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Class of November 2016 Support Thread Part 12 |
Thanks Dee! This new thread looks like a cool place to hang out. Don't have long but just wanted to say that when I read about the large red tomato I nearly choked because yesterday at work, a colleague bought in tomatoes from her greenhouse and they were HUGE!! It caused quite a stir in the office. None of us had ever seen tomatoes that massive. And let's face it, everyone at work is always looking for a little distraction and yesterday the giant tomatoes were the distraction. My colleague said I could take a couple home to show my kids and to eat. My kids were amazed when they saw them, as was my husband. Yeah, I know... we all need to get out more. But what a coincidence??? Yesterday, the star of my world was the giant tomatoes and then when I log on here, what do I read about....... giant tomatoes!!! I don't know what it means but it must mean something. And it must mean something good. Got to go but will be back later. Love to everyone xxxx |
enjoy your day Kenton :) D |
That's quite a side salad: The world's largest tomato so big that just one can feed an entire family goes on sale in Britain | Daily Mail Online That's awful about the water Plenny! Thought that only happened in the 3rd World. Whatever that means? :( But for your and kenton's pleasure have attached pic of killer tomato which you can sick onto the Sewerage Dept. Anger is one of my problems too Plenny. Repressed anger. Gotta work out ways to express it legitimately. The killer tomato is a start :) Revenge of the Killer Tomato. :) How strange too kenton that big red was a talking point in your workplace. Nobenders are in sync. |
I'm in so much pain, I don't want any of this anymore! I think my BF wants to end our relationship because of another argument. Two weeks ago on our holiday he talked about marriage and moving in together and now he's given up on me. Also two weeks ago he said how much he likes my progress and how happy it makes him to see me working on my issues and I said to him that I worry that I'm not quick enough and that he'll break up after our next fight when another character defect comes up. He said I shouldn't worry about that cause he knows I'm working on myself and that he just has to find better ways of dealing with this. Now he's completely changed his mind. It's so confusing, so painful! The argument wasn't even that big. I just caught him lying about something minor but made a big deal out of it cause it was a series of small lies and I am trying to not do that myself anymore so it's important for me that he doesn't do it either. And now he wants to end our relationship? I can't understand it... I'm so desperate and I try very hard to hand it over to my HP but it's so painful, I don't want to go through the next days. How do you do this without numbing yourself? |
I just had to get used to the fact that life could be painful Kev - I know thats not much consolation. I did learn that my fear of pain was far greater than any reality tho. I still have bad days, but at least they're not bad weeks, or months like when I drank over my problems. Relationships are tricky and sometimes volatile things - if he was recently talking about marriage then it seems likely to me your bf is in for the long haul and this is most likely to blow over, don't you think? D |
I'm sorry you are feeling pained kev relationships can be so very, very painful. I really think you are being too hard on yourself kev :hug: When you said that you thought you weren't doing things 'quickly enough' it had me remember, very early in my quest for sobriety, and when I did go to AA (there was very little else available back then) a woman advising me to "not rush things". I was new to sobriety and didn't take much notice, or understand. I better understand now. Why don't you take your bf at his word kev? As Dee says he has asked for you to marry him, that's a pretty big commitment on his part and not something someone would say if they are thinking of 'breaking up'. With all respect kev maybe he becomes exasperated with you being so self-critical and lacking in SELF love? This can happen (self-love, ie) with histories such as our own. But it can change, but it takes time, so I'll repeat what the woman in AA advised to me, try not to rush things. I reckon he loves you, I've read between the lines :) Believe him kev, it's awful when you're not believed, and seems to me that he really does want to be with because he can see the lovely kev that lives beneath all of that fear and self doubt too. Um, I think I'm talking to myself now, so I'd better listen to what I'm saying because I'm in pretty much the same boat. Truly kev I think it is you that worries about you (from the past maybe?) not so much him worrying or dissatisfied with you. He has stated so, many times. We've had crappy histories kev and though not speaking for you, can attest for myself that I am also very self-critical, not good enough, lacking, etc., and these are just perceptions kev, possibly (again) from our histories. Believe him kev and most of all believe in yourself. If I'm talking through my hat tell me to rack off :) |
