuff with me, I'm not going to say no. It will be good to see them. I'm not sure how we'll get on sober. Maybe we won't have anything to talk about. I doubt it because I can talk for England but it's just funny that I was feeling sad about not seeing these old friends and then the very next day, two of them come back into my life. Spooky.
Hope everyone is doing ok. It's a very rainy Saturday morning here in the UK... the kind of day I just want to curl up on the sofa and watch movies. Sounds like a plan. Love to everyone xxxx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,742
Hi kenton, that's great they contacted you. Isn't it weird when you think of someone and then they pop back into your life?
Had a way too long and not fun talk yesterday with R. About relationship expectations. And being equal and teamwork etc. It was a bummer. Because I don't want to think of ending our relationship but we are at an age where we need to make sure we are in a fulfilling situation. And, as much as I love him, I'm not in a fulfilling relationship. So we'll see how this goes.
Just trying to eat a good breakfast here before this day kicks off... Of course I forgot to make coffee so I'll have to wait for the cheap stuff at work.
Had a way too long and not fun talk yesterday with R. About relationship expectations. And being equal and teamwork etc. It was a bummer. Because I don't want to think of ending our relationship but we are at an age where we need to make sure we are in a fulfilling situation. And, as much as I love him, I'm not in a fulfilling relationship. So we'll see how this goes.
Just trying to eat a good breakfast here before this day kicks off... Of course I forgot to make coffee so I'll have to wait for the cheap stuff at work.
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