I'm sorry you're feeling down Kev. Already excellent advice from Dee and Steely that I can't top. Would just add that in your post I see a lot of my black and white thinking and also hints of my core belief that I'm worthless. We all seem to share so many of the same thought patterns but they are only patterns. They're not set in stone. We can change the patterns. Stay calm and try to work out what's really going on. Are you deep down scared of the commitment? Do you feel worthy enough? Has your bf really given up on you? Is it just an argument? All couples argue ... It doesn't have to mean the end of the relationship. Stay strong Kev, we're all here xxxx |
Thank you Dee, Steely and Kenton. Thank you for your lovliness and listening to my BS. He didn't propose to me though. I feel like it's a bit how he is. One minute I'm his dream woman and the next minute he's asking for his keys back. He has a very low tolerance to stress in general in life. I'm not sure I posted it here but on our way back to the airport he got so stressed out about the taxi ride, about the checking in procedure, about work and about his depression that he panicked and saw no other option than taking a Valium. But on the outside everything was fine. Like there was no real reason to stress that much. It's all in his head. And the same about our argument last weekend. I pointed out some lies and said that I wish he was more honest and he got so angry and upset that he couldn't sleep that night and wasnt able to go into work the next day. But seriously, our fight wasn't that awful. When I then called him the next day asking how he's feeling he told me how horrible he felt and that he had cancelled our trip for this weekend. I said I was disappointed he didn't discuss it with me first and he just shouted at me saying that he didn't want to talk to me, that he doesn't want to see me nor go away with me and he didn't ask cause he doesn't see the point if he alsready made up his mind. If that's a problem, I should add it to my list with things that I think hes doing wrong and then he said he needs space and hung up. He shouted all that. A day later he apologised for his reaction on the phone, saying he was so stressed and overwhelmed because of our situation. He then asked if we could meet this weekend to discuss and when I asked him whether he is still interested in our relationship he said that he doesn't know. So I think he's considering to break up? I asked him to let me know rather sooner than later if he wants to end it cause I don't just want to come to his place to be broken up with but he just said that we should discuss this in person and that he hasn't made up his mind but that he doesn't want to continue the way it was and that I'm pressuring him with my questions. Maybe he's not sure what to do but he's definitely considering a break up. Which is hurtful after saying all this stuff about me being the one, getting married, moving in. I think it doesn't have to do so much with me but with him being so stressed that he gives up quickly in general at the moment and is unable to deal with any kind of problem. Or even a taxi ride without problems. Anyhow, I hope your girls (and Dee!) are feeling better and more stable than I do. I hit 11 months yesterday so it's my countdown to 1 year and all kinds of emotions come up. My foot is still broken, which is a shame. How long will it take for your toes to heal Kenton? You're a runner too, right? I miss it so much! And my back is bad too, so I feel with you too Steely. I'm sure mine isn't nearly as bad as yours though and I hope yours will get better very soon. I need a nap, I went to work, then had 2 people over looking at my empty room and interviewing them as potential new roomies. In a bit I'll go to a meeting and then go for dinner with some AA friends. Have my first coda meeting scheduled for Friday, might be useful. I'll check in with you after dinner if I'm not too tired, I need to catch up more Edit: I remember steely asking if I smoked. I did for about 4-5 years but not much. Between 3-10 a day. Then I stopped cause I moved out from home and I didn't want my place to smell of smoke (didn't matter at my parents' cause they smoked) and also didn't have the money really. I rather spent it on a drink... But last week I had a craving for cigarettes all of a sudden and was THIS close to buying a pack. Really had to reason with myself. Glad I didn't do it. I don't need another addiction warmed up. |
Yikes Kev I know that everyone has their pros and cons and you value him very much even though he has his.... But he sounds like he's stressing you out. I think a face to face talk is a very good idea and even if the result is taking space... |
By the way he might have flipped out because he started talking serious long term commitment stuff and the stakes are higher now. The ante has been upped and he is stressed that the two of you won't improve enough to have the perfect union he envisions. He may process his fears and come out a little calmer. |
Spent the morning sleeping and preparing food for myself for the rest of the day. I think I'm going to take a few quiet minutes to meditate - and ignore the work calls coming in. It's so hard for me to start projects, I need to block everything else out. |
Oh Ke :grouphug: I care about you too much to pretend. It seems to me that he is the one with severe problems. Not you. I hope you will dedicate time to CODA or Alanon or something. One thing that comes to mind for me quite often is "just because he says it's so, doesn't mean it's so". I spent many years twisting and turning myself and hating myself because I was so sure I was the problem ... couldn't ever see it was someone else that was the problem. Although AA talks more about looking at our part, that is the reason that it often is hard for some people to utilize. It's so tricky. When I look at relationships filled with lies and being emotionally beaten .... I finally found out my part was believing the bullsh*t. Although some really hardliner AAs will say that I have to have really done something bad or wrong to cause each problem ... Often the problem is only in how I react to it. I tended to stay let myself be ripped apart instead of running for the hills and never looking back. So consider a bit that perhaps you are NOT a sick weakly little piece of slime that can't find it's way out of a paper sack! That is not what you are! You are a strong woman who has over come adversity that has cause some people to curl in a ball and retreat from the world. You are brave, strong and true. You will come out of all this perhaps shaking and afraid, but you are, underneath that, a shining star ready to shine your light on the world! I love you Kev and hope you will forgive any offence I give you with this post. I wanted to be sure you got another way to view things. In the end you will have to look deep inside and decide what is the truth of the situation and what you need to do. love Nands :You_Rock_ :grouphug: |
Just went out with Chris and gathered tomatoes. We got 2 bowls of them and I already had two bowls! Got to figure out how to find people to take them. We have 7 okra plants that are just starting to produce. We fried the first batch last night and it was sooooo goooood! The breathing puffer is really helping. I only got a little winded walking out and watching Chris pick tomatoes in medium heat... about 80 degrees. I still want to go back to bed, but I really think that is depression and although I will probably nap later... I won't yet. I don't really have a lot to say ... I'm glad for everyone who is not smoking and hope to join you soon. Knowing you all are here is such a nice feeling! :grouphug: |
Tomato town! I ate two giant ones and I think I might be doing what I do during crawfish season..... overdo it so by the time next season rolls around, I'm ready. Okra season is already over for us, Nands. Well not technically but the young and tender ones I like to fry are over. Looking into winter in New Orleans. Which is a weird moody time. I was already moody all night. It is way too late here, and I usually fall asleep by 11 or 12. But I am just thinking way too much, procrastinating projects, and revisiting the Fine Young Cannibals. I feel like they were an important band that no one seems to talk about anymore. It's always the Clash (very important), etc, but what about these awesome weirdos that made some of the best pop songs ever? I am a lifelong fan. I am thinking about R in the wake of our vacation. If you can call it that. I am pretty strict about how much time we spend together. I try to make sure that we both have our independence and only spend about three nights a week together. But I do miss him. Too many strange feelings tonight. Alright. Must try to get some rest. Looks like art is out of the question for tomorrow again. Hope you're all doing well xo |
I like Fine Young Cannibals too Plenny! They're from Birmingham which is a place very close to my heart because I studied there for 3 years. She Drives Me Crazy is one of my favourites. Hope you're feeling better today Kev, hope everyone is doing ok. I'm sorry to hear about your foot Kev, that must be v frustrating. I took my broken toes for a run this morning. First run since I broke them. Managed 4 miles and it was ok. I'm supposed to be running a half marathon in 2 weeks but my training sort of ground to a halt when I broke my toes. This morning I realised that I can just turn up on half marathon day and run and walk and limp the distance until I cross the finish line. Who cares how fast I run? The important thing is that I turn up and try. Then I realised that's all I can ever do in life. Turn up, have a go and do my best. I'll never be the smartest or the fastest or the most rational, but hey ho at least I have a go! Maybe I could have that on my gravestone..... hey ho, she had a go!! I hope everyone has a lovely weekend xx xx Ps HUGE congrats on 11 months Kev - absolutely brilliant xxxx |
I just got logged out and lost my post. I'm going to throw a tomato. Watch this.... |
https://www.cbsnews.com/pictures/wor...omatina-spain/ This is Mr big fat tomato head neighbour.:lmao Yay, I'm laughing not angry that I got logged out. Well, sorta. :c011: |
Having a talk with your bf is a good idea imo kev. It's the sign of a mature relationship. Honesty and candour about what you both want and expect from your relationship. Have you ever thought about couple's counselling? Don't think he should have cancelled going away for the w/e without discussing with you first though. Like, what?! |
Just got logged out again. I'm not laughing. But hey you girls be careful running with broken foot and toes, you might just finish up a toma-toe. I'm going to bed laughing too much over your "hey ho, she had a go" kenton. Might be all that oxygen I'm getting from not smoking. :lmao Sweet dreams. |
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